Still for Fuzzy, whom I wish all the best.
See you on Thursday.
-Phoenix
Meltdown
The next day came to take the decision off my hands. I got up only three hours after falling asleep, and my every muscle was sour from sleeping between Akamaru's paws, while my head seemed to try it's best to top that pain.
My mother was already gone who-know-where when I had made it down the stairs – showering that day had been one of my hardest missions lately – so that I only walked in on Hana, who ws already half-way through her breakfast.
Even though I had outgrown Hana by now, she had never quit being my big sister in all respects; Fighting me, scolding me, advising me, teasing me and supporting me. As it was with big sisters, I had no clue what to expect the next time I saw her. But this morning, Hana just put her spoon between her red-painted lips and watched me. She glanced at me when I walked in and while I put food into Akamaru's bowl, while I got out a bowl and spoon, and while I sat down to serve myself from the cereal that she had already placed on the table.
"Have you lost your purse in my face?", I finally asked her, and she finally gazed at her bowl again for a moment, before taking the spoon out of her mouth slowly.
"No, sorry. Kiba… um… I couldn't really avoid overhearing your conversation with mom last n- this morning."
"What about it", I hissed, not at all up for another preach, never mind how much I deserved it.
"Nothing. There is nothing I could add to what she said." I only snorted, and Hana kept watching me warily as I began to eat the cereal in front of me.
"Did she hit you again?"
I wasn't surprised that Hana asked. My mother didn't really care wether her daughter was watching or not when she bashed me or when we faught each other, so that Hana knew very well what was going on. I just didn't like talking about it.
"She didn't. Okay?"
"You're bleeding."
I looked up at her a little startled at that. It was true, now that she said it, I could smell the blood. But our mother had not hit me, so what was going on? Before I had found the source, Hana had gotten up and was pressing a speed into my armcrook, where I had been fixing yesterday.
It was nothing like what my mother had done yesterday night – indeed, Hana's hands were gentle and careful, as if I was one of the wounded animals she treated as a veteranian. After she had stopped the bleeding, she pulled a plaster out of one of her various pockets – she always carried those around – and fixed it on my skin. There was an awkward silence. I wouldn't dare to look her in the eye. And what about her? She was probably disappointed…
"Hana, I…"
She shook her head, crossed her pale arms. My mother's skin. I had my father's healthy tan, another treat about me that let him live way beyond his death. My sister turned her back at me and walked over at the huge kitchen window, framed in white wood as if it's beauty was mocking our dark scenery.
"I don't want to know, Kiba. I don't want to know why you are doing it. Why you keep doing it. Why you won't listen to mom, or to me."
She turned back around, and I could see the hurt in her large brown eyes, as if they were direct mirrors of her emotions.
"I only want you to stop."
As expected, the training with Kurenai, Shino and Hinata went horribly that day. I did not stand a chance against any of them in this state even with Akamaru at my side, and ended up being sent home by Kurenai soon – I had kept the heroine issue a secret in front of everybody – not counting my sister and mother, who found out soon, of course – and thus she thought I was just very ill lately.
I spent the afternoon at home, crying my eyes out, not letting anybody or anything into my room except for Akamaru. He had curled up besides me and was whining as I had my second go today. I didn't want to go tonight. The events had turned to the worse lately, and I felt that the drugs and the sex were eating me up more and more quickly, but it wasn't even ten in the evening that my craving for heroine came back. I felt sick and nervous, and I knew what was up immediately.
I couldn't say goodbye to anybody. Their hurt and disappointed eyes would have given me the rest. So I took my purse and cellphone as every night and went out of the door, while I knew that my teammates were probably going to bed now…
I chose the same club as last night and immediately found some of the clique I used to fix with, so that we got our injections done pretty quickly in one of the darker rooms upstairs. The rush was a relief to me like no other, and I didn't reject as one of the girls of the clique got out of her clothes and unbuttoned my shirt. With my back against the wall I could feel her press against me and lick my skin, and even though the room seemed to have odd colors and shapes, I clung to her and let her tongue wander up, let her kiss me with that taste of smoke and vodka on her lips…
I just felt her hands on my waistband when there were screams and splashing sounds from the hall. The girl didn't stop making out with me, but the curiosity got the better of me even in this high state. I could smell… sick… and something very odd that I had never smelled here before. But what was it.. I had forgotten. I got out of the room swaying rather badly, and had to shield my eyes against the light at first. Two guys were kneeling next to a girl, and her eyes were wide open. The floor next to her was covered in sick just like herself. I only noticed now, she wasn't breathing, and then I recogniced the girl as Melanie and I even identified the odd smell…
It ranked like death.
"Mel", I said alerted and stupidly, falling down and crawling up next to her, while the two other guys were yelling at each other. "C'mon Mel", I mumbled with my heavy tongue and shook her, tried to reverse what had happened… voices..
"She chocked on her own sick…"
"She just gagged, I couldn't help it…"
"Heroine, I know it was the heroine!"
"Officer, please over here!"
"Come on, young man. There's no use for that." Somebody pulled me back rather roughly, and I nearly fell, but they kept me up. The swimming blue told me that it was a police officer. Girls were crying around me, and some guys were still fighting. The music downstars had stopped, or the sirenes outside were just louder.
"Hey, man, are you stoned?", the officer asked me and shook my shoulder. Without much of a warning, I threw up where I was, and more girls screamed.