Lost Boys Chapter 2
Danny p.o.v
"I have never seen a kid more nervous about everything in my life," I hear one of the nurses tell another. I am sitting on my bed staring out the window waiting for my social worker come and take me to the Lost Boy's home. They aren't sure if they will make me start school after the weekend because of my issues and my lack of ability to read. "I wouldn't be surprised once you discover his history and how he has spent his life so far. His hospital stay has been the only time he has had a room that hasn't given him claustrophobia," the other nurse says. I wasn't keen on how they knew my story and everything, but I guess they had to know because of the way I was behaving and how scared I was of pretty much everyone who came near me.
Caleb, who introduced himself to me as my main social worker said I was going to be sharing a room with a guy called Jordon and hanging out with the four guys he was friends with. I was nervous, but Caleb showed me pictures of them and told me some things about them. It made me a little less nervous, but I don't know if I feel like I will be able to trust them right away with how my life has been up till now. Caleb said one of them might teach me how to read which would be nice. I want to learn how to read and write. I don't think it will start happening until I calm down and get settled in with the guys. I don't know any of them and I will be meeting all five today according to Caleb, but that might depend on how I feel.
"You can't help but feel sorry for the boy. I wish we could help him more," a nurse says, I think it was the second one that spoke before. I don't get why they want to help me so much, I am just a massive fuck up. That's what my mom keeps calling me anyway. "Yeah, there isn't a lot we can do though hun. We are nurses not councillors, he would need more mental health support than medical," the first nurse says. I don't know what they are talking about anymore, but it is making me uncomfortable to hear them talking about me so much. I walked over to the chair by the window and wrapped my arms around my legs. I was grateful that they brought me a rocking chair, it helps me calm down when I am getting too stressed.
I was looking out the window as I slowly start rocking myself. The nurses were watching me, I could tell but I needed to calm myself down. I still think my parents are coming to pick me up and they are not going to be happy with me. I know kinda that they are in jail and not coming. I heard someone walk over to me, but I was too distracted in my mini panic attack to notice who. "Hey Danny? It's gonna be okay. You don't have to go back to those people anymore," a male nurse tells me and rubs my arm. I was mumbling a lot, I guess he managed to make out what I was saying. "They aren't coming to get me?" I ask the nurse. I sounded like such a little kid just then and I don't think he liked my lack of understanding of the situation.
"Nope, they are not going to be allowed anywhere near you. Caleb is going to be the only one outside of the medical team here that can see you," the male nurse tells me. Then he guides me through some breathing exercises to help me get through my panic attack. I look at him and he notices how nervous I still am. "Don't worry Danny. You are going to be going through anxiety. Just a month or so ago the police came and turned your world upside down. It is going to take a lot to get used to but everyone around you will support you no matter what," he tells me. It was almost like he was reading my thoughts. I heard one nurse say he has worked on cases like mine before, so he knows how people feel and what to do.
"Yeah, I think it's going to take a while for me to get used to this. I still think my mom and dad are coming back and when they get me they aren't going to be happy with me because of what has been going on," I tell him. I felt like I could be open with him and that he was a trustworthy person. He has told me a few times that I could tell him anything that I felt that I wasn't able to share with others and that he would listen to me and make me feel happy with what is going on around me. "That's okay Danny. I think you have done amazing so far and you'll easily keep this up. Tonight, you are going to be in a comfy bed with someone who is very eager to meet you and look after you and you can take it one day at a time," the nurse tells me.
I liked the sound of being in a comfy bed. The hospital bed is better than the floor I used to sleep on, but they keep telling me how a bed with a good mattress is the best thing in the world. Apparently the male nurse called Tommy is a mental health nurse which is why he seems to be helping me more than the other nurses I have seen. "Danny, they want you to have lunch before you leave. If you eat it all then I can take you for some ice cream," Tommy says, and I smiled. Ice cream sounds good to me, especially mint choc chip. I have been a little bit awkward when it comes to eating three meals a day, but I am getting there slowly. "Okay Tommy, I promise you that I will eat it all," I tell him. I have to be good and eat or they would make me stay longer because they'd try and put me down as anorexic or something.
