I was sitting in Starbucks with the letter in my hands. This fucking letter was everything I could think about since the moment I received it. I spent the whole evening yesterday reading it again and again. Today I compared the handwriting with everyone's I know. I'm completely obsessed over this fucking letter and it drives me crazy. How can somebody write this to me? And how am I supposed to react? I try to think of somebody who would write something like that. But no one comes to mind. Nobody knows how I feel about my parents, nobody knows the reason, why I'm obsessed with good grades and being the good girl. But this person just belts it out there and he does it so nonchalant. I sigh and lean back in my chair, burying my face in my hand. Why is everything so hard? Why can't this be easy for once? I pick up the letter one more time and read it again and again. I still don't understand it. I put it away and open my textbook, maybe I can keep myself busy and stop thinking about this piece of shit. I start reading about WW2 and about how Hitler became the ruler in Germany. I glance over to the letter. No, come on, I have to ace the test tomorrow and this Hitler guy should be interesting, right? I continue reading and highlighting the important dates I still had to learn.

After reading the same paragraph for the fourth time I give up. With a huge sigh I close the book and grab the letter again. I don't read it, though. No, this time I just stare at it. This sounds way creepier than it is. I stare at it, I try to find the spark of sarcasm, the joke that I didn't get so far, because, clearly, that guy must be joking. "Secret admirer?" I jump from the voice and I swear my heart stops for a second. Amy sits down next to me and looks at me, again with this raised eyebrow. "God, you scared the shit out of me." She snorts while I check my pulse, that is incredible high which could not be healthy. "Where you really so caught up buy a stupid guy who sends you a creepy letter?" I blink rapidly and look at her. "How do you know it's a letter?" She snorts again and lets her finger trail to my hands. "I'm not blind, you know? I can read 'dear Karma'." She taps on the paper in my hands and withdraws her fingers to grab her textbook. "So let's get started, shall we? I don't want to spend my whole afternoon with you." She opens the book and searches for a specific chapter. "I was thinking about showing the others the influence of temperature in organic reactions, like this." She gives me her book and I'm too stunned to function. "You really want to work on school stuff? Since when?" She rolls her eyes and puts the book down in front of me. "Can you please just look at the fucking page? I want to get this done already." I looked down at the page and started to read. She already highlighted the important parts what confused me even more. "You already did most of the work? Okey, who are you? Seriously, I thought you're considered the school's troublemaker and people tell me to look out for you, because you might be dangerous." I knit my eyebrows when I see her fists clench. I decide to push it further. "You know, I never took you for the ballsy kind and I guess you just proved me right, have you? I mean, you're clearly a nerd, since you want to do all the work by yourself so it is perfect in your eyes." She drums her fingers on the table and bites down on her lip. She closes her eyes and tries to breath steady, you can even see her breast heaving as she takes deep breaths. She really tries to control herself and I guess when I say one more thing she's going to explode. I was just about to open my mouth when she opens her eyes to glare at me. "Don't you dare say something more or I swear I'm gonna rip your throat out." Whoa, harsh, I like it. I can't help but to smirk what I think makes her even more angry, considering that she clenches her fists even harder. "I just like chemistry, okay? Is that a bad thing? I'm just good at it and I like it. I'm never good at anything so can you please just give me some slack, I don't attack you either." She was right, she didn't. I wonder why that is. I never looked at it this way. I mean sure, she makes a comment every once in a while about how stupid I am, and how cheerleaders are oh so dumb, but she never attacks me personally. In fact, she attacks everybody, but Lauren and me. Why doesn't she? It doesn't make sense to me at all. "Can we now please continue, like I said, I have other plans for today." Well, I can't blame her, can I? Chemistry is something rather interesting.

Half an hour in our assignment my phone buzzes. I have a feeling this is something I want to know so I pull my phone out, gaining a death glare from Amy, but I ignore it. Great, a message in the group chat from the bimbos. That's what I call the squad, since they basically do everything you tell them, when you threaten them with something. Like yesterday when I told them I would kick them off the squad. The message is just a picture of two bottles of nail polish with the exact same color from two different brands and the caption "I don't know which one to use for the party tomorrow." Oh yeah, tomorrow was this great party at Shane's, and I have to attend it. It is always great fun, I have to admit that, but it gets lame at some point. "Why are you even friends with them? They should be under you radar." Amy snaps me out of my thoughts. She read the message I just got and went back to writing stuff down on cards for the presentation. "Well, people need friends, and they do my popularity status a favor with existing and looking quite cute." Amy lets her pen fall and lifts her head to look at me with wide eyes. "You really bother about this popularity thing, don't you?" I just shrug and start to write stuff down from the book. "Well yeah, this is high school. And one of the bimbos might marry a rich guy that could do me a favor, you know? This would be to my obvious advantage. I don't care about their personal life or anything, but I have to plan the rest of my life." Amy shakes her head slightly and looks at me with big eyes and parted lips. "I don't get it, Karma. You're smart, way smarter than anyone else in school, why are you even talking to them? You're better than them." I continue writing the stuff down I have to remember. "Why yes I am, but who cares about that? Intelligence is not all if you don't have to looks. Our society is sick." Amy mumbles something in response, but I don't get what she says. I ignore it though, because I actually don't care what she said. "Let's not talk about it anymore, we still have to finish this."

