Welcome to this last chapter for this drama/comfort shot.

Ch. 2 An Exclusively Human Emotion

(ADAM)

"Hey you want to hang out tonight I just got off work," Drew says. I was surprised to see that he called, he hadn't been in touch too much, except for texts, since he moved out.

"Yeah sure, sounds good."

"I'll come pick you up, be there in a few minutes," Drew tells me and hangs up.

Mom and Dad are out so I wait downstairs and go out when I see Drew's car. We go to one of our favorite taco stands to eat. He's being really quiet and I know something is bothering him.

"Are you going to tell me what's up or do I have to guess?" Wait Bianca's not pregnant is she?"

"No Bianca's not pregnant. It's Clare sh…"

"What about Clare?" I question cutting him off before he can finish his sentence. Drew barely even knows she's alive so how would he know something is up with her before I do.

"Bianca and I went to a party last night and Care was there. She was drinking and she confessed to being raped by her co-op boss a few nights ago," Drew informs me and I feel my stomach drop and lurch. The few bites I just ate threaten to come back up at the thought of my best friend being violated by a man she admired. I stop eating and start shaking slightly as I drop my taco back on the plate. "When she passed out drunk at the party we brought her back to my place. She told us everything when she woke up the next morning. I didn't want to worry you but she's hurting Adam and she doesn't really know me I don't know how to help her and she needs her friends."

"It's good that you told me, Clare wouldn't have she'd probably take the same path as her sister. I hate hearing it and thinking about it but I'm glad that I know."

"She has a sister?" Drew questions.

"Darcy, she's three years older, she was raped on a ski trip but she was drugged and didn't remember anything. She woke up naked next to her boyfriend and thought that she and her boyfriend had sex. But she knew something wasn't right and she just sort of knew, she started to have vague flashes of memory but she didn't tell anyone and she started breaking down, doing things she would never do. It wasn't until she attempted suicide that her parents found out."

"So where's her sister now?"

"Making amends in Africa. Is Clare still at your place?"

"Bianca took her home a few hours ago."

"Can you take me there? I'm not really hungry anymore."

"Yeah come on," Drew nods.

We toss the rest of our food and get back in the car. Drew drives me to Clare's place and I wave to him as I get out of the car. I ring the bell and Jake answers it a moment later.

"She hasn't left her room since getting home and she won't talk to me so I hope you can get her to the open the door," Jake says when he lets me in.

I go up the stairs and knock on Clare's bedroom door, "Clare it's me. Drew told me please let me in."

Jake hears me say this as he's walking past me to get to his room. He raises his eyebrows wondering what on earth I'm talking about. He doesn't ask and goes into his room. It takes a few seconds but Clare does open the door to let me in. She's wearing one of Drew's sweatshirts, and won't look at me she just turns around to sit back on the bed. I close the door and sit at the foot of her bed.

"Have you been to the cops or even the hospital?" I ask and she just shakes her head. "Clare you need to go to the cops and report the rape."

"I tried reporting it to his boss only Asher got their first and told her it was consensual and then I got fired for sexually harassing him. His boss didn't believe me why would the cops. Even if I did go to them it's already on record that I got fired for sexual harassment and that the sex was consensual. It wasn't consensual Adam he held me down in his car and forced himself on me and he's going to get away with it."

Clare starts crying again and I don't know what to do, I want to hold her but she pulls away from my touch so I just sit there. I should tell Eli but every instinct tells me not to. She cries for a while and then she stops but she's still curled up and doesn't move so I just sit there watching her helplessly but don't leave in case she needs me. She doesn't move until she hears the front door open and knows her parents are home.

"You should go," Clare says looking up a little and wiping her tears but still won't look at me.

"Call me if you need me," I tell her and she nods. When I leave Clare's room Jake comes out of his room looking at me for answers. "Just watch over her, keep a close eye on her."

"Adam what the hell happened?"

"Remember how excited she was when she found out she was interning with Asher? He took advantage of that and broke her in the worst possible way," I enlighten him. I'm telling him without really telling him but he should know, he's here with her and he'll be the first one to see her snap if she does it at home.

