Pein and Deidara looked at each other for a moment before turning their gazes back at the shark-nin.
"What. The. Fucking. Hell. Un." Deidara breathed, staring intently at Kisame.
Kisame quickly turned his head away, a light blush on his cheeks. "Ahem. Erm... What are you guys doing in Itachi's room?"
"Itachi's room?!" Pein and Deidara exclaimed in unison, looking at each other and then at the shark-nin.
This couldn't be Itachi's room... Could it?
Flashback
"DAMMIT!" A voice yelled, and then an explosion followed, rattling the dirty windows of the base.
The Akatsuki members in the living room looked at the stairs in bewilderment, a thick curl of smoke drifting into the room.
"Holy shit, what was that?" Hidan said, taking his attention off of the Solitare game he was playing and losing against Kisame.
Sasori shrugged, turning his attention back to the televison, the remote in his hand. "I don't know. I don't care, either."
Deidara scowled a bit. "Danna, someone could be hu-"
A fit of coughing interrupted Deidara as the figure of a body could be seen walking through the smoke, coming closer with each cough.
"HOLY SHIT! IT'S JASHIN-SAMA! HE'S COME TO PRAISE ME FOR BEING SUCH A GOOD FOLLOWER!" Hidan exclaimed joyously, rushing into the smoke.
"Ah, what the...? Get the hell off of me Hidan!" The figure said, walking into full view. Pein had Hidan attached to his cloak, who was muttering words into the fabric. The red head grabbed the zealot and pulled him off, looking into his eyes. "Are you drunk or something?"
Hidan gasped. "What?! No! Well... Maybe a little intoxicated, but not heavily drunk! It's not five yet... Is it?" He looked at the wall as Pein ran a hand over his soot-covered face.
"Alright all you mongrels, listen up." The Leader growled, getting everyone's attention. Well, almost everyone. Kisame had to turn Itachi's head toward leader, for he was going a little blind.
Pein furrowed his brow. "Right. Ahem. Well, I'm assuming you are all wondering what that explosion was. It was a failed jutsu that I was constructing, per Konan's request-"
"You're taking requests for jutsu? Can you make a jutsu that prevents Hidan from cursing?" Kakuzu grumbled.
The Akatsuki members started to laugh, save for Hidan and Leader, who just flipped Kakuzu off as the other closed his eyes in fustration.
"NOT. THE. POINT." Pein roared, regaining the attention of his subordinates. "Thank you. Now, as I was saying, I was creating a new jutsu for Konan, for I have decided to give her a couple days off," he momentarily scanned the other members for any signs of outbursts, "because she has been driven up the wall with all of your insane antics. The jutsu was supposed to teleport her to the hot springs, but I suppose she will have to just fly there. Any questions?"
"Are you going as well, Leader-Sama?" Kisame asked.
"No, no, I have decided to stay here... To make sure you heathens don't destroy or blow up anything."
Deidara silently cursed under his breath. His plans, FOILED!
Pein nodded, glad that no one was objecting. "Konan shall be down momentarily. I hope you wish her a nice vacation..." Meaning that they'd better wish her a nice break, or ELSE.
-
After Konan had left, the members, other than Pein, had broken out the liquor. They started a game of spin the bottle, save for Zetsu, who kept his distance yet still commented on the game.
"I bet twenty yen Itachi's gonna kiss Kisame on the lips."
"Deal."
The other members sat in a rather sloppy circle, all of them heavily intoxicated except for Sasori.
"So," Deidara slurred, "who's gunna go next, yeah?"
"Iamyoupansy... STOP LOOKING AT ME FUCKER!" Hidan roared, swinging an off course fist at Deidara that ultimately ended up hitting Kisame, who didn't feel it at the slightest. "Damn... I missed..." Hidan slurred before he spun the bottle with a limp hand, making it stop on Kakuzu.
"Oh. HELL. Yesss..." Kakuzu murmmered, crawling over to Hidan and on top of him.
"Damn you're sexy..." Hidan slurred as his lips connected with the stitch-nin's.
A chorus of hoots erupted, causing Pein to tread down the stairs. He took one look at the two members kissing, and almost exploded with rage.
"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!"
Every member whipped their heads around to look at the Leader, except for two, his face red with anger. Kakuzu and Hidan were still on top of each other still kissing, and one even had his hand down the other's pants.
