This story is a repost from KaliMione77. It has been more fleshed out and updated.
I do not own Harry Potter or anything else in the world that J. K. Rowling. I just enjoy messing with her characters a little!
Hermione thoughts are in Italics.
The song lyrics for Atomic Kitten's Bye Now are in Bold.
I wiped the last tears from my eyes and stretched my arms toward the ceiling. I saw the light of the sun fading in the courtyard across from Number 12 Grimmauld Place. I don't remember most of the day. It was blurs of tears, Winky begging me to eat, and Harry holding me to keep me from falling apart beyond repair.
I don't even know why I was crying. Ron had betrayed me, but I don't think my heart is broken. I was mostly hurt by the lies and the loss of the past ten years of my dreams. I couldn't believe how stupid and gullible I had been for the past three years that I have been dating Ron. There had to have been sign after sign showing me that I was going down the wrong path. I let my guard down after the war and had gotten hurt three times because of it.
Harry squeezed me tighter from behind and breaking me from the rant inside my head. "Hermione, I haven't seen you scowled at me or say a word to me for five hours. Is that a new record for you?" He asked whispering in my ear.
My response was raspy from the racking sobs that had engulfed my body at various points throughout the day. "You should go back to being a supportive, silent, and strong back rest. You are not a good comedian."
"There is the Hermione wit and sarcasm I know and love." He said chuckling behind me. "Have you noticed the owl sitting on my knee yet?"
I looked toward his knee in surprise. I held my arm out and the gorgeous, snowy owl hopped onto my arm. "Hello, Beautiful. How are you, Weaselette? Do you have a letter for me?"
After she lightly nipped my finger, I turned my head to look at Harry. He looked like I felt; tired, beaten down, and emotionally drained. He tore his eyes away from the last present he had received from Ginny, his owl, to meet mine. "What?"
I shake my head and ask, "How long has she been here?"
He reached out and stroked Weaselette's wings as he answered. "She has only been here for about ten minutes, but she is very patient unlike her namesake. She would have waited another five minutes or so before she lightly pecked your hand."
"That is very considerate of her. I guess I should read my letter, huh?" I asked turning back to Weaselette. I stroked her feathers for a moment before looking for the address on the envelope. "Any clue who this is from?"
"I'm guessing it is from Bill… or Charlie… or Percy… or George." Harry said chuckling. "She will only deliver letters to and from them and you. I have a barred owl named Phin that does all of my other deliveries."
I leaned my head back on Harry, snuggling my head in the curve between his neck and shoulder. As I broke the seal and unrolled the parchment, I asked, "Is that her choice or yours?"
"Hers," he said with certainty. "That is most definitely her choice. I think she liked Ginny more or maybe Ginny just spoiled her more. She favorites the people Ginny used to favorite."
I laid there against him stunned. I couldn't believe that Harry was talking so openly about Ginny. He used to go ballistic every time anybody said her name around him.
"Don't be so shocked, Hermione. I'm not dancing in the street happy, but I am doing okay." Harry said surprising me even more. He gave a stressed sigh. "I meant what I said last night. I know that I shouldn't have pushed you away. I definitely should not have said the things that I said to you."
"Harry, you don't have to apologize. You were grieving. I don't blame you for anything." I said trying to stop him and to stop the tears from coming again.
He hugged me tighter and placed his chin on the top of my head. "What did I ever do to deserve a best friend like you?"
I smiled a sly, small smile. "Maybe the fates knew that you would need someone with actual intelligence to help you to defeat the Chief Death Eater or maybe just to make it through school."
"Really, Hermione?" Harry said tickling my sides. "I can't believe you said that."
"Well, it is the truth, isn't it?" I asked lightly giggling.
He found my most ticklish spot just to the left of my belly button causing me to almost explode with laughter. When he had stopped and I had calmed down, he said, "Just for that I won't let Winky bring us supper up here. You will have to walk all the way downstairs to the kitchen."
"That is not that big of a deal. I have a bruised heart and a banged up ego, not broken legs." I said starting to get up, but causing myself to wince.
"Hermione, you don't have to be so strong with me." Harry said reaching out and grabbing my arm. "You always do things you don't truly have to do. You hopped on a hippogriff to help rescue Sirius even though you are terrified of flying."
