Chapter 1: Regrets

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy This story is meant for entertainment purposes only. It is not intended for monitary gain or copyright infringement. All characters belong to Richelle Mead whom I thank for allowing her fans to have fun with her ideas and characters.

Your response to my Prologue was amazing. Your reviews inspired me to punch this chapter out this morning. You all deserve a treat so I am posting this today to say thank you to everyone who has followed my stories and encouraged me to write. I've been having a tough time this past year and writing has been something to keep me distracted and give me something to look forward to. I hope you enjoy this early update. It's just a little bit about how Lissa and Dimitri have been doing since Rose's death.

LPOV

"Queen Dragomir, I know it's late, but there's been an attack." I rubbed my eyes sleepily cradling the phone to my ear as I sat up in bed. Christian, who was awake beside me turned on the lamp.

"Was it near here?" I asked swinging my feet over the side of the bed shoving them in my slippers.

"I'm afraid it was and it was bad."

" The casualties on our side were numerous," Hans stated as we sat around the table in my private chambers. We had gathered as quickly as we could after receiving word that an attack of epic proportions had occurred just one hundred miles from the Royal Court.

"Who was involved?" I asked knowing the victims had to have been royals for it to have been brought to my attention at this hour of the night.

"It was the Lazar family."

"How many?" I asked. The Lazar's were nearly as extinct as the Dragomir line. Only three families were still in existence.

"Seven in total, including Prince Rupert." I shook my head in disbelief. Not only had we lost seven of the remaining twenty-three members of the Lazar line, but the prince as well. I knew he had been outside the wards visiting family this week, but he had two highly trained guardians.

I let out a breath of air. "We will prepare the funeral at once," I said. I didn't want to think about who I was going to have to crown as the next Lazar Prince. He had been my headmaster at St. Vlademir's for a short time and his daughter Avery had wreaked havoc on my mind. He should be inelligible and would be if there had been any survivors of Prince Rupert's family.

He nodded. "What should we tell Prince Rupert's daughter when she is awake?" he asked. My head snapped up.

"Soraya is alive?" Soraya Lazar was Prince Rupert's youngest child. She was twenty and attended Lehigh with me. I hadn't spent too much time with her over the years, mainly because as far as royals went she was a little haughty. The fact was though that even if she was kind of stuck up, she would make a much better Princess than anyone related to Avery. She was very intelligent, well spoken and had a high moral code even if she did act like an entitled snob at times.

"She was in bad shape, but was choppered in to the court's infirmary about an hour ago. They're optimistic she will survive the night."

I exchanged a look of relief with Dimitri who was as usual standing guard at the door. He had made good on his promise to always watch over me. It was what Rose would have wanted. I held back tears as I thought of my best friend. I couldn't believe it had been nearly a year since she'd sacrificed herself for me. That day would always be fresh in my mind.

Flashback

A shot rang out and just as my life flashed before my eyes, Rose threw herself between me and the speeding bullet. Shouts erupted and I heard myself screaming as she fell to the ground, a puddle of blood pouring out from her heart.

"Rose, nooooo!" I wailed. I went to kneel down and lay my hands over her when I felt someone dragging me away.

"No, wait. She needs me, you can't do this," I hollered kicking and screaming as my captor continued to pull me away from her. I could see Dimitri holding her. Her eyes were open. If I could just break free, I could get to her, but I couldn't.

"It's for your own good Princess. She's dangerous."

"She is not! She just saved my life or did you not see that!" I screeched clawing at his arms.

I was shoved into a room with the rest of the royals with guardians monitoring the exits. After pounding on the doors for what seemed like forever begging them to let me out, I felt arms around my waist.

"It's not use, they're holding us hostage." I turned around and wept tears of sadness. My only hope had been that if I couldn't get to her, that Adrian had. Seeing the look on his face told me that he hadn't been allowed near her either. With the two of us locked up in here, what chance did she have?

Christian did his best to console me, but he was grieving as well. It was after all his aunt who had caused this entire mess. My mind was still reeling with the fact that Tasha had killed Queen Tatiana and consequently may have just killed my best friend.

After what seemed like an eternity, the doors were opened. I rushed as fast as I could to the infirmary. I was about to burst through the doors when I caught sight of someone slumped against a tree on the far side of the building. My heart leapt into my throat as I recognized Dimtri's tall figure.

His eyes met mine and even thought he didn't say it, I knew my best friend was gone.

"No," I cried in disbelief. "She wouldn't leave me! Rose is a fighter. I want to see her," I demanded.

"Abe and Janine are with her now," he said, his voice gruff. His hands and his clothing were full of blood, her blood.

"I can bring her back," I said taking off towards the door.

"No!" he cried stepping in front of me.

"Why not? You don't want her back? You said you loved her. Were you lying?" I asked narrowing my eyes at him.

He shook his head. "It wasn't a lie. I do love her. I always will, but she wouldn't want you to bring her back. It isn't right."

"So what if it isn't right? Her being dead is right? How can you say that?" I asked bursting into a hysterical fit.

He put his hands on my shoulders. "It was the right thing for her. She prepared her whole life for that one moment. We need to honor her last wish."

"She would have wanted to live," I argued.

"I know, but she always knew it would come down to her or you and this is what she wanted."

"She can't be gone. She was my best friend. What do I do now?"

"You do what she fought so hard for," he said looking me in the eye. I looked up at him in confusion.

