Author's Note: This story is canon up until Season 5 "Swan Song". This story plot popped in my head, so...here it is. This story is going to be built around character development. I promise, Karis is not all-powerful, she has no idea what she is doing, and she will struggle with trying to remain her own person while also struggling with her new identity.
Chapter Two
Decisions We Make
There has only been a selection of moments in my life where I had to make a choice; a decision that would change my life. I never thought I would have to make another one; a choice so life changing that there was no turning back once it was made. The hardest decision I ever had to make was walking away from a life of comfort and solidarity and dive head first into a life of chaos and pain. The comforts I obtained in the new life were few and far between.
Yet, they were comforts welcomed no matter how brief they were.
Sitting at the small, round table placed in the rather bland motel room, Karis stirs the contents of her coffee mug, her mind hyper-aware of the stares directed at her. The thoughts in her head muddle together, confusing one life with another. Had her entire life been a lie? Was she really Karis O'Connor? Or was she really the next archangel?
There's no need to think so low of yourself. You are still you. You are just now more awesome.
"I killed those people, didn't I?" she asks, her voice uncharacteristically low and somber, saddened golden eyes lifting to meet the pair of gazes of the two men sitting across from her, "You said that Gabriel masqueraded himself as the demi-god Loki and punished people in a similar manner to their crimes. Did I kill those people?"
Even during the brief time she's known the two men, Sam and Dean Winchester, she finds them familiar. She blames it on the new addition to her personality, the secondary voice in her head; Gabriel. Sam, compassionate, simple and troubled with struggles of wanting a normal life away from the chaos that rules his life. Dean, stubborn, crass and loyal to a fault, is a man haunted by aching memories and determined to do anything, and everything, to secure the safety of those he considers family. Both men carry similarities, yet their personalities are so different it is sometimes surprising they are related.
"You said the Karma Killings started your Sophomore year, and after doing some research, we found that the Karma Killings stopped after you graduated. Were there any periods of time that you can't recall?" Sam questions, his voice sympathetic.
Confused, Karis glances down at her hands, watching them shake with the fear of what she was, "I...I don't know. I mean, I had episodes where I would pass out frequently, but the hospital told me it was from having a low blood pressure. That my body couldn't handle certain amounts of stress without trying to shut itself down. I...this has to be a horrible dream, right? Why did that man want with me?"
"Raphael is the only remaining Archangel in Heaven," Dean states, his eyes darkening as he recalls a memory of some kind, "He's obviously been able to keep tabs on us, and he must have recognized your grace as Gabriel's. He probably believed Gabriel faked his death again and went into hiding."
"Why me? What does he want with Gabriel?"
"Gabriel was the last Archangel to stand against the pending Apocalypse," Karis shudders, flickers of images foreign and yet familiar flashing through her mind as Sam's words ring through her mind, "He died at the hands of Lucifer, but not before giving us a way to trap Lucifer and Michael into the cage Lucifer was kept in all these ages. Raphael was one of the angels that wanted to Apocalypse to happen, so...in his eyes, he might not believe you aren't Gabriel."
"I'm not," Karis murmurs, her fingers tracing along the side of her head, "He's in here though, like...a second voice, or personality. I always had odd dreams, almost like memories, that I don't recall ever remembering. He said they were his, slipping through the wall separating his grace from my soul."
"So, Gabriel's in your head?" Dean smirks, as if it is amusing, "How is that going for you?"
Mystery Spot.
"Mystery Spot?" Karis reiterates, watching Dean's smirk fall from his lips, "Sorry. He...isn't as troublesome as I thought. He says he is willing to help coach me through my abilities, though...I'm not sure I can."
"What do you mean?"
"If I did all those things subconsciously, then...that means I don't have control. I don't even know where to begin," Karis's frustration forces her fingers to tighten around the coffee mug, a flinch jerking her body as the ceramic object shatters in her hands, "Grr...I don't even understand how this happened."
Raphael shattered the wall between my grace and your soul. It is causing them to merge together, blending together.
