Elliot's POV
The last couple of weeks have been some of the best of my life. I replaced the assholes that quit on me, got ahead of our schedule for the big project, and found out I'm going to be a father. I can hardly believe it and I'm so excited I could piss myself. I love kids and they've always loved me. I like to think of myself as a kind of idol to my nephew Teddy. I swear that almost-toddler is Christian's clone. With the exception of his eyes, which are totally Ana's, he is the spitting image of Christian. As the only baby in the family—well, not for long!—his growth and development have been super exciting for all of us Greys. Every tiny milestone was like a fucking holiday. Christian and I are especially excited now he's learning to walk. We've already started teaching him baseball, and for his first birthday party this weekend, Kate and I will be presenting him with a miniature baseball bat and glove. We will also be announcing the arrival of our bundle of joy in January.
Kate looks so beautiful right now. I heard that pregnant women glow, but I never really understood it until now. Whenever I saw Ana while she was pregnant she just looked like the same Ana with a slightly larger stomach. But Kate seems to have this gold hue surrounding her these days. Her hair is shinier, her eyes are brighter, and she's putting out a lot more, too. I mean, it's not like she was ever a prude, but we've gone from once a day-ish, to two or three times a day. Yes, indeed I am one happy man these days.
Today is Friday and Teddy's first birthday party is tomorrow. It's my job to pick up his gifts on my way home as I'll be passing the store and Kate is getting the card on her way home. I have to wrap the presents, though, because Kate is one of the shittiest wrappers I have ever seen. I'm got particularly great at it, but Jesus, she makes me look like Martha fucking Stewart.
When I get home, my beautiful, gorgeous wife is sitting at the very small kitchen table in my apartment. Fuck, we're going to have to start thinking about moving. I kiss the top of her head and see that she is just finishing up Ted's card. She stands up to kiss me properly so I dip her down into one of my famous Hollywood-style holds and give her a big wet kiss. She giggles.
"Good evening," she says, smiling.
"Hey, baby," I reply, standing her back up.
"Good day?" she asks me. I lift her up and put her on the kitchen counter. She spreads her legs for me and I stand between them. I rub her thighs.
"Great day, baby. How was your day?" I kiss her neck.
"Boring as hell. Want to make it more exciting for me?" she whispers that last part in my ear. Fuck, I'm already getting hard.
"I would love to excite you, my beautiful wife." I lift her into my arms and carry her into the bedroom, both of us giggling.
WE EAT DINNER A little over an hour later, me in just my boxers, and Kate in just her robe. I made her put on her fluffy winter one because I don't want her getting sick. I can now understand why Christian was so extra protective toward Ana while she was pregnant. Can't have the mother of your child getting sick. When we've finished dinner I wrap Teddy's present quickly and then take my wife back to bed. She is so good at sex it never ceases to amaze me. I don't like to think how she got so good at it, especially if she has a sexual history like mine, but it seems like every week she's pulling another trick out of her sleeve. My sexy magician.
"How should we tell everyone?" she asks, head on my chest and playing with my fingers.
"Hm?" I reply. I'm too sated right now.
"How should we tell everyone about the baby tomorrow?"
I think about it. "I don't know," I say, "maybe after Teddy's opened his gifts?"
"I don't want to steal his thunder, though. It's his first birthday—his limelight."
"Perhaps after he's crashed? Surely with all the excitement tomorrow he'll be out before eight. We can tell everyone when he's asleep. It's not like he's going to have any idea what it means to have a cousin."
"That sounds good. I like that idea."
"Me, too, baby." I kiss the top of her head.
"Elliot?"
"Yeah, baby?"
"Thank you."
I frown. "For what?"
"Knocking me up."
I laugh. "No problem, baby. Anytime."
There's a pause and I can sense her smile. That's what happens when you love someone as much as I love Kate. You just know everything about them. Even without looking at her, I can always tell her mood, even when she's on her period and has mood swings up the ass, I know. I guess that will come in handy as she gets more hormonal over the next few months.
"I'm so happy," she whispers.
"I am, too."
"I love you, Elliot."
