I have to say the train does take my mind of things for a moment. Sure, I'll probably be dead by the end of the month but did you know this thing can travel at hundreds of kilometres and hour and absolutely nothing moves. Like seriously, nothing. I first found out when the landscape of District Four zips past the window and I wasn't even aware that the train had started up, there was no loud engine rumble or small vibrations. It was amazing. It still is, I think to myself as I pile small shot glasses, that I found on another table, on top of one another. They don't move a bit. I lean out of my chair to look over at my partner,
"Hey, Brian." I call, glancing at my small tower with pride. He doesn't turn from where he is staring out the window. I can see a small tremor return to his shoulders as we go into a tunnel. We will never see District Four again. I don't like to think about that so I reach for a grape in the fruit bowl I had been stuffing myself from and launch it at his head. It goes in the general direction but ends up splatting onto the fresh white wall in a violet smudge. "Whoops." I mutter to myself and Brian turns around. His eyes are quite puffy but he shares a small smile with me. Seeing that I've got his attention I beckon him over to sit opposite me, he complies and for a few seconds we both stare at the glass arrangement. "Freya, what are we doing?" he asks after it gets slightly awkward and I bend down to get level with the glasses, he follows my lead. "They're not moving." I whisper and he nods,
"Erm, yeah." He doesn't sound as fascinated as me so we both get up and settle into our chairs.
"I thought it was pretty cool." I mumble, a small smile returning to my face, he doesn't send one back.
"How do you do that?" he asks and I launch into telling him exactly how I made my little pyramid,
"It's pretty simple, you just find some glasses and-"
"No-" he stops me with a small shake of his head, "How is it that you're not scared." he says. I shrug and keep adding to my glass formation,
"I am. I'm actually terrified but there's no point in thinking about it." I tell him. Suddenly stacking the glasses seems like a stupid idea and I'm about to dismantle my entire structure when Marina glides into the room. I think she was originally smiling but by the time her eyes have darted from the glasses to the grape stain she's pretty mad.
"What have you done?" She starts rushing over to my side. I can't help but start to laugh as her eyelashes are shaking, they're visibly shaking with rage. My laughter doesn't do much to get her to like me but I don't really care. "Take them down. Now" She demands before her voice settles back into something a-lot more rehearsed, "We wouldn't want the glasses falling and anyone getting cut." she smiles sweetly. I scoff,
"Yeah, because a cut is really the worst thing that could happen here." I snap back. I can't stop myself because I mean we're being sent to our deaths. What I have said must've reminded Brian of our bleak prospects as he turns a shade paler once again and his green eyes widen with fear. Marina huffs and takes the glasses down for me,
"Now look at what you've done." She sighs, looking over to Brian who is shaking again. There's nothing much I can do to help so I just stalk off to another compartment in the train after I mumble a brief apology towards Brian. Only when I get out of the dining room compartment do I realise I have no idea where I am going, my room could be any number of the large dark oak doors that line the corridor. I'm in the middle of considering whether or not to turn back and ask someone for help when a blonde haired girl points towards one of the rooms further along the corridor. I nod to her in thanks rather than speaking because I know she cannot reply. Maybe the Avoxes had it worse than all of us, if my tongue was cut out I would want the Capitol dead, or myself for that matter. But they had to serve them day after day for the rest of their lives. Worse yet they couldn't even tell anyone about it. I move past her and into my room quickly before I have to look at her for much longer, I don't want her serving me. I don't want any of this. It's only when my door clicks closed that I realise I am just as scared as Brian. Shoulders shaking I make my way towards the large blanketed bed and settle onto it. I think that maybe if I lay there for long enough and close my eyes I can do it, I can sleep all of this away. It doesn't work, I can't even keep them closed for five minutes before the adrenalin kicks in. I feel completely trapped in the room, there aren't even any windows to look out of, or jump, my brain quips. No, I wouldn't jump even if I wanted to, I would come home from this, for Clara. Or I would at least make it to the Capitol for her. Yeah, I think that's the best way to approach this; one step at a time. So I make my way out of the room and head towards the roof. I recall Marina bragging that the train had open roof facilities when we were driving into the station. She had said a-lot more but I wasn't really listening as I was cramped between Brian and Finnick; two people that I didn't have the energy to speak to at the time. I breathe away that memory as I make it to the top of the stairs. It's just about turning into the afternoon, although you wouldn't know it as the sky was so bleak. In fact it was quite cold too which was unusual for the summer but the cold air helped me to concentrate, it gave me something else to focus on.
