Ripped Tights
Chapter Two – Tip a Bottle Back
Nick Miller popped the cap off a brown beer bottle and sipped the half-inch of foam that rose out from the top. Swallowing a few quick sips, he flicked the light on, allowing the basement to be illuminated by the orange-yellow glow of the single bulb. At once, the sound of the buzzing lightbulb filled the space. This was home. Dimly lit and smelling of dust and liquor and boy. There is no salvaging this, Nick thought to himself. It is what it is.
Nick gathered up the remains of pizza boxes and beer bottles. A cloud of fruit flies seemed to follow him up the stairs and outside to the garden. He tossed the rubbish away and made his way back inside, casting a glimpse towards his father's empty chair.
It had been two years now – two years since his mom had died and his father had gotten progressively worse. After a year of restocking the liquor cabinet and sitting in silence, his father had now taken to leaving for days at a time. He'd tell Nick he was going away on 'business', and Nick never asked what on earth 'business' meant. His father never touched him anymore, not even as he said goodbye. Nick didn't expect a hug, but a pat on the shoulder would have been welcomed from time to time.
At first, Nick didn't so much mind his father's absences. Caroline would come over and they'd lie on the couch downstairs and it would be nice for a while. She was gone too now, though. Nick drained the last of the liquid from the bottle.
Nick had tried his first beer when he was twelve. His mom had gotten him a weekend job at the local garage and Nick had hated it. He knew alcohol could make you sick the day after drinking it, so one Friday, after school, he stole a four-pack from the fridge and finished it in his room. His mom still made him go to work the next day. Since then, he'd mostly avoided alcohol, but recently, it just seemed more fun to have a couple of beers when hanging with the guys. There was always so much of it around. If his dad noticed, or cared, he had never said anything about it.
Nick went back down to the basement and levered the cap from a second bottle. He looked around, wondering if there was anything else he could do to spruce it up. It was pointless. The stale, stuffy atmosphere wouldn't lift. It was as if something were brewing. Nick sighed and sat down to wait.
Apart from Caroline, he'd never invited a girl there before. Jess Day was a crazy person. She was a daydreamer. He'd seen her around. He could tell there was a certain longing in her eyes. She wanted better things, wanted to be in a better place. She hid it well, but she was lonely. He knew it as soon as she walked up to the table. When she let her guard down, she looked thoughtful, anxious. She looked as if she wasn't sure if what she was doing or saying was right, as if she wasn't sure where she was supposed to be. He knew this look because he saw it in himself every day too. But he'd seen flashes of a spark there, at that table. She was definitely funny - in her own strange way. She had nerve. She was sincere. She was real. What could make a girl like that lonely? She had a boyfriend and a best friend. Although one seemed like a douche and the other wasn't around sometimes. He hated thinking about her being turned away from that table in the lunch room - this already lonely girl just looking to fit in. He just had to ask her to come tonight. As spontaneous as it was, he really just wanted her to be able to be herself, like she had been earlier. He also, oddly, really wanted to see her again, though he couldn't quite put his slightly tipsy finger on why. The group could do with some female presence, he thought, that'll mix things up a bit.
As Nick Miller tipped the beer bottle back, the doorbell rang.
…
Jess didn't know what the basement dress code was, so had opted for smart-casual. She wore a cornflower-blue dress flecked with gold embroidery and a black blazer on top.
"Tonight you are going to drink beer," Jess muttered to herself as she wandered down Nick's street, peeking at the numbers on the doors, "And you are going to have a great time, and love it, and tell Cece about it tomorrow, and not tell Spencer because he is an ass-pig who still hasn't called to apologise."
Finally, Jess came to number 44 and made her way up the garden path. She was suddenly very aware that she was early. Nick had said they usually meet up around 7. Jess looked at the time on her phone and cringed. It was 6:20. She shook it off. Now was not the time to be feeling uncool. She lifted her head up and smoothed down the front of her blazer and pressed the doorbell.
It took a moment or so before Nick opened the door.
"Wow," He gave a low whistle, and leant against the frame, "That's a fancy outfit. There something going on I don't know about?"
"Just this very fancy gathering, my friend," Jess smiled, and held up a brown paper bag, "Hey, I brought a Black Forest Gâteau."
"A gâteau? What the heck, Jessica?" Nick asked incredulously as he motioned for her to follow him inside.
