Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.
Scared To Be Lonely: Two
CALLIE'S POV
This feels weird. Everything about this moment feels like I'm making the wrong decision, but I know once I see Sofia, everything will be okay. Everything will be perfect…as it should be. I've only spoken to Arizona in detail once since I called her two weeks ago and asked for her advice, but she is right…she isn't in my life anymore. As much as I hate that, we are Sofia's mothers and that is where our relationship ends. Sure, we have some sort of weird friendship going on, but it's not possible to be actual friends. Not how I'd like, anyway. It just makes things weird when one of us meets another woman. I mean, Penny was always okay with it, but I'm sure not everyone we meet will be that way. I'm sure most of them would worry. Be cautious. I'd be the same if I were in their position. I guess it's just not as simple as expecting people to understand. Especially not in today's society.
Right now, I'm on a flight to Seattle, and I don't know what to expect when I get there. Rain. I'll expect rain. The weather back home never lets me down. Smiling to myself when I'm reminded of the countless times I've been caught out by the weather in Seattle, it only helps to reassure myself that I could possibly be making the right decision. It only confirms that my life will always be in Seattle. The place I grew as a surgeon. The place I met my ex-wife and had the most amazing times of my life. The place our beautiful daughter was born. The place I lost my best friend. The place my world was turned upside down on more than one occasion. Yeah…Seattle will always be home no matter where I am in the world. I've always known that. I guess I just have to remind myself occasionally.
Brought out of my thoughts when the pilot informs us that we will soon be landing, I smile and fix my eyes on the view I have outside. I've missed Seattle more than I care to admit, but I suspect I have other reasons for it that I've tried to keep to myself. I've tried to suppress those thoughts and it's only made it harder not to think about them. Now isn't the time for thinking about what could have been, though. Now is the time to rebuild my life here. I have so much that I need to say to people and so much that I have to do…I just don't know where to start. I guess the best place to start would be at the hospital, but Bailey is probably going to tear me a new one for even leaving. It's what I'm expecting, though, so I guess anything less will be a bonus. I've missed her so much. I mean, we've kept in touch but it's not the same. Nothing will ever be the same as actually being here and being in the presence of the people I've matured with. All those years ago when I was living at the hospital, I never imagined I would one day marry a woman and have a daughter. I never imagined I would have to bury the man who helped mold me into the person I am today. Who'd have thought Mark Sloan would have such a big impact on my life, huh? All those years ago when he told me to walk tall. All those years ago when we would take away each others pain. Crazy to think that he isn't on this earth anymore. It hurts, but I have a daughter to remember him by. He will always be one of the biggest parts of my life…here or not.
Buckling up as we begin to descend, I wonder how Arizona is doing. I mean, I know we talk often but it's generally about Sofia. I want to know how she is doing. How she has been living her life. She always had my heart in some way, but we both moved on and a hell of a lot happened in between. The last I heard from Meredith, she was dating some Ortho/Sports surgeon, but I don't know how that is going. Minnick, I believe her name is. Obviously, I looked her up, and she's good…but her medical skills don't mean that she is right for my ex-wife. I always wanted Arizona to be happy…it's the reason I let her go, but I'd like to believe that she is truly happy and not just settling. She didn't mention much last time we had a real conversation, but she tends to keep things to herself. I don't blame her, really. I mean, who wants to discuss their relationship with their ex-wife? Do people actually do that? Like, is it a thing?
Settled back in my window seat, I close my eyes and take the next few minutes to just be with myself. Think about the changes that are about to happen. A lot can happen in a year, and honestly…I'm not sure what to expect. Everything was already changing before I left, and now I have no clue what I'm about to face. The people in Seattle are my family, though, and that is all I have to remember. Nothing else matters right now. I know I'm where I'm supposed to be. I know that I'm supposed to be home.