"I love you, too, Kate." I shift her gently off of me so I get on top of her. I support myself on my elbows and lean down to kiss her. I would normally just lay on her because it makes her laugh and I love her laugh, but I know I'm really fucking heavy, and I don't want to crush the baby. Our baby. I shimmy my way down her body until my face is over her stomach and start planting small kisses all over it. I smile as I realize I'll be doing this a lot over the next seven months. Being the horny ass that I am, I don't stop at Kate's belly. I keep going down until I reach my very specific goal…
What the fuck?! I startle awake. My heart is pounding so hard it almost fucking hurts. What time is it? Two thirty in the morning. Why the fuck am I awake? What the hell woke me up? A nightmare? I don't get nightmares, that's Christian's thing. I look over to see if I woke Kate, but she's not in bed. What the fuck is going on? Wait…did she call for me? Fuck I'm confused. Where's Kate? I lift the covers up on her side of the bed just to double check that I'm not going crazy. But as I lift the covers I realize that I wish I was crazy. There's blood.
What. The. Fuck.
I leap out of bed, still discombobulated, but determined to find my wife. I immediately go to the bathroom. She should be there, right? I open the door and find that I was right. Kate is sitting on the toilet, arms hugged tightly to her body, head between her knees. No. I go over to her side and kneel down, but I don't think she's noticed me.
"Kate?" I breathe. She looks up and I see the worry on her face—the sheer panic.
"Kate, what's going on? Are you sick?" I ask. I know it's not, but I'm hoping the answer is yes.
She shakes her head. Fuck. What do I do? I put a hand on her pack and rub gently, but she doesn't relax. She's not crying. I've never seen her cry. Just the occasional tear in a highly emotional situation. I can count three. The first was when I asked her to marry me, the second was when Ana got out of the hospital after the Hyde thing, and then right after we got married. She's so strong.
"I think I'm losing the baby," she whispers, not looking at me. The words nearly tear me in half. So much pain is in her voice.
I grab her hand. "Kate, look at me," she does. "I'm going to call my mom. She'll know what to do. She'll know what's going on."
Kate nods. I squeeze her hand, kiss her head, and leave the bathroom. Where the fuck is my phone? I search desperately for it and find it under my jeans on the floor. I start fucking everything up trying to call my mom because my hands are shaking slightly. I eventually get it right and call her. She answers on the last ring, her voice groggy.
"Hello?"
"Mom?" My voice cracks. Shit.
"Elliot? What is it? What's wrong?" She seems more alert now.
"It's Kate, Mom. I think she's having a miscarriage." I have to whisper so my voice doesn't keep cracking. Tears start forming in the corners of my eyes. No. I need to be strong. I must be strong for Kate. She needs me.
"Miscarriage?" My mom is amazing. She quickly accepts the news before she moves on to her professional, calm attitude. It's soothing. "How far along is she?"
Shit. How far along? I wrack my brains and then I remember. "Nine weeks. She's nine weeks."
"Where is she now? "
"She's on the toilet."
"Is she in any pain?"
"I'm not sure. I think so."
"Is there any blood?"
"Yes."
"Ok, Elliot, this is what I need you to do. Put a few old towels on your bed and lay Kate down on them. Lay her on her back with her head and shoulders slightly propped up. Once you've done that, get her a glass of ice chips and a cool, wet washcloth to place on her forehead. Try and keep her as calm as you can. I'm on my way."
"Ok, thanks, Mom." I hang up and get right to work. I run to get the towels out of the cupboard in the living room. How many should I get? I think five will do so I quickly run back to the bedroom. I tear the comforter off the bed and lay the towels down over the blood on Kate's side of the bed. I run into the kitchen and get the ice chips and washcloth, I then go and get Kate. She is in the same exact position I found her in last time. I go kneel down in front of her and cup her face. She looks so scared.
"Kate, my mom is on her way. She's going to look over you and help in every way she can, okay?"
Kate nods.
"In the meantime she's given me some instructions. I've got some towels on the bed and she wants you to lie down."
Kate nods again. I help her stand and wrap my arm around her waist, but not before I get a look at what's in the toilet.
Fuck.
It's full of blood. Deep red and daunting. I can't look at it. I help Kate walk back into the bedroom and lay her down on the towels. I put a couple of pillows under her head so she's propped up slightly just like Mom said. I offer her some ice chips but she refuses them, so I put the washcloth on her forehead and stroke her hair soothingly.
"What now?" Kate croaks.
"Now we wait," I whisper.
We don't say anything else. Talking is too painful. Kate doesn't move. She is a statue. I can't keep her calm because as scared as she is, she is calm. She takes deep breaths and squeezes my hand. Seeing her like this only worries me even more, though. Luckily it doesn't take my mom long to get here. I hear the sound of the buzzer a few minutes later and go let them in. I can hear both my mom and dad running up the stairs to get to us. Mom is in her doctor mode and not her mother mode. That's comforting al on its own.
