Commander Ellana Shepard didn't have many people she could call friends. Nor did she want any. Though, the few she did often make, despite her outlook, left in some way or another. She learned the lesson young; people enter and leave your life without a care in the world. Some, she recognised, did not leave by choice. But she also realised those weren't the times that hurt the most either.
With a heavy heart, the human commander caressed the flickering face on the holopad. The asari had reluctantly accepted the photograph to be taken, her blush told as much. She remembered with a soft smile Liara's reaction to the first time the commander mentioned taking one.
"Shepard, this is hardly professional..."
"Nothing we do is professional Ms. T'Soni," Shepard mocked with a matter-of-factly tone.
Liara's embarrassment only pushed Shepard to go to greater lengths to get what she wanted. The asari tried to convince Shepard to delete the picture once taken, to which Shepard said, dropping her teasing tone:
"Are you kidding? You're the most beautiful woman in the whole galaxy. And nothing could ever convince me otherwise."
And nothing ever had. But neither had anything hurt Shepard as much as losing Liara. The hole she left burned coldly, nulling all the happiness seeing her face again brought. With this newfound emptiness, other memories she thought long buried came flooding back.
"There's no such thing as defeat or mistakes, Shepard, there's only learning and improving," she remembered her father prattling on as he always did. "Keep your head held high, kiddo. That is, if you're brave and strong enough to."
But what was bravery in the face of death? What was there to learn in having your last breath stolen from your lungs? Nothing her father taught her ever prepared her for death – especially not her own.
Her father hadn't been a bad man. But he never stopped being a soldier even after marrying her mother and settling down on Mindoir. He'd lain out Ellana's life the moment her mother had become pregnant with her. Despite their new life, he expected a military career out of her, and a boy. Having had a girl was an embarrassment; something he needed to make right. And he'd be damned if he wouldn't make something great out of Ellana.
Calling her "Shepard" or "Recruit" was his way of forgetting who she was. Ellana only realised this later of course. It had been fun at first. The name calling, the training and the sparring, each were introduced as games. They were, after all, the rare moments her father ever spent with her. Her mother was quiet, and rarely voiced her discomfort at the idea of James Shepard training their only daughter. He often gave the excuse that it was just fun and games, leaning on Ellana to say the same.
During her teen years, her father's focus seemed different to her. Or maybe her view of him changed. Late at night, she'd hear her mother whisper worriedly to her father, though the whispers often ended in yelling and the soft sound of a slap, followed by a door slamming, and broken sobs in suite. Growing up she paid little heed to these events. They had become routine, normal parts of her life. Besides, whenever she questioned her father about it, his training became much more gruelling.
One day, when she was old enough to understand what her father was, she'd promised herself to protect her mother.
"You lay a hand on Mom again and I swear to God," she remembered threatening him. It was the first time he'd ever laid a hand on her.
"You'll what? Beat me? You don't know shit. After all I've done for you… You still don't get it? You think being a soldier is fun and games? Or that idealistic garbage the vids spout? Doing the right thing? No, Shepard, it's about making the tough choices no one's willing to. Like raising you right."
Ellana flung herself at her father then. He sidestepped her easily, burying his fist in her gut. Something gleamed in his eyes then. But in an instant it was gone as his boot connected where his fist had been moments earlier. It lasted hours. By the end, she thought she'd never be able to eat again.
"Your mother is weak, Shep. Don't stick around her so much. You're catching it, too." He said it while wiping his bloodied knuckles with a tissue in disgust. "Here." He dropped the ruined cloth on her face. "Clean yourself up. You're a disgrace."
She didn't even have the energy left to cry. It felt like forever until she was able to move again. She thought to herself that it had to stop. For her, for her mother; her father was dangerous. But when she confronted her mother, it was then that she realised how right he really was.
"Listen to your father; he knows what's best for you."
"What?" Came Ellana's baffled response. "Have you seen yourself lately?" She yelled, disbelieving.
"This is nothing Ellana…" her mother said softly, unconsciously touching her bruises. "Have you been playing with the boys again?" She asked when she finally looked at Ellana for the first time.