"She found your sister. Now you have a quorum. Win that election and change the world. Don't let her have died in vain." His voice shook as he spoke and I knew it was only a matter of time before he had a complete meltdown, but his words hit home. Rose had given up everything including her life so that I could fulfill my destiny to become Queen. If I didn't go through with the elections, then I would be dishonoring everything she stood for.

I sniffled. "I will, but I still want to see her," I insisted.

"Very well, I will take you," he agreed. I was glad he was being the strong one here, because I was about to fall apart.

We passed Janine and Abe as they were exiting. Abe had his arm around Janine's shoulders and if I wasn't mistaken there were tears in both their eyes. Rose had always thought her parent's abandoning her meant they didn't love her. I hoped she knew they did.

I took a deep breath preparing myself to see her. Truth was that nothing could have prepared me to see her like that. I gasped at her ashen cheeks and dull lifeless hair. They had taken care to clean her up and hide the blood, but she didn't look like my Rose anymore. She was too still.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered stepping forward, taking her hand in mine. It was cold and limp, but I held onto my best friend desperately needing to tell her everything I was feeling.

"I love you Rose, you will always be with me in everything I do. You were the only one who ever understood me. I don't know how to live without you," I sobbed. It went on like this for a few more minutes until I felt Dimitri's hand on my shoulder.

"Princess, I think we should be getting you back to your room."

I lay awake that night and for many nights after riddled with guilt that she had given her life for mine. Was I worthy and deserving of the second chance I'd been given? I wanted to be. I wanted her to be proud of me. I hoped someday she would look down on me from wherever she was and know that everything I do is because of her. Everything I accomplish will have been because she had the courage to give her life for me. I cried each night wondering how someone with such a good heart could be taken from this world when so many others whose hearts were black and evil were allowed to live.

End Flashback

DPOV

I woke with a start. It took me a minute to realize that it wasn't for the reason I was usually awake at odd hours of the night. My phone was ringing.

"Belikov," I answered clearing my throat.

"There's been an attack not far from court. You're presence is requested with the Queen."

I dressed quickly, holstered my stake and my gun and made my way quickly across the courtyard to the palace. It was a short walk. I was a member of the royal guard and therefore was given priority housing. My apartment was a lot nicer than the one I'd had when I was first brought back to the royal court, not that I cared. Life had lost all meaning for me since I'd lost Rose. My heart ached at the thought of those first few weeks after I'd been restored to my Dhampir state.

I deeply regretted not running straight into Roza's arms after she saved me. I'd been foolish in thinking I couldn't love her after who I was and what I'd done, especially to her. I'd wasted so much precious time with her, wallowing in my own self pity. I'd inflicted so much pain on her during that time. I'd never forgive myself for it. In the end, I knew she had known I loved her and she'd forgiven me even though she shouldn't have, but that wasn't enough. It would never be enough. Life without her was painful. Every breath I took in her absence was like a dagger being driving just far enough into my heart to pierce it and cause me indescribable pain, but not enough to kill me and put me out of my misery.

In repentance, I would take care of Lissa for her, the way I knew she would have wanted. I'd thought at first that it was Lissa to whom I owed my life, but I was wrong. It was Rose. She had given up everything to hunt me down to release my soul. She had fought the temptation to become strigoi, when it would have been so easy for her to succumb to my advances in her weakened state of grief. She was the one who had broken Viktor Dashkov out of prison just to extract the secret of changing me back. Lissa had played a key roll in all of it, but without Rose and her love for me to drive her to complete the insane mission, my soul would still be at the hands of the beast I'd been. I would still be out there committing atrocities. It was me who should have died that day, not her. She deserved so much better than the cards life had dealt her.

She had only just begun to live when her life was ended by one of our own. It was noble to go out fighting, but this was a fight that should never have been. Strigoi were evil by nature, but Tasha had made the conscious decision to assassinate Queen Tatiana and again to pick up and fire the gun that had taken the life of the one I loved. She was by far the more evil of the two. I couldn't believe the lengths she'd gone to not only to frame Rose, but the reasons behind it. She had done it to get Rose out of the way so she could have a chance with me. It was my fault Rose was gone and even though I'd tried my best to shield her as the bullet was fired, I was too late. If I had run faster, anticipated Tasha's actions or even just been closer to Rose or Lissa at the time, maybe she'd still be here. The what ifs swirled in my head constantly day and night plaguing me. I'd wake up night after night after reliving those last few moments over and over. Once in a great while, I'd figure it out sooner. I'd jump in front of her and she would live, but those were few and far between. Mostly I just watched the life bleed out of her over and over as I cradled her in my arms.

I snapped out of my reverie as I reached the gates to the palace punching in my code, nodding to the guardian on duty as I passed through the entryway.

It was no surprise to me that the Lazar family had been the target of the latest attack. Their numbers were dwindling and they were soon to be just as precious a commodity as Lissa and Jill.

It was a relief to Lissa that Prince Rupert's daughter Soraya had lived through the attack. It saved her the headache of crowning the father of the girl who had tried to kill her last year. I wasn't quite sure that Soraya would make the best choice for a seat on the council either, but her father was accorded the highest praises and she had respected and stood by all of his decisions for the past several years and that was a good jumping off point.

I myself didn't know too much about her personally. She was twenty and attended Lehigh. Her guardian had been an acquaintance of mine so I had met her on several occasions. It saddened me that he had been killed in the attack. To me she was just another young royal, who would now have a great responsibility thrust upon her, most likely before she was ready.

Leave me some love… Rose will be awake next chapter and boy is it going to be a shocker!