Jake looks horrified, then ill and then angry. He considers going into her room but then seems to think better of it and goes back into his room. I turn and go downstairs just as their parents come in.

"Adam how nice to see you," Helen smiles.

"I just came to check on Clare, she's not feeling well," I tell them because I have a feeling Clare will stay in her room all night and tell her mom she isn't feeling well.

"Oh dear I should go check on her," Helen says.

I say goodbye to Clare's parents and walk back to my house calling my brother as I walk. I tell him what happened at Clare's house and how worried I am about her.

"We'll watch over her Adam all of us and keep her from breaking like her sister," Drew assures me.

"I hope so; I really hope so."

(CLARE)

"How are you feeling Honey? You don't look like you slept very much," Mom comments when I come downstairs Monday morning.

I'd spent all the day in my room yesterday. Adam told them I wasn't feeling well and after checking on me once Mom left me alone for the rest of the evening. I could tell her that I don't feel well and stay home from school but Asher knows where I live and I don't want to be here alone. I also don't want to spend the day wallowing in my terrified depression. I'm hoping school will be a distraction.

"I feel better and I want to go to school I just didn't sleep very well but I'll be fine," I assure my mom.

"Alright take it easy today, don't work too hard at co-op," Mom says.

"That won't be a problem," I remark before leaving the house. It's quite early but I didn't want to be at my house any longer. I walk to The Dot to have breakfast before school.

"Good morning Clare," Fitz smiles at me.

"Hi Fitz, a double mocha with extra sugar and a croissant please," I order getting my purse out to pay.

"It's on me if we can talk for a moment?" Fitz requests.

"Okay," I nod. Fitz gets my coffee and my croissant taking them to a table and we sit down.

"I know what happened with Asher, Bianca told us."

"I don't want to talk about it and I'm not going to the cops they won't believe me."

"I know I just want you to know that I'm here, if you need me I'm here. You don't have to talk, if you need a shoulder to cry on, or someone to yell at or just need some company so you're not alone."

"Thanks Fitz," I grin and then the door bursts open and Eli storms in.

"What the hell is going on?" Eli demands.

"We were just talking Eli chill," Fitz says getting up to go back behind the counter.

"Talking about what? Where have you been all weekend? I tried calling you."

"I wasn't feeling well Eli."

"Come on I'll walk you to school," Eli says.

I don't want to fight, I don't have the energy so I say goodbye to Fitz and I grab my food and coffee and Eli walks me to school. He puts his arm around me and my skin crawls, it's not his arm it's being touched, touched at all. I slip out of his arm and he gives me a look but I just take a sip of my coffee. He walks me to my locker before leaving to go to his. I open my locker and start to get out books when I suddenly become surrounded by the Ice Hounds. I close my locker and turn to look at them.

"You won't have to worry about Asher any longer," Owen tells me.

"How do you know a…Bianca told you. What do you mean I don't need to worry about Asher anymore?" I inquire.

"Owen means we took care of him," Dallas comments.

"First breakfast with Fitz and now being surrounded by Ice Hounds what is going on with you today?" Eli demands trying to push his way through the hockey team but they won't budge.

"Back off Eli we're just talking to her. If you weren't so wrapped up in your stupid play you might have noticed something was wrong with her. Something we helped," Dallas says snarling slightly at Eli.

"I thought you'd learned your lesson about being a jealous possessive prick," Owen remarks to him.

"So did I. I can't deal with this Eli, not now. I can't deal with you, you're stifling Eli and I need to breathe. We're done," I enlighten him.

"You're breaking up with me?"

"No she already broke up with you and I'm pretty sure she wants you to leave," Dallas corrects.

"Clare I'm sorry," Eli tries.

"Get lost Eli," Owen insists. It takes a few seconds but Eli finally leaves.

"Thanks, I just can't deal with him right now. About Asher what did you do to him? You're not going to get in trouble are you?"