"It's a cake!" Jess replied, following Nick inside and towards the basement steps.
"Jess, no offense, but this is more of a pizza and chips kind of deal." Nick said.
"Well I'm sorry. I'm sorry I bring cakes to social events and I wear cute blazers." Jess said sarcastically.
"No, I'm sorry Jess. Cake sounds like a treat. I shouldn't tell you what to do- Yeah. Jess. That's right. Tell me I shouldn't tell you what to do." Nick urged.
"What?" Jess raised her eyebrows.
"Tell me to shut my stupid mouth and that you'll do what you want." Nick folded his arms across his chest.
"I can't do that. That's stupid." Jess replied, laughing.
"Tell me you'll bring fifty damn cakes if you want to! Tell me you'll dress like the god damn queen of England!" Nick shouted loudly.
"Fine! Yeah! Screw you, Miller! I'll do what I want!" Jess yelled.
"That's my girl. Fancy a cold one?" Nick asked, walking to the mini-fridge and pulling out two more beers.
"A cold one? Don't mind if I do." Jess replied, unintentionally speaking in a mock-sophisticated voice. She felt uptight. She felt like she should relax. It was only a beer. Her parents wouldn't mind. They had enough to deal with- their own problems, Abby moving out, stuff. They wouldn't even notice if she came home having had only one beer.
Nick held out the beer and Jess took it from him. The cold, wet feeling of the glass chilled her hands. Tentatively, she took a sip. The fizzy, bready taste slid over her tongue and she wasn't sure if she liked it. She swallowed, wincing, and then took another, more enthusiastic swig. She paused. Nick Miller was watching her.
"So," She started, urgently feeling like she needed to speak, "This is your room?"
"Nah, my room's upstairs. I just think this is a great party pad. Pretty uncool, huh?" Nick replied, still standing.
"It's great," Jess said energetically, taking in the grey walls and the games console and the ping pong table.
"I'm incredible at ping pong. And Mariokart. So don't even challenge me." Nick said, shrugging.
Jess snorted and tucked her hair behind her ears.
"Seriously. Caroline used to get me to play ping pong with her every day, and I always won. There were many smashed paddles." Nick sighed, "Those were the good old days."
"You miss her, huh?" Jess smiled gently. Any old idiot could see Nick Miller's heart was wounded.
"All the time." Nick said.
"Why didn't you try long distance?" Jess asked.
"She said it would be 'too hard'." Nick said with a shrug.
"I don't believe that," Jess shook her head, "I think, if you want to be together, and you want to make it work, then it would be easy as pie. You just make it happen, and you deal with it, because more than anything, you want to be with that person. I would do it."
"You would?" Nick asked, "For Spencer?"
Jess was hit by the sudden realisation that she wasn't actually sure. She had been so happy when Spencer had asked her out at the end of the last school year. Their summer had been nice – lots of picnics and bike rides and kissing. But there was a tiny part of her brain that instinctively answered 'no' to Nick's question. 'No', it had said, 'you wouldn't.' Jess drew in a deep breath. Feelings of selfishness and guilt suddenly rolled over her in waves.
"I-" She started.
"Yeah?" Nick tilted his head to the side.
The doorbell rang upstairs and Jess let out the breath she'd been holding in.
"I told you it's not that easy," Nick commented as he made his way across the room towards the stairs. As he ran up them two at a time, her called down to her, "But we're young, right? It's supposed to get easier, from what I've head."
As she watched him climb the stairs Jess gulped down the remainder of her beer.
…
Bruce Springsteen's voice skittered across the room from the tape deck, Winston was beating Schmidt at ping pong and Jess had finished precisely five beers. She pointed to each empty bottle and pretended to shoot them from an imaginary wall, counting as she went.
"Five!" She growled, pretending to blow smoke away from her fingertip.
"You crazy animal." Nick slurred.
"Winston, I swear!" Schmidt suddenly yelled, "Y- you- you must be cheating, sir."
"Schmidt, I am a professional sportsman, how dare you." Winston tapped his paddle against the edge of the table.
"I am a professional drinker of drinks!" Jess shouted, poking Winston on the shoulder.
"Jess, you are steaming drunk." Schmidt threw his arms up in the air, "I swear you people have the alcohol resistance of lab rats-"
Schmidt paled slightly and touched his stomach tenderly with his palm.
