Christine Stewart was definitely not Anne Shirley – of that anyone could be sure – though for Gilbert it was the desperate act of trying to fill the dark hole left in his soul by the assumed love of one with the safe friendship of the other. Every time he accompanied Christine on some mission of hers for a ridiculous or pointless reason the vast and sometimes refreshing differences were made starkly clear. This time Christine had asked for his assistance in helping to choose a necklace that matched her new dress as a surprise for her Fiance.
The jewellery store she chose was of a higher calibre than the sorts of places he tended to chose, Christine proclaimed them to be one of the best jewellers nearby as they entered. While his friend discusses the exact specifications of the necklace she sought out with the owner Gilbert occupied himself by looking curiously through the pieces for offer in the display at the front of the store. He hardly spared any of it anything more than a passing glance until his eyes fell on a small pendant on a thread-like chain of gold. Though small and mostly swallowed by the larger pieces around it he couldn't keep his eyes off of it.
A tiny heart shaped ceramic heart of a certain shade of pink brought back memories of a broken slate and the first time he lay eyes on those expressive grey depths. This heart had no words on it but all the same it was so near to the first heart he had ever given that it seemed to beckon to him. With a small smile he spoke up. "Excuse me sir, how much for this piece?"
"Twenty-five dollars." The man called out with hardly a glance towards him though Gilbert didn't notice.
It's all the money he has at the moment but he cannot resist the allure of this tiny heart. Although it will mean having nothing for a while he obediently takes out his wallet and holds the money out to the man.
Later as he sits on the bed in his boarding room staring at the little white box containing the necklace he finds himself questioning his actions. Anne was as good as engaged to Royal Gardner now, he had no right to send her any little trinkets especially after she had refused his love and offer of a future together. After a few moments of this silent back and forth about the piece of jewellery he stood up in annoyance and stashed the box in his trunk under a couple of shirts he rarely wore in the hopes that if it were out of sight it could be out of mind. Soon enough her engagement would be announced, dashing his hopes and dreams forever. He knew that no matter how hard he tried or how much he did Gilbert Blythe could never be the ideal that she had always dreamed of, no matter how much he gave up for her comfort or how often he made the world as he knew it change because he couldn't ever permit her to be in pain or sadness if there was anything he could do. He tried to tell himself that Anne's happiness should be enough for him, that she didn't and couldn't love him the way he wanted her to, that salvaging some form of friendship was better than losing her completely but none of it felt like something he could live with.
The necklace was out of sight but hardly out of mind. It haunted his thoughts until the Christmas vacation when he finally pulled the box back out, threading the thin gold chain through his fingers so the tiny delicate heart rested in his palm. For something so small to consume him so fully in such a way plagued his mind. In indecision about what to do with the necklace – could he truly give it to her as an act of friendship? Should he try once more to tell her the depths of his love for her? - he languished until Christmas day when he wrote a polite note of congratulations to Anne and left both on the porch of Green Gables in the early hours before anyone would be up, unable to see her for fear of embarrassing himself again by begging her to reconsider.
The very next day a lovely letter of thanks was delivered to the Blythe farm while Gilbert was away visiting his White Sands friends. The friendly letter took the place of the box under clothing in his trunk and broke his heart further. Everyone in Avonlea knew of his heartbreak though many seemed to believe that the circumstance would still change and providence would win out. He tried desperately to hold onto hope even in this bleakest hour but slowly like grains of sand hope slipped through his fingers.
It would be better to forget, to try to move on and learn to be alone. He would continue on with his plans for medical school for becoming a doctor would give reason to move far from Avonlea and never speak of his loss again. He would fill that hole in his soul not with friendship or affection but with the knowledge that he was making a difference.
Gilbert would never be truly accepting of how things had gone however, he knew he would eventually learn to live with it the way others learned to live without a piece of them – his loss was so deep within his heart and soul where no one would ever see.