Thinking about it, Amy really is nice. What I don't really get, why is she so nice to me? Since when is she nice? She's been mean to everybody ever since her father left her and her mother. I hate it when things are not clear to me. Almost everything is clear to me, everything but this fucking letter and .. her … Wait a second … I look over to the letter and then to Amy who is caught up in her work. Could it be? Is there a connection between Amy and the letter? I bite my lip while staring at the paper in front of me. There might be a connection, but then this was clearly a joke. Well, considering it has to be a joke, it would fit her scheme. She doesn't tease me in the open, instead she fucks with my head via letter. She knew I would never tell anyone about it. "Are you alright? Do you have a problem understanding something?" I look up at her and she has this look of concern that people get, when they pity someone. "No everything's fine. But I think we're done for today, right?" Her frown turned into a small smile, followed by a chuckle. Maybe I was wrong, maybe she just genuinely likes me and has nothing to do with this stupid letter. "Yeah, I finished my part a few minutes ago, are you done, too?" I look down on my cards where quotes from the letter are scribbled in between the lines of my chemistry notes. "Yeah, I guess. There is not much more I can do today." I blink rapidly before looking up at her again. She still has this smile on her face, but when she shakes her head the smile is gone. It was like she remembered something. Something like she remembered she was supposed to hate me. It was weird.

The next day in school was pretty normal, I abandoned the letter today and left it at home. I can't deal with it in school. I was sitting in the courtyard, listening to Lauren and Shane rant about yet another drama that Justin Bieber had caused. I sigh and pull out my iPod. After putting it on shuffle and hitting the play button, my brain is filled with lyrics sung by Nicky Minaj. What the fuck? I don't listen to rap music?! Damn you, Lauren, she must've "borrowed" it as she calls it. She always does stuff like that, taking something and giving it back without me noticing it was gone in the first place. So she took my iPod this time and put her music on it. She says I need a musical intervention. I listen to too much emo-music. I didn't know that pop-punk and hard-rock are considered emo, but whatever. I was now listening to a song called bang bang. I love Jessie J, but I'm not really fond of Nicky Minaj and Ariana Grande. It's a good song to be honest, and better than anything related to Justin Bieber. This kid needs to grow up. After the song has ended, I put away the device again, because I feel a tap on my shoulder. "So you're coming to my party tonight, right? I know this guy, he would love to meet you." The way he emphasizes on the word love makes me shiver. He looks at me with a huge grin and I feel that my eyes are about to roll, but I stop them and just sigh instead. "You are into college guys, right?" He moves his eyebrows up and down and I really don't know if I'm in the mood for this game. "You know I only go for college guys." He looks over to Lauren and they share a look as if they share a joke. "Well this guy is really special. He studies English literature and we all know that AP English is your favorite subject." It is, he wasn't lying there, but why should something like that make this guy any less boring? I just shrug and stand up. "So you wanna meet this guy?" Do I have a choice? I put on the best fake smile I've got. "Yeah sure, why not?" And walk away. Why do they always want to set me up with somebody? It's never more than a one-night-stand and I really don't want anything like a relationship at the moment.

I walk up to my locker and when I open it I have a deja-vu. A ltetter flies to the ground, just like two days ago. I close my eyes and let my head fall, before grabbing the piece of paper from the ground.

Well Karma,

I never thought I would say something like that, but I have to honest: I think I might love you. The way you wander the halls, how you know and answer to every question the teacher asks you. Or maybe it's the way you eat you peanut-butter-sandwiches, I really don't know what it is about you that makes you so utterly adorable, that I can't look away from you. Thinking about it, there is only one thing that is not as attractive as it should be: your friends. Ditch the bimbos, and join someone else. You are better than them. And just so you know, intelligence is something mayorly attractive, so don't ever try to hide you mind. Like the one time you did back in elementary school. Do you remember? The time you liked this guy and pretended that he was the smartest kid? You downgraded yourself just so he could feel superior. And he didn't even like you back.
And I saw you looking for me the last days. Don't bother, please. You could never find me. I know you better than you know yourself and I admire you since I know you. And we met a decade ago. Seriously, just give up and accept that I exist. That's all you have to do.
But I want to end this letter on a positive note, like your urge to be the good girl. Don't you see Karma? Good girls don't exist, they're just bad girls pretending to fit in. Stop pretending and be the perfect human being that you really are.

And old childhood friend

I shake my head and read the letter again. And then again. And again, until I can almost memorize every written word. Who is this guy? Why does he know so much about me? He says we know each other since kindergarten and I only know two people from back then: Amy and Liam. And the fact that the whole letter is about things I talked about with Amy is more than suspicious, but then again it can't be Amy. Maybe it's Liam, he had a crush on my in third grade. I run my hand through my hair and try to clear my head.

The next thing I know is that I stand in the chemistry lap with a Bunsen burner in one hand and the letter in the other, a call brought be back to reality. I don't know how I got here, nor what I'm doing here, but it seems like I was just about to burn the hell out of this piece of shit. Wait, a call brought me back? Who called my name? I turned around to face principal Penelope who was standing there with a fire extinguisher in my hand. That's when I realize that I'm covered in white stuff. "Mrs Ashcroft, what exactly do you think you're doing?" I shake my head, I still had to process the fact that I was in the chemistry lap, the last thing I knew was that I was in front of my locker. And now I'm here, I think I might be in trouble. "Karma! What are you doing here?!" Her voice got harsher and I open my mouth to say something, but I can't think of anything that would be plausible. "I'm sorry Karma, but I have to give you detention." What? I hear the Bunsen burner hit the ground as my mouth flung open. I've never got detention in my life. "No, please don't! I don't even know how I got here! I had a complete blackout! Please don't do this! This goes to my record!" She puts her lips into a small line and