This is the beginning to my Harry Potter novel… I'm having it published and I just wanted to try it out on the public… Please be truthful, review, and tell me if I have any grammatical errors!!!
Disclaimer: No, I don't own Harry Potter, J. K. Rowling does. I would like to meet J. K. Rowling; nevertheless, the chance to meet her is very slim. However, if she does browse these fanfictions I would greatly appreciate her valued wisdom…
The Kidnapping
"Certainly we will make do without you for a few days," the handsome bachelor assures his butler, Michael. At forty-two, Benjamin stood tall at six foot one with brown hair and piercing chocolate brown eyes. Michael, on the other hand is five foot 10 and going on sixty. He had a difficult life, but found peace as the Jones' butler. "Well, I shall return in four days time. It's just to visit my old friend Nick," and with that Michael walks out into the August heat.
"Now let's go see what Lilly's up to," speaking to the Golden Retriever named Wilson. Benjamin and Wilson mount the grand staircase in search for the young Lilly.
"Dad, did you see what I did?" The father smiles as he finds Lilly in the gym. Her straight hair pulled up into a pigtail and her shining blue eyes smile brightly at her father. "Did you see me do a double flip?" She asks excitedly. "Yes, sweetie I did. It was great!" He answers her. Lilly smiles proudly.
"One thing we have need of and that is…," Benjamin begins. "Ice Cream!" Lilly finishes saying while putting her gym equipment away. "Yes, so hurry up and get ready so we can leave," he exclaimed. She scurries off to ready herself.
Benjamin heads for his room to retrieve his wallet when he notices Michael's door ajar. As he sets out to close the door a voice breaks the silence. "Stay where you are!" He freezes, trying not to panic. "Now, tell me where your vault is," boomed the voice again, echoing through the hall. "It, it, it's in (breathing nervously) the basement," Benjamin stutters. "Okay, I know the butler's away, but where is your daughter," the ominous voice asks. At hearing that question, he starts sweating and shaking uncontrollably. The word daughter hung in the air. Then suddenly something appeared that made him terrified.
Meanwhile, Lilly went looking for her dad when she saw he wasn't at the front door. She went back upstairs turned to go to the back of the house. Lilly approaches the T where the two hallways connect. She looks left and sees a dark figure in the shadows; looking right she sees her dad. Apprehensive and confused she becomes temporarily immobile.
The dark figure shrieks, "Stop right there!" Benjamin finds his voice and shouts, "leave her alone!" The contempt in the man's voice gave alarm to the father. In a menacing tone, "Tell me the code for the vault or else." The words "or else" rings in Benjamin's ears. He nervously replies, "s s six, (swallow) 4, 9, and uh (biting his lip) 5." The man starts laughing with delight. "I will take your daughter. My wife needs a cook and all we have are three sons. Yes," he snickers, "your daughter and your money will fit me well!" Benjamin repulsed by the situation, tries to think clearly.
The figure disappears from view. Now let's be calm, he thinks to himself. He takes a deep breath and blows it out slowly, calming himself. Slowly he lets his guard down, but this was a mistake because as he was about to run to Lilly something hit the back of his head and his vision became blurry. The last thing he heard before blacking out was the man laughing and Lilly screaming.