Reaching my hotel, I step out of the cab and the driver hands over my luggage. God, it feels like forever since I've been here. Obviously, my father has given me the best room in his hotel here, but it's not for long. I have to find myself a place to live, and I have to do it fast. I want to get the ball rolling back here in Seattle, and sitting on my ass isn't the way to go about that. I have to rebuild myself now…or I fear I'll never do it. It will never happen. My cell in my hand, I send off a quick message and hope to god that I'm able to see my daughter today. Arizona doesn't even know that I decided to come home, so it will be interesting to see her reaction.
Are you working today? Callie.
Heading inside, I check into my hotel room and head for the elevator. It's kinda crazy being back here, but it also feels good. I don't know why, or how, but being in this hotel feels like it's supposed to feel. It's just another part of being home.
No. I have the day off. Did you want Sofia to call you? Az
No. Not yet. A little busy. Catch up later? Callie.
Sure. She's much more settled now. Enjoy your day. Az
Locking my cell and shoving it into the back pocket of my jeans, I step off of the elevator and make my way to my room. The place has been updated a little since I was last here but it looks good. Making a mental note to call my father sometime this week to thank him, I slide my key card down the door and the green light alerts me to the fact that I've been granted access. Stepping inside, a million and one memories come flooding back to me. Honestly, It's a little overwhelming, but I can push through these emotions. I have to. I'm here for my daughter, so none of my memories matter right now. Except they'll always matter to me. I have no regrets about my life. Arizona and I included. No matter what we went through together, everything happened for a reason. Every little detail in our past has led us both to this day, and we are happy in some way. I don't know much about her life anymore, and I don't even know if she is still the same person I fell in love with all those years ago, but she seems happy. I couldn't ask for any more than that, really.
My own feelings don't matter anymore. I walked away. I let her go. I moved to another time zone. I'd like to believe that I made the right choice when I ended therapy and our marriage, but I've often wondered if I could have tried harder. I mean, I know I could have, but would it have been worth it? Would we only have caused each other more and more pain? I don't know, and I guess I'll never find out. For some reason, though, the past few months she is all I've thought about. At least once a day. Maybe I just knew that Sofia would have to come home at some point and it made me think of my ex-wife, but I'm not so sure.
I've spent days daydreaming about her. What she is doing. Who she is with. Is she smiling? Is she happy? Does she still allow those adorable dimples to pop when she is truly laughing? God, I hope she does. Anyone who matters to her deserves to see that unbelievable look of happiness she always seemed to have. Anyone who is privileged enough to be in my ex-wife's life should see those dimples. They should hear that laugh. They should hold her close and never let her go. I didn't, and I know it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I know that even though I don't regret anything, she is one thing I'm so close to regretting. Not ever meeting her and falling in love with her, but how things ended. How we completely disconnected.
I'll always remember that spark. That spark that I felt the night she kissed me in the bathroom at Joe's. It took my breath away. She took my breath away. I've never felt that with another person. I've never once felt anything remotely similar to what I felt the night I met Arizona for the first time. Penny is beautiful and she has so much to give, but I'm not sure I've ever truly been all in where she is concerned. Maybe that was why I moved away. Maybe I was trying to find that something that I had with Arizona. I know I tried too hard and ultimately failed, but it was good while it lasted. We had fun. We had many laughs. She just wasn't her. Nobody will ever be my Arizona. My ex-wife is far too unique for anyone else to even barely resemble her. I know that now.
I'd like to believe that the spark I felt is still there, but I know it's not. At least, not for Arizona. I put us through so much when I should have just talked things out with her. She may have her own faults, but I know that I wasn't innocent in any of our past. I know that I screwed up on way more than one occasion, so no…I very much doubt that our spark is still there. Friends are good enough for me, though. She has someone in her life, and I'm happy for her. Now, it is time to sort out my own life.
Knocking a little louder than usual on a familiar door, a voice calls for me to come inside and I push against the hardwood. Her eyes fixed firmly on the paperwork in front of her, I lean against the frame of the door and clear my throat. "Got time for an old friend?"
