Once seated on the couch, Leia faced her husband, took both of his hands in hers and spoke hesitantly, "Han . . . I want you to know that one of the things I love most about you . . . is your sweet, understanding nature . . . your-"
It was Han's turn to roll his eyes at her, a slight smirk on one side of his mouth. "Oh, come on, lady, do I need to put on taller boots? Spill it."
Leia eyed him through her lashes and let out a breath. "Okay. It's, um, that." She nodded her head toward the coffee table in front of the couch. On it lay a small square, black disk, about an inch thick and three inches long. "I want you to know that I had planned this whole romantic evening before I even knew about this. It came to the office right before I left work."
Han looked from her to the disk and back again. "Okay. I believe you. But what is that?"
Leia shrugged. "Watch," she said and reached over to push the top of it.
A lid flipped open and little laser lights emitted from it to form a hologram about the size of a standard holovid screen above the little box at eye-level. Trumpet music began to play and images began to form. Han watched with dawning dread as an accented voice boomed out:
Greetings from Hapes, fellow sentient-beings!
"Oh, no," he groaned as beautiful, but garish images formed in the air before them. The Royal Hapan Palace appeared. White stone with sparkling jeweled colors, complete with turrets, balconies, gargoyles, almost-impossibly gorgeous, scantily-clad ladies and gentlemen in waiting, aquamarine pools surrounded by statuary and columns danced before their eyes as the message continued. Two royal guards dressed in a rainbow of colors appeared, and began to blow their trumpets again to announce the following:
The Queen Mother, Ta'a Chume, the exquisitely beautiful, fearless, uncontested ruler of the Hapes Consortium of the sixty-three united planets wishes to invite you to the royal wedding of her son and only heir, the six-time winner of the Mr. Hapes contest, named 'Sexiest Man Alive of the Solar System' two years in a row, and recipient of the 'Most Beautiful Hair' and 'Super Smile' awards, the one, the only, the crown prince himself – The Chume 'Da, His Royal Highness, Prince Isolder Tarrandon Grommel Risaldwa of Hapes!
A montage of images of Isolder began, accompanied by music Han could only guess came from some kind of cheesy soap opera that must be popular out there. Here came the prince strolling down the palace steps, only to deliver a devastating smile at the bottom. There he was at the beach in a tiny swim briefs, expertly volleying a ball to someone, only to turn to the camera, flip his dirty blond hair, and deliver that same flashy smile. There he was surrounded by scores of beautiful women at some public event, and there was that dazzling, holovid smile as the camera zoomed in. There he was riding a horse toward the camera, white shirt billowing, muscles rippling, and that toothpaste fresh smile. There he was at the bow of a sailing ship, hair whipping in the breeze, sun bouncing off his beautiful face, smile on full blast. And it went on. And on. And on. Photos, snippets of the prince at official events, at news conferences, among the people, in military uniform, in summer shorts, at play, at work, at rest, it went on.
Leia sat silently. She'd watched it once and now she bit her lip to see what Han's reaction would be. Would he be angry, sullen, pissed off? She couldn't very well blame him (*see note at bottom.) Fortunately, she didn't have to wait for long as she became aware of a kind of squeaking sound emitting from her husband, and the couch seemed to be shaking a little, too. "Han?" she said, looking over at him with concern.
Han looked ready to burst, and when Leia finally said his name, he couldn't hold it in any longer. The squeaking gave way to the full-out laughter he'd been trying to suppress. "Mr. Hapes!" he exclaimed when he could talk. "Super Smile award!" Leia stared at him in wonder for a half second before she, too, began to giggle.
The montage continued. There was Isolder emerging from a pool in slow motion, the camera capturing a close up as his golden head burst through the crystal clear water, then he shook his long wet hair, opened his piercing blue eyes, his hands on the stone skirt of the pool, muscles bulging and rippling as he pushed himself up and out of the water, smiling dazzlingly, his body beaded with shimmering droplets. There he was shaking hands with commoners at some outdoor event, smiling away and mugging for the camera when he met an especially fetching young beauty. There he was playing scootball and roughhousing with other manly-men, throwing a smile over his shoulder for the holovid. The longer it went on, the harder the couple laughed every time Isolder flashed his blinding smile. Then the voiceover finally came back.
Please join the Hapan people in this most joyous celebration as Prince Isolder weds Lady Teneniel D'jo, princess of Dathomir.
A single image of the young woman flashed by, showing her only with her face half hidden by her hair. "Wah-wah," Han intoned, like the sound that was played when a contestant on a gameshow chose the wrong curtain, causing both him and Leia to crack up again.
Guests may reside at the palatial estates on palace grounds for this special event and enjoy all the amenities and accommodations our beautiful consortium has to offer! Huzzah!
The final image showed Isolder and Teneniel smiling, both wearing matching ornate, bejeweled, pale blue costumes, holding hands and waving to the masses below while the voice informed invited guests of the date and time and how to rsvp.
