KATNISS:
Phone calls have been made, and Annie invites us to her house happily. She and Johanna have moved in together, Annie says she needed the extra help with Finn. Little Finn.
Peeta and I take a long train ride to District 4. It takes nearly the whole day, but we manage to get there before suppertime. Peeta knocks hesitantly at the door of Annie's victor house. "Peeta, Katniss!" She squeals as the door flings open. Behind her a little toddler with sea-green eyes looks up at us.
Peeta immediately smiles at the boy, ignoring Annie's screaming. "You must be Finn," Peeta says, glancing at the tiny human. "God, do you ever look like your father." Peeta kneels on one leg to be closer to Finn. "I'm Peeta," He says.
"I know," The little boy says. Finn smiles and takes Peeta's hand in for a shake. I am busy hugging Annie, who never seems to want to let go. She finally lets me go and pulls Peeta up from the back of his shirt, and into her arms.
"Oh, I've missed you both so much!" She screeches as Johanna appears in the doorway.
"Lovebirds!" She exclaimed. "Still madly in love?" She asks Peeta. I cover for him, because I know it's hard for him to even think of loving me.
"Yes, Johanna, still are." I respond, glancing at Peeta, who is out of Annie's arms and kneeling next to Finn again. I can already tell Peeta is completely amazed by the child, and Finn looks like he's having the time of his life just speaking to Peeta. They've already become best friends.
"So, Lover Boy, why haven't you knocked her up yet?" Oh, Johanna Mason. Queen loud mouth.
Peeta stands and smiles at Johanna. "Shut up, Mason." He says, and then she pulls him into a hug. Somehow, this rubs me the wrong way. Am I not good enough to hug? Do I not deserve one like Peeta did? Or are Johanna and he just better friends than I'd expected? Am I jealous?
"Come on in, you two!" Annie says as she picks up little Finn and carries him to the couch. Peeta takes my hand and we walk in hesitantly into the living room. The houses are much different here than in Victors Village in Twelve. Here, things are much more open. There are skylights and a sitting room and a beautiful huge window in the kitchen, with perfect view of the great ocean.
"Oh, my," Peeta says dreamily as he looks around. "This is so much better than our homes in Twelve." He states, taking everything in again. I notice how he says 'homes'. Plural. I want it badly to be 'our home', but I know Peeta can't help but ease into things. It's been eight months, and Peeta still doesn't consider us that much of a couple.
"Yes," I agree with him.
"Sit, both of you. We need to pick up where we left off tomorrow, and to do that, I need to know what the past year and a half has been like for you." Annie says as she gestures for us to sit on a couch. We sit awkwardly, and I rest my hand in Peeta's lap. I feel his muscles tense, but I don't remove it.
"So, let's talk about little Finn," Peeta says excitedly. "He's already walking! Must be a smart young man," He says, winking over at Finn. Finnick JR blushes and nods and Peeta.
"Oh, yes," Annie says. "He's been walking for weeks. But let's talk about you two. Katniss, have you given much thought to becoming Mrs. Mellark? Or maybe a mother?"
I blush and Johanna looks up, expecting an answer. "Listen… Guys…" I feel Peeta stiffen and sit up straight.
"You don't expect us to believe Lover Boy hasn't asked you yet, right?" Johanna sneers, encouraging me on. I open my mouth to say something, but someone beats me to it.
"He hasn't, actually," Peeta snaps. I turn to him, remove my hand from his lap and lock my fingers with his. He's angry, I can see, but he relaxes at my touch. I'm satisfied by this.
"Peeta's having some issues… You know, with the highjacking. He's been having flashbacks and he really needs to be eased into things. So we are easing into things. Taking our time. Whenever it happens, I'll be satisfied as long as it's with Peeta." I look up at him, and his face is unreadable. I have basically just agreed to build a life with him. Katniss Everdeen agreeing to one day get married and have children. He should be jumping up and down! The old Peeta would have been…
"Alright then. Peeta, we're here for you," Annie says. Suddenly Finn's head pops up.
"Peeta!" He squeals. Peeta looks up at the young boy. "Will you come and play outside with me?" He asks.
"Sure," Peeta says. "But only if Katniss can come, too." He says gesturing towards me. Finn looks at me and I try to smile at him. He whispers something to Peeta, his eyes still pinned on me. Peeta just laughs and says, "I swear she is." Then he picks Finn up and tickles him. "Can we go outside, Mom?" Peeta asks Annie jokingly. Annie giggles and nods. I don't like it when other girls giggle at Peeta. Giggling is flirting. I think. And I'm the only one who can giggle at Peeta.