"Well, I'll be damned." Miranda Bailey's head lifting, her eyes widen and she stares at me. "Callie freaking Torres."
"Yep." I give her a nod. "Can I come in?"
"It depends." She holds up her hands and stops me. "Why are you here?"
"Because I belong here?" I furrow my brow.
"Damn right you do." She scoffs. "Get your ass in here, Torres. We have a contract to figure out."
"We do?" My smile widening, she raises her eyebrow and I push off the frame of the door. "Right, yeah." Closing the door behind me, I close the distance between us and take a seat across from her. "So good to see you, Chief."
"Mmhmm." She purses her lips and gives me a knowing look. "Are you here for a length of time or are you here for good?"
"For good." I breathe out. "I need to be back where I belong."
"It's Sofia, isn't it?"
"Yeah." I give her a sad smile. "Things got a little messed up but I'm here to take my life back in Seattle."
"And Dr. Blake?" Miranda asks. "Will she be requiring a job?"
"N-No." I shake my head. "She's staying on in New York. They offered her a job with a great salary."
"So, you guys are still together?"
"No." I sigh. "It was for the best, though."
"Sure." She snorts. "What would have been for the best was never leaving, but you didn't listen to me."
"I know, I know." Holding up my hands, she hands over a contract and I furrow my brow. "Did you know I was coming back?"
"No, why?"
"Because you have a contract ready and waiting for me." I laugh.
"Oh, that has been in my drawer since the day you left, Torres. I knew you would eventually come back one day…"
"Really?" I wrinkle my nose. "I'm that predictable?"
"No, not at all." She shakes her head. "Just wishful thinking, I guess." Sitting back in my seat, I cross my legs and give my friend, and boss a genuine smile. It's so good to be back here, and even though a lot has changed, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now.
"I love what you have done with the place." I glance around and she gives me a slight shrug. "I was sorry to hear about Edwards. She was a great surgeon."
"Yeah, she is getting there but it will be a long process." Miranda nods. "Now, I don't know where Arizona is…but you are more than likely going to find her down at the MRI scanner on the second floor."
"O…kay." I nod. "She isn't working today but why would she be at the MRI?"
"Oh, I'll let your ex-wife explain that one to you." She laughs. "I swear this place is becoming more and more crazy as the hour's pass."
"Good to see nothing has changed then, huh?" Reaching over her desk, I hold out my hand and she gives it a firm shake. "Also good to be back." Standing, I pull my purse up onto my shoulder and head for the door. "I'll let you get back to whatever chiefy stuff you were doing."
"See you a week Monday." She nods. "And don't be late."
"A week Monday?" I ask. "That's almost two weeks…"
"I know, but you have stuff to do. Things to figure out. Go and spend some time with your daughter, maybe even your ex-wife, too." Dismissing me with the wave of her hand, a slight laugh rumbles in my throat and I head out into the corridor. Yeah, nothing ever changes around here.
Reaching my ex-wife's home, I glance around and I'm happy to find her car parked outside. She said she had the day off but I wasn't sure if I would catch her at home or not. I mean, she's busy at the best of times, so it would be pure luck if I found her here right now. I wouldn't be at all surprised if Sofia has had her down at the zoo all day. Maybe we could all go to the zoo one day if Arizona's girlfriend wouldn't mind? Straightening myself out a little, my heart begins to beat a little faster in my chest and I don't know why I suddenly feel nervous. It's Arizona. There is nothing to be nervous about.
Maybe the fact that I haven't come face to face with her in almost a year has something to do with this sudden anxiety I'm experiencing. I don't know. Heading up the porch, I curl my hand into a fist and knock on her front door. Hearing voices inside, I'm a little anxious as to how I'm about to be greeted. I guess it isn't really appropriate to just turn up at someone's door without giving them any warning, but I just wanted to surprise Sofia. I'm sure Arizona won't mind. Straining a little to make out the voices, I'm hearing one that definitely doesn't belong to my ex-wife or my daughter. Is that Italian? No, it cant be. Why would someone who speaks Italian be in Arizona's home?