"You couldn't have gotten him onto Buckbeak by yourself." I said quietly. "Besides, I don't know how else to be."
"Herm…" Harry started.
I sighed and interrupted him. I could not get into this argument right now. I do not have the strength. "I have to go to the washroom. I will read that letter later."
"Are you sure?"
I chuckled lightly despite how I was actually feeling. "I am sure, Harry. I feel disgusting. I haven't had a shower since I was in Egypt yesterday morning. I'll meet you down in the kitchen in about a half hour." I answered as I got up. I winced when my leg and back muscles twitched and tingled as I stumbled across to the washroom door.
He nodded his head from the chaise like he didn't believe my flimsy excuse to be alone. He swung his legs to the floor and slowly exited the room giving me time to change my mind.
He can still read me like nobody else in the world.
As I sat on the edge of the tub watching it filled with raspberry scented water from the tap, I remembered how it had taken both Ginny and myself to convince Harry to add the multi-scented taps. That had amazed me because I know how much he had loved the scented taps in the prefect and captains washroom at Hogwarts.
I hissed as I gently lowered myself into the almost full tub. My body was sore from the past two weeks of hard work in Egypt, my infuriated anger, and the sobs that had wreaked havoc on my body for the better part of the day.
I fully submerged my body in the healing water and let out a long sigh of relief as I reemerged. I reveled in the gentle scent as it eased the tension from my shoulders, back, and legs.
To aid in my relaxation, I grabbed my wand that I had placed on a towel beside the tub and waved it at the wireless in the upper shelf opposite of the sink and mirror. I smiled as Westlife's version of Uptown Girl filled the room. I always loved this song while growing up and I love the slight rock tones of this new version. As the song ended, I slipped under the surface of the water again.
As my ears broke went above the water, tears began to form in my eyes. The haunting lyrics to Atomic Kitten's Bye Now were a bit too close to home.
Bye now, take this love away from me Go make it easy on yourself
Bye now, set my soul and spirit free
Bye now, take this love away from me
Bye now, let me be what I can be
"HARRY!" I cried in a vain hope that he could hear me.
Lately in my life I'm
Finding I struggle if I
picture myself no longer
Underneath your spell
I dropped my wand in the water with a small splash. I pulled me legs close to my chest. I wrapped my arms around my legs so I was in a tight ball with only my face above the water.
Bye now, take this love away from me
Bye now, set my soul and spirit free
Bye now, take this love away from me
Bye now, let me be what I can be
"HARRY! I need you! Please!" I screamed again at the top of my lungs. My foot slipped on my wand and I slid under the water. I surfaced to hear the next few lines.
Go and just leave me I can't stand to see you
Go make it easy on yourself
Couldn't bare to feel you
Its tearing my heart
Its only to
"HARRY!"
As I finished screaming his name for the third time, he burst into the washroom with his wand drawn. He had not been in a fight for a few years, but he was ready for one even in his pajamas. "Hermione, what's wrong? What's attacking you?"
"Turn it off, please. Turn it off." I sobbed from the water. "Harry, turn off the wireless."
He quickly did as I asked. Turning back to me, he quickly realized where I was and that I was naked and looked toward the ceiling. He started to move toward the door as he said, "Hermione, I'll just step outside. Right?"
I sniffed a couple times before I answered. "I'll be fine in a few moments. You can go downstairs."
"Are you sure?" He asked as he stood at the door still staring at the ceiling. "I can wait right out here and give you a giant hug or a shoulder to cry on when you are clothed."
I did a chuckle and sniff combined. "I will see you in the kitchen, Harry. It was just a stupid song that spooked me. I am fine now that it is over."
"I thought 'I am fine' was my line." He said with a slight smile just before closing the door. "Bring the letter downstairs. I have a gut feeling that I don't want you to read that by yourself."
~*Fixing the Past and Present*~
Twenty minutes later, I was walking past the portraits of my friends that had been lost in the war. Most of them gave me sympathetic smiles because of the tear tracks running down her face. Ginny placed her hand open against the canvas of hers. I placed my hand against hers.
"Ginny, I miss you so much." I said softly as tears began to fall again.
"I know you do, Mione." Ginny said with a small laugh. "You have a portrait of me at your house. Well, I guess it isn't your house anymore."
