"Are you fucking kidding me?!" She could probably hear my scream through the phone and I stare at Lauren in disbelieve. "Are you crazy?" Lauren half whispers half snaps at me, "Hello?! I have the phone right here in my hand! So are you going to take her call or should I tell her that you're busy?" I take a deep breath. After my scream she knows that I'm not busy if I say no to the call. But if I take it she'll ask why I screamed. Puh that's a toughy. "Oh yeah, take your time to think, no I don't have to pay the phone bill in my apartment, yeah, my secretary over there pays for everything." Lauren points annoyed to the empty chair in the corner of the room. I close my eyes and open them again. Lauren stares at me impatiently. I bite my lip and reach for the phone. Lauren hands it to me and throws her hands in the air. "Finally she made a decision, a miracle! Don't do anything stupid Raudenfeld, I know where you live" she shouts and walks in her room. At least she gives me some privacy.
"Hello?" I hear her letting out a breath, well I guess she was holding it. She must be really nervous.
"Hey Amy! Look I know this is weird, and I don't really know if I should be calling, but I couldn't help it. And then there was this song on the radio that made me think of you and.."
"Karma! Breathe! It's fine, it's just surprising that's all. Keep calm." I hear her panting on the other line and sigh.
"You didn't sound excited when I called. I heard your screaming. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called." It's like I could hear her frown through the phone. I actually did want her to call .. or no, I didn't .. well who am I kidding, I almost called her a few minutes ago, but I couldn't let her know that.
"Like I said Karma, it's fine. But what now? You called, but we have nothing to talk about."
There's a moment of silence before she starts talking again. "No, actually we have a lot to talk about, we didn't talk in 9 years, and that one year before was just because of school work. We have a lot to discuss and talk about. Well, only if you're interested in my stories, cause I know I am in yours."
Well, of course I'm interested in her stories, everything I know, I know because of Lauren .. and that's not much, because I have to act like I don't care about her. But again, I shouldn't talk to Karma, this brings me back so many steps in recovery. And why is she suddenly not mad at me any more? I remember how she talked to me back then: "How could you do this to me? You broke my heart twice already now!" "What I broke your heart? How about you broke mine when you rejected me?!" "I'm sorry that I can't force feelings that aren't there, but you slept with my fucking boyfriend! That's a whole other chapter of betrayal my dear!" "I told you, I'm sorry, I was drunk, I can't even remember that we actually, you know .." "Yeah, I know, you slut! Just because you're drunk doesn't justify that you had sex with him!" "Karma, please forgive me! I'd do anything, you know that! I'd even watch princess protection program with you and you know how much I hate this movie." "No Amy, this time you went too far. As goes for Liam, I never want to talk to the both of you again!"
"Amy? Please say something. Don't leave me hanging, please." Oh snap, I completely forgot that I had Karma on the phone. "How about we meet up tomorrow? Then we can catch up with everything. What do you say?"
"I don't think it's a good idea Karma, after everything that happened. I don't think I can look you in the eye." I look at the floor, should I meet with her? Should I see her and provoke the possibility that old feelings might find their way up again? I'm so confused.
"Why shouldn't it be a good idea? Come on Amy, we didn't talk in so long" Yeah, and I know exactly why. I'm so happy right now, that I can't see her face, cause I know exactly, that she pouts and I really couldn't handle that. "Please Aims, I know you want to meet me, I know you do." She whispers in the phone. Her begging sends shivers down my spine. I can't deal with her.
"No Karma, please don't do this to me, I worked really hard to get over you. I shouldn't even be talking to you."
Again there is this pause, she's thinking. She's thinking how to convince me. I'm screwed. "Well, let's play a game, shall we?"
"Oh please Karma, no."
"We'll make a debate if it's a good idea to meet, or not. I say the things on the pro side and you say the things on the con side." I groan, I knew it. "I start" she sings the words with excitement. "1st I really want to see you Amy, because I missed you like crazy, 2nd we promised to always be there for each other, 3rd even when family loses their sight, they always find a way back to each other and you know I'll always be your family, and 4th I want to hear all about your new book, after I read your first one."
My lips curl up at one side to a familiar smile that is only reserved for her. She knows about my book, she bought my book, she knows about my next book, she kept up with the stuff I did. I'm seriously impressed right now. "Well when you put it that way .." I sigh defeated. "But let's be honest Karma, It will never be as it was before, you know that, right?"
"Who said it has to be? Like I said, we are family, nothing ever really changes between us, well maybe a few things, but that could be really good!"
