Dear Diary, Signed Ororo Munroe.

Summary: An entry from the diary of Ororo Munroe. The second of my Dear Diary series.

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men Marvel comics does. And the movie is the property of Fox studios and Marvel. If you sue me the only thing of value you will get is autographed celebrity. pictures including one of James Marsden (Go Scott!)!



Note: If these characterizations seem "off" remember that these are their "true" selves talking. A journal/diary is where the person behind the facade gets to express themselves. So these are the Men and Women behind the X (so to speak). LOL.



Dear Diary,



I feel rather silly addressing a diary as if it were a person and not an inanimate object, but if I imagine you (see, I am doing it already) as a person I can confide in I will, perhaps, be able to put on paper what I could never say aloud. I know that the logical question following that statement is: why do I not confide in my friends and teammates? The answer is: I must maintain a certain image-my goddess persona. I have to be the serene, calm, and above all-controlled woman that they all know as Storm. To let myself go and give in to my emotions and primal instincts would mean grave consequences for everyone around me. When ones actions and feelings affect those around them, one is much more careful of them-they have to be.



Being a mutant, I have noticed, causes a pronounced case of caution in those that are mutants. By this I mean that mutants have to always be careful of their actions because their gifts could possibly harm others. Thus, Jean is shy, the professor is reserved, Scott is perfectly controlled, Logan is prone to running, and Marie is withdrawn and insecure. These are all well developed and established ways they cope with their abilities and attempt to protect themselves and others. I am no exception to this tendency. I know people see me as cold and aloof but they do not understand that because of my ability to control the weather I must keep my emotions in check at all times.



It hurts to know that everyone accepts my "ice queen" persona without trying to understand why I have it. I have feelings and emotions but unlike the others I do not have the freedom to express them. How I long to give in to the fire in my soul and scream in anger, ecstasy, sorrow, and joy. I dream of one day throwing caution to the wind and letting go-oh, how the earth would know my power then! People would probably think that the second coming of Christ was upon them! Yes, I know that sounds very egotistical but I will drop the " I am so humble" routine for a moment and admit that yeah, being a Goddess rocks (for lack of a better expression)!! Being worshiped, admired, and needed keeps the ego well fed, and if anyone says differently they are lying. It is very important to remember that you are not invincible or deserving of that which others are not. This is what has kept me from declaring myself queen of the world or something like that. I am a woman, granted, a woman with extraordinary gifts but just a woman none-the-less.



This is one thing that all X-Men and women can understand and relate to. They must struggle to remain humble in spite of the fact that they have great gifts and these gifts make them feel superior and different. Different is good or bad depending on your state of mind and development. Different is bad when you first discover your powers, all you want to be is normal like everyone else. But when you have perfected your powers and accept who you are different is wonderful. You celebrate your individuality and power, normal is mundane. I began to see different as good when I was in Africa and I realized that my gift enabled me to help people and do things that others could only dream about.



Ok, enough about my powers, now on to some very "normal" things that have been bothering me for a while-relationships in the mansion. Jean is one of my best friends...Scott is another one of my best friends, and Logan is my teammate and a potentially good friend. Together they form a complicated love triangle.



Jean is beautiful, incredibly smart, alluring, and quiet. Men have always fallen for her and it was no surprise to me that Scott and Logan fell for her as well. He does not say anything but I know that Scott is afraid of losing her. Outwardly he may appear cool and calm, but inwardly he is quite sensitive and wears his heart on his sleeve. I do not want to imply that Jean leads men on, but I know that she enjoys the attention that she gets from them. Her greatest trick is appearing that she does not care and/or that the attention embarrasses her. I am so afraid that Logan or Scott will get their hearts broken when she chooses one of them over the other. I am actually more afraid for Scott though, I have a feeling that he may be the runner up in this contest and it will be particularly devastating for him due to his sensitive nature and the depths of his feelings for Jean.



I do envy her. Not her situation, but her capacity to be seen. I am not jealous, nor do I wish to be Jean Grey, but I do wish that people would talk TO me instead of about me; and I wish that men would glance my way when we are in a room together. I also wish that people would ask me how I am doing instead of me asking them how THEY are doing. Oh, well, I do not want to make it seem that I am completely unhappy or unsatisfied with my life, quite the contrary, I love what I do and the people I live with. I just wish some things could be different but I suppose no one is completely satisfied with their life.



I think I should finish this up now. I have a class that will be filing in here shortly and I just saw Scott walk by my door. He is looking so melancholy and sullen these days. I truly believe that it is wrong of Jean to string him along like this until she decides who she wants. It breaks my heart to see someone I really care about experiencing so much pain. I will go to him and offer him a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on (metaphorically speaking) if he needs it. So until the morrow parting is such sweet sorrow...one knows that they spend too much time being a teacher when they speak in verse and incorporate Shakespeare into their everyday language! I will now bid you adieu (might as well embrace it) until tomorrow diary.



Signed,



Ororo Munroe