Karis nods to the voice in her head, looking up in surprise as a wash cloth wipes away the coffee and ceramic shards, Sam giving her a gentle smile, "Don't worry. We'll help you out."
"How the hell do you expect us to do that?" Dean questions, his words echoing Karis's thoughts, "Last time I checked, we don't know how an angel's mojo works."
Castiel.
"Castiel?" Karis questions, confused by the name whispered in her mind, wincing when Dean shoots her an annoyed look, "Sorry. Gabriel said it, but I don't recognize the name."
"You know, she has a point...or at least Gabriel does. Cas would know how to help her better than we would," Sam states, ignoring the way his brother nods reluctantly.
"Yeah..." Dean sighs out, his eyes lifting to the ceiling, "Yo, Cas! Get your feathered ass down here!"
Karis snorts humorlessly, only to yelp when a trench-coat wearing man appears to her left. Groaning as her knee bounces off the underside of the table, the man's sudden appearance causing her to jump in her seat. Tension fills her as the dark-haired man's gaze moves from Dean to look upon her, her nervous tension growing as piercing blue eyes peers at her in a curious manner.
"Hello, Gabriel."
"Stop calling me Gabriel! My name isn't fucking Gabriel!"
The words leave her lips faster than she can stop them, but seems to cause Dean to snicker at Castiel's surprised expression, "I apologize. You are Karis?" The fiery-haired woman nods curtly, uncomfortable with his unblinking stare, "It is unheard of that an Archangel would allow a human to harbor their grace, without the human being a vessel."
"Dude, Cas, Gabriel wasn't exactly the usual brand of angel," Dean points out.
Awww...they really love me. I think I might shed a tear.
Karis giggles at the cooing tone echoing in the back of her mind and blushes when three gazes peer at her in a mixture of curiosity, worry and almost expressionless confusion, "Sorry. Gabriel is a rather amusing...being."
Dean and Sam both snort in disagreement, but Castiel leans toward her slightly, causing her to shift back in her seat, "Gabriel's voice speaks to you?"
Karis blushes again, her cheeks burning softly as she bows her head, "Uh, yes. He suggested that you would be able to help me try to get a handle on these...abilities I've gained."
Castiel seems genuinely surprised by her words before he nods slowly, "It would be an honor."
"Honor?"
Dean snorts, jabbing his thumb in Castiel's direction, "Cas carried a certain respect for Gabriel that he didn't have for the rest of the Archangels."
Castiel's eyes shoot over to Dean, darkening briefly, "I respect all of my brethren."
"Even the one that killed you?" Dean snarks.
Castiel remains silent, leaving Karis's gaze to flick over to Sam, who rolls his eyes in a way that suggests the two bicker often. The bickering doesn't seem to hold any hostility, but in fact seems to carry a sibling-like tone. At least, from what she can tell, Castiel doesn't seem offended, only resigned to the facts placed before him.
"Well, as nice as this chat has been, I need to get ready to open," Karis states, standing up from her chair.
"That is not the most wise decision," Castiel's roughened voice causes Karis to glance over at the angel, "Raphael will seek you out."
"Yeah, well, I'm not putting my life on hold because some self-righteous, arrogant asshat believes me to be his brother," Karis retorts, angered by their disregard for her life, "Besides, two agents come to the bar and the next day I don't show up? Brayden and Archer will start a manhunt."
Her legs burned from excursion, her body crying out for relief as she continued in her dead sprint. She didn't care about how dangerous it is to have her heart pumping as fast as it is. She didn't care that her ankle screams, pleading her to remove the consistent appliance of pressure added to the aching joint. She didn't care that her entire right arm had gone numb by now, the subtle tingle reminding her of the dull pain surrounding her shoulder. She didn't care that her body is shaking, quivering from the cold, icy rain; the tight-fitted white t-shirt sporting the Ramones logo sticking to her torso like a second layer of skin, her electric-blue skinny jeans darkened from their naturally bright shade as it grows more waterlogged. Skidding along the ice-sprinkled parking lot, Karis tries to remember which room she had been in just hours before. Stumbling up the staircase, she hisses as her bruised and battered knuckles ram against the door in an urgent manner.