"Sure, just be inside by six."
Peeta and Finn start for the door. "Katniss, are you coming?" Shouts a small voice. Finn is waving for me to come, desperately trying to get my attention.
"Sure, Finn," I say with a smile, and then I turn and follow the two boys out. He's extremely friendly, Finn is. He and Peeta have some kind of bond immediately. They kick a soccer ball back and forth until they both collapse. Finn crawls all over Peeta, the way a son would a father. I'm mesmerized by his sweet giggling. Have they not met before?
Peeta tells jokes and tickles Finn. Finn tells Peeta stories about his friends. Like how this one girl, Holly, had asked Finn if she could kiss him. Apparently Finn ran away screaming.
"You'll warm up to the girls eventually, Finn." Peeta says wisely. "At first they seem gross, but then you meet the right one that changes your perspective completely," He says looking straight at me. I blush. Again.
Every once and a while Peeta would turn to me and ask my opinion on the current topic with Finn. I give a short sentence of my thoughts, but Finn only really cares about Peeta. However, he's extremely polite and waits his turn to speak. I don't mind watching him swoon over Peeta. And frankly, right now, I don't really feel like talking.
"Finn!" Annie calls from the window. "Time for a bath!"
"Nooooooooo!" Finn yells. "I'm having fun with Peeta!"
"You can play tomorrow!" She says as she closes the window.
Peeta picks Finn up easily and flips him around. Finn's laughter makes me smile. "Katniss?" He says quietly. I look up at the dear boy.
"Yes, Finn?"
"You don't talk much." His sea-green eyes sparkle like his father's. "But I still like you. You're nice and… You're pretty too." He says and he blushes. I smile brightly at him.
"Thank you," I say. Peeta holds the boy out away from his body.
"Don't get any ideas, Finn." He says with a joking voice. "Katniss is very special to me." He says and Finn laughs. Very special to me. I am very special to him. This has been a very productive day. Amazing how Finn can understand such jokes at such a young age. He's already got his father's sense of humor. Already trying to pick up every girl he sees. Until he met Annie. Then Finnick was always strictly joking with other girls.
Johanna takes Finn in her arms and carries him to the bathroom. Annie is sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea. "Johanna does the baths," She says. Peeta and I sit with Annie, who is clearly exhausted. "I think we'll talk in the morning, because I'm dead." She says. "I'll show you to your bedroom," She says. Our bedroom. One. Singular. We're going to be in the same bed.
Almost every night we sleep in the same bed, but the thought of being considered a couple somewhere else is amazing for me. "Okay," Peeta agrees. Annie brings us upstairs to our room. It's simple but nice and spacious. We crash on the bed immediately, and Annie is satisfied.
"I know, Finn can be exhausting." She says as she walks out of the room. "Good night," She sings as she shuts the doors behind her.
PEETA:
For a while we lay there, daydreaming mindlessly. Suddenly I'm brought back to earth. "Katniss?" I ask.
"Yeah?"
"I don't know, but… I really like those cute little things." I say, referring to Finn. He was so sweet, so innocent and so cute.
"Those what? Children?" Katniss asks.
"Yes." I say.
Katniss sits up quickly. "Really?" She asks. I know that she's wanted children with me. She talks in her sleep all the time, muttering very sexual things about me, or discussing to herself what to name our child. One night, I woke up to find her saying her wedding vows to me. It's been going on for weeks. However, the thought never really came to me until now.
"Really." I say. Katniss dives on me, planting a soft kiss on my lips. She kisses me again, but this time its rougher. Her mouth opens and I kiss her back, taking in her sweet scent. After a minute of this, she pulls away, still on top of me, but nibbling on last time on my bottom lip.
"Why are you doing this to me?" I ask, grabbing her neck and pulling her down on me again. We kiss for minutes, and I feel her uncomfortably trying to shift positions. I flip us over to that I'm on her, but use one hand to hold up some of my weight. My other hand roams her body, passing her breasts, her back, and her hips. Every few seconds, one of us moans in delight. Usually, though, it's Katniss. Hearing her groan loudly makes me proud of myself. I like knowing that she's enjoying herself.
I roll off her, feeling suddenly disgusted with myself. When we got here, we were barely kissing, now, here we are in Annie's house, rolling around on top of each other and basically ripping each other's clothes off.