At this point, Han was laughing so hard, he was incapable of speech again. His face had turned red as he tried to draw breath. Through her own laughter, Leia was afraid he'd pass out, but then she saw him point weakly at the holo. "Ballerina . . . tights . . . he's . . . he's wearing . . . ballerina . . . tights . . ." he managed to gasp, his words coming out choppy and ragged. She only had to glance at the frozen holo to see it was true. Before she could react, Han choked out one more word: "Codpiece!"
Leia suddenly convulsed in silent laughter so hard she was afraid she'd pass out herself. She had no idea how long they writhed on the couch like that, tears pouring down their faces, slapping at the sofa, kicking their feet, and braying like deranged donkeys. Every time one of them tried to say something it would set them both off, until finally Leia was able to catch her breath enough to whimper, "You're going to make me pee my pants," which started them off again.
"Okay, okay," Han finally managed once the hysteria began to wane, wiping his eyes, "okay. We have to stop or we'll end up in the emergency room. Okay." They were both disheveled now, eyes red and watery, faces tear-streaked, clothes rumpled, hair mussed. They looked at each other and began to giggle again.
"Stop," Leia pleaded, feeling laughter bubbling up again. For several long minutes, they both helplessly succumbed again to bouts of laughter so deep it was almost painful. As it waned again, the princess purposely avoided looking at Han, and managed to lurch from the couch to the 'fresher down the hall, stumbling into the wall upon hearing Han's tortured laughter ringing in her ears. Once inside, she sat on her vanity bench, put her head on the counter and tried to get herself under control, but it was so hard, especially when she could hear Han in the other room, and she continued to laugh.
It went on like that for a while. Every time one of them would hear the other start up, it would set them off again until they rode it out and, finally, all was silent.
After washing her face, Leia took her hair down and fashioned a long, loose braid down one shoulder, then she cautiously made her way back to the living room, half afraid as to what condition she'd find Han in, but he wasn't there. She noted the sliding glass door to the terrace was open and the small, wrought iron table out there was mostly set.
"Han?" Her throat was sore and her stomach hurt.
He emerged from the kitchen, carrying plates and silverware. "You okay?" he asked, biting his lip to keep from losing it again. His voice sounded scratchy.
Still avoiding his eyes, she answered, "Yes. My pants are dry, if that's what you're asking."
He faltered for a moment, caught off guard by her remark. "Don't make me start again," he pleaded, letting out a single laugh, "I think I might have seriously ruptured something."
Leia smiled. "Sorry. I haven't laughed like that in years. Maybe never. Felt good."
Han smiled back. "It did." And she knew what he meant, after all they'd been through in the past year.
"I'll get the rest of the stuff from the kitchen and meet you out there," she said softly. As funny as the invitation had been, she needed to know exactly how he really felt about it. And New Republic be damned, if he didn't feel comfortable going to Isolder's and Teneniel's wedding, then they weren't going.
She retrieved candle holders from a kitchen cabinet, a gift for their wedding from Lando, along with candles and a lighter, and went to meet Han out on the terrace for dinner.
*****************************Author's note:
Now, before any of you start rolling your eyes and muttering, 'Oh, no, not him again!' Let me explain-
On a cold, miserable February afternoon earlier this year, I went looking for a book to read and found my dusty copy of The Courtship of Princess Leia. I didn't remember it was actually my second copy until later (I got a third of the way through the first copy before throwing it in the trash in a fit of despair all those many years ago.) I also didn't remember just how upsetting it was ('cuz I skimmed to the end.) I just looked at it and figured, 'All's well that ends well. I think 20 years is long enough and I can finally read it now.'
I was wrong.
All of you H/L lovers know what I mean. I moped. I was depressed. I was angry at the author all over again (I also have a sneaking suspicion he also wrote TFA as well, and as I write this, please know that my eyes are narrowed and I am slowly shaking my head in disgust.)
So, in response to my anxiety, I wrote a series of stories related to the book to explain some things I thought needed explaining. I did not in any way change the events in the book, but I added some 'missing chapters'. I have a very long story set right after Leia comes to her fool senses and declares that Han won the bet, but it's not finished yet, and since it's kind of angsty, I decided to put this one up instead, even though that one comes before this one, of course.
I thought we could all use some nice, old-fashioned H&L romance right about now (I still do not consider the OT and the ST the same franchise – I could go on. Oh, I could go on, but I will stop there and let it go. Yes, my eyes are still narrowed and I'm still shaking my head.)
Anyway, I always wondered if Han and Leia ever went to Isolder's and Teneniel's wedding, and if they did, what happened?
I want to assure all H/L fans that I would never write anything that disrespects or misrepresents our OTP unlike some writers/authors (COPL & TFA – am now shaking my fist in the air too) or causes readers to become upset in any way.
Oh, and if I got any of the details from the book wrong, my apologies. I just can't bring myself to dig it out and research it again.
*If you didn't read COPL, do yourself a favor and don't do it. Also, I didn't go into further explanation at this point because, as mentioned above, I have another story with all that stuff in it and didn't want to rehash it again.
And . . . the next chapter will be sexy, so rated M.