Olivia is relieved when the second movie is finally coming to an end, the storyline only getting more ridiculous as the film has dragged on. She and Amanda had continued to share the blanket for the remainder of the movie, their bodies pressed close against one another, holding hands again, fingers laced tightly together. She notices they are now the only car left in the parking lot, the only ones dumb enough to see this horrible movie through to completion, the rain now coming down in buckets, the noise of the drops drumming onto the roof of the car actually drowning out the loud, obnoxious sound of the film from time to time.
When the credits begin to roll, she reluctantly pulls away from the smaller woman, not wanting her other co-workers to realize that she had been cuddling with one of her subordinates for the majority of the movie, but not at all eager to let the other woman go. Amanda seems just as reluctant to not be in such close physical contact anymore and this only makes Olivia even more concerned and suspicious, as this isn't the blonde detective's typical behaviour at all; her colleague usually lashing out or completely ignoring everyone when she has a problem. But aside from her initial reticence, the younger woman has been more than willing to let Olivia comfort her and has even sought it out on her own.
"Oh man, this window is leaking, Fin," Carisi suddenly complains, and Olivia looks up to see moisture seeping from the crack at the top, where the glass meets the door frame, droplets of water trickling down the door.
"Ah, what did you do?" Fin says, as he turns on the car and the engine rumbles to life.
"I didn't do anything," Carisi replies. "It just started leaking. I'm getting soaked here."
"Alright, well, you might as well get in the back then," Fin responds, jerking a thumb in Olivia and Amanda's direction. "Hurry up, man, I want to get home. This weather is getting worse."
"Don't be such a baby, Carisi," Amanda suddenly mutters, a surprising amount of venom in her tone. "Just stay where you are. A little water isn't going to kill you. You're holding us up. We just want to get the hell out of here."
Olivia looks over at her, frowning at the nasty tone in her voice, but the smaller woman's expression doesn't match what she is saying, blatant fear etched into her face for a moment before her features smooth out, obviously trying to hide what she is feeling.
"Seriously?" Carisi snaps, as he slides into the backseat and Amanda inches away from him. "Grow the hell up, Amanda. Why didn't you just stay home if you were going to be so miserable all night? You've been bitching and moaning since we got here. Jesus."
"Sorry," Amanda says softly, and Olivia sees the slight tremble in her lower lip.
"Wake me up when we're at my apartment, Fin," Carisi huffs, not acknowledging the apology and turning away from them, leaning his head against the window and closing his eyes.
Olivia can see Fin rolling his eyes in the rear view mirror, muttering something about the younger generation being so dramatic, before he starts the car again and they roll out of the parking lot and start on their journey home.
Amanda is pressing herself as close to Olivia as possible now that Carisi is in the backseat with them, and this behaviour is deeply worrying to Olivia, knowing the smaller woman loves Carisi and Fin as brothers and will often engage in teasing and roughhousing with them; is usually the one to initiate it, and has no issues whatsoever with being in close physical contact with either of them. She feels a nervous pit in her stomach now and mentally urges Fin to drive faster, needing Amanda to talk to her.
The car radio is blaring some rock song from the seventies now, Fin tapping his hands on the wheel to the rhythm, and Carisi is still turned away from them, a slight snore escaping his mouth, so Olivia figures it is okay to text Amanda once again, hopeful neither of the men will notice. Amanda is shuddering quite hard against her now and Olivia can feel the other woman trying to stiffen her muscles to make the shaking stop. She feels a certain urgency as she types in the words that she has asked so many times that evening.
"What's wrong?"
She sees that Amanda's hands are trembling so hard she can barely hold onto her phone as she types. The blonde detective's answer is short and to the point and surprisingly honest.
"I'm scared."
Olivia's heart is suddenly in her throat and she feels physically ill as she types out her next sentence.
"Scared of Carisi?"
She is both immensely relieved and extremely concerned, when the responding message is instantaneous and adamant.
"NO. Just scared in general. I need to get out of this car. Everyone is too close to me. I can't breathe."
Before she can answer, Carisi moves in his sleep, the arm that is closest to Amanda falling limply off of his lap and to the side, brushing up against the smaller woman, and Olivia watches her wince and bite down hard on her lower lip, before another text comes in.
"I don't want him touching me. Make him stop. I can't breathe."
Amanda is staring at her now, big blue eyes wide open and shining with panic, and Olivia squeezes her hand tightly, her heart pounding in her chest as she reads the words the smaller woman has written, and she raises her arm to get Fin's attention and ask him to pull over.
