I do not own D.Gray-man.
There might be spoilers in here for those who haven't read that far into the manga.
Allen didn't stop staring at the akuma. He was trying so hard to process what reality was forcing him to accept. But how could he? No matter how you look at it, this grotesque akuma had nothing in common with his master.
But a part of Allen still hoped. He wished that this akuma was his master. Allen had studied akumas modified by his master, and he had interrogated them about the procedure. He had successfully modified his own akumas before, so he was more than confident that he could conduct the development on his master. That way, Cross Marian can rejoin the Order and help in their cause.
"You're still the same naïve idiot I took in years ago, aren't you?" the akuma asked, as though he had guessed what Allen was thinking.
Allen suddenly found his voice. "Master! How on earth did you…" Allen gestured at the akuma, trying to communicate without using offensive terms.
"Isn't that ob—"
The akuma abruptly screamed, scratching at its own face. "Stop it, you pathetic human!" the akuma shrieked at someone who was obviously not Allen. "You're supposed to be corrupted! The Earl won't accept this!!"
"Master?!" Allen took a step closer.
"NO!!" the akuma howled, "Stay away!"
Allen couldn't tell who was talking, the akuma, or his master?
"Why?!" the akuma rambled on. "You were silent for so long. You never took over before!! Why now?!" It thrashed around, banging its head on the crumbling walls. It bit itself, tearing at its own flesh.
"Stop it, you're hurting yourself!!" Allen returned his sword to its arm-form. He grabbed the akuma by its shoulder, urging it to calm down.
The akuma's head twisted to look at him, and, as if it'd only just noticed Allen's presence, it screamed, "YOU!! IT'S YOU!!"
It threw Allen off, seizing his throat. "YOU'RE THE ONE!!" it screeched maniacally, "YOU'RE WHY HE TOOK OVER! IT'S YOU, BOY!!"
The akuma began to squeeze, crushing the life out of Allen. Allen's eyes widen in surprise, letting more tears out.
"NO!!" the akuma shouted, releasing his grip on Allen.
"Allen," he yelled, clutching his own wrist, restraining himself from grabbing his apprentice again. "Run!!"
"What?" Allen gasped, not even bothering to rub his sore throat.
"I'm telling you to run like hell, stupid apprentice!" The akuma lashed out, missing Allen's neck by an inch. It clawed the walls, running left and right, punching out windows, banging on door frames.
Allen could only stare at the akuma as it inflicted more and more damage to the walls, throwing things about at random targets. The whole mansion seemed to tremble under the chaos, chips of wood from the ceiling falling down like flakes of snow.
"I'LL KILL YOU!!" it swore, launching at Allen. They were back in the same situation as before, with the akuma using Allen as a trampoline as it pulled its gnarled hand back to strike him dead.
"STOP!" It punched itself in the nose, clawing at its eyes.
"No!" Allen begged, "Please stop that!"
It began screaming inarticulately, throwing itself off Allen. It crashed into the wall and pressed itself against it, staying there. It panted and dug its talons into the yellowed wallpaper, looking ready to have a seizure. Then it froze completely, only its eyes darted around wildly. It appeared to Allen as though an all-out war was raging inside the gruesome body.
The akuma swallowed a few times before turning its gaze on Allen. It opened its mouth to speak.
The whole house was consumed in silence for a moment; both the akuma and Allen became aware of the crackling sound from the ceiling, the walls, everywhere.
The akuma's eyes enlarged. Color drained from Allen's face. They both knew what was going to happen in the very near future.
"RUN!!" the akuma commanded, rushing forward. It grabbed Allen's arm and dragged him towards the front door.
Pieces of the ceiling were already collapsing all around them, crashing down and shattering into bits.
Before Allen was aware of it, the akuma had thrown Allen with all its might, hurtling him out the door.
Allen skidded across the weed-invested yard, sliding to a stop. Dazed as he was, Allen scrambled to his feet, straining his eyes in the setting sun's light. The akuma was almost at the door, only a few feet to go.
"Hurry!" Allen pleaded, his heart pounding.
The akuma was at the door now, one last step and it'll be out of the—
The manor crumbled down on the akuma; a giant halo of dust erupted out from beneath.
Half a gasp was caught in Allen's throat. He raced at the mountain of ruins, turning over debris in search of his master.
He tried to figure where the door was under this whole heap, hoping that the akuma was strong enough to fight its own way out and, of course, that his master's willpower was more concerned about staying alive rather than restricting the akuma. Letting the akuma run wild would save him sooner.
"Stupid apprentice, I'm over here," a muffled voice sounded from somewhere Allen couldn't pinpoint.
"Where?" Allen needed his master to keep talking.