The door opening, I find the most amazing sight my eyes have ever witnessed. "Calliope?" Her brow furrowed, Arizona steps out onto the porch and pulls the door closed behind her. "What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to surprise Sofia if that would be okay?" Wow, she looks amazing.
"Well, sure…but she isn't here." She gives me a sad smile. "Sorry."
"Of course, she's not." I roll my eyes. "I'd ask if we could grab a coffee but you sound a little busy."
"No, come on in." She opens the door and I'm not sure if I want to. "It's just Carina."
"You say that like I'm supposed to know who she is?" I raise an eyebrow.
"Right, sorry." She laughs. "De Luca's sister." Motioning for me to come inside, I step over the threshold and find a woman ranting in Italian in my ex-wife's kitchen. "Let's go into the living room while she finishes her call."
"Is she okay?" I ask, throwing my thumb over my shoulder.
"Honestly, I've no idea." She shrugs. "Something about trying to secure funding for more research but I don't speak Italian, so?"
"No." I smile and drop my gaze. "I thought you were dating someone called Minnick, not Carina?"
"Long story." She rolls her eyes. "Have a seat. I'll just grab us some coffee." Dropping down onto my ex-wife's couch, I glance around and smile at her choice of colors. I see she is still perfectly happy living in that god damn easter basket. Shaking my head when a slight laugh falls from my mouth, my eyes find a framed photograph on the wall. How sweet. A real family photo. One that includes Mark, too. I know they both had different opinions on everything they discussed, but they loved each other really. Both of them could deny it, but I know it was just a front. Well, when Mark wasn't checking out my then wife's ass or boobs. "Here we go…" Handing me a cup of coffee, I give Arizona a thankful smile and she settles down beside me. "So, you didn't unpack then, huh?"
"No." I smile. "I had to come home, Arizona."
"You don't have to convince me, Cal. I just hope you made the right decision." Clearing her throat, De Luca's sister steps up behind me.
"I should go." That accent sending a shiver down my spine, I feel the urge to respond to her in Spanish. "I have to get to the hospital."
"Did you fix the funding issue?" She asks the woman standing behind me.
"Si." Turning and glaring up at the unknown woman, I stand and clear my throat.
"Callie Torres." Holding out my hand, I grip her own firmly and shake. "You are?"
"Carina De Luca." She smiles. "Good to meet you, Dr. Torres. I've heard a lot about your work."
"Good to meet you, too." I give her a genuine smile this time around. Turning back to face my ex-wife, she gives me a thankful smile. "I can leave if you guys have plans. I just wanted to see Sofia."
"We don't have plans." She shakes her head. "I was working and Carina came by. I have time for coffee with you, Callie." Standing, she sees her friend? to the door and I return to my seat. I don't know why I'm sitting here, but I am. It feels nice, too. "So, where were we?" She asks after a couple of minutes of sitting alone.
"I don't even know." I shrug. "Sorry for coming by unannounced."
"Callie, it's fine. Just…are you okay?" She gives me a sad smile. "Do you have somewhere to stay?"
"I'm staying at the hotel. I'm okay. Just trying to get things back on track, you know?"
"Yeah…" She breathes out. "Have you been to the hospital yet?"
"I have. Back at it a week on Monday."
"Wow. That's great." Her eyes widen a little. "That will be a little strange."
"Don't worry." I smile. "I'll stay out of your way."
"No, I didn't mean that." She tries to defend herself. "I just…it's been weird without you around." She gives me a genuine smile. "I guess in a way I've only just got used to it."
"I'm sorry." I take her hand in my own and she doesn't pull away. "For all of this. Everything. Walking away and leaving Seattle."
"It's done." She shakes her head. "You have nothing to apologize for. So long as you are happy with your decision, then it is good to have you back here."