Sasori stood up, his face expressionless. "Leader-Sama. We were playing a harmless game, that is all."
Deidara stood up and joined his Danna, a crooked grin on his face, wrapping his arm around the puppet master's shoulders. "Yeah Leader-Saaaama... You should join us! It'ssss funnn..." He slurred, falling to the ground in a flurry of laughter.
"Harmless... HARMLESS?! All of my minio- er, subordinates are drunk, except for you and Zetsu, Sasori! AND WHY IS KAKUZU FUCKING HIDAN?!" Pein exclaimed, adverting his gaze with a blush on his cheeks.
"Because this man is fucking SEXY! THAT'S WHY LEADER-FUCKER!" Hidan roared imbetween kisses from the falls-nin.
Pein ran a hand over his pierced face. "I don't know WHY I put up with you fuckers..."
Itachi stumbled over to Pein, his breath heavy with alcohol. "C'mon Leader... Have a drink... Or two..." He whispered, holding up a bottle of Sake to the man's face, then falling to the ground, passed out.
Pein sighed before snatching the bottle from the snoring Uchiha. He looked around the living room.
Kisame was humping his sword Samehada.
Deidara was singing slurred words to the Sailor Song while laughing like a mad man.
Zetsu was in the corner talking to himself.
Itachi was on the ground, foaming at the mouth with his hand down his pants.
Kakuzu and Hidan were still going at it, now both missing cloaks and one in just his boxers.
Sasori just stood there, watching the intoxicated Deidara, dirty thoughts going through his puppet-y mind.
Pein exhailed and looked remorsefully at the Sake before taking a swig. What's the worst that could happen?
-
"You're... You're... You're a pretty girl..." Pein slurred to Deidara as they both leaned against the wall for support, too intoxicated to stand up at their own will.
"Yeah... I know, un..." Deidara hiccuped, taking a drink of Leader's Sake.
Pein snatched his drink back, and, almost immidately after he did that, he fell to the ground, too drunk to stand up anymore, even with the support of the wall. "Damnnn..." He slurred, chuckling afterwards.
Deidara looked down at the man and hiccuped. "Ya' need help, hmmmm?"
"Yarrr..."
With a great effort, Deidara helped the Akatsuki Leader up and slung the man's arm over his shoulder. He shuffled over to the couch and started to speak to the red head, his words heavy. "Okay... I'm gonna put you on the... The couch thing... And then... And..." Deidara and Pein fell to the couch with a hard thump, both virtually unconcious.
Kisame shuffled through the living room, a half-concious Itachi in his arms, heading towards the Uchiha's room. Itachi was muttering sweet, slurred nothings to Kisame, making the shark-nin smile to himself.
"And... And... I love you... Ya' know that...? You may be an ugly... Shark... Man.. Thing... But I... I think you're... Sweeet..." Itachi muttered, nuzzling his head into Kisame's chest. Out of the corner of his eye he spotted Leader and Deidara on the couch, one ontop of the other. "K-Ki-Kisame... Get those two as well..."
Kisame, drunk, but not nearly as much as Itachi, raised a brow. "Why, 'Tachi?"
"Because... I get... I get... Bored... With you... after... A... A time... And... I'll use Mangekyou... Or a stick if... Ya' dun listen..." Itachi replied, thrusting a finger into Kisame's chest.
Kisame sighed. It was no use arguing with the raven haired Uchiha. Slinging the still muttering Itachi over his shoulder, Kisame grabbed the red head and the blonde in his arms who were now muttering words in their sleep, and made his way to the Lair of the Itachi.
End Flashback
Pein and Deidara glared hatefully at the shark man.
"W-What?" Kisame asked nervously.
"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, ASSHOLE!" Pein exclaimed.
Kisame set the tray aside, (Like a good gentle shark man should) his brow raised. "It's not my fault, it's Itachi's! He demand that I bring you in here... Have you ever been in Itachi's Mangekyou Realm?! It fucking sucks, alright?"
Deidara scowled. "By the way, where is Itachi?"
"I... Thought he was in here... With you..." Kisame said, looking at the bed.
"Well, unless he's invisible, he's not in here with us, un..."
Kisame turned a bit pale. "Excuse me for a moment, please," he muttered before rushing out of the room. "DAMMIT!" His roar echoed from the living room.
Pein looked at Deidara, and Deidara looked at Pein.
"Wanna go see, yeah?"
"Lemme get my clothes first..."