"We wore hockey masks, so did Fitz. Asher is in the hospital; he'll be there for a while but he doesn't know who beat the crap out of him. We left him at the hospital with a note pinned on him that he was a rapist that abuses his power as an authority figure," Owen informs me.

"Thanks for that too," I reply. I'm not sorry they hurt Asher so bad he's in the hospital. I hope that the note is shown to the police, even if they investigate and nothing comes of it at least he'll be scrutinized. Asher doesn't know any of the hockey team or Fitz so he wouldn't be able to recognize their voices but I don't want them to get in trouble.

"Why are you all surrounding Clare?" Adam inquires approaching and the hockey players part for him.

"I'm okay, they were just telling me how they beat up Asher. I also broke up with Eli," I tell Adam.

"Good Asher deserved it and it's probably for the best with you and Eli. Come on let's go to class," Adam says offering me his arm.

I link my arm with his and we walk to class. I survive in this sort of fog all morning, present physically but mentally and emotionally a million miles away. I know Asher is in the hospital and I hope he's in a lot of pain. I hope that when he was getting beat by a bunch of teenage guys in hockey masks that Asher felt even a tiny bit of the pain, humiliation and violation that I felt when he was raping me. Even knowing Asher is in the hospital I never quite feel safe.

I expect that word about the rape will spread and people will be gossiping about it considering the entire hockey team knows. However, by lunch time the biggest gossip is that I broke up with Eli so I guess the hockey team didn't say anything to anyone. Of course the rumor around the school is that I broke up with Eli for one of the Ice Hounds. I don't mind that rumor, I'd rather they think that than know the truth.

"I'm going to find Bianca," I tell Adam when we leave second period.

"So what should I tell Eli? He's going to talk to me about why you broke up," Adam remarks and I sigh.

"Tell him I need space and I can't be with him right now and he needs to respect that. Don't tell him about Asher, he'll want to fix it or tell someone or do something I don't want him to do."

Adam gives me a sympathetic smile before I walk off to find Bianca. I don't know what class she has second period but I know she often eats in the caf, in fact I find her walking there.

"Bianca can I talk to you?"

"Yeah come on I know somewhere quiet we can go," she says. We grab some food from the caf and walk toward the ravine but we go down by the water and sit on a couple of big rocks.

"I guess you know what Fitz and the Ice Hounds did to Asher?"

"Yeah when I told Owen and Fitz that Asher raped you Owen was immediately set on killing Asher and getting the team to help him. Are you mad I told them?"

"No, I probably should be I don't want people to know but it doesn't matter to me that they know. When I heard they beat up Asher I was just…glad isn't really the right word but I wasn't the least bit sorry and I hoped he was in pain. I know vengeance is wrong but…"

"But it's an exclusively human emotion and a completely understandable one for what he put you through. Don't feel guilty for wanting him to be hurt the way he hurt you," Bianca tells me and even hearing it aloud makes me feel better.

"And you know I broke up with Eli?"

"Yeah it's all over the school, well it's all over the school that you broke up with Eli to date one of the Ice Hounds or all of the Ice Hounds."

"Yeah I don't care about that; I'd rather they think that than know the truth. I told Eli that I broke up with him because he was being too possessive and jealous, and that was true. However, I was honestly a little repulsed by the thought of Eli touching me ever again. Not just Eli but anyone, I don't want anyone else to touch me how am I supposed to live like this?"

"It won't always feel that way; you will eventually want to be touched again by the right person. You'll learn to trust again, the fear and the pain will begin to ebb away but it will take time and like I said it will take courage from you not to be swallowed by the darkness Asher left you. Be stronger than him, fight back by living on, if he knows he destroyed you then he wins."

"I don't know if I can do this. I know why Darcy broke down and imploded now. I didn't even feel safe at school even knowing that Asher was in the hospital."