"Excuse me gentlemen. Lady." Schmidt said quietly before running upstairs to the bathroom.
"He always does that!" Nick laughed manically, "We call him the- uh-"
A high-pitched ring interrupted Nick. Jess shook her head, confused.
"Wait!" Jess exclaimed, holding up her hands, "Is that my phone? What- What time is it? What if it's my parents?"
Winston picked Jess's phone up from the side table."It's your girl, Cece." He said, throwing the phone across to Jess, who surprisingly managed to catch it with minimal fumbling.
"Cece! Hi!" Jess shouted into the phone, "Where are you? What? I'm- uh- at a Springsteen concert. Well- I didn't invite you because- Fine, you're right. Yes. I'm at- I'm actually at uh, Nick Miller's house? Nick Miller. Yes, Nick Miller. No, he doesn't have any weed, Cece. Cece. He doesn't have any weed. Yes, there might be beer - or -I might have drank it all. Not sure. Yes, I did. I did, Cece. I had like, five of them. No, I'm fine. Where are you? Oh, oh. You should come here. What are you talking about? No it's not, Cece. You're crazy. Cece, it's not ten yet. I- what? Are you kidding me? It's half past ten? Oh no- I need to get home. Cece, stay where you are. We can walk together. Yes. Yes! Cece! I'm getting my coat, Cece. Bye."
Jess shoved her phone into her purse and started looking for her blazer. As she gathered up her cake tin, Schmidt reappeared next to her, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
"So," Schmidt started, "Did she ask about me?"
"What? Schmidt, I don't have time. I need to get home. Do you know how late it is? My parents don't even know I'm out! I'm going to be so late getting home! Where is my damn blazer?" Jess said breathlessly, agitated.
"Jessica, relax," Nick said calmly, reaching across Schmidt to hand her the blazer, "Here's your fancy coat. Do you need someone to walk you home?"
"No thanks, I'm meeting Cece. We live closely to each other, so yeah," Jess pushed her arms into her blazer and tossed her hair back, "But thanks for tonight. It was- it was nice."
"No way – thanks to you for that sweet, sweet gâteau." Winston smirked, taking a sip of beer.
"Cece? The Cece? Jess, it's not safe out there. Nick lives on a street full of ruffians. I will escort you home." Schmidt insisted.
"Schmidt, it's like, a ten minute walk, you weirdo." Jess rolled her eyes as she stopped him rushing towards his coat, "But thank you for the concern."
"Are you sure, Jess?" Nick asked, "We don't mind."
"I know, but you guys stay," Jess smiled, "Keep having fun."
"Just- Just so you know, you're welcome to hang out any time. Here, at school. Just hit us up. You know, if you want." Nick offered awkwardly as Jess walked towards the stairs.
"Thanks, Miller," Jess nodded, "I might take you up on that."
Nick held up a hand to say goodbye.
Jess ran up the stairs, through the door, away from the boys and Springsteen and ping pong and out into the night.
…
Cece crushed her cigarette against the brick wall and exhaled the last draw, smoke snaking out of her mouth like mist. To her right, she heard footsteps. She kicked herself forwards from the wall she had been leaning on and stretched her arms out as Jess ran into them. Jess wrapped her arms around Cece's waist and buried her head in her shoulder. Cece patted her head. She smelled like cake and booze.
"You're smoking?" Jess drunkenly muttered into Cece's sleek, dark hair.
"Only a little bit," Cece said softly, "What's wrong?"
"I'm going to be in so much trouble," Jess said, her voice doing that high-pitched wobbly thing that Cece couldn't stand.
"Don't worry about it," Cece stroked Jess's hair soothingly, "I called your parents and said we'd lost track of time watching movies and that you were on your way home from my place."
"You did?" Jess looked up, "Cece, you're the best."
"You're the best, you drunk weirdo," Cece smirked, "What's with that, anyway? Nick Miller and beer? Since when?"
"Since today," Jess scrunched up her face, "I sat with him and his friends at lunch because Spencer was being a big jerk. They invited me over and I momentarily lost my mind and said yes."
"Spencer is a big jerk." Cece agreed, looping her arm around Jess and walking in the direction of Jess's street, "You should ditch that loser, Jess. Was tonight fun?"
"It was." Jess admitted.
"That's because Spencer wasn't there." Cece said sagely.