"Over here! Here! Hurry up, idiot!!"
Finally, after a lot of apologies from Allen and many curses on Cross's part, the flustered apprentice found his frustrated master.
But Cross would only allow him to remove the piece of cement crushing his head. The wreckage that covered the rest of him had to stay put to confine the akuma.
"Shouldn't an akuma this powerful be strong enough to break out?" Allen asked his master, sitting down next to the hideous head, trying to catch his breath and still his thumping chest.
"Hell yes," Cross replied, "but I'm stronger. I won't let it do as it pleases."
"Is that why you seem so much calmer?"
"I'm always calm, especially in hectic situations." Cross sneezed once, blowing dust all around the akuma's face.
Allen smiled as his master choked on the dirt. "I missed you…" he murmured.
Cross paused, trying to turn his head for a better view of Allen. His eyes pored over Allen, studying him. "So you've found my will, have you?" Cross eyed Allen's coat with jealousy.
"Komui did," Allen corrected.
"So that pig finally did some spring cleaning? I knew it'd take him over a year to search through his paperwork. Best hiding place ever."
"Yeah," Allen laughed, wondering why his master was suddenly so full of words. He found it so much easier to speak with his master now than before his master had died. It was strange, how they connect quicker when Cross was turned into an akuma.
Cross was trying a lot harder than before to understand Allen. Perhaps it was because of their limited time together?
"Hey, Master?" Allen wondered.
"What?"
"I learned how to modify akuma just like you did," Allen whispered, trying to tame his excitement.
"I knew you would," Cross mumbled back. "But I also know that you don't like doing that."
Allen didn't reply.
"You want to save lives, not manipulate them."
Allen nodded.
"I won't ever say this again, so you better listen up."
Allen leaned closer.
"I'm an akuma now, and I need you to save me, Allen."
The meaning behind Cross's words did not escape Allen, but it did terrify him. "Wha?" Allen scuttled back a foot. "I—I can't do that!"
"Why not?!" Cross snarled. "You didn't have a problem with saving others. Do you really hate me that much?!"
"No!" Allen crawled back, tears threatening to dominate. "Why can't I just modify you? That way, you can come back and—"
"And what? Help the Order until I self-destruct with bloodlust?!"
"No!" Allen insisted, "I won't program you that way! The Order will help me! You have no idea how many akumas the science department has modified! We don't have to force you—"
"Then you'll just let me kill more people?!" Cross shouted, enraged.
"That's not it either!" Allen sobbed.
Cross froze. He hadn't seen Allen cry in such a long time.
"You're strong enough to fight it, aren't you?" Allen asked, begging his master to reply with a yes.
"Yes," Cross admitted.
"So—"
"But how can I live like that?!" Cross asked Allen. "Look at me! I'm hideous! Women will never love me again!"
Allen grabbed a nearby rock and bashed his master's head with it. "Does that matter?! You can live without women!"
"What?!" Cross roared. "Never! How dare you ask me of that?!"
Allen snatched the same rock and pounded his master with it. "Stupid!! Stupid! You're too old anyways!"
"Stop it!" The akuma trembled, drooling slightly.
Allen stopped, fearing that Cross might've lost control. "Master, are you still there?"
"Yes! No thanks to you!" Cross glared at Allen; the effect was tripled by his ugly face.
Allen dropped the rock, afraid to coax the akuma again.
"But, Allen," Cross sighed, "it's not just that. Do you think I want to live like this? I don't want to look like an enemy to you until I die."
"No, I don't think you're an enemy! And everyone else would be too happy to worry about that!"
"Allen! For Pete's sake, don't make me beg you!"
Allen swallowed down his profanities.
"Just kill me already!"
"But—"
"No buts!!"
"But—"
"Shut up!"
"But…" Allen trailed off.
"And not just that, Allen. Just killing me won't be enough." Cross tried to meet Allen's eyes.
"What do you mean?" Allen met Cross's gaze.
"You already know, don't you?" Cross inquired.
"No, I don't." Though Allen actually did have an inkling of what Cross wanted.
"You can't just destroy the akuma and call it a day. You have to destroy me, too."
Allen clinched his fist, "No. I won't do it."
"Ah, so you do know what I'm talking about."
"Shut up, Master."
Allen was very conscious and afraid of what Cross was demanding. Instead of attacking the hard and armored body of the akuma, Allen could tackle the weak and unprotected soul. Without its source of energy to leech off of, the akuma died within minutes. It required less sweat and work from the Exorcist, but at an impressive cost to the soul—the soul would be annihilated permanently. That wasn't saving, that was murder. Allen didn't want to do it, and Cross would just have to cope with that.
