This chapter will be from Sharon's POV

SN: Please don't tell me this is not how Sharon would react, we haven't seen her in this situation so no one knows how she would or wouldn't react.

When you're soaked in tears for years, it never airs out

When you make pain look this good it never wears out. –Kelly Rowland

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It hasn't even been an entire month and Jack has proven to me that I've clearly made the wrong choice.

How can I be such an idiot?

Things were going smoothly at first. He made promises that I wanted to believe:

"Sharon I want to show, that I've changed. I want to make our marriage work. I love you and I know I can change!" He said as I am silently praying he really means it this time.

"Jack, I hope for Rusty's sake you really mean it this time! I can't let you hurt him, like you did our children! He is my son, just like Ricky is, I love him the same and I will protect him the same! Do you understand?" I ask offering him a way out before the official process to adopt Rusty begins.

"Shar, I promise I mean it this time! I will even go to outpatient rehab if you want me to. I am in this for the long haul!" He says reaching across the table to take my hand. "Shar, I love you and I will never ever leave you again! I realize I have been the problem in this marriage and I take full responsibility for all the bad things that I have done. I am truly sorry, for hurting you and the kids! It was never my intention to do any of it! I wanted to be there, but my addiction was so strong and I wasn't equipped to fight it! Now, I know I am equipped to do so! I have lost everything! So, I don't want to ever lose it again! I want to earn it all back! You deserve to have the husband that I should have been all along! You deserve happiness, unfaltering love and stability! I am here to provide all of those things to you, because I love you and we will get through this" He says with tears streaming down his face, as I sit here still silently praying that I've made the right choice, but something in my gut is telling me no, but my heart is saying give him one last try.

I squeeze his hands and say, "Jack, please don't make me regret this!"

That was exactly twenty-six days ago and now I'm here, regretting the decision to try again. I've let him into my life again, and he has screwed up again. Worse, I've let him into Rusty's life and he has let him down. Rusty never really cared for the idea of Jack, adopting him:

"Sharon, does Jack really have to adopt me, too?" He asks looking at me with a look of determination to change my mind.

"Why, do you ask that?" I ask looking at him confused.

"Why can't you just adopt me, by yourself?" He asks in a pleading tone.

"Rusty, we have been over this, I can't adopt you by myself, while I'm married. It has to be the both of us. That is how California works." I inform him as I see the anger rising up in him.

"So, Sharon just divorce him!" He screams, startling me.

"Rusty, honey, its not that simple." I say as he begins pacing the living room.

"Yes, it is Sharon!" He asserts.

"No it …" I begin before I am interrupted, "How can you still love him, after the all the crap he has put you through? How can you possibly want him, in my life, after what he has done to Ricky and Emily? Remember, when you told me don't get attached too him, because he stays until he gets what he wants?" He says in asserts looking at me, with tears in his eyes.

"Yes, Rusty, I remember saying that. But this time it feels different. I still love him, and I can't explain it!" I say looking at his disbelief written all over his face.

"Why can't you explain it?" He asks looking, tossing his hands in the air.

"I don't know! You will understand when you fall in love!" I rasp with a voice full of defeat.

"Well, if this is how love looks, I don't ever want to fall in love!" He says storming to his room.

Those words haunted me. They stung like someone had poured acid on my skin. But no matter how bad they hurt, they were true. I could see his point, but I still refused to comprehend and apply his point to own situation until two nights ago.

I walked into the condo and something just didn't feel right. Something was off, normally when I got home from work, Jack would be waiting for me in the dining room. It wasn't even late, it was barley 9:00 p.m. I walked to the bedroom and he wasn't in there. But I saw the light in the bathroom on, and I heard an unfamiliar sound coming from beyond the door. I walked to the door, so I could get a better listen. Once I got a better listen, I couldn't believe it.

"Really, Jack!? I scream as I burst into the bathroom, expecting to see another woman in there, but I what I did is worst to me.

"Shar, It's not what it looks like!" He says looking back and forth between me and the woman he is cyber sexing with on FaceTime.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Jack? You are so disrespectful that it is unbelievable! What do mean it is not what it looks like? Your dick is in your hand and there is woman pleasuring herself on the screen! Jack it is exactly what it looks like!" I scream resisting the urge to punch him.