"Hey," Katniss says. She senses that I'm mad at myself. "We'll take it slow." She said, and lightly kissed my cheek. She kicked off her slippers, changed into her nightgown (I had the self-control to turn around as she did) and curled up next to me. "Goodnight." She said. I take off my shirt and sleep in just my pants.
"Goodnight, Katniss." I respond automatically.
KATNISS:
The sunlight is flooding in through the window. Peeta is still sleeping, and I have no idea how he's doing it in this light. A small smile shows on his lips. I smirk as I watch his chest steadily rise and fall. I half-laugh to myself, and his eyes flash open.
I stare at his chest intensely. Peeta pulls his eyebrows together. "What?" He asks sleepily.
"You have freckles," I say, tracing his chest with my index finger. He looks up at me, confused.
"So?" He asks.
"I never really noticed them before. They're cute." I say, which makes him smile wider. I hop out of bed shyly. I can feel Peeta's eyes on me, which makes me very uncomfortable because this nightgown is almost transparent.
Peeta gets out of bed and walks straight out of the room, without even getting dressed. "Peeta?" I ask questioningly. He doesn't seem to hear me. I pull on a blue sundress that Peeta suggested I buy. I didn't really like it, but I bought it to make him happy. I walk out of our room to see Peeta leaning against the staircase.
"Annie?" He yells out to her.
"Yes, Peeta?" She calls from downstairs.
"Do you mind if I shower?"
"Not at all, Peeta. Towels are in the drawer." She says, and Peeta turns to the bathroom. He walks in, and as he shuts the door, he notices me staring at him.
"Katniss?" He says with a small smile. He gets my attention, and I can't help but wonder if he'll sing here. When we're in Twelve, he sang every time he showered. But will he risk Annie or Johanna hearing him? I hope so. I love his voice. "I like your dress," He says shyly before shutting the bathroom door, not waiting to see my blush or hear what I have to say. I'm fortunate.
Slowly, I walk downstairs. I listen for any sound coming from the bathroom, but all I get is the running water. Disappointedly, I make my way to Johanna, who is helping Finn eat fruit for breakfast. "Hey," She says as I take a seat next to her.
I manage a small and muffled, "Good morning." Johanna eyes me carefully, for such a long time that I feel alien. I look down at myself, making sure I wasn't naked or something. "Yes, Johanna?" I snap. "Is there a reason you're staring at me?" She smirks and gestures to my outfit.
"A dress." She says. I look up at her questioningly. "Is that Peeta's doing?" I nod. She smiles broadly and looks over to Finn. "Time to go, buddy." She says, messing up his hair a tiny bit. The little boy looks up at Johanna, his mouth full, his eyes tearing up.
He swallows his fruit. "Can we wait until Peeta gets out of the shower?" He asks in a voice so small, even Johanna tenses sadly.
"Sorry, Finn. We can't. You'll be late for school." She says. School? Isn't Finn a little too young for school? Finn stands up and makes his way to the living room.
"Daycare," Johanna says, reading my mind. "We call it 'school' to make him feel older." She says with a wink. Within minutes, they are out the door and Annie emerges from her second bathroom. I don't really feel like talking, but I do feel a few questions gnawing at my mind.
"You guys have quite the system worked out here," I say. Annie nods as she pulls her long dark hair up into a ponytail.
"Yeah, Johanna is sort of like a full-time aunt, you know?" I nod, even though I don't know. I wish I did. Children are something I've just recently decided I want. And God, after seeing little Finn, I want them so much more.
"Finn is an amazing child," I say, and I see Annie's eyes light up. "He's smart, charming and very polite. You've done a miraculous job." I say, which makes Annie smile slightly.
"Tea?" She asks me. I nod and she pours me a mug. "And thank you, Katniss. I just wish…" She breathes in deeply. "I just wish Finnick were here to help." She looks down at her mug, trying to contain herself. "I mean- Johanna's great. But… He needs a man in his life. To teach him about girls, shaving, puberty. It won't be the same coming from Johanna and I as it would a man." Annie says, and then she takes a small sip of her coffee.
A have an idea. "What about Peeta?" I ask quietly. I hope she doesn't get the idea that I'm offering my Peeta to her. What I am doing is offering my Peeta to little Finn, which, I'm not even sure I have the right to do. "He's a man. And Finn seems to like him."
Annie's eyes light up. "Oh, yes. Finn loves Peeta. According to Johanna, he was babbling on and on about him in the bath." Annie smiled. "Considering the powerful bond they've already developed, Peeta is basically already a dad to Finn." I nod.
