Hey, you've reached Casey, Please leave a message after the-

BEEP

"Heeeeeeeeeeeyyy Case, just checking to see if you're still alive… Since you're not answering, I'm just gonna assume that you are going to call me back in the next 30 minutes and if you don't, I'm just gonna show up there and kick down your door. Seriously, enough already with the blue and the gloom. Were young smart beautiful women, and tonight we are going out and it's gonna be great whether you like it or not. See you soon!"

Ahh Becca, god bless her. What would I do without her? Probably never leave the house. I suppose I might as well, It's been what, a week since the last time I went out? Two weeks since the last time I had some alcohol? I guess it's time. I might even enjoy myself. And if not myself, Vodka cranberries. Things have been bad, ever since I heard HIS song on the radio. Like the idiot I am, I practically ran to the computer to look this band up and, sure enough, HE was in it. This led me to about two hours of scanning the internet for every possible piece of information about him –all the while crying- and that led me to the great depression of 2011- lasting two weeks now and still in full swing. The worst part is I really have no one to blame. I was the one who dumped him. He loved me and begged me to stay, and I just left. Idiot. I brought this on myself with my damned martyr complex. It was all my doing, all my fault, and I could only be mad at myself. And believe me, I was. So I guess it's time to let go of the self condemnation at least for tonight, give myself a little break, and if I missed it in the morning, I can always go back to it.

Casey closed her diary and set it on the nightstand. She entered the shower and decided she was gonna enjoy this bath- take her time and pay attention to every part of her body, washing and scrubbing and relaxing. She also shaved her legs, so she could wear a dress if she felt like it. When she finally emerged from the bath, she really did feel a little better, and it was just in time as seconds later her doorbell rang.

"Casey McDonald, I demand you open this door this instant!"

Casey smiled at her friend's impatience and rushed to the door.

"Hey Becca, how are you?" Casey asked while opening the door and hugging her friend.

"Me? I'm fine. How are you? What's going on with you Casey? I don't think I've ever seen you like this…"

"You are so overreacting…I've just been a little down lately. Besides, I already told you everything, I didn't hide anything."

"Not taking any of my phone calls in a week is more than a little down. You're lucky I saw you at school or I would've thought something happened to you and called the cops! I don't know it's just sort of weird you'd be that depressed over a song on the radio. It's kind of crazy, Casey."

"It's not about the song, I told you, it's about –Casey stopped and swallowed hard- HIM."

"What about him? You haven't seen him in 3 years, Casey! And you've dated other guys since, I know, I saw! And besides, so what if your ex is becoming a rockstar? You can say you used to date a rockstar. That's pretty awesome."

"I know. But it was different then. We were…in love. And it's the 'used to' that's the problem."

"You were 17. You were horny at best."

"Shut up Becca." Casey said but smiled anyway.

"Well, whatever it was, tonight were gonna make you forget about it. Now let's go pick out something super hot for you to wear tonight."

"Where are we going anyway?"

"Well, my friend Mike invited us to the signature room. He said that a bunch of them were going, it's supposed to be fun people, and he said that there will also be a guy you would totally be into that you should meet."

"Anything for Mike, huh?"

"Shut up Casey"

"Look whatever, I just hope you guys hook up tonight so we can finally stop hanging out in a group with all of his horrible friends."

"His Friends are not that bad-"

"Yeah, right, can't wait to meet that guy who I'd totally be into!"

"Case, stop. Just give it a chance. Maybe if you weren't so grumpy all the time things would be more fun for you. Even if you don't like the guy, we'll all be there together, and it's gonna be fun. Mike said this cool band is playing."

"Okay, okay. I'll be a good sport tonight. At least until I decide that totally awesome guy's a jerk."

"That's my girl!" Becca smiled widely. "Now, seriously, let's go pick out an outfit!"

After a lot of contemplation and a lot of convincing on Becca's side, Casey decided on her little black dress – a spaghetti strap tight silky dress that ended flowing around her knees.