"Mom… Dad did this to me…"
The room went quiet for a few seconds until her mother got up. Ellana hung her head low, embarrassed by her own weakness. Her mother put her fingers on her chin, raising her gaze to meet hers. Her mother's lip was quivering, and tears were threatening to spill.
"How could you…" She whispered. What came next, would puzzle and torment Ellana for years.
Her mother slapped her.
"You need to mind your own business Ellana Shepard. If I ever catch you provoking your father again… I'll…" She never finished her sentence before bursting into tears. She turned and ran out the door. It would be the last she ever saw of her mother.
Shepard had never been so angry in her life. But more so, she was disappointed and ashamed.
A bittersweet taste filled Shepard's mouth, and she noticed she'd been chewing her lip for the past several minutes. She padded her bottom lip with her thumb in thought, stopping the blood. A small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth at the automated motion. She remembered Liara always getting on her case for chewing her lips. Her blue lover had always been keen to mention how lush and plump the commander's lips were. She would stare at them at length, especially when she thought Shepard wasn't looking.
Her pale blue eyes stared intently into hers. She'd been so reserved and timid before; so controlled, but not now; bare, fiery passion set loose. Their lips crashed against each other's. They'd been waiting so long to admit how they truly felt, to share one another.
Liara took the next step, frantically fighting her way out of her lab coat. Her progress was slow as she was frequently interrupted by kisses.
The commander's heart was hammering by the time Liara had finished stripping. She was even more beautiful than she could have ever imagined. Liara was brimming with a confidence she'd never seen her with as Shepard's eyes devoured every inch of her. Liara crossed her legs slightly, coy, blocking the commander's view of below. Shepard bit her lower lip excitedly. She was about to pounce on the asari before she was pushed back onto the bed by her lover's biotics.
Liara was wearing a very satisfied smirk. She edged to the bed, climbing atop of the immobilised Shepard. The human's heart was racing. She'd never been in a position like this. She'd always been in control, but for once being at the complete mercy of another… it was rather exciting.
Her lover dropped the biotic field, and immediately pinned Shepard's arms above her head. She planted her lips on Shepard's fiercely, before trailing off; her lips kissing down her jaw, then her neck.
"No fair," the commander whimpered uncharacteristically, arching in pleasure under Liara's attentions. The asari shot up immediately to look at Shepard, worry evident in her eyes. "You didn't say anything about being such a good kisser." Shepard reassured her with a grin. Liara giggled softly, her confidence coming back full force.
Shepard leaned forward, capturing Liara's lips with her own. As soon as she felt Liara's grip on her arms loosen, she turned the tables. With a surprised yelp, Liara found herself pinned beneath the commander. Straddling Liara's hips, Shepard hurriedly took off her shirt, unbuckling her belt next, tugging on her pants' waistline, before letting them rest halfway down hips provocatively.
Liara's eyes were darting from Shepard's chest to where her hands had stopped, in a manner saying she couldn't decide what to do next. Smirking, Shepard took Liara's hands and placed them on her breasts and made her give them a squeeze. She could tell, even in the dimly lit room, that Liara was blushing furiously now.
Her lover being caught up in the moment, Shepard took the moment to slide her fingers below. With an excited yelp Liara bucked her hips at the commander's sudden touch, nearly sending Shepard flying backwards in the process. She rose up and kissed the human furiously, wrapping her arms around her neck, pulling her as close as she could while Shepard continued teasing her. As Shepard increased the pace and intensity, Liara was panting heavily, squirming under her ministrations as she lay back on the bed.
The human lowered herself, and crawled down the asari's bare chest, lingering only for a moment before trailing the tongue down her stomach. Liara was arching off the bed by the time Shepard's tongue reached its destination. Liara, out of breath, tried desperately to say something as her fingers ran through Shepard's hair in uncontrolled pleasure. The commander could hardly make it out until finally Liara shouted...
She gritted her teeth in frustration and threw the holopad across the room. With an angry cry she pounded her fists on the table. Teeth still clenched, she did her best to stop the shaking that was wracking her body.
"I love you too goddamn it…"