February 1, 2017

"So…"

Santana was leaning over the console of Mercedes SUV, digging through her bag in the backseat furiously. Mercedes ignored her butt waving in the air and actually slapped it as she took a turn.

"Santana, if the police see your ass waving in the air, they're definitely going to pull us over. Sit down!"

"Aha! I found it!" Santana finally turned and sat down, holding a small notebook. "If they pull us over, it's only going to be to get my number, 'Cedes. Don't worry about it. My ass brings all the ladies to the yard."

Mercedes laughed, shaking her head. "Not everybody immediately falls in love with you, San. Trust me."

"You're like the only one in the Western Hemisphere, trust."

"Oh please."

They both laughed.

"Well, welcome to the East Coast, Santana. New York has missed you."

"Yeah, well, I'm glad to be off that flight. I was sitting in front of one of those screaming toddlers. It was a hot mess."

"It's been, what? Eight years? Ever since you moved to LA. And I sure as hell couldn't get you out here."

Santana sighed. "Yeah, it's been a while. I forgot how busy everything is. I'm used to waking up to sunshine and waves, you know? Not car horns and the faint smell of the harbor."

"It does take some getting used to. But, you'll be back in the swing in no time."

There was a moment of silence as the question Mercedes wanted to ask hung in the air.

"So…. Brittany, huh?" Mercedes offered.

Santana held up her notebook, and opened it, flipping through the pages. "Well, I've got a plan."

"Do you need a plan, Santana? Just go and talk to her. Push her up against a wall, do what you two do, and call it a day."

"It's not really that simple. I, um, said some stuff, Mercedes. Stuff that you can't unsay. I don't know if we can pick up right where we left off."

"You never told me how it went down then. I thought you'd want to talk about it, but you never did."

Santana looked fitfully out the window. "It was…" She paused. "It was bad. I mean, I guess a part of me was scared, and a part of me was jealous, and I dunno. She's better than I deserve, but I want to be worthy of her."

"San, that's no way to think. She loves you-"

"Mercedes, it was bad, okay? Really bad." Santana cut her off sharply. "Anyway, I have a plan. That's what this is for."

She held up the notebook.

"A Moleskine?" Mercedes said skeptically.

"What? No, I mean, yes, but no. I am going to wow her. Every day I've planned a date that's going to knock her off her feet. Every day until Valentine's Day. I'm going to remind her what she loved about me. And I'm starting tomorrow night."

"Tonight? What if she has plans, Santana? You can't just pop in unannounced. Does Britt even know you're in town?"

Santana waved her off. "Details, friend-o. I'm the love of her life, she can make time for me."

"I dunno. Seems like you're putting a lot on the line for this."

"Duh, that's kinda the point." Santana patted the notebook. "Don't worry, I've got it all planned out."

"And all you've got now is to get her to put you on the schedule."

"She'll see me, Mercedes. She'll see me."

\

February 2, 2017

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but Dr. Pierce can't see you now."

Santana slammed a fist down on the desk, and cursed loudly. The young woman at the front desk was putting up a fight that she hadn't expected. She just needed to talk to Brittany directly, and everything would be solved, but a hard headed secretary is not what she needed right now.

She took a deep breath. "Look." She looked closely at the nameplate that was on the desk. "Jane. Look, Jane, I don't want to be any trouble, okay?"

"It's Ms. Hayward, and you've been nothing but trouble since you got in here."

Santana ignored her. "I just happen to know for a fact that Britt- Dr. Pierce will be upset if she finds out that I came by and you didn't let me in, okay? I happen to be a close personal friend of hers and-"

"Well, unfortunately Ms. Lopez, you're a close personal friend without an appointment. Anyway, why not just call her and tell her you're coming? She's booked through the afternoon, and is not taking any drop ins. Thursday is her admin day."

There was a finality in Jane's voice, and Santana couldn't help but panic a little. This was step one in her multi-step process, and it was vital that it went off without a hitch. Today was the second day of February. Thirteen days, thirteen dates. Everyday until Valentine's Day. That's how it was supposed to go down. And now this chick was ruining everything. She took another breath, and turned on her brightest smile.

"Hey, Jane- Ms. Hayward, sorry. We got off on the wrong foot. Can't we start over?"

Jane looked at her squarely. "We can start over all we want, Ms. Lopez, but Dr. Pierce has no appointments open today. Now, if you want to come tomorrow, I think i can squeeze you in-"

"Sugar?!"

Santana had leaned far enough over the desk that a picture caught her eye. In the photo, her friend, Sugar Motta, was wrapped around Jane in an intimate embrace.

"How the hell do you know Sugar Motta?"

Jane's eyes went wide for a moment before she regained her composure. "She's my girlfriend, not that it's any of your business. How do you know Sugar?"