An hour and a half later, the girls finally finished getting organized and entered a taxi to the signature room. When they got there, the place was just a Casey expected-crowded, noisy, smoky, and trying very hard to be modern and elegant although it was hardly neither. When they finally found the group, Casey realized almost immediately that she was absolutely right. That guy she was totally going to be into was in fact a jerk, and mike's friends were breaking new records in boring and sad conversation. Casey's good spirits were down the drain in approximately 10 minutes. At least there was booze. She had started drinking as soon as possible and did her best to never have an empty glass. Despite her best efforts, Casey was not even close to enjoying herself. When she realized she was more than a little tipsy yet still hardly having anything remotely close to fun, she decided to call it a night. She looked around for Becca who was- how convenient- making out with Mike. Awesome. For a good few seconds Casey considered just taking off without saying goodbye, wondering if Becca would even notice. But Casey knew that she would, and besides, it was not very nice to just leave like that after Becca made all that useless effort to get her out tonight and cheer her up. So Casey braced herself, walked up to them, and cleared her throat ridiculously loud in a vain attempt for them to hear her. When that failed, she tapped Becca's shoulder, and Becca jumped, and then smiled at her, blushing.

"Oh hi Casey! What's up? Having fun yet?"

"Actually, I think I'm getting a little tired. I actually just wanna go home and get some rest."

"Oh no Case! Stay a little while longer, wont you? We barely even talked to each other yet!"

"Well, that's cause you're a little busy…" Casey trailed off smiling and her inebriated friend.

"Well how 'bout I come talk to you for a while? Wanna dance? Actually, looks like the band is about to start. Mike said that they're supposed to be good. Let's just see how they start, and if they suck we can go." Casey figured it was easier to just stay for a couple of songs and then declare the band (that would no doubt suck) as sucky and leave.

"Sure" Casey said, not guessing what was about to come next.

The band got on the stage and started playing. At first Casey was so busy fighting her desire to close her eyes and give in to the alcohol and looking for flaws to lay out for Becca and explain why they can't possibly stay for another song she didn't even notice, but as the chorus hit, Casey not only realized she's found no flaws yet and she actually likes it, but she also realized the voice singing was a rather familiar one…

No. No way. This is impossible. This can't be happening. It isn't happening; it's her imagination, or a hallucination from the alcohol. And yet, there he is. Derek venturi, in all his goddamned glory. Casey wasn't sure what to do. A big part of her told her she should just leave, walk away now, before any more damage is caused to either of them. Yes, that's what she should do. She should just get up and leave and take a cab home, go to bed, and tomorrow when she wakes up she'd chalk it up to a bad dream induced by alcohol. Only she couldn't do that. She knew if she didn't stay tonight and see the show and see what happens, it would drive her crazy in the foreseeable future, possibly for the rest of her life. So she decided to stay. Once the decision was made, it was easier. Her brain was now free to begin to figure out the details and make some more decision regarding her course of action. For instance, she decided that for now she wouldn't tell Becca who the fetching vocalist was. There was enough "oh my gods" going on in her mind, she didn't need any additions from anyone. In fact, she was gonna let Becca return to Mike, she needed to do this –whatever this was she did not know yet- alone.

"You know what, Becca? I'm gonna go use the toilet. This band is pretty cool, so you go back to the group and ill catch up with you guys when I come back."

"I'll come with you"

"Don't worry about it; I wouldn't want you to miss the show"

"Okay Casey, thanks" Becca smiled at her and Casey smiled back. Thank god she was drunk or she would never have fallen for that. Hopefully Mike would distract her and she won't notice Casey's not coming back from the bathroom so quickly.