"You're right, Cece. I should ditch that loser. Just ditch his silly face." Jess narrowed her eyebrows and took a deep breath.
"Tomorrow," Cece nodded, slowing down as they grew closer to Jess's house, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have my own house to sneak into."
"I love you, Cece." Jess whispered as they hugged goodbye.
"I love you too, Jess." Cece replied.
Cece watched Jess stumble through the garden, pause, and then compose herself before opening her front door. Jess gave one last, weak wave before closing it. Cece smiled and then turned to walk towards to her own house. As she walked she lit another cigarette. She loved the fire-bright shade of red the tip turned once it was lit. Cece breathed in, and breathed out, and wished the stars weren't hidden beneath clouds.
…
Jess splashed water in her face and then glanced at the text draft on her phone screen before hitting send. She closed her eyes and turned the tap on, waiting until the water ran warm over her hands.
After avoiding him all week, she had texted Spencer telling him to meet her after school. She walked down the hall and out towards the bike racks. Spencer stood next to his bike, his hands firm on the handlebars and his shoulder-length hair curling out from beneath his helmet. Jess let out a small groan under her breath.
"Jess- long time no speak-" Spencer began, leaning his bike against the wall and stretching out his arms as if to embrace her.
"Spencer, we need to talk." Jess said firmly.
"Yeah, I think we do." Spencer nodded, taking a step back.
"I'm really upset about the whole table-helmet thing, Spencer." Jess said pointedly.
"Well, that's great, Jess. I accept your apology." Spencer moved closer to Jess.
"My apology?" Jess let out a humourless laugh, "Spencer, you humiliated me and belittled me in front of your friends. I felt- I felt hurt and rejected."
"Jess," Spencer addressed her emphatically, "I understand that, but you have to realise you gave me no choice but to do that. You know how much we care about the environment. You know that we have these rules. Really, in a way, you disrespected us, don't you think?"
"No, Spencer, I don't-" Jess shook her head, unable to believe what she was hearing.
"Jess, I don't want to fight about this. Fighting is so- so pointless, you know? It's not very constructive at all. Don't you agree with me?" Spencer asked, tilting his head to one side and looking into Jess's eyes, "I thought you were a pacifist, Jess?"
"I am!" Jess insisted, "I just- My feelings were hurt, Spencer."
"I'm sorry that your feelings were hurt, Jess, but what about my feelings? You haven't spoken to me all week." Spencer sighed.
"Like I said- I was upset." Jess said quietly.
"I don't want us to be upset. Do you?" Spencer asked, nudging her foot with his.
"No." Jess responded. Somehow all her words had gotten mixed up. Somehow she hadn't said what she'd meant to. Jess exhaled, confused.
"Jess," Spencer came up close and raised a hand to Jess's face, he stroked her cheek with his thumb and said, "I really like you."
Jess looked up into his eyes and felt herself relax against his touch. Maybe I overreated, she thought, after all, it does seem like he was upset by this too and he does really like me. She placed her hand over his and squeezed.
"Why don't we do something together tonight?" Spencer asked, "It is Friday night, after all. Hey- here's a crazy thought. Why don't we camp in the woods together? You, me, under the stars? It'll be romantic."
Jess hesitated. She was supposed to check in with Cece and let her know how the break-up went. Somehow she'd gotten turned around. Camping did sound nice, though. She hadn't been camping since she was a kid. It could be the perfect opportunity to reconnect with Spencer after the week of silence. She could remind herself why she fell for him in the first place, fix things so they went back to normal. That sounded good.
"Yes, that sounds good. Great. I'll run home and put a bag together. What do I need? Warm clothes and food and blankets?" Jess asked, beginning to make a to-do list in her head. She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket.
"Yeah. Don't worry about the tent. My dad has one we can borrow." Spencer said, retrieving his bike from where it lay against the wall.
"Okay. We'll meet later?" Jess leaned in to give him a light kiss on the cheek.
"Later." Spencer nodded as he began cycling away.
Jess leaned against the wall and buried her face in her hands. She stood there a moment, feeling weird and stupid. Eventually, she pulled her phone out of her pocket. Two messages. From Cece: how did it go? xoxo, and one from Winston: Yo :) what are you up to tonight?