"Uh, she's only one of my best friends. Well, she was. It's been a while since we talked. I kind of lost her when Brittany and I broke up-"

"Wait, wait, wait. You're THE Ex?!"

There was an accusatory tone that Santana didn't really appreciate, but she nodded sadly. "Yeah, that's me."

"Holy hell. Sugar talks about you all the time. I figured she'd had a crush on you or something until you broke Brittany's heart."

"Well, that's what I'm here to fix. That's why it's so important that she see me. Also, Sugar's your girlfriend? I'd never even known she was into chicks. And she got a keeper, I tell you."

Santana flashed another brilliant smile and could seen Jane's defenses start to come down.

"Well, thanks, I guess." Jane said, bashfully. "I mean, any friend of Sugar's is a friend of mine, even if she sometimes seems a little obsessed with you. Anyway, I'd love to help you out, Santana, but I'm not even sure when Brittany is going to be back."

"Well, just let me hang out. I promise I won't be any trouble, okay? I'll just sit here out of the way. And then when she gets back, I will take only a few minutes."

"A few minutes? From what Sugar told me, Brittany hasn't talked to you in months."

"About a year, actually."

"And you think you're only going to need a few minutes?"

"Well, it's only part one-"

"Santana?"

Jane and Santana turned towards the door, and there was Brittany. Santana took a step back in shock. She was expecting to see Brittany, of course, that's why she'd come there. But, seeing the woman that only a year ago, she'd thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with…

Santana swallowed hard, trying hard to fight the lump that had formed in her throat. She blinked a few times, chasing the tears ago, and cleared her throat.

"Hey, Britt." She leaned slightly against Jane's desk, and did her best to ignore the panicked looks the other woman was throwing in her direction.

There was a moment of softness in Brittany's face. Santana had never seen anything that she welcomed so much in her life. If was like she had been lost in the desert for a year, and now water was touching her lips for the first time. She put on her smile again, but it fell when the softness fell from Brittany's face and her jaw clenched.

Brittany turned to Jane. "It's 12:30, Jane. I'm on lunch until 1:30 when I have Dr. Weber, correct?"

Jane scrambled a moment to regain her composure and then nodded. "Yep, 1:30. I believe he's bringing his notes on the asymmetrical Universe problem, and I think he's going to want to work through-"

"Show him in when he gets here."

With that she turned and without another word went into her office, slamming the door behind her.

Jane and Santana exchanged a look.

"Well, she didn't tell me to call security, so that's good." Jane explained, shrugging.

Santana straightened her dress, giving it a few tugs, and shaking out her hair. "How do I look? Do I have anything in my teeth?"

Jane gave her a thumbs up, and Santana approached the door, putting a hand on the knob. She took a deep breath and turned it.

"Yes, Mercedes." Brittany stood, leaning against the front of her desk, and was speaking into her desk phone, and patently ignoring Santana.

Santana sat at one of the chairs nearest to Brittany, who moved away. She reached onto the desk, picking up a toy with switches and knobs, fiddling with it for a few moments before Brittany grabbed it from her, putting it carefully back on the desk. Santana shrugged and leaned back in the plush, leather chair.

"Yes, Mercedes, she's now in my office. And I know good and well that she didn't get all the way to New York and you didn't know about it, and I want to know why this is the first I'm hearing about it."

Santana had to smile. Even though Brittany was glaring at her for all she was worth, there was a comforting familiarity about the moment. When they had been together, Brittany had had Santana wrapped around her finger, but on the rare occasion they weren't getting along, or there was something she couldn't convince her to do, Brittany would always call Mercedes to set her straight. Which usually worked.

She looked around on the walls. There were the pictures of Brittany's past accomplishments, some professional photos from events and conferences, and some personal ones. Most of the personal ones that Santana recognized, she'd taken herself. There were pictures of their friends in New York, some of Brittany giving speeches, or working with students, some of them performing, or with Mercedes and Sugar. One in particular caught her eye. She stood up and walked over. It was one that Santana had taken after their glee club in high school, the Troubletones, won Sectionals. The other girls were laughing and so happy that she'd taken her phone out and snapped a couple of pictures. Then she'd framed it and kept it on her desk at their place in New York. She thought she'd lost it in the move, but there it was. She felt like she should have been annoyed, but she was happy. Even with everything that happened, Brittany had something of hers after all.

Santana turned as Brittany got off the phone. "Hi Britt."

Brittany crossed her arms and leaned against the desk. "What are you doing here?"

Her tone wasn't particularly sharp, but it was definitely flat in a way that Santana wasn't used to. It was like it had no emotion at all. She took a few breaths against the discomfort in her chest and put both of her hands on the back of the chair.

"I'm moving to New York."

Whatever reaction Santana was expecting, she certainly didn't get it. Brittany continued to look at her like she'd said nothing at all.

