The doctor said I had to come in two weeks after they let me go, so that he could remove my stitches. But that was two weeks ago. So, now, I was sitting on the couch, Dean crouched in front of me, trying to remove them as painlessly as possible. Which was hard. I kept flinching.
"Try not to move so much, Kay Sam?" He said.
"I'm sorry." I said. Dean looked up at me.
"Sammy, what did I say? You don't have to say sorry. Really."
"I'm sor-" I stopped my self and kept my mouth shut. In the weeks that followed after they let me out of the hospital, everyone was treating me like I was a glass vase. A glass vase that had already been broken. Every time id say sorry for something, Dean would give me this look, like panic. No one ever left me alone. If Dean was out hunting, Bobby watched me. If Bobby was out doing who knows what, Dean watched me. And when I was sleeping, the devil had his way with me in my nightmares. I couldn't catch a break. And that voice was back. See what you've done? Gone a fucked up Dean's life even more. And now you made Bobby worry about you too. You're a horrible person. The voice said. I agreed. Taking my life seemed like the best option, but no one ever left me alone and Dean had gone through so much trouble to keep me alive. But I just...couldn't do it anymore. I walked over to the desk and started cleaning my gun.
"I can do that Sammy. Why don't you go eat something?" Dean got up and came to stand next to me. I sighed. He was never going to leave me alone get again was he? I don't know why he's doing this. He's better off without me.
"Dean, I'm fine." I put the gun down.
"No Sammy, you're not." He took the gun away before I had the chance to stop him.
"What are you-"
"You tried to kill yourself Sam. If I hadn't found you, you'd be dead by now. Is that what you want? To die? All alone?" He asked. I don't know what he was expecting me to say.
"Yes." I said after a while. He looked surprised. He probably wasn't expecting me to be honest. I hadn't planned on it either.
"We'll I don't!" He said.
"I'm sorry." He gave me that face again.
"Please." He paused, back facing me. "Don't say sorry. I'm tired of your sorries. You say sorry for everything, and you have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one that should be saying sorry. I obviously haven't been the best brother, if you're going as far as trying to kill yourself to get away from me." He turned back towards me. "Is that what this is Sam?" I stood up.
"Okay. Enough with this touchy feely crap Dean." I said. "Just leave me alone. I'm going on a walk."
"Last time you went for a walk I found you two hours later with a knife in your stomach." Dean stepped in front of the door.
"Move." I said.
"I'll let you go. Just...answer some questions first."
...

I was sitting on the couch, six eyes staring back at me. Bobby's brown eyes, filled with worry. Dean's green eyes, filled with utter panic. And Lucifer's blue eyes, cold and amused. He enjoyed my pain. I know he did. I pressed on the jagged scar on my palm, hopping he'd just go away. His image flickered, and then he disappeared.
"What were you thinking boy?" Bobby asked me. I lifted my head to look at him. I frowned.
"Look at our lives Bobby." I said.
"What's wrong with 'em?" He asked.
"Look at what I've done! I killed mom...Jess...who knows who else I've killed. Probably hundreds, I freed LUCIFER FROM THE CAGE!" I yelled. Dean sprang up.
"You're not the one that brought on the friggin Apocalypse, Sam! That was me!"
"That's true. My little demons beat him until he broke. It was fascinating, really." Lucifer said from where he was perched on the couch next to me. I clenched my teeth.
"But you're not the one that opened the gates." I whispered. "No. That was me. You tried to stop me and I did it anyway."
"That doesn't mean you have to go and kill yourself. You've saved way more people than the ones you've killed."
"But I've killed people. And I don't care if I was possessed or had no soul, I still did it. And I can't live with that. I just...can't." I started walking towards the door again. "I've answered your questions. Now leave me alone."