I totally trolled you guys with the first chapter. The rest is mostly comedy, like this. Thanks for the reviews.
Dimly, as if something were blocking his ears, Peter became aware of a multitude of people screaming in the distance, and felt wind rushing across his face, and also heard a mechanical clanking noise.
And he had to pee.
Thiopental, he thought. Walter, I'm going to kill you. Hmm. I shouldn't be able to think right now.
He began the long, laborious process of opening his eyes. His eyelids fluttered, and flickers of bright sunlight blinded him. Peter flinched. The sunlight sent waves of pain through his head.
"Good. You'll need your eyes open for the full effect." he heard a flat, affectless voice from his left.
Peter heard his mouth make nonsense syllables in reply. His tongue felt numb and swollen. With a prodigious effort, he forced his eyes to open and take in a glimpse of the world. What he saw was probably the last thing he expected.
He was in the front car of a roller coaster. Which was apparently just reaching the crest of the first hill. And he was completely naked.
Peter turned his head and stared, open mouthed, at the Observer sitting next to him. Who happened to be fully clothed, he noted.
"A roller coaster is the safest way to arouse someone from a Thiopental induced coma..." The Observer said in that maddening monotone, "This was proven in 2368 by Doctor Edward Hayes at Six Flags Antarctica."
The coaster plunged. Peter screamed like a little girl. On the plus side, he didn't have to pee after that.
The fedora stayed on the Observer's head through the whole ride.
Lincoln Lee held the car door open for a depressed, dejected and disheveled Olivia Dunham. Apparently, Peter's rejection had shaken her to the core. She gingerly got into the passenger seat, using the hand grip on the ceiling to ease herself into the seat.
Halfway back to her apartment, she finally spoke.
"Have you heard anything from Peter?"
"Uh...yeah. He's in a coma back at the lab." Lee replied without thinking.
Lincoln flinched. Smooth, Lincoln, smooth, he thought to himself.
Olivia's mouth dropped open in shock.
"Wha...what happened?" she pleaded.
"Don't worry...Doctor Bishop put him into the coma..." Lincoln tried to explain, but was interrupted by the buzzing of his cell phone.
"Oh, now it's alright if Walter puts him into a coma? What the hell, Lincoln? Why isn't Peter in the hospital?"
Lincoln tried simultaneously to drive while answering his phone and indicating to Olivia that he would explain in just a minute.
"Agent Lee!" he said into his phone, "What? Astrid I gave you ONE job! Ok, ok. We'll be back at the lab in ten minutes, we'll figure out what to do then."
"What now?" asked Dunham.
"Uh..." Lee hesitated, his attention split between driving, his cell phone and talking to Olivia.
"Tell me!" Olivia demanded.
"Uh...Peter disappeared from the lab. It seems The Observer kidnapped him!"
At that moment, a car in the other lane crossed the yellow line, causing Lincoln to swerve. With one hand on the wheel, he lost control, and the black sedan plowed into a row of mail boxes and newspaper bins.
Lincoln exhaled slowly, and looked over at Dunham. Her emerald glare, judging his competence and finding it wanting, made him flinch.
"Gun." she said.
"What?" Lincoln replied.
"Give me your gun. I lost mine while I was kidnapped. You're going to be dealing with Boston PD for at least an hour. I'm going to go find Peter."
Lincoln handed his gun over. Olivia tucked it into her waistband and vanished down an alleyway before the cops arrived to pester them.
Peter found himself sitting on a cold metal bench in a park, still naked.
"Drink this." said September, "Quickly."
He held out a can of Red Bull. Being thirsty, Peter obediently took the can, opened it and took a sip. September reached out and tipped the bottom of can up, forcing him to gulp down the entire energy drink in ten seconds.
"What the hell?" Peter coughed, and wiped his chin. September handed him another can from the cardboard pack that sat on the bench between them.
"Quickly. You have to drink three more of these in the next five minutes, or the Thiopental will start to reassert itself. And we'll have to start over, at the roller coaster."
Five minutes later, Peter had consumed four cans of energy drink, and was simultaneously feeling buzzed and exhausted. It was a very unpleasant experience. He wondered if this was what Walter felt like, all the time.
But he was finally able to form coherent questions.
"Why are we sitting in a park? Why has no one noticed that I'm naked, and called the cops?" he asked.
"In nonscientific terminology, we are between tick and tock. Normal human beings can not perceive us, in the temporal space in which we dwell." explained September.
Peter nodded his comprehension, although he understood nothing. It seemed easier that way.
"I'm still going to want clothes..." he started.
"Look!" said The Observer, pointing.
Peter looked where September pointed. He saw two dogs. Then one dog mounted the other and started humping away.
"Why..." asked Peter, "Are we watching two dogs fucking?"
"I am going to explain what is colloquially referred to as The Birds and The Bees." answered September.
Peter looked at him incredulously. "Walter explained that to me when I was eleven."
"Good. We can skip that part." said September.
Then they vanished from the bench in the park, and reappeared in a hotel room in Baghdad, Iraq.