Casey was relieved to be alone. She didn't have to smile or pretend not to be freaking out. There was still one big decision left to be made- would she go up to him and talk to him? She just couldn't make up her mind. While contemplating, Casey got closer to the stage without noticing, until suddenly she was in the front rows. He was even more beautiful than she remembered. He had the same handsome face, but it was somehow more mature, something manly and aggressive about it. He also had more facial hair. She thought he looked ridiculously attractive. It should be illegal to look so good. Lost in thought, Casey was completely oblivious to her surroundings, and suddenly the spot light moved from the stage to the crowd and lit them all. Derek's expression changed almost violently, and even though in mere seconds he regained composure, Casey knew what happened. He spotted her. It was no longer only her decision whether to go talk to him or not, now that he knew she was there. Thank god he wasn't supposed to be singing the moment he saw her, cause Casey was sure he would have choked. For the rest of the show, even though the lights almost never returned to the crowed, Derek's eyes were on Casey. She wondered at times if he even recognized her, but if she were candid with herself she knew that just as she would have recognized him without a doubt anywhere, he recognized her. The show was coming to an end, and Casey realized she wasn't going anywhere. She couldn't run away, she had to see him from up close. The band finished their last song and got off the stage. Casey didn't move. She wasn't sure if she was breathing. Time had lost all meaning. It might have been a second and it might have been an hour, but eventually, she saw Derek walking towards her. Despite of herself, she smiled. He smiled back. 'Good sign' she thought to herself. They stared at each other smiling for what seemed to be yet another undefinable period of time. These time periods seem common tonight.

"Hey" Derek finally broke the silence. "Hey Back" Casey said, and leaned forward to hug him. He hugged back, and they held on to each other for what seemed like eternity. Eventually they let go, and Derek asked "Do you…Do you wanna get a drink? Might make things a little easier.."

"Yes, please, let's get a drink" Casey said, relieved.

"After you" Derek laughed, also feeling better.

After they got a drink, and then another, the conversation flowed. The caught up each other in what they have been doing all this time, and as the night progressed and the alcohol flowed, they were getting more and more comfortable with each other.

"You know" Derek suddenly said "I've fantasized about this moment."

"What, drinking after the show was over?" Casey laughed at her bad joke.

"No, about seeing you again. What would I say, what would you say, what it would be like"

"And how did it go down in your fantasies? Am I living up to your expectations?"

"Well, there was a time where I would imagine you come back and beg me to take you back, and I would always say no at first and make you suffer a while, but then I'd always take you back. And after a while, when I wasn't so mad anymore, but I really missed you I wouldn't even let you stew, I'd just kiss you…" Derek trailed off and suddenly they realized they were sitting pretty close to each other staring into one other's eyes.

"And what about now? Do you still…miss me?" Casey was beyond good judgment and yet she knew she was pushing it very close.

Derek and Casey leaned even closer to each other.

"I..don't know if I can do this, Case. Getting over you was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I'm not sure I wanna relapse here. It was too much work, too much suffering to let myself go through that again for one happy night."

Casey knew he was right. She knew she'd hurt him and she should just let him be. She should let this go, she should back off. Instead, she inched closer.

"I know. You're right. You have no idea how many nights I laid in my bed wishing id made a different decision. I understand I've hurt you and you have every right to stay away. But I missed you too. More than words could say. Just so you know."

"Why are you doing this Casey?"

"What? I'm just telling you the truth"

"You're making this unbelievably difficult."

"It's hard on me too. I still.."

"Stop, Casey. Don't, alright?"

"But why? Why can't we just do what were both obviously dying to do right now?"

"Because come morning, I will feel like I'm actually dying."

"It will be different this time. Were not living in our parent's house anymore, were not even in the same country as them."

"Casey, don't pretend to be stupid, you're not. It's got nothing to do with our parent's, and if you ask me, it never did."

"Look Derek, I can't make you any promises about how I'll feel tomorrow, because I don't know. But right now, in this moment, I feel just like I did 3 years ago in your bedroom."

"Exactly. Like despite everything we have going, it can't happen."

"No, like I love you."

"I wish you hadn't done that."

And then they kissed. After that, Casey wasn't exactly sure what happened. The ride home was a blur. She wasn't sure how she got there, but suddenly she was lying in her bed with Derek on top of her. Most of their cloths scattered on the floor, Casey thought this was probably her happiest moment out of the last three years. She was reminded very well why no other boyfriend lasted.

They fell asleep not knowing what the morning would be like, but whatever came in the morning they knew- it was worth it.