"Smiley face? Really, Winnie?" Jess wrinkled her nose and pushed up her glasses. She and Cece had eaten lunch at the guys' table every day this week and Jess was surprised at how well they all got along. It was fun - just hanging out, being herself, making fun of each other. It was natural. Her heart swelled with affection for this group of boys. They'd really taken her under their wing, and though she's never tell them, she thought they were wonderful. They were good-natured and funny and she found their boyish recklessness fresh and exciting and interesting. She felt a pang of sadness that there was obviously something going on tonight. She decided not to reply to Winston. It was better she didn't know what kind of shenanigans were going on without her. She wondered if Cece would go.
Cece. Cece she had to reply to.
UGH. I didn't do it - we just talked instead. Hanging tonight so won't see you. Have a good Friday :) xxx, typed Jess, bashing her fingers against the buttons rapidly. Hopefully Cece wouldn't push her for more information. That was the tiny negative to having a best friend who knew you as well as you knew yourself. You couldn't convince them of certain things as deeply as you could convince yourself.
Jessica Day walked home. She noticed that the crisp, bright autumnal air did little to clear her head of its worries.
…
Jess zipped up her overnight bag and stood up straight with her hands on her hips. She had been silent through dinner, until the end when she realised she'd have to find some excuse for staying out all night. Luckily she'd gotten away with the lie Cece told on Monday but two lies in one week seemed excessive. Nevertheless, her parents would never accept her camping with a boyfriend, so she had to come up with something. Jess kept her fingers crossed underneath the table as she asked for permission to sleep over at Cece's. Her parents had no problem with this arrangement at all – they were too preoccupied with glaring at each other across the table. For the first time since Abby left, Jess felt a stab of worry. A bad atmosphere had been hanging around her house for too long. Jess wondered silently if there was anything she could do before excusing herself to pack her bag. Jess's mind was already swimming with too many uncertainties as it was.
Having left it hidden in her rucksack since texting Cece, Jess pulled out her phone to text Spencer that she was ready to go. There were a couple of missed calls from Cece, but nothing else. Jess pushed away her guilt. She would talk to Cece later.
Jess was in the middle of typing when her phone started to vibrate in her hands. Someone was calling her.
Nick, her phone read. Jess inhaled sharply and pressed the receive button.
"Hey," Jess answered.
"Hey, Jess, hey. How's it going?" Nick yelled down the phone.
"I'm okay. How are you?" Jess asked, shaking her head. Nick always yelled down the phone like an old man.
"Good. Winston is upset that you never texted him back." Nick said, a hint of amusement in his voice.
"What is he, the text police?" Jess laughed awkwardly.
"Right?" Nick continued, "So we decided to go camping tonight, Jess. Schmidt is borrowing his dad's car and we're going to drive to the lake!"
"Camping, wow. What a popular idea." Jess remarked drily.
"What?" Nick barked.
"Just, you know, camping. Wow." Jess said.
"Yeah, so when should we pick you up?" Nick asked.
"Well. I- I kind of have plans." Jess replied quietly.
"Oh. What are you up to?" Nick asked, his voice cheerful and casual.
"Just Spencer stuff," Jess said flippantly, "No big deal."
"What? Cece said you were breaking up with that- that- popsicle with hair." Nick finished.
"Yeah, well, I didn't, so. That's that." Jess muttered.
"Well, have fun, I guess," Nick paused, then added, "We'll miss you."
"You too. See you." Jess said, feeling the hot prickle of tears forming in her eyes as Nick hung up.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Jess thought, clutching her phone to her heart. She wiped her eyes forcefully. It felt stupid to feel sad. There would be other trips with her new friends. She should be excited about spending time with her boyfriend. Deep down, though, she knew things weren't that simple. She began feeling annoyed. Why couldn't she just, for once, do what she wanted to do, and not care about what the consequences were? Her fingers tightened around the phone in her hand. She hit the call button.
"Jess, hey-" Nick answered.
"Nick," she breathed, "Can you come get me? I- I want to come with you guys."
"You sure?" He asked, and Jess could imagine his smile as he said it.
"I'm sure," Jess nodded, "That's what I want to do."
"We'll be there in ten." Nick said.
As soon as Jess heard the sharp 'honk' of the car's horn, she jumped up and sprinted downstairs. A cool wind hit her as soon as she left the house, making her hair twist and curl behind her in long, dark ribbons. Jess grinned and ran towards the car.