"It's four in the fucking morn-" the grumbling voice of Dean Winchester greets her ears, her head swirling with pain and weariness, never seeing the widening of his green eyes as he stares at her in shock, "Karis?! Jesus fuck!"
Groaning as her body shudders, her knees buckling under the weight of her exhausted body, Karis's head whirls, her red-stained eyes watching as Dean's lips move rapidly. Numbly aware of strong arms catching her before she hits the floor, she wonders why she can't hear anything but the throbbing pulse beating against the side of her head. Silently, expressionless golden eyes watch as Dean kneels before her seated form, the warm air of the room hitting the wet skin of her torso, her arms dropping back to her sides. She stares at the searching green eyes, curiously wondering what seemed so important as his lips continue to move, another pair of arms appearing in her line of vision as a large, white first-aid kit is dropped to Dean's lap.
This isn't your fault. You need to breathe. You need to calm down. You're forcing your body into a state of shock.
Closing her burning, pin-prickled eyes, the aftermath of tears marking her bloodstained and bruised cheek, she inwardly tells Gabriel to leave her alone. Of course this wasn't her fault. It was his! Her father's. Her mother's. The Winchesters' even. No. They tried to warn her what would happen. Karis muses over why she is such a stubborn fuck-up.
Stop. Thinking like this is not going to fix anything.
"Sh-sh-shut up-p!" she stutters out, her eyes sliding open just in time to see Dean grabbing her arm at an odd angle.
Pop!
The sickening sounds seems to echo the flaring pain in her shoulder, "S-s-stop. N-no mo-ore. I-I c-ca-"
"Woah, calm down," Dean's gruff voice murmurs, his tone softened and urging, "We've gotcha."
Her legs slowly pull up, arms wrapping around the back of her knees as her forehead moves to rest upon the central joints of her legs. Closing her eyes, she feels her body shake and shudder, the cold, sleek skin of her torso only pushing her deeper into despair. Large, calloused hands grab her arms, pulling her out of her curled position, and a warm, black t-shirt is yanked over her head. Feeling the sudden warmth against her cold skin, Karis can't stop the tremors, her eyes burning with newfound tears.
"Karis?" Sam's soft, sympathetic voice calls out, and as kind as Sam is, Karis flinches away from the sound, "Do you want to talk about it?"
Golden eyes slide shut as her body begins to respond to the warmth wrapping around her, her head dropping forward to rest on the broad shoulders of the oldest brother kneeling before her. She wants to move back the moment the body she presses against tenses, instinctively or maybe out of surprise. She wants to throw a never-ending slew of apologies. She wants to talk, but all she can think about is the warmth and safety surrounding her. When those strong arms wrap around the back of her shoulders, hands awkwardly patting her back, her eyes squeeze shut, arms wrapping around his waist as she tries to forget the blood, tears, agony and explosive heat.
"C'mon," the gruff voice sounds muffled, as if her head is submerged under water, "Let's get ya some sleep."
Aw...and I thought Dean-O didn't do 'chick-flick moments'.
She pleads with Gabriel to go away as she feels her head gently placed on a pillow, her arms instinctively wrapping around the source of warmth, even as a sigh of reluctance echoes through her ears. She pleads for all of this to be a horrible nightmare as her fingers curl around the fabric of his shirt, a distant, familiarity filling her. Silent sobs racks her body, warm tears trailing down her cheeks when she realizes why the Winchester brothers felt so familiar. It wasn't just Gabriel's memories. It was her own: of a handsome, tall and dark-haired man with a penchant for flirting and a charming, fair-haired, bright-eyed man with easy-going mannerisms.
"M'sorry," she murmurs into the cloth-covered chest, "M'so sorry."
"It's all gone."