Amanda seems to realize what she is doing, and grabs her arm roughly, yanking it back down and shaking her head, a deep frown etched into her delicate features now, her thumbs flying across her phone screen.
The harsh text comes in right away. "STOP IT, OLIVIA!"
Olivia frowns at her and then raises her eyebrows in question, and Amanda sends another message.
"I told you earlier that I don't want them to know anything is wrong. It's none of their business. I'll be okay."
There is sweat gathered above Amanda's upper lip now and a bead of moisture slides from her temple down her cheek, and Olivia stares hard at her, keying in another message.
"You're NOT okay."
Before Amanda can respond, Olivia hears a short laugh from the front seat and raises her eyes to meet Fin's dark gaze in the rear view mirror, the older man regarding her with amusement and what looks to be a tinge of confusion.
"Are you ladies telling secrets back there or something?" he chuckles.
"What?" Amanda replies, and there is a slight tremble in her voice.
"Well, that's the only reason I can think of to be texting each other when you're sitting so close together back there," he continues. "What's so important that you can't share it with the rest of the group?"
"Oh, just some girly gossip, Fin," Olivia says lightly. "Nothing to concern yourself with."
"Alright, then..." He trails off, sounding a bit uncertain, like he doesn't quite believe her but is choosing not to press the subject.
There is silence for a moment and Olivia notices that he is still looking back at them, frowning slightly now. "Is it that cold in here? You're practically in Liv's lap, Amanda. I can turn the heat up."
Olivia feels the other woman pull away from her slightly but not much, and even in the darkness of the vehicle she can see the blush climbing up her neck and spreading into her face.
Another rock song comes on the radio and Fin is distracted again, belting out the lyrics in his deep tone, Carisi muttering "Shut the hell up" under his breath before repositioning himself against the door of the car and seeming to fall back into slumber again.
Her phone lights up on her lap and when she reads Amanda's message, the corner of her lip twitches in spite of the situation.
"Well, I guess we can't text anymore. He caught us."
She types back quickly. "It's fine, he's distracted again. I'm really sorry, Amanda. I was only going to say something to him because you're so uncomfortable."
The smaller woman shrugs and doesn't text back, and Olivia wonder if she is angry with her, quickly sending another message and nudging Amanda's hand when she doesn't pick up her phone right away.
"Be honest with me. Do we need to pull the car over? We can take a cab back to my place if you don't think you stay in here."
Amanda shakes her head but moves closer to her under the blanket again, her hand wrapping around Olivia's arm, fingers gripping hard enough to leave bruises, and Olivia grits her teeth, partly because of the pain but also because she feels like she is drowning in worry now, the smaller woman so terrified just riding in a car with her colleagues and she wonders again what has happened. Amanda's hand had been icy cold before but now it is slippery with sweat.
The car suddenly turns sharply, skidding on the soaking wet pavement, and Carisi's arm slips off his lap again, clearly coming to contact with some part of Amanda's body, because the blush that had been previously staining her cheeks promptly drains away and even in the darkness of the car, her ashen complexion is startling. The other woman covers her mouth with her hand for a moment and her eyes close briefly, before opening wide and fixing on Olivia, staring at her intensely, a silent plea for help. Amanda moves impossibly closer to her and Olivia thinks she hears a small whimper fall from her lips.
She is immensely relieved that Fin seems to be in his own little world in the front seat, singing along with another song, his hands banging out a beat against the steering wheel. Olivia is turned sideways in her seat now, so glad that the blanket is still covering them up to their necks, as she has her arm across the top of both of Amanda's legs, gripping onto the outside of her thigh, physically holding her away from Carisi because the other woman looks like she is about to vomit.
Carisi himself is not the problem, but the fact that he is of the male gender appears to be, and Olivia's heart feels tight in her chest as she thinks of the possible implications of this. Amanda has her hands clenched onto the front of Olivia's shirt in a death grip and she feels helpless, not knowing what to do to ease the other woman's obvious terror about such a mundane situation, but it is obviously anything but mundane to Amanda.
Before she can even attempt to calm the blonde detective, all hell breaks loose. The car swerves sharply on the road again, Fin cursing under his breath, the pavement slippery underneath the wheels, before righting the vehicle, muttering an apology and complaining about the weather. But the sudden movement has dislodged Carisi from his sleeping position against the window, and he falls right into Amanda, waking up again with a start.
Olivia is unprepared for the ear splitting shriek that the small detective suddenly lets loose, the screams of panic pouring out of her mouth without abating, her eyes screwed tightly shut, tears leaking from beneath her closed lashes. Amanda has a leg thrown over both of Olivia's thighs now, like she is trying to climb into her lap, trying to escape her male colleague and friend, who has been doing nothing more than dozing fitfully beside her.
