Author note: Ughh...spring break ends in a couple days so I might not be able to update as often as I like...blach...
May 8, 1924
Let me get this straight; she "wants" me to do an act with her yet she doesn't trust my word? Last night she accused me of stealing her bracelet, and when insisted that I didn't, she didn't believe me. She rolled up my sleeves of my silk robe and checked my wrists and dug through my pockets. Though, her hands were awfully soft and warm… Jesus, Mary and Joseph, what am I saying?! She was aggressively searching me when I told her to stop, and that's violating me, isn't it? I should tell Mama to do something about it…unless I have to pay her for that….whatever, forget it. This might sound weird, but I felt really tingly, in a good way, when she ran her hand over my hips and into my side pockets. When she found nothing on me, she cupped my chin up so we made intense eye contact, and she growled, "If you have anything to do with this, I swear I will rearrange your pretty little face." Obviously she was threatening me, but for some reason, I didn't want her to take her hands off of me. It felt….calming? I think I'm going crazy to actually want to be that close to that psycho. Whatever, we have a new inmate now. Kitty Baxter, the pain in the ass who almost stole my name's place in the front pages, but luckily I came up with the brilliant idea of me being pregnant and how I want to save the life of my "unborn baby". I bet Billy would've never come up with something like that, huh?
May 11, 1924
This is not good. Lately I've been thinking about Velma, too much to be comfortable. I've been dreaming about her, and they're not exactly dreams where we hate each other like we do in reality. Last night in my dream, we kissed, and I actually ENJOYED it. Soon kissing led to unbuttoning her blouse and other things that would be unthinkable in actuality. When I woke up, I was disgusted but at the same time, very turned on. Her lips tasted so sweet, and looking into her fantastical eyes made me melt. And I let her win me over, but I would NEVER EVER allow that in the waking world. I know this is just my mind playing dirty tricks on me, but it felt so much more intimate that whenever I was with Fred, and that's saying a lot considering the sex between Fred and I was pretty good. With Amos….well it was like getting chummy with cellophane, if that makes any sense. This is just insane; you can't fantasize about someone you detest…especially when they're a woman, and a dangerous one at that. This isn't right!
May 16, 1924
These wet dreams about me and Velma are ruining my life! I don't want to think about Velma in that way, but it's all that's on my mind nowadays. Whenever I pass by her, I feel my cheeks flush 10 shades redder and my voice cracks and gets really high. I'm able to tell the difference between the Velma in real life and the one in my dreams, but I just can't deny this feeling of desire for her. Sometimes she catches me staring at her and she just scoffs and walks away. I have to ask myself half the time whether or not I want to punch her in the face or rip her shirt off (and by that, I don't actually mean causing more pain for her).