Chapter Summary: Conker decides to search for Don Weaso at the "Rock Solid" bar, but is ambushed by a bunch of poo monsters! Yes, poo monsters. That's how y'know this story is legit. It has poo monsters in it.
Disclaimers: This story is a continuation of the 2001 video game "Conker's Bad Fur Day" for the Nintendo 64 (also can be perceived as a "Conker: Live Reloaded" for XBOX continuation), and I do not own the rights to the series. All rights belong to Microsoft since they bought Rare in 2003. This story is non-canon, and is not part of the official Conker timeline. This story is rated PG 13+, for adult language and violence.
-Conker's Other Bad Day-
Chapter 1
Conker bolted towards the path that would eventually lead to Rock Solid like a bullet zipping out of a gun. When suddenly, he bumped into Birdy and face-planted on a warm patch of dirt. He scrambled to his feet and spat the dirt out of his mouth. "Hey! Watch it, speed racer," Conker said sarcastically. "What's the big rush, anyway?" Birdy rolled his eyes at the speed racer remark and spoke in his usual scratchy voice. "I'm fleeing from monsters. Monsters made of poo." Conker thought of the Great Mighty Poo and his foul-smelling lair. "Oh, great. There's more of them?" He had an annoyed look on his face. "Can you get rid of monsters?" Birdy asked, then took out a big beer bottle and took a sip. Conker hesitated, then spoke again. "I think we can make a deal," He was thinking of money. "I'll do it for money." Birdy pulled out a small, black wallet. "50 dollars?" He barfed a little beer on the floor, then wiped his face with the torn sack he wears. "Ewww" Conker said in disgust, "Make it 200. And drink some Alka-Seltzer." "Drunk little shit." Conker whispered under his breath. "Alright, fine, fine. I wait here, you go dispose of monsters. There's a Context-Sensitive pad near them. Remember, press B!" Birdy took another sip of the beer bottle, and Conker ran off to go see what poo monsters Birdy was talking about. As he ran, he heard the squishing and squashing of his shoes treading on the poo. He came across four big, living piles of shit. They all resembled the Great Mighty Poo, except much smaller. They were all attacking a small squirrel with a big suit of armor on. Conker recognized him. It was Rodent. "Oh, it's you! Conker, help!" Rodent squealed in delight. "Oh, great, my favorite annoying squirrel is here," Conker said with obvious sarcasm. "Well, I better help the little runt." He ran to the Context-Sensitive pad Birdy talked about earlier, and "pressed B". Conker then had a slingshot. The piles of poo that resembled the Great Mighty Poo stopped attacking Rodent and took notice of Conker. "AAAAHHHH! I'm outta here!" Rodent fled as fast as his little legs could take him. The poo monsters all cleared their throats, "Mi mi mi mi mi miiiiiiiiii." Conker rolled his eyes, "Oh, great, this again. Just what I needed." They began to sing in deep voices like the Great Mighty Poo, except slightly less deep. "We are the little piles of poo, and we're going to throw our shit at-" Conker interrupted, "you can't even make up different lyrics? I've heard this before." That angered the poo monsters. "Shut the #* % up!", they all sang in their deep voices. They began to throw giant piles of poo from themselves at Conker. But this time, he knew exactly how to defeat them. He shot acorns from the slingshot into all of their mouths, and they began to choke like someone swallowing an elephant whole. They began to sing again, "We will devour you like sweet corn, and if you don't leave you'll wish you've never been born!" Conker dodged the shit they threw at him, and shot acorns into all of their mouths, like before. They got steaming mad, and sang once more, "Now we're all really steaming mad! Now we're gonna get you so bad, you won't ever see the light again!" Conker shot acorns in their mouths one last time, and their mouths were FULL of acorns. Now, when they tried to sing, all Conker could hear was muffled spitting noises. They all kept attempting to swallow the acorns, and when they finally did, they exploded into a million pieces (of shit). "That takes care of that," Conker wiped his hands on his jacket and went off to go get the money from Birdy.
Author's notes & review replies:
Hey everyone, thank you so much for reading this. If you like or dislike it, please leave a review of why you like or dislike it. If you dislike it, please don't be rude and criticize everything, just tell me how you would like it to be improved, or what you would want to see in the story. Thanks! Also, I will update this story with a new chapter every Saturday/ Sunday (Depends on my busyness, but I can promise that you'll see a new chapter every weekend.)
Reply to Private Rodent (Guest):
I actually forgot about Jugga while writing the story. This is actually a good idea! I'll see if I can fit her in (Translation: She's most likely going to be in the story, don't worry :) ). And thanks so much for reading!