"Thanks, Ginerva." I scoffed starting to move on again. "I really appreciate the brutal honesty."
"Sorry," the red head backtracked quickly. "Hermione, you know that is not what I meant. I mean I figured you wouldn't want to go back there ever again. Let alone call that house home. Right?"
"That is true." I answered sitting down on the stair and leaning against the railing. After sitting in silence for a moment, I looked up at her through my lashes. "Did you know? About Ron and…"
"NO! No! Bloody hell, I had no clue what was happening with him until you went to Egypt this last time." Ginny reassured me quickly. "I found out the second night you were gone and they snogged in front of my portrait. I started screaming at him, but he just silenced me and went upstairs."
"Oh, Ginny. I am sorry you had to see your brother snogging someone. That could not have been pretty." I said feeling pity for Ginny. "I always made sure you didn't have to see us. I certainly didn't enjoy watching you and Harry. Hell, I hated watching Ron and Lavender in more ways than one."
"I know and I appreciate that." Ginny said with a smile. "I hope he was planning on being alone when you came home and to tell you. Even if he wasn't planning on telling you, I would have told you. Please, believe me."
"I believe you. I just wonder how long I have been such a bloody, stupid bint. I cannot believe I did not see what was happening in my own relationship." I said with angry tears starting to form in my eyes. "I was just so oblivious to everything that he was doing."
"Hermione, you can't think like that. Ron is the idiot and arse, not you." Ginny said trying to flame my anger. "The only thing you did wrong was trust what everyone else was saying and not trust your gut. You told me that you had questions about yours and Ron's relationship after your first Christmas together."
"I know."
"He got you a quidditch jersey for Christmas." Ginny rolled her eyes. "That told everyone something. Unfortunately, I was the only one to see that it meant he does not understand you not that he wants you to get excited about his favorite sport."
"He is such an arse, but that doesn't stop me from feeling like I am as stupid as a slug!" I growled back at her. "Everyone is probably gathered at the Burrow laughing at me."
"Stop it right now, Hermione!" Ginny shouted back at me. "You will not do this to yourself! You will not let him make you doubt yourself and your abilities!"
Harry burst through the kitchen door after hearing us shouting down in the kitchen. He saw me sitting on the stairs crying with Ginny above me still red in the face from her temper flaring. "What is going on? Why are you sitting on the stairs crying, Hermione? Why are you yelling at her, Ginny?"
"The brightest witch of her age and almost any other is beating herself up over my brother being a bloody arse." Ginny sarcastically explained to Harry. "She is starting to think this whole situation is of her own making."
"Gin, yelling at her isn't going to help. You made her cry." Harry said whining at Ginny. "Hermione needs understanding from us and not you yelling at her."
I stuck my tongue out at Ginny behind Harry's back.
"See, she is angry. The little bint just stuck her tongue out at me. She needs to be angry to get past this." Ginny said trying to explain to Harry what needs to happen. "Now that she is angry, she needs to get pissed at the right person."
"Let me handle her, Ginny. I am the one that got her through Ron and Lavender, remember?" Harry turned to me and laughed. "Sticking your tongue out at people or portraits is not very mature, Hermione. Now, can we go eat something?"
"Sure, but I don't think I will be much company." I answered dryly.
~*Fixing the Past and Present*~
We didn't talk much to each other as we sat in the homey, basement kitchen. Harry kept opening his mouth to speak, but closed it again and again.
I did talk a great deal to Winky much to Harry's amusement and annoyance. "Winky, are you sure you should be doing all of this cooking and cleaning?" I asked her truly worried about her and her pregnancy.
"I's be take easy. Kreacher and I's work to help Master Harry." The small, house-elf replied. "I dos only cooking the meals. Master Harry say no more work for me. He say that order till baby three months old."
"That sounds like a great plan, Winky. Harry knows that you love to work, but you need to make sure you take care of that baby you are going to have soon." I said trying to make sure I didn't upset her and cause stress on the baby.
"Missus Hermione, I is careful of baby. She is name Dobbette." Winky said proudly and sadly at the same time. "Master Harry say he wills give Dobbette work when she is of age. She will be charge of owls, Crooky, ands BuckBeak."