"Good boy Danny, you have made some amazing progress since you were brought in here. You should be proud of yourself," Tommy tells me, and I gave him another small smile. It's good that I am making progress and I am getting better. I don't know how the rest of the day is going to go though, I am going to be in a new place with new people and it's gonna be scary for me. One wrong move and I could probably undo all the progress I have made since the police found me in the bedroom. I think the fox plushie that Caleb told me I am getting when I go to the Lost Boy's home is going to help me out a lot. I will probably be snuggling with it every night and if the friend group allows me then I will probably keep it close when I am in certain rooms of the house.
"Do you want the pictures that Caleb gave you yesterday?" Tommy asks me, I think I can remember what pictures he gave me. They are little polaroids of the guys I am going to be meeting today and they have their names and a little bit of information about them. I nod, and he gives me the pictures from my drawer. Jordon is the guy I am going to be sharing a room with, he is 16 and he plays the guitar. Then there is Matt who is also 16 and he wants to be a drummer. Jorel and George are both 17 and George likes poetry whereas Jorel is into horror movies. Dylan is 15 and he likes drawing, Caleb also told me that Dylan is going to be in my classes with me when I go to high school. I am not going there though until I learn to read and write.
I think he said George was the one who was willing to teach me how to read and write. I am not one hundred percent sure on that but because he likes poetry it makes sense to me. It's sad that he won't be in my class to help me when I go to high school, but Caleb is probably going to arrange help there for me. Tommy left the room while I was looking at the pictures and came back with chicken nuggets and fries on a plate with a fork and some ketchup already on there. "Eat up Danny boy, you're having lunch earlier than everyone because you're leaving at half twelve," Tommy says, and I smile. I thank him for the food and tuck in straight away. My brain is so used to ignoring the hunger because I never used to have food.
I have to retrain my brain now to recognise that when I am hungry I should go and ask for food because now there is no reason why I should be denied it. I finished my lunch and Tommy was happy with me. I like it when I make people happy, I hate it when they get angry at me and I don't know what I have done to cause it. "Well done buddy, as promise we can go and get ice cream," he tells me, and I cheered. I had forgotten about that bit until now. He chuckles at how happy I am and then takes my hand as we leave the room. I am still in the hospital gown, but I have no clothes to call my own until Caleb comes with them when he comes to pick me up in a little while. "Do you want mint?" Tommy asks.
"Yes please," I tell him as we make our way from the ward I have been placed into to the outside area where there is an ice cream cart. We still have another half an hour until Caleb comes and I am not leaving at exactly half past twelve because there is paperwork that needs sorting out and stuff. We got the ice cream and Tommy took me back to my room. Since he is a mental health nurse he gets to stay with me a lot longer than the other nurses have. I kinda like the one on one time with Tommy, he has been really helpful to me while I get used to what normal life should be like. When we got back into my room I carefully made my way through the ice cream. I don't want to get brain freeze like I did the first time.
"Well done, you are learning quickly," Tommy tells me, and I smile. I think I made the same mistake about three or four times before I finally learned that if I eat ice cream too quickly then I am going to have brain freeze. "Hello Danny, how are you feeling today?" Caleb asks, he is about ten minutes early, I wasn't quite finished with my ice cream yet. "He's been a bit nervous, part of him is still convinced that his mom and dad are going to come and get him. However, he has been doing really well otherwise," Tommy tells him. Tommy filled him in on what we have done together this morning while I finished my ice cream off. "That's good, the boys are eager to meet you. They know you will be nervous, so they are going to calm their excitement down a bit, but I think you will settle in just fine," Caleb tells me.
Caleb gave me the clothes once I had finished my ice cream and they both let me have some privacy to change. I carefully manged to untie the hospital gown and then I changed into the clean boxers. I was given my first ever pair of jeans and they felt weird when I first put them on. The top felt really soft against my skin. I had no idea what to do with the shoes though, so I reluctantly called Tommy for help. He came in and smiled at me. "Everything okay buddy?" he asks me. I pointed to the shoes and he knew. "I don't know what to do," I admit to him quietly and he puts his hand on my shoulder. He encourages me to sit down on the rocking chair and crouches down in front of me. "It's okay Danny, no one is expecting you to know how shoes work. This is your first pair of shoes ever," Tommy tells me.
They had Velcro straps on them, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out how to do them myself. I watched as Tommy gave me a demonstration with the one that will go on my left foot. He wasn't putting them on me, he was just showing me what to do so I could do it myself. I opened the straps and then put my foot into the left shoe. It felt very weird, but I am sure I will quickly get used to it like I have everything else so far. I tightened the straps to where they felt comfortable on me and then did the same for the right shoe. "Hey, well done Danny. You are really getting the hang of these new challenges you keep getting," Tommy tells me, and I smile. Then Caleb comes back into the room and I was all ready to leave for my new home.