"Yeah?" That spark coursing through my entire body, I pull my hand away. I have to. We aren't anything anymore and I have to remember that. Sofia's mothers and that is all. "I thought you would be glad to see the back of me."
"No." She drops her gaze. "I never wanted you to leave…"
"I'm pretty good at disappointing people." I roll my eyes. "Figured you would know that by now."
"Stop being so hard on yourself. Whatever has happened cannot be undone." She shrugs as she sits back in her seat.
"You look great, by the way."
"Thanks." She smiles. "You look great, too."
"So…" I breathe out. "Where is Sofia?"
"She's at the park with Maggie and Zola. I have a big surgery coming up and I needed to just go over a couple of things so she's spending the day with Zola. They've really missed each other."
"Oh, don't." I hold up my hand. "Zola is all Sofia has talked about."
"Yeah…I thought that may have been the case." Arizona agrees. "She's been okay, though, Callie. She really has."
"Of course, she has. She is with you, Arizona. Where she always should have been."
"Callie…" She gives me a knowing look and I drop my gaze.
"Just…do you think we could be friends?" I ask. "I mean, I know we are already friends, but I mean like…actual friends?"
"What does that even mean?" She laughs and gives me those dimples.
"Honestly, I don't know." I laugh. "Just…like this? None of the awkwardness. I mean, if your girlfriend would be okay with it?"
"Oh, Carina isn't my girlfriend." She shakes her head. "Almost, but not quite."
"Oh." I raise my eyebrows. "Sorry, I just assumed."
"No, it could have been, but Sofia came home and other things happened so I've called it a day."
"I'm sorry to hear that." I give her a sad smile. "Look, I should go…maybe catch Sofia at Meredith's before she heads back here. Did you want to maybe grab a drink one night? If you have a sitter?"
"I'd like that." She gives me a nod, followed by a genuine smile. "How about you come by for dinner tonight? Sofia would be thrilled."
"I don't want to get in the way." I sigh. "But thank you. I'm sure I have plenty of stuff I could be doing."
"And one of those things is having dinner with your daughter, no?"
"Are you sure it would be okay?" I wrinkle my nose. "I don't want you to think that I've come back and I'm just going to take over."
"I don't think that."
"What time did you want me to come back?" I ask.
"How does six sound?" She raises an eyebrow. "Then you can bath Sofia whilst I finish up with this surgery."
"I can do that." I nod as I stand. Heading into the kitchen to set down my coffee cup, I turn back to find Arizona watching me from the other side of the room. "Sorry…just cleaning up my mess."
"Thanks." She gives me a smile. "I'd offer you to hang around here until she comes home but I'm not sure you will get much conversation out of me."
"No, I wouldn't expect you to." I head for the door. "If anything changes, just give me a call and we can reschedule."
"It won't." She shrugs. "See you at six. I won't tell Sofia you are home. You can tell her that news yourself."
"Awesome." Pulling my ex-wife into a hug, she reciprocates and my eyes close for just a fraction of a second. "Thanks for being welcoming, Arizona. You didn't have to, and I appreciate it."
"You'll always be welcome in Seattle, Calliope. You know that." My stomach somersaulting at the use of my full name, I clear my throat and step out onto the porch.
"Can I bring anything tonight?"
"Maybe a bottle of wine?" She suggests.
"You've got it." Throwing her a wave over my shoulder, I head down the steps and onto the sidewalk. I never imagined that she would be so open and welcoming of my return, but I appreciate how much she is trying. Even if she doesn't really want me around. She has a heart of gold, though, so I shouldn't have really expected anything different from her. Heading off down the street, my head and my heart feel a little lighter. I've only been home for a few hours and I already have my job back. The perfect ending to this day, though, will be spending it with my daughter. Arizona, too.
Thanks for reading, guys. Absolute huge response to the first chapter and I'm truly blown away by your reviews. They're always appreciated. Thanks again.