I leaned down close to the small elf. "That is very nice of him. I truly hope Dobbette loves animals. Please, let me know if I can help when she comes along."
I looked up to see Harry smiling at me. Beyond him, I saw Kreacher standing on the bottom stair not looking as amused at my offer of help, but he soon turned his face to Winky with love. Focusing back on Harry, I noticed the look of pride in him for the progress he had made with his two, soon to be three, house-elves.
"Kreacher, are you ready for Dobbette to come? She is going to be such a special little elf." I said catching his attention. "I am very excited that I might be here when she comes."
"We is happy, Missus." Kreacher barely said before Harry interrupted.
"What do you mean you MIGHT be here when Dobbette arrives?" Harry asked with a shocked and aggravated tone to his voice. The two elves slowly backed away.
"Yes, might. I might be here when the baby arrives." I answered by surprised by how shocked he sounded. "I cannot stay here forever. I am going to take a couple of days to pull myself together. Then, I will be able to move on with my life."
Harry slammed his hands on the table as he stood up from it. "Hermione, you are so aggravating sometimes. You take everything in. You take all the crap from everyone, from getting all of us to finish our homework to the crap Ron and I put you through in that tent. I wish you would just let it all go. I wish that you would let go and let someone else take care of you for more than five minutes."
"I…"
"No! You won't interrupt me. You have been this way since the day you and I became friends." Harry ranted. "You barely cried at any of the funerals. You stood up and praised our friends that died and shed a tear or two for each. You felt that you had to stay strong for everyone else. We were trapped in a tent for eight months and you only let your guard down when you had worn the locket for six extra hours so I could sleep longer after Ron left us. I had to fight you to get the cursed locket off of you. That is when you finally let loose and kicked the craziness out of your mind by dancing with me. I demand that you some time. You are going to call in sick to work for a few days or a week. You are going to stay here for a while, a long while. Also, you are going to not fight me on this."
I hate that he knows me so well. I cross my arms across my chest and huff not knowing how to respond. I can't stand to be near him right now. I stare at the opposite wall for a moment or two until he sat down, huffing himself. Then, I bolt for the door as he covers his face with his hands.
I heard Harry banging around in the kitchen, cleaning the dishes and putting away the leftover food. The banging stopped and Harry appeared at the top of the stairs doorway. He started up the stairs and found me sitting on the stairs in front of Remus and Tonks' portrait. "Are you going to go upstairs to bed?"
"No." I answered. "I want to leave, but I can't go anywhere safely. My wand is still too wet."
"So, why not go up to bed? We can take a walk or go to an out of the way place tomorrow."
"No."
"Why not?" Harry asked sinking onto the stair a couple below me.
"I just want to sit here for a while."
"I understand that." He answered laying his head on my lap. "I do this from time to time."
Tonks snorted. "He does it almost every day, sometimes even twice a day."
"Quiet, Nymph." Harry retorted. Tonks wriggled her nose at Harry causing him to chuckle.
We were quiet for several minutes staring at the different portraits lining the hall and stairs.
"I need to know if you can forgive me." I said quietly hoping that he heard me and would not make me repeat it.
Harry stared at me for a full minute. I thought I had my answer. I started to get up to pack my things and leave even after his proclamation a few minutes ago. He grabbed my arm and gently pulled me back down.
"You took so long to get here because you were deciding on where to go." Harry said in a dead voice after clearing his throat.
I bit my lip and looked up the stairs in response to his words and his tone of voice. I hated that voice, but for the past two years it had clearly and eerily become his normal tone.
He gently placed his fingers under my chin and turned my head to look at him. In the same dead tone, he said, "Hermione, I was really and truly a stupid git. I shouldn't have pushed you away. Everyone, with the exception of Ron, told me how stupid I was being, but I couldn't see it. At that time, I just didn't know how to deal with one more death."
I opened my mouth to speak, but Harry moved his finger and placed it on my lips.
"When I realized how far I had pushed my friends, especially you, away…"
"Harry, you don't have to do this." I said pulling my head away from his finger. "You don't have to relive it. I shouldn't have asked."