"I'm going to get the discharge papers now Danny. I'll be back in a minute," Tommy says, leaving me alone with Caleb. I was no where near as nervous about being with him as I was yesterday. Caleb sat on my bed and patted the space next to it, I naturally went to sit next to him and he smiled. "They boys made you a video," he tells me and then gets his phone out of his jean pocket and unlocks it. Then he goes to his gallery and presses the video that was the first item there. It was my new friends and they were in a room with lots of musical instruments inside it. They had made a song for me and they sounded so good together. "That's good, they should be in a band together," I tell Caleb once the song was over. "They are considering it, they have been writing songs for months now," he tells me.
"I think they should go for it, when they finish high school. They have the talent to go far," I tell him. I am only making observations since I don't really know these people or the music industry all that well. Caleb smiles at me, at least I am having a good conversation with him. I feel very comfortable being around Caleb now which I think is necessary because I am going to be seeing him daily from now on. He shows me some more pictures of the guys and what they have been getting up to while they have been living there. They seem to have a lot of fun together, I don't think I will fit in with them. They all seem so much different than I am. I don't know why he chose them to be the group that helps me settle in.
"Don't worry Danny, you are definitely going to fit in," Caleb says, I mumble a lot without realising until someone says something about it. I mumble my thoughts as a way of coping with them. There are so many rushing through my head all day and every day while I live. Caleb rubs my shoulder, he knows by now how much doubt I had for myself. It's going to take a while for me to get to a point where I have self-confidence back. Or I guess in my case it is getting confidence for the first time in my life. "Come on Danny, let's go to the home. The guys are probably starting to get a little impatient now," Caleb tells me, he takes my hand and I hold it tightly. I am going to be very nervous until we arrive at my new temporary home.
I still have a thought in the back of my head that Caleb is going to send me back to live with mom and dad. They won't be able to put up with me, so they will want to send me back. "You will be fine Danny. I promise Caleb is taking you somewhere safe. It has been a pleasure having you on the ward," Tommy says, it's going to be hard for him. He has been used to spending all of his time with me and I will just sit there and be my usual self, I will never shout at him or be abusive towards any of the staff. Later today or tomorrow he will get a new patient and he or she might be the complete opposite to me. I thanked him for being there for me and Caleb said we would visit sometime to show how much progress I have made.
I have never ever been in a car before that I can remember, I was born in the apartment I was raised in. I was forced to keep quiet from the moment I was born so the neighbours wouldn't discover me. It was only when someone saw me outside in the garden was the alarm raised with CPS and I was discovered. Then I was found barely clinging to life when CPS called my dad to arrange a meeting with him and mom to do a welfare check on me and to discover why I had not been to school ever and why I had never been to doctors appointments or anything along that nature. I had several appointments once I was found, I had dentists look at my teeth I had all the vaccines under the current system. That was horrible, I felt so ill afterwards.
Luckily they have said I don't really need to have any vaccines now. "Have you ever been in a car Danny?" Caleb asks me. I had stopped nervously in front of the car and I had no idea what I was supposed to do next. I looked at him and shook my head. He takes my hands in his. "It's going to be alright Danny. All you have to do when I open this door is sit on the seat. I'll help you with the rest," he tells me. He lets go of one of my hands to open the car door. Then I get in the seat with his help and he puts this weird thing on me. "This is a seatbelt, it helps to keep you safe in the car," Caleb explains. I feel like that is something I should know already but hey I lived a sheltered life so there is a lot I don't know about the world that I should know at fourteen years old.
The car ride was okay, Caleb put the radio on which helped me stay calm. I love music so that is something that I have in common with the five guys I am going to meet in a little while. I feel like that is going to be the only thing though. "We are going to take this nice and steady. First I am going to show you where your room is and let you meet Jordon. Then if you are comfortable with it I will slowly add the other four in. You can always tell me if you feel too uncomfortable and we can push it back a little bit," Caleb tells me, and I nod. At least he had a plan for what is going to happen during today. Since I am sharing the room with Jordon I guess it is more important for me to meet him first and then the others one by one.