"Please don't touch me, please don't touch me," Amanda is repeating over and over, the words barely recognizable over the force of her sobs.
Fin slams on the breaks and maneuvers the skidding vehicle onto the gravel shoulder, Carisi sitting up straight in the car now, his hands held up in front of him, his eyes wide and alarmed. Olivia is completely overwhelmed, the smaller woman still screaming right into her face, and she grabs Amanda in a bear hug, pulling her all the way onto her lap now, wrapping her arms around her violently shaking frame and holding onto her tightly.
"It's okay, honey. You're safe." She rocks the blonde detective back and forth, tucking the blanket back around her, and murmuring softly into her ear as Amanda hyperventilates against her. "Just take slow breaths, sweetheart. You're safe. No one here is going to hurt you."
"Jesus Christ, Amanda." Fin sounds extremely shaken up, the car parked askew on the side of the road, the rain continuing to pound against the roof, the windshield wipers working like crazy. "What the hell happened? What's wrong?"
"God, Amanda, I'm so sorry." Carisi looks both bewildered and stricken at once, and Olivia thinks she sees the slight sheen of tears in his eyes before he blinks hard and they are gone. "I didn't mean to fall into you like that. I'm an asshole. And I shouldn't have snapped at you like I did before." He is stumbling over his words now, mumbling apologies over and over until Olivia holds up a hand.
"Carisi, it's okay, it was an accident," she says gently. "It's not your fault."
"Yeah, it's not your fault, man," Fin confirms, and Olivia can see his concerned, knowing gaze fixed on his partner. "I don't think this has anything to do with you."
It is dead silent in the car now, the only exception Amanda's quick panting breaths and gasping sobs, her heart hammering furiously against Olivia, and she thinks her own heart might explode out of her chest with the speed it is racing with. Their male colleagues watch them for a moment, stunned expressions still fixed on their faces, before Carisi opens the car door, sliding slowly to his feet.
"I'm just going to get back into the front seat," he murmurs, still sounding somewhat shocked and clearly not understanding what has just happened.
It is quiet in the vehicle again as Carisi gets settled back in the front beside Fin, and Olivia continues to rock Amanda on her lap, wiping the tears from her cheeks, but they are continuously replaced by new ones, a constant stream of sadness and despair and fear. She is desperate to get back to her apartment now, to find out what has happened to make Amanda behave in this peculiar way, although she is pretty sure she can guess now, but just doesn't know the details.
"It's okay, sweetheart," she whispers into the smaller woman's ear when she feels Amanda's shuddering intake of breath. "Just try to slow your breathing down. Deep, slow breaths. That's it," she says when she feels the small detective trying to do as she is told.
"Amanda, what happened?" Fin asks quietly, turned around in his seat and looking at them both intently. "Did someone hurt you?"
Amanda doesn't answer, pushing her face deeper into Olivia's neck, her shirt soaked through with the other woman's tears, Amanda grasping onto her with a somewhat weaker grip now, the energy seemingly drained out of her.
"Fin, I don't think now is a good time to talk about it," Olivia says gently, threading her fingers through her colleague's long hair, the silky strands tangled around her shoulders. "Amanda and I are going to go back to my place and have a little chat."
Carisi is silent beside Fin, his head bowed down in what looks to be shame and Olivia wants to reach out and touch him, to reassure him that what has just happened is in no way his fault, but Amanda is slumped heavily against her and she can't move. She tells Fin to turn the car back on so they can continue on their way home, and Fin complies, although it appears to be with some reluctance, fixing his partner with a worried gaze before turning around in his seat.
It is quiet now in the car as they navigate through the rain slicked streets, the radio turned off and no one speaking. Amanda has not moved off of Olivia's lap and Olivia hasn't asked her to, doesn't want to let go of her, aware of the fact that the other woman is still crying and her breathing has not yet returned to normal, and her heart aches for the small detective, wishing there was something she could do to take away her pain.
She feels Amanda moving slightly against her now and she cranes her neck to look at her, not sure what she is doing, when she sees her cell phone light up on the floor. It must have slipped off the seat in the earlier struggle and she leans down with a grunt to swipe it up into her hand. She reads the simple message that her colleague has written and feels like her heart is breaking.
"Help me."
"I will," she whispers into Amanda's ear, hugging the smaller woman impossibly closer to her, her cheek resting against the small detective's lowered head. "I promise."