Santana tried again. "Did you hear me, Britt? I'm coming to New York. I'm here. For good. I don't really have a job yet or anything, but I'm here to stay."

Brittany continued to stare. "What am I supposed to say to that, Santana? You're allowed to move anywhere you want. You don't need permission from me. It's got nothing to do with me."

Brittany was trying to keep her cool, but she was furious. First, Santana shows up unannounced, and then Mercedes won't tell her anything. Mercedes had been her closest friend since she'd come to New York, and though she'd spent months trying to act as the intercessor between her and Santana, Brittany thought she was done with all that. Apparently her best friend was only beginning to play matchmaker.

"Oh, come on, Britt, this is what you wanted." Santana tried her best puppy dog eyes, but Brittany wasn't moved.

"Maybe that's what I wanted nine months ago. Maybe. But you've made it clear, Santana, that I don't have a say in what you do with your life. Look, I'm glad that you've finally made a decision, and I hope that it's best for you, but I have a really busy day ahead of me, so, if you'll excuse me."

Santana saw her future slipping away from her quickly, so she tried another track.

"Have dinner with me!" She blurted out, before Brittany could make any more attempts to kick her out.

"What?"

"I just mean, I'm back in town, and I've missed you. And whether or not you want to admit it, Britt, I know you've missed me too. Just go out to dinner with me, please."

She hadn't wanted to add the please, but to be honest, the day was not really going the way that she planned and she was feeling more than a little desperate.

There was a pleading in her eyes that Brittany had always found hard to ignore. She remembered times when those same eyes had been used in all kinds of ways to convince her of all kinds of things. She shuddered inwardly, but kept her face impassive.

"Sorry, Santana, I can't. I have plans. You'll have to give me more notice-"

"C'mon, Britt. It's just dinner. I promise it'll be civil, even. We need to talk, we never did properly before."

"Santana…"

There was a warning in Brittany's voice. She wasn't in the mood to entertain Santana's flights of fancy. Sure, there was a part of her that was glad that Santana was in New York. There was a part of her that would always be glad to see Santana, no matter what happened. But she'd promised herself that she would stay strong. She had to. She had to start protecting herself.

"If I don't have plans to look forward to tonight, I could very well just sit around your office all day. I already know that Jane likes me, and I'm sure I'd love to meet Dr. Weber and hear all about his research."

Brittany shook her head slightly, and Santana made one last gambit. "Please, Britt. Thursday is date night. You can't turn me down on date night." She tried the puppy dog eyes again, and could see Brittany's resolve finally crack.

Brittany pinched the bridge of her nose. "Fine. Dinner. That's it." She reached for a pad and scribbled down a number. "This is my cell. Give me the details and I'll meet you there."

Santana waved the paper away. "No worries. Mercedes gave it to me months ago."

"Of course she did."

"Anyway, are you sure you don't want me to come pick you up? I could rent a limo and-"

"No, Santana. I will drive there and meet you."

"You've got a car? What kind of car is it?"

"I will meet you there." Brittany continued tersely. "And don't be late, Santana. I know how you get when there are a million dresses to try on."

Santana got up and sauntered towards the door. "Fine, fine. I promise. Scout's honor." She saluted and walked out, but quickly stuck her head back in the office.

"It was nice seeing you, Britt."

The frown between Brittany's eyes deepened, and there was a touch of a scowl on her face. "See you later, Santana."

The remark didn't dampen the other woman's spirits and she practically skipped out of the office, stopping at Jane's desk.

Jane held out the phone. "I've been updating Sugar on the situation, she wants to know why you and Mercedes didn't tell her you'd be in town."

"Tell her it's because she can't keep her mouth shut. In the meantime, I'll see her tomorrow. Maybe we'll all go out for drinks. Anyway, I've got a date to get ready for."

With that Santana stepped out of the office, and into the hallway.

\

Santana had sent the text to Brittany right after lunch. She'd made the reservation almost two weeks before, and knew exactly what she was going to wear, so it was only a matter of going back to Mercedes' house, changing clothes, and catching an Uber to the restaurant. Now, she sat nervously at the table, bouncing her leg up and down. She'd told Brittany 7:00 and even though it was 6:58, she could still feel her stomach tying itself up into knots. She alternated between twisting the napkin in her lap, and taking sips from the wine glass in front of her. She put the glass down. She didn't want to get tipsy, or out of sorts before Brittany even got there.

What if Brittany didn't show up? What if she showed up, but didn't want to talk? What if she hated Santana after everything that had happened? The questions swirled around Santana like fruit flies and she swatted them away.

There was nothing to do now but wait. They would talk and either Brittany would accept her, or she wouldn't. Santana didn't want to think about what would happen if she didn't. At this point, she had already put everything on the line. There was nothing waiting for her back in LA, and without Brittany, New York was just another town.