The words escape her lips, empty and expressionless as she places her coffee mug back on the table, even the familiar eight-sugared, three-creamed coffee not able to bring her natural hype back. Looking up at the two brothers sitting across from her, just like yesterday, Karis drops her gaze once more. She had been embarrassed and awkward when she woke up in Dean's arms. He assured her that it had been fine, 'Just lucky you're a babe,' he had commented, obviously trying to lighten the mood. It didn't work, but she appreciated the effort.
"What's gone?" Sam's compassionate voice asks.
"Arcadia," she murmurs, "It's...gone. Caved in from the explosion in the second-level loft apartment upstairs."
"Explosion?" Dean questions, leaning toward her like he had the morning in the diner, "What explosion?"
"I had been in the middle of making a mid-night snack, some simple ramen. I heard a cry from downstairs, I figured one of them had broken something again. I left to check it out and...they..." Karis swallows the sickening lump in her throat, "Gabriel said they were demons. I watched from the staircase as the ripped into them, tearing them apart as if they were playthings, toys. The blood was everywhere. One caught sight of me when I ran back upstairs. I managed to block the door for some time, giving me some time to pack some clothes, and I was half-way out the window when they busted in. I used the cigarette I had been smoking and threw in the direction of the stove," Karis shudders, remembering the quick decision to destroy her saving grace, her Haven. "The blast knocked my ass out of the window before I had been prepared and...I fell."
"You keep saying, 'they'. Who are they?" Sam asks.
"Brayden and Archer," her saddened voice responds, "My boys. My two crazy peas in a pod of insanity. My...family. My home. Everything...just gone."
The moment of silence following her admission is broken when Dean stands up from the table, "Well...looks like you'll be coming with us, sweet cheeks. Angels are one thing, but if Crowley has his demons coming after you, it's just going to get worse."
"Why the demons?"
"Raphael wants to destroy whatever is left of Gabriel. Crowley, if given the slightest chance, would want to use the grace of an Archangel to...well...whatever he's planning can't be good, that's for sure," Sam responds, causing her to nod slowly.
"I guess I really don't have much choice," she states sadly, "I don't really have anything keeping me here, but...before we leave, can we make one stop?"
"Hiya, Ma," Karis greets the cold headstone marking the grave of her mother, "I know you told me never to runaway, to stand and fight for myself. I'm sorry I'm not strong enough to do this, this time around. I don't know when I'll be back, or if I can even bring myself to come back to this place. I...I guess I just wanted to pay you my respects one last time. I know you fought, fought so hard to bring me into this world and keep me safe, and I promise, I promise that I will do everything I can to overcome these...abilities. I will overcome them, control them and I will kill every last son of a bitch responsible for killing off the last of my family. I promise you, Ma. I will make this right."
I don't recall ever getting a chance to return to my mother's grave site. Leaving my hometown was the hardest decision I had to make, but I know now that it was the best decision I could have made. There wasn't anything keeping me there anymore. I had lost my family, my home, my life, in the span of forty-eight hours.
But, I like to think I gained something else along the way.
That's it for chapter one! Leave reviews and let me know what you think. I promise, this IS a Cas/Karis fic. The awkward-Dean/emotional-Karis moment isn't something that will occur often, but Karis has the personality that makes her lean on the gruff one rather than the sensitive one because all she wants to do is forget. There will be Sam/Karis bonding moments and the trio will slowly develop a family-like bond. 'The little sister they never had' syndrome. Thanks again for reading. Let me know what you think!
winterfellsfallenangel: Thanks luv! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
FreedomWriter15: Thanks. I am glad you have taken a liking to the story. I only hope I don't stray away from the plot, as I sometimes find my brain trying to do.
FrostIvy: Hey, I figured, out of all the angels, Gabriel's been on Earth longer than any of the others. The idea that he might of helped someone, instead of smiting them, is a possibility. Gabriel's 'personality' is going to grow into a familial, almost father/brother aspect as Karis begins to accept him. It isn't going to be an easy ride for her, I promise.
SPECIAL THANKS TO MY MINIONS (FOLLOWERS):
Addictedtoreading452
Emerald Eme-Pon Walker
FreedomWriter15
Frostivy
Pein's Kid
blackcat711
mcgonagiggles