Soon we were standing outside of a house, it was massive. Way bigger than the apartment that I came from. Caleb has his hand on my shoulder and we walk inside. There are so many people here its making me nervous. "It's going to be okay Danny, keep going," Caleb tells me and points towards the staircase. I have never been up stairs before. Dad always made me take the lift when we lived in the apartment block or he'd carry me up the stairs. I nervously held the rail on the side and followed Caleb up the stairs and to the left hallway. I followed him until he stopped at a door, I guess this is my bedroom then. Well, my bedroom with Jordon. Caleb knocks on the door and Jordon opened it a minute later.
He looked exactly the same as he did on the picture which is how I was able to recognise him as Jordon so quickly. "Hey Jordon, I have a very nervous Danny behind me ready to meet you," Caleb says, he lets me stay behind him as Jordon invites us in. The bunkbed in the room looks good, the top bunk is obviously Jordon's, so the larger bottom bunk is mine. There is a fox plushie on the bed which I am guessing is mine. I go to sit on the bunk and pick it up. "Hey Danny, I'm Jordon," Jordon tells me, and he sits on the floor a few metres away from me. I don't get why he did that, he could have sat next to me. "Hi Jordon," I say, and I nearly stuttered through that. Caleb watches how we do and how we are quite easily getting along with each other.
He asked me if I wanted to meet someone else next, see how I do with that. "I think I can do it," I tell him, Jordon had said he didn't want to sit next to me at first because he didn't want me to become scared of him. "That's good Danny. Remember what I told you, anytime you feel like this is getting too much then let me know and it will stop," Caleb tells me, and I nod to let him know that I understood what he told me. "Right, I'll get George next," Caleb says after a minute. George is the one who might be teaching me how to read. Jordon told me that his muscles are quite big, but I shouldn't be scared of him. He is a gentle giant I have been told so I feel a little more prepared for what this meeting will bring.
George knocked on the door and walked in when Jordon told him that it was okay. Caleb was still with us to make sure that this goes smoothly and my well being is just as important as theirs. Jordon was right, I was quite intimidated by George at first. He's a gentle giant though I just gotta keep telling myself that until its okay. "Hey Danny, I know I am a bit intimidating, but I am not going to do anything without your permission," he tells me, and I smile. I got to know him, and he is really nice just like Jordon is. They didn't care when I stuttered or when I accidently spoke in Spanish instead of English. They just want to help me and give me friendships for the first time in my life. I was interested to see what this day was going to bring me.
Then Caleb decided I could meet Jorel now, I was getting along with George and Jordon really well at this point. I think if I can stay calm and comfortable I will have five friends by dinner time. After I meet Jorel I only need to meet Dylan and Matt then I have met everyone in the friend group Caleb has said will help me settle in here. Jordon said there might be a guy who is called Aaron who might pop in from time to time, but they aren't friends with him. They used to be, but he chose smokers and druggies over them, so they said there was no point wasting their time trying to fix a relationship when he won't help. That is fair enough, I don't think I would bother with someone like that because it sounds so draining.
Jorel is just as amazing as George and Jordon are. He brought his guitar in with him and decided to play one of the songs that they were working on together. It was the main thing that I have in common with all five of them, I love music as much as they do. "Hey Danny, have you ever played before?" Jorel asks me, I look at him and nod. We used to have a guitar in the apartment and I taught myself in secret. "There was a guitar in the apartment and I always tried to play it when dad wasn't around. When my mom was in a good mood she'd buy me all the books and things. I can read sheet music well, but not actual words yet," I tell them, it felt a little embarrassing to admit that, but I think they knew that I am dyslexic by now.
"Give it a go Danny, I would like to know what you know," Jorel says, handing me his guitar. I took it very carefully. I didn't want to drop it or break it, he might get mad at me and I don't want that either. I just met this guy and I don't want him to hate me straight away. I get comfortable and strum one chord. Then I play the first song I ever learned on guitar, Hey There Delilah by Plain White T's. My mom used to sing the words, I can't bring myself to do it though. It brings back the good memories which I want, but also the bad memories as dad caught me one time playing, and he got so mad. Jorel knew the song so he was singing for me. I know it's an easy song to play, but I am too nervous to play something more complicated right now.