"No, you should not have had to ask. Yes, I do have to do this. You will listen to me." Harry said as he increased the amount of strength and passion in his voice. Once I settled back against the railing, he continued, "I went to talk to Minerva about six months ago. She really is an amazing woman. Even though she is headmistress of Hogwarts, she has still taken the time to help me. She has helped me deal with the death, well, all the deaths really. She, also, made me realize that I have been placing the blame in all the wrong places."
I interrupted him with a small, soft voice. "Harry…"
"Hermione, what I am trying to say is I don't have to forgive you. I don't blame you anymore and I never should have. I shouldn't have blamed you for you and Ginny's capture. You ladies were out doing what ladies do, shopping. Neither of you could have foreseen any of the horrible things that happened because you walked into Madame Malkin's. All the blame for Ginny being captured, tortured, and killed rests completely on the Death Eaters lying in their graves."
My mind flitted back to that day, May 1st in 1999.
"Hermione, hurry up! Harry is going to be at Grimmauld Place in three hours." Ginny shouted up the Burrow stairs to me. "I want to have everything for my surprise ready before then."
I ran down the stairs and she whisked me out of the door before I could even say goodbye to anyone. At the end of the long lane, Ginny apparated us to the Leaky Cauldron.
"First, we are going to Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. George is holding a few party supplies for me." Ginny started going over her mental list.
"I thought you were going to tell him about the baby privately." I said as we stepped out into the bright sunlight and bustle of Diagon Alley.
"I am telling him privately." Ginny said with a sly smile. "Fred was always a horny bugger. He created several intimate party favors."
"You can stop talking now, Ginny. I really don't want to know anymore." I said giggling and skirting us around a group of men. "After seeing George, we…"
"We go pick up my robes that Madame Malkin is altering for the memorial tomorrow night. Then, we are going to pick up food and drinks from The Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade. Rosmerta said she would make Harry's favorite meal from there."
"Did you tell her what the dinner was for?" I asked a little worried. "If you told her, the entire world knows. Then, we would have wasted a lot of time going from place to place to arrange this surprise. The healer said you should limit your apparating in the first few months."
"She thinks that I am just trying to have a quiet night for him before the one year anniversary of the Hogwart's Battle. I'm safe, I think." Ginny answered dragging Hermione into the joke shop.
Katie Weasley handed Ginny the two full bags of toys because George couldn't bring himself to give his baby sister things to help her enhance sex life. Both of us rubbed Katie's small baby bump before we left the shop to walk across the road and a couple of shops down.
We walk into the robe shop to see Madame Malkin sitting immobile in a dressing room chair. Then, we saw the six or seven wands pointing at our chests before everything went bright red before quickly switched to black.
The next thing I willingly remembered was Kingsley Shacklebolt breaking the chains that were holding my wrist to the wall.
"Hermione, I have you. You don't have to worry about those men anymore." He said as he picked me up and cradled me to his chest. "You are safe now. I have you."
He pushed my face into his chest as he carried me down a long, dirt passage way and into the gleaming sun. Once we were out of the passage way, the majority of the Weasley family was surrounding us.
Molly was crying, "Hermione, you're safe. You're safe."
Bill, Charlie, and George all tried to rip me out of Kingsley's arms, but he held me fast. "She needs to stay with me. I know you hate this, but she needs to go with me."
Bill kissed my forehead before Kingsley carried me over to a healer that made sure it was safe for me to apparate.
Just before Kingsley and I left the field next to the manor, I heard a sound I knew all too well. It was the sound of Harry Potter screaming in emotional pain.
Harry seemed to notice that I had mentally left Grimmauld Place. He had pulled me down into his lap and was holding me tightly. When he realized I was back, he squeezed me tighter for a second before saying, "Do you need to go to the washroom again?"
I shook my head no against his chest.
Under his breath, he said, "Lucky you. I normally have to run to get sick after visiting that place in my mind."
In a small voice, I said, "You saw more than I did. You always saw more than I did."
He pulled my face gently away from his chest. "I know I always win at the who has more gross and tragic memories contest." He said trying for a twisted humor. Then, he wiped one of my last tears off of my cheek. "Hermione, can you ever forgive me for the way I treated you?"
Author's Note~
I know this took longer than necessary, but delays happen after car accidents. I am on the mend now! (No more sling for my dislocated shoulder and I only have the eye-patch on for another week.)
I should be posting a little faster from now on.
~DuckiBelle