There's a small glass table with four chairs in the middle of the deck so I take a seat. Better yet the table is laid with fresh fruit just like the ones downstairs, so I begin to eat again. The circumstances were pretty awful but I do have to say the snacks were pretty great. I'm just about to reach for a particularly soft looking peach when I hear his voice,
"I hear you've made good friends with Marina." Finnick remarks, settling down into the chair next to my own. I take the peach quickly and look at it rather than him as I reply,
"We're practically sisters." Finnick doesn't say anything, he knows I'm lying
"Okay, she probably hates me." I admit looking straight ahead.
"It could be the grape throwing, or the making your district partner cry." He comments airily, not taking his eyes of me. I shrug and look up at him,
"You didn't seem to care much during the reaping." I say because it's true, Finnick had made his interest in both of his tributes pretty obvious when he sighed in discontent. He laughs slightly at my comment,
"I have a feeling you're going to hold onto that one for a long time." he notes sarcastically. I place the peach down on the table with a dull thud,
"To be honest I don't really think I have a long time to hold onto it for, so you probably don't need to worry about that." my comment puts our conversation onto a new low and I don't know what to say afterwards. Finnick, however, does,
"I wouldn't count you out that quickly." I look up at him to try and find if he's being sarcastic or if he's just lying to me. He doesn't seem to be as he looks me dead in the eyes.
"Well, not until we scope out the competition." I inwardly wince, I don't want to scope anyone out. Because that would make things a bit too real, I'm about to tell Finnick I'm fine here on the roof when he takes my hand and gently pulls me along with him to the exit. I tug back instantly and grab my peach from the table before I walk on my own pointedly by his side. I think he's smiling by the time we make it downstairs, "Half the girls in four would die to hold my hand." He gloats, receding back into the same arrogant victor I saw at the reaping. I roll my eyes and take a step further to the other side of the corridor to further prove my point, "I'm wounded." he says, holding the door to the main sitting room open. I would reply but the words dry up on my tongue as I catch Marina's glare in my direction, "You found her then." she directs to Finnick and he nods, settling onto the sofa directly beside Marina. Her anger seems to dissipate after that and she flicks the projector on quickly. I want to head towards the empty chair next to the couch because at least I'd put some distance between myself and the others but Brian looks terrible again so reluctantly I take up the space between him and the edge of the couch and wait for the commentators to begin.
I don't take any real notes the same way Marina does but quite a few of the tributes stand out; there's a girl from seven who looks like a far younger version of Joanna Mason which probably isn't a good thing for me, a boy from one who seems far too confident and obviously the pair from two who, as usual, look bloodthirsty as ever. The girl even has a long thin scar extending from her temple to just under her mud coloured eyes. I look away when she stares directly into the camera. It's stupid, I know she can't reach through the screen and kill me. But I can help but feel like she's going to be a problem for me in the arena. The arena, I hadn't even considered what it could be. Yesterday the arena was so far away from my point of view that I didn't even think it was worth imagining and now it's the place where I'm going to die. Then I think that they must be playing this clip back in Four too. That somewhere in the depths of that old rotten community home Clara must be watching the other tributes too, sizing them up against me, as Finnick said 'scoping out the competition.' I wonder if we've both come to the same conclusion: There's no way I'm making it out of this alive.