"I'm telling you to destroy me, Allen. You're the only one who can." Cross hissed through his teeth, "No one else can see my soul." Cross glanced up, indicating to the thing hovering above them.
Allen was surprised to realize that he was beginning to harbor a distain towards his master's weak behavior. "If no one else can see your soul, they won't throw up on sight. That's a good thing."
"Allen, stop joking around. Hurry up and get it over with!"
"Why would I want to?" Allen demanded.
"So no fool would try to bring me back again! Honestly," he continued, a hint of pride creeping into his tone, "all the women I've been with were practically throwing themselves at the Earl to resurrect me." It almost sounded like Cross was boasting.
"You're despicable." Allen shook his head at his master's remarks. Although he got the message, he was still hesitant about the job Cross had assigned him.
"So, Allen. I need you to slash my soul in half and let me disappear along with this akuma."
"I'd rather just leave the both of you here to starve to death," Allen hissed.
"Don't use that tone with me."
"You're not my dad, so quit trying to act like it!" Allen crossed his arms, deliberately looking away.
"I'm grateful that I didn't father a little brute like you!"
Allen rolled his eyes, though it was in Cross's blind spot.
"At least try to fill in your end of the conversation! This is our final moment together!" Cross was torn between staying put and scratching Allen's face off.
"It doesn't have to be our final moment! You're just too stubborn!"
"Allen, this is a very simple task I'm asking of you! Would it hurt to do it?!" Cross spat out dirt that had crept into his mouth.
"Yes, it would hurt me very much to do it!" Allen shouted, turning around to look at his master.
Cross chomped down on his tongue, punishing himself in the only way he was capable of at the moment. Allen was right. It was…inconsiderate…of him to demand that. But it had to be done. The world's survival can't afford to have a soul like him to be brought back again. In his nine months of being an akuma, he had slaughtered more than he wanted to count. If Allen simply exercised him, there is still the very likely chance that some other desperate girl would bring him back.
Now he just had to get Allen to understand that.
"Allen, it's either me, or the Black Order. One of us has got to go. You choose."
Allen gawked at his master.
Cross didn't like the pained look on Allen's face. He didn't know why he cared. Maybe it was because this was the last chance for him to look at another soul? He wanted the last living being he'll ever see to have a happy expression to bid him farewell.
Cross quickly decided that he was being sentimental and far too sappy.
"Allen," Cross tried again, "I don't want to live as an akuma, and I don't want to exist as long as there is a risk that I might become an akuma."
Cross waited for an answer.
"I hate you," Allen whispered brutally, no suggestion of a joke in his tone.
Cross chuckled. You knew you messed up big time if Allen truly hated you. But it was too late to fret about atonement now.
Allen drew his sword. He stood up and looked down at his master.
Cross didn't close his eyes. He preferred to look death in the eye.
Allen inhaled and looked at his master's soul.
He raised his sword, keeping his eyes on the target.
The air whistled as Allen sliced his sword down.
The akuma's head rolled away, a surprised expression on its face.
His master had been surprised.
That made Allen smile. For half his life, he had wanted to do something that Cross Marian wouldn't have guessed, and that had been it.
He reformed his arm and deactivated his innocence.
So his master didn't want to exist with a risk of him being turned into an akuma? Well, that risk came from the Earl. And soon, very soon, the Order will make sure that that risk ceased to exist. That ought to make room for his master to relax in. So until the Earl's downfall, Cross's soul would just have to deal with it for a bit longer. It might be selfish of Allen, but he was only human.
Allen pulled up his hood and walked away, yawning. It had been a long day, but at least Allen did what he had promised himself at Cross's funeral.
Cross's second death had been at Allen's hand, but his final death wasn't. Allen felt reassured that someday, he'll probably meet Cross again at "the other side". And better yet, Allen planned on living to a ripe old age, even if his parasitic innocence didn't allow that. That way, when he reunites with Mana and Cross, he'll be older than the both of them.
First of all, I'm gonna say I'm sorry. For two good reasons, too. I think I probably confused a couple of my readers because I switched between 'it' and 'he' a lot when addressing Cross. But the thing is, when the akuma was all wild and deranged, I thought of it as a beast. When it was calmer and Cross was more in control, I saw him as an actual human. Am I confusing you even more now? Sorry. It just felt wrong to call Cross an 'it'. The same concept applies vice versa.
And the second reason was because I didn't think I made it clear enough what Allen finally did in the end. I'll explain now. He did kill the akuma, but not Cross's soul.
And I just thought of a third reason to apologize! I promised P!CrossAllen, but it somehow veered off course in the excitement of Akuma!Cross. Sorry!
But otherwise, I feel rather satisfied with my work.
Do I deserve a review?
(And thanks so much for reading.)