She took a deep breath. She hadn't come here to put pressure on Brittany to take her back. She just wanted to show her how much she'd grown, and maybe, just maybe, that might make her change her mine. She twisted the linen napkin again, and footsteps behind her made her jump.

"Hey!" Her voice cracked, and she tried not to redden from embarrassment. Quickly, she was on her feet and pulling out the chair for Brittany.

"That's not necessary, Santana."

"No, no, please, I want to. When we were together, you always used to do it for me, so now I want to do it for you."

"We're not together."

The words stung, but Santana tried not to let her smile falter.

"I know. I said when we were together. Anyway, I just thought it was a nice thing to do. You look lovely, Brittany."

Santana wasn't just going for flattery, Brittany actually did look amazing. Her smile became a little less forced as she took it all in. Brittany had put in a lot of effort. She looked smoking. She was wearing a tight black dress with a long slit up the side, and her hair was in a high bun, the loose tendrils draping over her neck. Santana had seen Brittany put in this much effort before, and it had usually been to impress her. Of course, she was always impressed with Brittany. The other woman could have been wearing a paper sack and she would have been impressed.

"Thanks."

Santana cleared her throat a few more times. She gestured around the room. "Do you remember this place, Britt? We're right around the corner from the apartment in Flatbush."

Brittany nodded, and a small smile lit up her face. "Yeah. It was our first date in the city. After you'd asked me to live here with you. You were working so much to pay the rent, I didn't think we'd ever be able to get out. And then you brought me here." She sighed. "I remembered as soon as you told me the address."

"Right? Remember we shared that tiramisu after dinner, and you drank too much wine and tried to give me a lap dance right at the table."

"Well, if I remember correctly, we hadn't had sex in weeks. You were too tired when you came home, I was too busy trying to find a job, and the rest of the time, Hummelberry were roaming around screeching every time they saw us kiss."

They shared a laugh before Brittany's face fell again. Santana noticed and scrambled to save the conversation. She waved the waiter over.

"We'll start with a wine for the lady, and then maybe some soup. What's the special today?"

"Well, ma'am-"

"I'll just have the wine. Whatever she's having." Brittany broke in, gesturing towards Santana.

"Very good ma'am."

He went off to fulfill get Brittany's wine and Santana frowned. "Aren't you going to eat?"

"Well, Santana, you showed up unannounced and I didn't even know you were in town. I can't stay, I have something at 8, and I can't blow them off."

"Britt, you just got here."

"And I will stay for a drink. We can talk if you want to, Santana, but if you think I'm going to turn my whole life around just because you waltz into town like it's no big deal, you thought wrong. I waited for you, Santana. I waited and watched while you broke my heart. I'm not in the mood to give you the benefit of the doubt anymore."

Brittany hadn't raised her voice, but she didn't have to. Her voice was a harsh whisper, and it stung more than Santana could have thought possible. She tried to steady herself, but before she knew it, the world was swimming behind unshed tears.

"Brittany, I just wanted to say I'm sorry." Her voice nearly broke with emotion.

"Well, you said it, right?"

"No. I mean, not like this. I just wanted-"

"What about what I want, Santana? A year ago I wanted you to be my wife, but apparently that wasn't enough for you. And now it's about what you want? I'm not playing that game with you. Not now."

The waiter returned and placed a glass in front of Brittany. Even he could feel the tension and left without trying to inform them of the specials.

Suddenly, Brittany's outfit and hair made sense. She hadn't been dressing up for their date at all. Santana tried her best not to frown, but she could barely help the disdain that wanted to drip from her lips.

"So, you've got plans afterwards."

Brittany looked her straight in the eye. "Yes."

"A date?"

"Yes."

Santana felt the world start to swim again, but she blinked quickly, ridding the tears. She wasn't here to blackmail Brittany, she wasn't here to guilt her. She had to remember that.

"Well, that's good."

Brittany wrinkled her brow. "Good?"

"Yeah, I mean, I'm glad you're, you know, doing things that make you happy."

Brittany grunted and took another sip of wine.

"Anyway, thanks for coming, I really appreciate it."

"Yeah."

They sat for another moment in silence, sipping their wine before Brittany spoke up again.

"I'd better go."

Santana stood up, and pulled her chair out before she could protest. "Sure, sure. I hope you enjoyed the wine."

"It was nice. Vintage?"

"Hell if I know. You know I know nothing about wine." Santana said, shrugging.

Brittany smiled at the memory. "Yeah, like that time you bought the bottle for a hundred bucks and it ended up tasting like prison wine."

"I still say that you have no idea what prison wine tastes like, so how could you know?" Santana returned the smile. "Anyway, I'll see you around, Britt."

"See you later, Santana."