"Peeta is a dad?" Says the calm voice I love so much. I turn, and Peeta is smiling down at us. He takes a seat next to me. "When did this happen?" He says, and then he chuckles to himself. He wraps his arm around my waist. He's in a phenomenal mood this morning, which makes me snuggle in closer to him.
"Finn needs you, Peeta." Annie says. I almost choke on my tea. How could she be so direct about it? Peeta is fragile right now. He could break at any moment. So reckless. How could she just blurt the most pressuring statement to him? I study his face, and it doesn't change. He remains calm. He remains the rock I used to balance myself on.
He simply nods. Annie continues. "He needs a man in his life, and Peeta, I've never seen anyone connect with Finn more than you have in this past day! Nobody. Not even Johanna." She whispers the last sentence, and I see the ghost of a smile creep up on his face. "So," Annie sighs.
Peeta lets his smile expand, and suddenly his top teeth are all visible. I really study his profile. His jawline is perfection, along with his nose. His smile made me smile. Slowly, he licks his lips. Oh my God, I think, watching him hungrily. I watch as his tongue rolls over his bottom lip. It drives me crazy. Almost to the point that I can't watch any longer. My face is so close to his I can feel his breath on my head. I look away from his freshly moist lips, because I have to, unless he wants me to shove him on the table and love him until he loses consciousness. "Okay," He says. "But our home is District 12." Peeta says, and I'm grateful. We aren't moving to District 4. If they want Peeta in Finn's life, they'll have to move to Twelve.
PEETA:
Annie, Johanna and Finn are moving to District 12.
My excitement is not containable. Annie agreed to move and I couldn't help but beam at Katniss. She smiled widely back at me, knowing how much it meant to me. I knew she was happy for me. I knew she cared. For the first time in a while, I was positive she did.
Today, we are leaving District 4. Finn looks upset when I say goodbye, but he knows we'll see each other soon. Within two months, Annie Finn and Johanna will be moved into a house in Victors Village.
"I'll miss you, Peeta and Katniss." He said as he hugged both of us.
"I'll see you soon enough, buddy." I said, and then we turned and left for the train station. Now, we are on our way back home. Katniss is fast asleep on my shoulder, but I won't let myself relax. It'll take a day's journey to get home, yet I don't want to risk the nightmares. Almost every seat in our aisle is vacant. There are two other people travelling alone. My eyes were heavy. Minutes later, I closed them, only intending to rest.
"Good morning, Mr. Mellark." A female voice purred. Great. Time for my first 'appointment' of the day. I dread the morning time. I wish it would just leave me alone. I wish these vain and selfish people would just leave me alone.
It's been a week since President Snow paid me a 'visit'. I knew what I had to do to keep Katniss alive, and I've been doing it for days. It's exhausting, and I would just like a break. I woke up every morning in the same cell, naked of course. After my daily 'appointments', I was taken to a room where I'd get beaten and injected with trackerjacker venom. I don't know what they're trying to do, but whatever it was, wasn't working. I felt completely normal, only a tired and sick. And definitely sore.
I sit curled in a ball in the corner of my cell. The woman walked in, fully clothed, and spotted me immediately. I look up at her, shivering fiercely. "Well?" She asked, as she sat on my bed. She gestured for me to join her, and I do. I have to. If I don't, Katniss will die. Slowly, I lean in and plant a kiss on her healthy cheek. She is taken by surprise, and then she kisses me full on the lips.
She tastes cold. Nothing like Katniss. She presses her tongue in my mouth and I react. It is disgusting. I just want to be left alone. I need to pull myself together. I need to pull this off, no matter how tired I am.
"Oh, Peeta," She gasps as I kiss her neck. Tears sting in my eyes as I kiss across her chest. I pull away from her, trying to contain my tears. Then the woman leaped on me, pinning me to the bed and ripping off her shirt, followed by her bra. She's drowning me with sloppy kisses. I pretend it's Katniss that I'm kissing, but it's not very convincing. Soon the woman is naked, and I'm forced to make love to her. I'm dreadfully unconvincing, however she gets up satisfied. I curl up into my usual ball, hiding from the rest of the cruel world.
My thighs are covered in lipstick, as are my arms and neck. Hours later, I'm collected to be moved. A woman named Trish comes to get me every morning. "Only one this morning?" I ask her as she handcuffs me. Trish never talked, although she wasn't an Avox. She didn't seem to like her job, either, which made me appreciate her more.
"Just one," She verified. I sigh loudly as she escorts me to my other cell. Before I enter my second cell, Trish leans in and whispers to me, "Good luck."
