Self Analysis

By

Mrsrossino4

Well kids considering the feedback I got from the original one-shot on Spencer's point of view I decided to change this into a multi-chapter tale with each CM character giving their point of view on past/current events. I attempted to respond to the person who left me comments regarding how they felt about the angle of everyone being angry at Emily/Hotch/JJ was unsatisfactory, but they had their PM's turned off. So, I'll just say thank you for the comments; they gave me the inspiration to write this.

Disclaimer: CBS owns Criminal Minds; I'm just playing around for a few moments.

Chapter Two: Jennifer Jareau

I honestly wish everyone would just get off my back.

Yes, I lied to my family, the people I consider closer to me than the people I am directly related to. They are all angry with me, especially Spence. No one understands how difficult this has been for me. I had a choice to make between lying to them and saving my colleague/friend or allowing Emily's existence to become public knowledge and make us all targets for Ian Doyle.

I made my choice.

Do I regret it? On one hand, I certainly do. It was hard for me to sit and offer comfort to those who trusted me most, knowing I could never reveal this dark secret. I feel like a traitor to my friends, but again what choice did I have?

I've given up more than anyone will ever know for the members of the BAU, both personally and professionally. My relationship with Will has ended because of it, my career is officially at a standstill because I chose to return, and now my friendships are suffering because of my decision to protect one of our own.

I think what hurts the most is how Spencer threw in my face how Emily's faked death and my alleged betrayal has compromised his sobriety. Dammit, I still feel responsible for his addiction in the first place! If it had not been for us getting separated and Tobias Henkle torturing him, Spence would have never gotten hooked on that drug in the first place. He never blamed me for that, but yet he blames me for compromising his recovery.

This may sound selfish of me, but right now I just want to slap Spencer Reid across his face and scream at him how everything is not always about him. Does he think this was easy on me, Hotch, or what about Poor Emily? She's the one that had to go into hiding! Did he ever stop to consider how she felt being away; knowing everyone she cared for was mourning her alleged death? Maybe he's the one who's selfish!

The only thing I can say is Dave has been a real Godsend in this entire situation. Granted, he may not be pleased about being left out of this secret, but he at least understands why. He has been a true friend and mentor during my return to the BAU. He has been there through my issues with Will, comforting me when the inevitable happened. I can never repay him for his kindness and understanding.

I suppose Dave and Hotch are right, though. Time heals most wounds. All I can hope for is the rest of the team will come around and eventually understand why I lied. I don't expect them to agree, just understand.

This is short, but when this series is concluded you'll hopefully understand why all of these are short. Never fear, I have a plan! As always, reviews and constructive criticism are welcome, but flaming comments are not.