Inside the Series: Bleach

Sorry it took so long for an update. Or maybe you don't care. In any case, here's Uryu Ishida: Part I

Uryu Ishida is another main character of the hit series Bleach. He is a Quincy, which is very different from a Soul Reaper. The reason they hate each other goes back years ago, when a Quincy named Griff Peters gypped a Soul Reaper named Chickie Ernest by giving him a bad coupon for the local laundromat. As a result, like the Montagues and the Capulets, the Quincies and Soul Reapers have in reality, been taught to hate each other. It was no surprise then, that Tite Kubo would pick a Quincy to be the rival of his main character. On the set, Uryu is an excellent student, a master tailor, and very self-centered. His self-centeredness comes from a combination of a lack of love from his father, his mother being a coke whore, a history of glaucoma on both sides of the family, and a bad case of measles. Off the set, he and Ichigo are good friends. It is known that they are good friends, because Ichigo can't stand the sight of a naked girl, and not only is Uryu a master tailor, his glasses shattered when Orihime almost changed in front of him. As a result, they both enjoy having sex with girls together, but there are no girls around when they get together. Do the math yourself. We now take you to Titan Nerd's footage of Charles Tolle in disguise at a baseball game, and it was just his luck that Uryu Ishida was in the seat next to him.

Charles- Great day for a ball game. Yup. No better day than this for a ball game. I say that and I don't even like baseball. Do you like ball games?

Uryu- Is that a trick question, or are you trying to come on to me?

Charles- Good answer. (silence for twelve minutes) So, you're Uryu Ishida, right?

Uryu- I am.

Charles- Love Bleach to death and back. I've been an extra.

Uryu- You have?

Charles- I was an extra, so if we were on together, you probably don't remember me. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I loved the way you and Ichigo worked together to defeat Menos Grande. I was in the studio on a tour, and I was one of seven lucky contestants who got to voice the Hollows that it ate.

Uryu- Which one did you voice?

Charles- I don't know. They all sounded the same.

Uryu- Have you been on any other shows?

Charles- One Piece, Naruto, Black Cat, I've been killed three times on Death Note, and Sailor Moon.

Uryu- How'd you get on that? I auditioned, but they rejected me.

Charles- Not gay enough?

Uryu- I'm not gay, and that's not why. They said I was too good an actor.

Charles- Really?

Uryu- Surprised me, too. I also auditioned to be in Knights of the Zodiac, but they rejected me because I don't like physical combat.

Charles- Well, that's a more legit reason.

Uryu- Yeah, but I don't decide these things. I like being on Bleach. Ichigo has a nice ass, Chad's all muscular, Keigo's funny as hell, and I get to use my Quincy powers for no particular reason.

Charles- You said earlier that you weren't gay.

Uryu- I'm not. I was complimenting my costars.

Charles- Your compliment for Ichigo was that he has a nice ass.

Uryu- I didn't mean that like that. It's just a fact. I'm sure you've seen his ass.

Charles- If anyone on Bleach has a nice ass, it's Orihime. She's stacked in both regions.

Uryu- What does that mean?

Charles- She has a nice rack and a nice ass.

Uryu- Granted, she does have a nice ass, but you really like her boobs? You know they're implants, right?

Charles- Those are implants?

Uryu- For the set. In real life, they're not super huge, but they're actually below average size.

Charles- I'm taking this to mean you spend your spare time studying breasts.

Uryu- Not all my spare time.

Charles- But some of it.

Uryu- Can we talk about something else?

Charles- Okay. Do you know who I am?

Uryu- A baseball fan who earlier said he doesn't like baseball.

Charles- What's my name?

Uryu- I don't know.

Charles- My name is Charles Tolle, and you were just on Inside the Series: Bleach. What do you have to say on that?

Uryu- Wow. I've been Punk'd.

Charles- No, you were Inside'd. This is a different show.

Uryu- Ashton? Where are you? I want your autograph!

And so went the day at the ballpark. The hotdogs there were nasty, but at least I got a good interview. Tune in next week when I corner Orihime in a convenience store.

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