I am strapped down, as always, and I don't stop the tears from falling. I sob loudly. "GET IT TOGETHER, MELLARK!" Someone screams at me. I sniffle as the pain convulses my body.
"Arrghhh!" I screech. The pain is bone rattling. I can't stand still. After I am injected, a series of images flash in my mind. An aftershock of pain rattles my nerves.
"Katniss killed your family." A voice said, and then a clear video of her shooting my father filled my view.
I awoke with a start. Katniss was awake still beside me. She was shaking my shoulder, chanting my name, chasing the memory away.
"Katniss," I sigh as I bury my face in her neck. I let myself cry. Katniss doesn't know what happened during the highjacking. She knew that I was poisoned, but about the prostitution, she hadn't a clue. I need to tell her. I need to tell her that I don't even remember what 'pure' is.
"It's okay," She shushes my sobs. "I'm here, you're okay. You're safe." I feel safe in her arms, and I let myself calm down. The train stops abruptly. "We're home." She whispers. I'll tell her when we get home. I'll tell her everything.
Everything is unpacked now. Katniss and I sit by the fire hand in hand, just watching the flames erupt in sparks. "Katniss?" I say softly. She looks up at me.
"Yes?" She says as she leans her head in my lap. She plays with my fingers as I speak.
"I would like to talk about my dream." I declare. I see her grey eyes look up to me. "It was about my time in the Capitol." Katniss tenses on my lap. "You know I was highjacked. But… I was also…" I trail off, searching for words. "I was sold. Snow sold me. I was forced to make love to women- or men for that matter- every day. I never had clothes, I was dirty, and I was also myself. I was losing you at the same time." Katniss's eyes watered as she listened. "I thought you should know that I'm not… I'm not pure anymore." I say. She remained silent.
Suddenly, Katniss placed her hand on the back of my neck, pulling me down on her. She stopped half an inch away from my lips. "I love you, Peeta. And it breaks my heart to hear that. It breaks my heart that you had to do that. You had to go through that. It breaks my heart that…" She sniffles a sob, letting tears roll down her cheeks. I could almost smell the salt on her face. I could feel her breath on my neck, and it made me shiver. "It breaks my heart that I won't be your first." I breathe in sharply as she clings to my neck and pulls my lips down on her.
Her tongue brushed my bottom lip as she pulls away from me. She sits up, still composed, and turns back to me. I moan and push myself on her, kissing her deeply. She pulls her face from mine and kisses all over my jawline, only before nibbling on my earlobe. She works her way down my neck and suddenly thought erupt in me.
She's using you.
She doesn't love you.
She's getting you close to her so she can kill you.
Your family is dead.
She killed your father.
Now kill her!
I pull away from her suddenly, taking several steps away from the couch. Katniss's eyes water as she watches me clench my muscles and close my eyes. Mutt! Kill that mutt now, before she kills you! I shake my head. Not real. Not real. Not real. I feel sweat pouring down my face as I take another step back. Not real. Not real. I pinch myself so hard it draws blood. Not real.
Your father. She killed him with her bow!
Real. I see it happen like a video playing in my head. She's a murderer. She killed my father. My mother and two brothers. I dive at her. I will kill her. I reach for her, but she moves away from me quickly. This aggravates me and I shove her to the ground with a loud thump!
She looks up at me and tears pour down her face. "Peeta, stay with me." She reaches up and takes my hand. How dare she touch me? Hasn't she hurt me enough? I slap her hand away.
"YOU KILLED MY FAMILY!" I yell. I see Katniss sobbing, and that makes me even madder. Does she expect my sympathy? I take her by the shoulders and shake roughly. "WHY?" I start crying as I'm yelling at her, and probably bruising her shoulders. "WHY, KATNISS, WHY?" Out of nowhere, the mutt takes me in and embraces me. Her arms are wrapped tightly around my neck.
"I love you, Peeta," She's whispering these words time after time. "Stay with me, please." I calm down and more images flash in my mind. It's Katniss and I on the beach in the Quarter Quell. A kiss. I breathe heavily. Real. Not real? "I love you." She's repeating the words like they are the only ones she knows. Suddenly I don't have the urge to kill her.
Good memories flash in the back of my mind like photographs. The 74th Hunger Games, us in the cave. A soft victory tour, us on the train, sleeping heavenly. "I love you, Peeta. I love you," She is whispering in my ear, although I can barely hear through my sobs.
I start to cry immediately. I'm unstable. I have just hurt her. I will hurt her again. All these bad memories are the Capitol's fiction. Not my reality. What have I done?
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