A/N: I got about 50 'WHAT ABOUT EMMETT's so I decided to write a second chapter. Again, I feel it's a little OOC of Jasper and Edward to be this happy and have a sense of humor, but so be it.

Disclaimer: I don't own, I REEEENNNTTT!

I looked at Edward and he looked at me. We smirked and glanced at Emmett who was still heaving for breath through mid-laugh.

"That was—too—awesome!" Emmett bellowed, catching his breath and opening his eyes, looking at us with amusement and then with sheer horror.

"Come, brother," Edward said with a smile.

"No! It's um—look at the time!" Emmett said and bolted off into the other direction. Edward immediately followed and I heard a thud as he tackled the runaway. We were only a mile or two from our house and Edward sighed.

"What?" I questioned and he stood up, Emmett scrambling to his feet.

"It is too late… it's already five-thirty. I can practically hear Rosalie's foot tapping from here and Alice is wondering where we are," Edward replied.

"Right, so if you'll all excuse me…" Emmett took a step to his right and bolted again. Edward and I kept in a light jog behind him.

What're we going to do?

Edward shrugged and my mind began to wander. Alice didn't know about my rendezvous with Lauren Mallory, thank any higher being of this great world. Perhaps I would have a moment alone with her.

Edward faked a gag and went off ahead of me.

I was entitled to this mind wander, especially about Alice. I had months without her mind focused on anything else, but the wedding. The only real conversation we had was of her warning to not set foot in the vicinity of strippers… Rosalie and Emmett were fine with this wedding stuff. They were louder with their relationship, not quieter… The only thing that would make the relationship a little rocky is if we did in fact go to a strip club…

Edward stopped short in front of me and I rammed into him. He merely turned to meet my gaze with a grin and nodded. "You're a genius, Jasper," and he was off. Before I could make sense of the compliment, Emmett was sent launching back toward me and I ducked. He scrambled to find some kind of ground to stop him, but it was too late.

"Where have you been? We told you five. No later than five," Rosalie began scolding as I approached the house, seeing Edward in the doorway. I could sense annoyance, but believed it was coming from Rosalie, since excitement was still prevalent in the house.

"Where's Jasper?" Alice questioned and I was right behind Edward. Alice smiled and took my hand. "Good, let's get you two dressed," she beckoned a finger for Edward to follow. As she led me to the stairs, she picked off traces of lint and dirt off my clothing. "Where'd you all go?"

"Jasper and I went hunting, but Emmett wanted a more traditional bachelor party, if you catch my drift."

I heard a vase shatter and Rosalie turn. "What?" she seethed.

Perfect timing… Emmett bounded through the door. "Not. Cool, Edward," he grumbled, shaking like a wet dog to get the dirt off of him, but Rosalie stopped him and grabbed him by the shirt. "Why, hey, baby," he said with a smirk, but he was cut off with a loud WHACK! And Rosalie dropped his shirt that was torn.

"Wait—what?!" he followed her around the house. Edward and I watched amused, but I realized Alice's hand tightened in a not so encouraging way. I glanced at her and she seemed angry as well… She pulled me into our bedroom, going straight into the walk-in closet without a word.

"WHAT'D I DO?!" Emmett begged.

"Strip club? Really, Em? Was it that much to ask for you NOT to? I know you and I know you'd—"

"I DID NOT GO TO A—" WHACK!

"And I'm sure you're going to tell me your shirt was torn by a grizzly?"

"…yes?"

WHACK!

Dresses were being thrown out of the closet and Edward entered the room. "Door," Alice said from the closet. I looked at Edward and he nodded.

I told you to warn me!

Edward shook his head, looking confused, but I ignored him. I sighed and went to the doorway of our walk-in closet hesitantly, catching a few dresses and hanging them back up. She sifted through the clothes and I took a step forward.

"Alice—"

"Where'd I put his suit?" she muttered aimlessly to herself, sifting through my clothes, which took up the back corner of the closet. She had put Edward's tux in with my things to keep it organized, but it seemed to have backfired.

"Alice, darling," I put a hand on her shoulder and she ignored the gesture, her frustration and annoyance was slowly getting to me. "It was just a joke, love, really. Emmett thought it would be funny if Lauren Mallory—"

"Jasper," Edward interrupted in the doorway.

"Lauren MALLORY?!" Alice questioned, turning around and looking at me with confusion.

I looked at Edward with a questioning look. He shook his head once and Alice followed my gaze to Edward and then back to me. "What ABOUT Lauren Mallory?" When I didn't answer, she turned and grabbed two tuxes, handing them to Edward. "Try them both on, show me both of them."

When Edward left the room, Alice's eyes focused on mine. "Explain."

I dove into a G-rated, not that there was an X-rated version, of our little dare. "And Edward had already—but wait… why are you so anxious and frustrated?" I questioned and she sighed.

"I can't see anything…" she seemed to relax, knowing it was just a dare and there was a little comic relief to her anxiety. "Where've you been?" Alice asked as Edward came back in the doorway. "It takes two minutes to put a suit on, and you still don't have your tie tied…" she nodded toward me and I went over to tie my brother's tie. "One hundred ten years and you still don't know how to tie a tie," she mused.

"I was caught in the Emmett-Rosalie battle. It seems our revenge went a little too far," Edward muttered and I finished tying.

"Meaning…"

"Meaning Esme banned them to two different sides of the house, no contact or speaking today until…"

"They'll make up before the wedding," Alice replied and motioned for Edward to turn around. "Nope, put on the other one… out!" she shooed Edward out of the closet and went back to my suits, finding three and holding them up in front of me. "Don't fidget."

"Am I—"

"Forgiven?" Alice asked, not meeting my gaze. "I dunno, you went into some girl's bedroom window last night… A married man in another girl's bedroom window… sounds a little odd for me to just—"

I lunged and wrapped my arms around her waist, holding her tightly and pressing a kiss to her temple, lifting her feet off the ground. She grinned and laughed melodically. "Alright, put me down, you're forgiven."

I obeyed and Edward cleared his throat behind us. Alice smirked and handed me one suit. "Get changed and pick up Renee and Phil from the airport in an hour," she ordered and I pressed a kiss to her temple before leaving the room. "Tie!" she called and I backed up, tied Edward's tie in a second before leaving the room.

I passed Emmett and Rosalie at the bottom of the stairs talking quietly and Rosalie glared in my direction. I sent a quick wave of anger toward Rosalie and she glared at Emmett, her voice getting louder.

"Jasper…" Emmett groaned at me as I passed, but I was already out the door.

A bit of a comic relief was necessary before a full day of undying human bloodlust and corny love songs.

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