"I know; you probably won't really feel safe anywhere for a while it's because he broke your trust. If you don't feel like you can trust anyone you won't feel safe. Give me your hands," Bianca says and I give her my hands without thinking about it. It's the thought of a guy touching me that's repulsive not girls. "Now close your eyes and clear your mind," Bianca tells me which is easier said than done but I take a couple of deep breaths I almost manage to clear my head. "Now repeat after me; I am Clare Edwards I have nothing to be ashamed of because it was not my fault or my decision."

"I am Clare Edwards I have nothing to be ashamed of because it was not my fault or my decision."

"I am Clare Edwards and I am strong, beautiful, smart and worthy."

"I am Clare Edwards and I am strong, beautiful, smart and worthy," I repeat and it does make me feel a bit better.

"Worthy of trust," Bianca says. I repeat the words and get an image of my parents, Jake, Bianca, Adam, Fitz, Drew, Owen and the rest of the hockey team pops in my mind. "Worthy of being cared for and kept safe," Bianca says. I repeat the words and the same people come into my mind. "Worthy of love," Bianca almost whispers.

"I am worthy of love," I tell myself and I expect an image of Eli to come into my mind but instead the only person in my mind is my family, including Glen and Jake. Although I guess that's a good sign that things really are over with me and Eli and that maybe my feeling for him were never as strong as I thought.

"Good now every time you feel scared or like you're being dragged into the dark or unsafe repeat those words. Did you picture anyone as you said them?"

"Yeah I did," I smile just a little but it's the first time I've been able to smile since the rape.

"Good when you repeat those words think of those same people and remember that there are people that you love and love you, people that trust and will keep you safe."

"Thanks Bianca that was more helpful than pretty much anything anyone else has said."

"I've been where you are, I remember what it was like and I slipped into the darkness before I got pulled out by my friends. It's going to suck, it's not going to be easy just remember if you need someone I'm here, so is Drew, Adam, Fitz and Owen, and your family I'm assuming, even if you don't want to tell them. Come on we better get back to school," Bianca says.

I do feel a bit better when we return to school, not great or happy or even safe but whenever I feel myself start to slip I repeat the affirmation and picture the people again and it helps. It doesn't hurt the Ice Hounds have almost become like body guards, anytime Eli or anyone trying to ask me questions about my breakup tries to get near me one or more members of the hockey team appears and makes them vanish.

When I get home I see a story about Asher being in the hospital and how he's under investigation for undisclosed reasons. At least he's under investigation, I sort of doubt anything will come of it but the fact that he'll be scrutinized and watched for a while is comforting in its own way.

A couple weeks after getting so drunk I passed out and woke up in Drew's room it's my 17th birthday. Eli had planned a party for me at Fiona and Drew's loft but when I broke up with Eli he called the party off. I didn't feel much like doing anything for my birthday after all I still felt dirty and ashamed and didn't really feel safe anywhere or trust anyone. Eventually Adam, Fitz and Bianca convinced me that my birthday needed to be celebrated and so did I. Adam said we could have a party at his house and I could make the list. Adam, Drew and Dallas of course, Owen and the rest of the hockey team, Fitz and Bianca, Jake, Alli, Jenna, Dave and K.C. are who I invited. I'm not exactly having an incredible time or having the birthday bash I pictured but I am having a good time. I actually spend most of the night talking with Fitz. It may not be the 17th birthday I pictured but I'm having a good time, at least until Eli crashes the party.

"GET OUT ELI," Owen yells at him.

"Clare please I need to talk to you I know what happened I pieced it together I know wh…"

"Eli get out we're done. Whatever we had is gone and I don't want to see you anymore. I didn't want to go to you after, I didn't want to be anywhere near you please just leave me alone."

"You heard her, out!" Dallas demands as he and Owen pull him outside. Once Eli is shoved outside they lock the basement door.

"Are you okay?" Fitz asks as we sit back on the sofa.

"I think with some time and everyone here I will be eventually," I reply and Fitz grins.

"Good I'm glad to hear that and to see a little bit of that sparkle of life back in your eye," Fitz says and now I smile.

So that does it for this shot, because this doesn't need a third chapter there is no story Monday. Tuesday will be a Pare fluff shot entitled With Passion in Our Eyes.