That had not gone as planned, but Galahad was quite used to that; not many of his plans went, well, according to plan to be honest. Gawain was looking down at him as he rested on his arse between graves.
"Are you challenging me, Galahad?" Gawain's voice had an edge to it that Galahad did not care for. But, it was too late to turn back now. Galahad had spoken the words and now he had to stand by them. That had been a hard lesson to learn – not to speak the words unless you were willing to defend them.
Galahad swallowed and stood, shaking himself free of the grasp. "No, Gawain, I am not challenging you…not in the sense that I want to fight you or argue with you." He noticed the confusion on his brother's face. "I am just asking you to tell me the truths that you spoke of. That you insist I do not know. That I am not certain any of them," he gestured toward the mess where the remainder of their brothers would be gathered by now, enjoying drink and merrymaking, "know either. I have asked some of them and they decline to answer in your stead, telling me that I must ask you if I want answers." He looked straight into Gawain's eyes, "So now I am asking you plainly: tell me the truths that you have hidden these years. You have seen my soul lay bare but I feel that you have kept a large part of yours hidden. And now I want to see it."
Galahad was shocked when the response from Gawain was little more than the usual half-laugh/half-smirk.
"You stand here and ask about my soul? You, of all people, stand in front of me and, not even ask, but demand that I lay bare my soul to you and tell you the truths you feel I have kept from you?" Gawain was once again looking dangerous and Galahad was wishing he had not chosen such strong words. "How dare you. How dare you stand in this place, in front of this grave and demand anything…"
Gawain's voice was actually dropping in volume and Galahad knew from experience it was time to be wary. Gawain might be a big man, but he could strike quickly when provoked.
"You are correct that I have given you more than I have given any of them. Why, Galahad? Why? You want the truth? Fine, I will give you the truth you demand. I have favored you because I saw the frightened and homesick little Sarmatian boy that was dragged here, struggling to survive, sick to his stomach from the boat, bewildered by everything he had witnessed along the way and wishing to every god and goddess he could think of that the sun would rise tomorrow and he would be back at home and this would all be just a bad dream. And in that little boy, in you, I saw me. I saw what this man," he pointed at the grave he had stepped over to keep Galahad from falling, "saw in me. And someone before him saw in him. A boy in need of a big brother to guide him, to help him, to protect him when necessary but mainly just to be a brother on this cold and merciless island."
At that, Gawain reached behind him to grasp the hilt of the sword, as much for balance as for reassurance. The tears were coming back to his eyes and he didn't trust himself to be able to face Galahad for much longer.
He cleared his throat and spoke again, softly. "So, you now have your answer, Galahad, as to why it is that I favor you above the others. You can go now and leave me in peace." He sighed and drew closer to the sword.
Galahad dropped his head, knowing that he would most likely not get more from Gawain but desperately wanting to provide a salve for the gaping wounds he had glimpsed.
"Gawain," he began slowly, "I am not going to leave you here." He moved to the larger man's side and put his arm around his shoulder. "It is getting dark. We have missed dinner. We can skip drinking. But I won't leave you here. You say you will be in peace but what I heard before was anything but the words of a man at peace. You don't have to tell me any more, I have no right to ask for more – you answered the question I asked. But I do have the right to ask you, as your brother, to come in from the dark, join me to get a bite to eat and some sleep."
Galahad let loose one of the dazzling smiles he knew Gawain found impossible resist. True to form, Gawain took the bait and, after a moment, nodded agreement, letting the younger Knight lead him away from the grave, towards the kitchen.
As they were about to exit the cemetery, Gawain stopped abruptly. He shrugged Galahad's arm from round his shoulders, turning to face the younger knight. "Tomorrow night, Galahad. Well, actually, tomorrow evening," he corrected, "just before sunset. I will gather the necessities and do what you have asked. I will tell you about me, lay bare my soul and admit the truths I have mourned silently." He looked back to the grave they had just left. "Because it is only through telling you that he will live on and on, for generations to come; his name and deeds should be remembered and celebrated, not mourned silently."
Gawain saw the question in Galahad's eyes and gave another half laugh. Pointing back to the grave, he leaned in and whispered, "Agravaine. His name was Agravaine and he was my big brother, just as I am yours."