"Is she in the bedroom?" she asks.
I nod and Mom immediately disappears in to the bedroom. I look my dad in the eye. His face is hard and gives nothing away. I can only imagine how I must look right now.
"Go," my dad says.
I don't need telling twice. My wife needs me.
I go back into the bedroom where my mom is examining Kate. Kate has her eyes closed and it almost looks like she could be asleep, but I know she's not. I lie down next to her and take her hand in mine. She squeezes it hard but I don't care. I use my other hand to stroke her face. She leans into my touch.
"When did the bleeding start, Kate?" my mom's voice breaks through our little bubble.
"I don't know," Kate's voice is hoarse. "I woke up about an hour and a half ago because of the cramps and saw the blood."
"And you then went to the bathroom?"
"Yes."
"Did you continue to bleed in there?"
"I think so."
I tell my mom about the blood in the toilet and she goes to have a look. I continue to stroke Kate's face. Still no tears. My mom comes back looking more worried than before. Oh God.
"Kate, you have lost a significant amount of blood. Not significant enough to harm you, but significant enough to harm the baby. You've stopped bleeding but you are still dilating, which really worries me. I'm afraid the only thing we can do now is wait."
I nod. Kate doesn't seem to react. Oh please, baby, do something.
"Elliot," Kate says, taking me by surprise.
"Yeah, baby?"
"Can you go outside for a minute? I want to talk to your mom alone."
No. I do not want to leave her. I want to wrap her in my arms and hold her there for the next seven months and watch her belly grow. I then want to hold our baby. I want to see her holding our baby. I want us to be a family and to be okay, but I don't think I'm going to get any of that tonight, so I just kiss her forehead and leave the room, closing the door behind me. I dad is sitting in the armchair in the living area. He stands when he sees me, his expression somber. I don't look at him as I move to the couch and sit down. I put my elbows on my knees and rub my face in my hands. What did we do to deserve this?
My dad doesn't sit next to me. He resumes his seat in the armchair and leans forward, watching me.
"How is she?" he asks after a moment.
I shrug. "I don't know. I know she's hurt, but she's giving nothing away." My dad nods to himself and tear start falling out of my eyes. "I don't think we're going to be parents anymore," I whisper.
I look up at Carrick. His mouth is open slightly and I can see he feels bad for us. "I'm sorry, son," he says.
That's it. I start sobbing. Like Kate, I don't cry a lot, but fuck—I'm pretty sure our baby's gone. This feels horrible. My dad sits next to me and puts a hand on my back, which I barely notice. I'm too fucking scared. My fear is beyond the baby at this point. How will Kate handle all this? I usually know exactly what she's feeling, but I don't this time. How the hell will she cope with this situation? How will we cope? I hope to fucking hell that this doesn't affect our marriage. I love her too much. Hopefully we can try again. I just want Kate to be okay.
I'm broken from my thoughts when my mom comes out of the bedroom. She's holding a shoebox.
Fuck.
"Is that-?" I can't finish my question.
My mom gives a single nod and I can feel my eyes widen as I stare at the box.
"Would you like to see it, Elliot?" she asks softly.
What the fuck kind of question is that? Do I want to see the nine week old fetus that has just dislodged itself from my wife's uterus? No, I don't think I do.
I shake my head no.
"Kate has asked me to dispose of it. I've cleaned her up and she's now asleep. I recommend you go and be with her." My mom's doctor demeanor is crumbling and she has tears in her eyes.
"Thank you, Mom." I don't look at her. My eyes are fixed on the box in her hand.
"I don't think either of you should go to Teddy's birthday today. I'll tell Christian and Ana you couldn't make it. You and Kate need time to heal." I nod.
"Go to sleep, son. That's probably the best thing you can do right now."
I nod again. "Thank you both." I don't hug or kiss either of them. I know I'll break down if I do. Instead, I go back to the bedroom where Kate is fast asleep on clean sheets. My mom is amazing. I slide into bed next to her, but I don't touch her. I don't want to wake her. She looks the same as she always does when she sleeps. It's like nothing's happened. I know as I lie there next to my beautiful wife that there is no way I'll be able to fall asleep tonight. I look at the clock to see that it's almost five o'clock. Fick, has that much time really passed? Five hours ago I went to bed a soon-to-be father. Now I'm no kind of father at all.