"Shar, I can explain!" He says slamming the computer shut.

"No, Jack save it! I don't want to hear your bullshit excuses! I'm tired of them! I'm tired of you!" I scream walking out of the bathroom, headed to the closet.

"Shar, it's not that big of a deal! It's not like I actually cheated on you!" He says trying to sound convincing.

"Oh my God, Jack! It is cheating, you moron! You may have not have physically slept with her, but in my mind cyber-sex is just as disrespectful of phone sex, which is basically actual sex!" I inform him as I am throwing all of his stuff in his bag.

"What did you expect me to do, Sharon? We aren't having sex!" He says walking up to me.

"So, fucking what! Just because I am not sleeping with you doesn't give you the right to do what you did! In a marriage that you claim that you want to fix, you don't cheat on your wife, Jack!" I say calmly as I'm still throwing his stuff in his bag.

"Well, maybe you should have slept with me then! If I was Andy it would been no problem, I bet!" He bellows.

He sees the sheer anger and hurt that has taken over my face. I am trying so hard not to punch him in his face.

"Shar, look I am sorry!" He says trying to grab my arms.

"Don't you dare fucking touch me!" I yell as I grab his stuff and head towards the door.

"Sharon, where are you going?" He asks following me.

"I'm not going anywhere, but you are!" I say coldly.

"No, I'm not!" He says scowling at me.

"Oh, yes you are! Jack, I'm tired. I'm sick and tired of dealing with your bullshit! I don't deserve this! Rusty doesn't deserve this! Ricky and Emily don't deserve this! Truthfully, your own worst enemy doesn't deserve the bullshit that you spew!" I say glaring at him with my arms crossed.

"You still are the bitch, I thought you were!" He yells.

I uncross my arms and open the front door and say, "Well, I'll be the bitch today! Now get the hell out of my house!" I toss his bag out the door, and motion for him to follow in line with his belongings.

He walks out in a huff and turns around and says, "I was only here for the sex and the money anyway!"

"Well, how did that work out for you? Oh, wait it didn't, because you got neither!" I retort, turning on my Darth Raydor mode, I refuse to let him see how bad those words hurt me.

He now looks extremely pissed and says "Good luck adopting the useless kid now!"
I slammed the door in his face before, I did something that could land me in jail. I really wanted to shoot him square in between the eyes. How dare he attack an innocent child like that. He has taken my level of disgust for him, to all time new low.

So here I am two days later, still thinking about the time I wasted. The pain I re-inflicted on myself. The problems I caused Rusty. The pain I caused the man, who truly did love me. How can I ever repair, this?

I now have chosen to apply Rusty's logic to my life. Love should never feel like it felt with Jack. That wasn't love that was abuse. That was a misguided attempt to control me. But I'm done. I am so happy that I hadn't filed the adoption papers yet. That would be a whole other web, which would have to be untangled.

I can't believe I was so close to believing his crap again. I am so thankful, that he showed his true colors again, before it was too late. I knew it was too good, to be true. But I wanted to believe it so bad, that I hurt the man who truly does love me.

How can I ever fix this?

Is it even possible?

I want to talk to him so badly!

But I know he won't answer my phone call. He barely speaks to me at work. He no longer calls me Sharon, it's just Captain.

It hurts every time, he says Captain. He won't be in a room with me alone.

Sometimes, I think he only listens to me because Provenza makes him.

I'm sitting here at 1:30 a.m. and the only person I can think of is him.

Why did I let Jack do this to us?

I let him do, what he was great at.

He is like a hurricane, he causes mass destruction after his path has been cleared. My life is shattered, and I'm left to pick up the pieces and find a new beginning and put it back together again.

Damnit, how could I have been so foolish?

You know what I can't do this, I need to talk to Andy!

I can't let this be the end of us. If it has to be the end, I need him to know that I truly did love him and I still do. He has to know that I never meant for any of this to happen. He just has to understand that I was confused, but I was also afraid.

Damnit, how could I be so blind?

I can't sit here any longer …

TBC

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Please don't hesitate to let me know how you feel about the progression of the story. Thank you!