She sounds so excited and I love it when she's excited about something. I sigh again. I really can't deal with her. "Okey Ashcroft, I will meet with you, under one condition"
I hear her squeal in happiness on the other line. "Anything Amy! I would do anything."
"We meet in a public place, a restaurant or something." I can't deal with you in private.
"There is this really cute new burger place on Johnny Morris Road, we should totally go there! I pick you up at 5 tomorrow."
"I think I'd rather drive there by myself it that's okey, and can we do 7? I have a lot on my plate for tomorrow"
"Oh .." She sounds a bit disappointed but that voice is gone in a second back to excited. "That's fine by me! I'm just happy I'm going to see you. Don't be late, Amy! See you then!" And with those words she hangs up the phone.
What did just happen? I seem to have a lot of WTF moments with Karma nowadays. Lauren strolls back to the living area when she doesn't hear me talking any more. She looks curious but she doesn't want to cross a line. I nod and she immediately starts her question. "What did she want? She sounded eager. Are you okey? Is everything alright?" I stop her "Hey, one question at a time please. So first of all, she just wanted to catch up after she saw me today, but I don't really think she need catching up, she gets plenty information about my life already." I say raising an eyebrow at Lauren who starts to blush instantly. "Second I'm fine, why shouldn't I be, and yes everything's alright. But ask me again tomorrow, cause then it will be a whole different topic." Lauren frowns at me and I can't help it to stare on the ground. "Speak to me Miss Trouble, what did you do this time? Don't tell me you're meeting her." I start blushing and I bite my lip. I must look like a guilty puppy, at least that's how I feel right now. "Oh no, you didn't. Amy! You know this won't end well!" "Yes, of course I know, but you know how I am around her, she seduced me into saying yes. She's always been my family I should give her this chance." "she hasn't been your family in the last decade." She snaps. Lauren is clearly not happy with the whole situation, but what am I supposed to do?
I smile my brightest smile and clasp the phone against my chest. I sigh deep and sink down against the wall. I decide to call Shane again.
"Hello my dear, so what dumb thing did you do this time?"
"Yeah, hi lovely, I'm fine, thank you."
"Darling I hear your smile through the phone. Don't tell me you called her"
"Maybe I did..."
"No Karma, come on! We talked about that! Don't go back all the steps we went through together"
"You sound like I was a desperate little child" I frown "I'm going to meet her tomorrow and then we see how everything develops from there."
"Are you insane? Are you listening to yourself? Come on, Karma, don't let that bitch near you again! You recovered so well from everything!" He sounds really angry, but come on, I really missed her. "And wait … she said yes to meeting you? Is she the one who's insane? You both belong in a nuthouse."
"Hello? Mister know-it-all, could you please come down from your rage trip? It's just dinner ..."
"Just dinner?! With you two it's never "Just dinner" and you know that!" Great. He's pissed. I shouldn't have called him. I should have kept it to myself and if it went well tomorrow I could've told him then.
"It will be just dinner, I know exactly that she's going to be reserved and distant, she was like that on the phone." I can't help but smile. I talked her into meeting me. That sounds so mean, but it's so us. I mean the us from 10 years ago. And maybe after tomorrow we will be friends again.
"She was distant? Then why did she … no … no Karma, seriously? You talked her into something she didn't want? Again? Never can I leave you alone without you doing something completely out of line" I sighs deep. Yeah right, like I'm the only one who makes mistakes. And by the way this is nothing outrageous.
"Hey, stop it! Remember what you did when I was in New York for my audition? You completely wrecked the house, so don't blame me for doing something that might make me happy."
"Yeah, might. Emphasis on the might. And it might not work and you know that. Don't let me say "I told you so" when she rejects you and you fall down the rabbit whole again. But anyway, tell me how it was, call me right after she sends you home, yeah?"
"Haha, real funny. But yes, I will. Don't you worry. Have a nice evening and please don't tell me anything about that." I say with a look of disgust on my face. I love Shane, I really do, but his bed-stories with Pablo are just too much for me.
"I won't I promise. And just so you know, I just winked at you through the phone." I can't help but chuckle. "Don't be up too long miss Ashcroft and have fun tomorrow, bye."
I put away the phone and change in my sweats and a comfy t-shirt. I didn't really look at the shirt, but when I looked in the mirror I see that it's an old shirt that once belonged to Amy. The universe is sending me signs here, clearly. When my parents taught me one thing then it's that the universe has strange ways of working. I smile and go to my bed. I watched an old Netflix cue again from 12 years ago. Oh how I loved those shows. And how much I loved her.