So many things had just piled up, the cylon responsible for the attacks in the brig, Baltar's trial, the need to find Earth and the entire situation with Helo and Sharon and the baby. The baby had been the reason why she had gone to see Adama in the first place. After he had walked out on her attempt to explain several days ago, she had decided that it would be best to simply give him time. Last night, while she sat on his couch and Adama at his desk reviewing evidence for Baltar's trial, she had decided that time was up. He had preempted her explanation with a statement that cut through it all.
"I would have helped you Madam President," he said without looking up. "Despite what you may think about my past experience with Zak's death I could have handled the situation. You should have come to me, after everything—Do you have any idea what you've done to Helo and Sharon? How you undermined—" He had stopped himself, finally looked at her and waited for her to answer.
The expression on his face revealed the extent of her betrayal. All attempts at an answer refused to pass her lips. After he had waited for nearly minute he took off his glasses, shook his head. A moment later he got up from his desk and disappeared into the other room. Where words failed tears came freely. She stifled a sob and tried to regain control before he came back.
-x-
Adama had left the room in order to restrain himself. He wanted to yell for all the frustration and beg for an answer from her that didn't hurt, but he wouldn't, he didn't have the heart for it. If she would let it drop then he could too. It would be easier that way. No need for things to get messy.
He poured himself a short glass of Tyrol's moonshine and bolted it down before he returned to the main room. Roslin obviously hadn't heard him because she didn't bother looking up. She was too busy wiping away tears with her hands in a desperate effort to control them.
Even from the distance where he stood in silence he knew that she had been quite aware of the consequences of what she had done, to Helo and Sharon and most of all to him. Throughout Roslin's ordeal with cancer and the stress of the Presidency Adama had never seen her cry like this or even suspected that she had. It was because of him. He knew. He had pulled away and removed her last bastion of support, cut her adrift.
She still needed him.
That realization broke Adama out of his distant stance. He closed the gap between them. He only paused to grab his jacket off the back of his desk chair.
-x-
Roslin felt Adama wrap his jacket around her shoulders and she instinctively pulled it tight around her body. Then she heard him sit down beside her. She wanted to tell him everything, how she was so sorry that she hadn't trusted him, how she wanted to go back to the few happy days they had spent on New Caprica, how she just wanted be human again without having to compartmentalize everything. She wanted to drop the Presidential mask again and be Laura once more.
When she thought she had calmed down enough Roslin looked over at him. She knew that she didn't have to explain. He reached up with one hand took off her glasses, set them on the table nearby where they wouldn't get in the way, and with his other wiped more of her tears away. It didn't do much good because now that she had started crying Roslin found it impossible to stop. She dropped her head again and tried once more to force the tears back.
-x-
Adama sat beside her and understood that for right now what she needed was his unquestioning support. He contemplated momentarily whether he would be crossing a boundary, but it was obvious to him that right now that it didn't matter. He reached out and gathered her into his arms. He could feel her renewed sobbing against his chest as it came in waves that would dissipate only to intensify again.
-x-
Roslin let herself sink into his embrace. His body heat stopped the shivering and his firm presence helped to calm her between resurgences of emotion. Even in the midst of it all part of her felt a certain liberation in just letting the barriers fall away again. It was pointless to resist any longer, better to let the current carry her along.
-x-
Adama held her until she had exhausted herself. When she finally pulled back he only partially released her.
"Stay here," he pronounced, as if she had the power to disagree. It was quite obvious that she wasn't in any condition to protest or leave. He got up and took the time to change his damp shirt, grab a towel since he didn't have any tissues nearby and poured a glass of Ambrosia.
"I don't have anything hot on hand, but this should help," said Adama when he returned. He pressed the glass into her hands and resumed his seat beside her, towel at the ready just in case.
-x-
"Thank you," she murmured. Roslin sipped the Ambrosia and was glad for something to soothe her worn out nerves even if she was likely to regret it later. She did her best to collect herself and took a few deep breaths. She used the towel to dry the last of her tears and rub some of the puffiness out of her eyes.
"You're staying here tonight," said Adama. "I insist." Roslin glanced over at him. Just what was he doing? "You're in no condition to be left by yourself." He had a point. Still, it didn't mean that she had to like it.
"Admiral, I—"
"Laura." His tone made it perfectly clear that he wasn't going to take anything but Yes Bill as an answer. Her sigh of defeat was enough of an answer. She didn't have to will or inclination to argue. Not now. She didn't argue when he put an arm around her and she suddenly felt very tired. She rested her head on his chest and found her eyes drooping.
-x-
Once she had fallen asleep, Adama had allowed himself a minute to just sit and think. He imagined that she was probably going to be supremely mortified by the time she recovered, but he was glad at least that this hadn't happened while she was alone. The Gods only knew how many times this had happened when she was alone, without anyone ever knowing.
Adama chided himself for forgetting just how lonely it could be sometimes to be the one in charge. Just what did had he thought he was doing? So she betrayed his trust and he was hurt. They should have discussed it like adults instead of what he did, cutting her off completely, letting the gap between them widen, and all the while trying to act as if everything was the same when clearly it couldn't be so long as he left her without his total support. He was glad that something had happened to make him realize the true extent of what he had been doing.
They needed each other. That much he understood. For the moment that was all he needed to understand. He spent another minute contemplating if he was crossing a boundary, but again surmised that right now was a special case and it didn't matter. They would just have to deal with it later. He wasn't going to let Roslin sleep alone on his couch and end up shivering again so the only other option was either for him to sleep on the couch as well or to carry her over to his rack. The couch was comfortable and wouldn't involve moving her, but it wasn't quite wide enough to ensure that one or both of them wouldn't end up falling off it onto the floor, a rather rude awakening that would be entirely unhelpful.
So Adama waited until he was certain, by her slow but steady breathing and lack of movement, that she was in fact asleep. Then he very carefully shifted to keep his one arm supporting her head and slipped the other under both of her legs to balance her weight while he stood. He stifled a grunt of effort and paused to be sure that she hadn't been disturbed enough to wake. She wasn't quite as heavy as he thought. He moved as quickly as he could, taking as much care as was necessary and stopped just beside his rack.
Now this was going to be tricky. If she woke up during the night and still wanted to leave he wasn't going to stop her. There was being insistent for her own good and then there was getting in Roslin's way. Besides it might be good if she did get up and leave in the middle of the night when there would be fewer people around to see her and less likelihood of a resurgence in the ever persistent rumors that they were involved in a relationship.
They had a relationship yes, as for being involved in it, he hadn't been so much lately, and as for it being romantic in nature, he could only imagine. There was simply too much in the way ever since they had left New Caprica for them to be having any sort of regular private meetings much less carry on a clandestine affair. Not that he would be entirely opposed to such a thing, but at heart he was a practical man and it just wouldn't be practical right now.
He decided to very gently lay her down on the bunk with just enough room for him to squeeze in between her and the wall. He ignored the compromising position he found himself in while he carefully climbed over her and settled down onto his side with his back to the wall. He mused that this would probably make for one very awkward morning, but with nothing more than her comfort and warmth in mind he hugged her close and went to sleep.