I hadn't realised Matt and Dylan walked in when I started playing. I only noticed when I had finished because they were all clapping for me. "Hey Danny, do you know how to play Wonderwall?" Jorel asks, I was a little nervous because Matt and Dylan had joined but if they are like Jordon, George and Jorel then I really have nothing to worry about. I didn't give him a verbal answer, I just started playing the song. Maybe I can sing this one with them, I think that I would be comfortable with that. I want to hear how I sound with them. Jordon was already singing, and it was coming to the chorus soon. The guys were waiting for it, I could tell. Jordon sounds really good singing this with me playing the guitar
And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I
Would like to say to you but I don't know how
Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all, you're my wonderwall
I was surprised as Jordon went into the second verse that I didn't screw up at all. Matt was tapping the wooden box he was sitting on. He told me later that it was called a Cajon. "Wow, you have the voice and musical talent to go with. You do fit in with us," Dylan says once the song was over. Caleb agreed, even if he was a bit silly with his singing at times. I felt my cheeks go red, this is my first ever performance in front of people who were more like strangers to me. "He's right Danny, you are so amazing, and we are glad to have you," Jorel says, they all seem to like me which is weird. No one ever likes me, well until now nobody has liked me. Mom said dad hated me from the moment he saw me, and she slowly grew to hate me too.
I carefully hand the guitar back to Jorel, he will probably play some more songs. Matt introduces himself and says that he is the drummer guy in the band. I am so excited to get to know them more as the days go by. Dylan was the youngest in the group until I arrived, he was going to be in the same grades as me at school since he has to repeat the grade I am in this year and if he does well then we will be going through the same things throughout high school. "So, maybe in a couple of days would you like your first reading lesson?" George asks me. Caleb left because I was very comfortable being around the five guys. "That sounds good to me George," I reply, he smiles. I can't wait to learn how to read.
"Yeah, I think you will learn in no time Danny. You are a quick learner from what Caleb has told us," George says. Tommy obviously kept Caleb up to date on how I was adapting in the hospital. I feel now that I have done really well. This time yesterday if you told me that I would be in a home with five amazing friends then I would have told you that you were taking drugs or something. Now it has happened I feel more positive about my future. "He can even help with English work, George is very smart," Jordon tells me. They have all probably asked him for homework help lots of times before. I will try and do it on my own without help, but I know that they will be there for me if I need them for help.
"All of you are smart when you use your brains," George says, and I chuckle. They probably have conversations like this often. "Yeah, we know. We just choose not to," Jorel tells me and then we both chuckle. I love how well I am getting along with these people. This is a little unreal to me, I never thought that I would have people who care about me. Jordon and I naturally ended up in a position where I was resting my head on his shoulder, and he has his arm wrapped around me. "You okay Danny?" Dylan asks me. I was dozing off a little bit. I nodded and made sure that I was more awake. "He will be tired, he's still recovering from the nasty stuff. Caleb said he might be sleepy and nap sometimes," Matt replies.
"Go to sleep if you want Danny, dinner isn't for another few hours yet. We can wake you on time," Jordon tells me, and I sleepily nod. Man, I am not used to being awake for this long. I would have cried myself to sleep after a panic attack when Tommy has to leave by now. I am so used to Tommy being around for help. It will be hard to get used to him not being there, but I have five people and the social workers to help me now. Everything is going to be fine I know it now. Jordon put the fox plushie back in my hand and I was dozing off with my head still on his shoulder. I am safe now; my parent's aren't going to come and get me ever again. They are in prison now, hopefully for the rest of their lives. I never want to see them again.
Jorel woke me up three hours later telling me that it was dinner time. I was going to eat all of my dinner, they are going to be supervising my weight gain from here until I am the healthy weight I should be. After dinner Jorel and I played with the toddlers until it was their bedtime. They like me too, they said it was cool to see a new face in the home. They had plenty of babies, toddlers and small children arriving and leaving all the time, but hardly any teenagers. I guess teens are harder to adopt out, plenty are given up or grow up in the care system but once you turn thirteen your chances of being adopted drop, so I have been told. I don't know if this is true or not yet, I have had no experiences with it.
Later that evening I watched a film with the guys, I was sitting in between George and Jordon the whole time. Dylan pointed out to me who Aaron was and I could feel his glare the entire time. It made me feel uncomfortable, but I try my best to ignore it. "Jordon, do you think Aaron hates me already?" I ask him when we get back to our room. I have to follow one of them around all the time because I am, so I don't get lost. "Possibly, he doesn't like a lot of people though. Don't take it personally," Jordon tells me. We talked some more before I lay down in the bed and hold the fox plushie tightly. Jordon told me good night and I told him the same before I managed to fall asleep. I am safe now.
And that is the end of the second chapter, I hope you enjoyed.
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