Day Two: History

AN: This is sort of a double whammy. In addition to being my second entry for Zutara week it is also my prize-fic for the wonderful Lost Soul Here who gave me my 800th overall review. When I asked, she replied: Could you do something that's based on Maiko and Kataang (even though I COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY ship Zutara) where Zuko and Katara had a "fling", but something happened that forced them apart? Flashbacks would be AMAZING. Sort of angst-ridden and whatnot.

This is a complete fail because a) I turned the fling into a very serious relationship, b) my flashbacks are atrocious, c) my atrocious flashbacks are written in a kind of very bad Mills and Boon style with way too many trimmings, d) this is pathetically short for a prize-fic, e) the angst is not angsty enough at all and f) the Kataang and Maiko is seriously forced worse than M Night's 'The Last Airbender' script. In fact, overall I like this fic as much as I like being kicked in the gut. But as much as I fussed and faffed and re-wrote and edited-to-death it still remained… all that it is.

Lost Soul Here, please feel free to laugh or spit disgustedly at my attempt and request another try. Everybody else, be aware that a re-write of this is almost probable. All of my Zut Week entries are crap but really…

On a positive note thanks for everybody who made my reaching 800 reviews possible. You guys are superbly amazing and I really do appreciate every single one of you. Those who didn't review thanks for reading and/or favourite-ing; they make me feel honoured too. I will understand if you flame this. I dishonour my ship and the greatness of the reviews I have received.

Lots of italics= flashback.

Disclaimer: Avatar: The Last Airbender is not mine. Zutara week is not mine; I only revel in it. This fic is now the property of Lost Soul Here.

Feather-light kisses dripped onto her skin like soft raindrops carried over on a breeze. The breeze came from her own lips as she sighed; right then she could think of no moment that was more amazing, more complete, more captivating. Not even the sweltering heat of the summer bothered her there in her little cocoon of bliss. The grass was soft beneath her back and the sky was blue; the recipe of the happiness that had clothed her for the past month. She rolled over slightly so she was facing him, the sight eliciting a wide smile from her lips. He traced her curved mouth with a gentle, natural air and her hands claimed his free arm as her own to hold. She took in the difference in their skin tone with affectionate wonder, tracing every line and ridge on his arm that she did not have.

He watched her examine, his mood becoming slightly wearier. He was not yet used to having her in that way – the change had been as sudden as it had been easy and right. She laughed at his insecurity and tipped her face up towards his to tease him about his apparent vainness. The words died on her throat when she again caught sight of the left side of his face. Instead she found herself murmuring that he had no need to worry. Not about that sort of thing. Not with her, not ever.

His distinct smell overpowered the scents of high summer as he leant closer. There was a look on his face that told her her words had sunk in to a place that he kept guarded above all else. A rush of pride swept through her as she realized her words had touched him more than he would ever admit. Then all other thought vanished as he cupped her face. He hardly blinked for the long minutes he stared at her.

Then the words swept gracefully from his lips, their path natural and easy as though they'd taken flight before when in reality it was the first time he was voicing them. "Katara, I love you."

With a little jerk and gasp the Waterbender woke. It took her a few minutes of confused blinking to remember where she was and what she was doing. Then she remembered and she slowly pulled herself out of bed. The uniform stone of the Western Air temple made her toes tingle slightly as she made her way over to the small closet where her clothes were. She ignored her usual garb and instead began pulling on the fancier blue dress that had been specially made for her as thanks for her efforts in ending the war. She washed her face and hair at the stone basin quickly and without much enthusiasm and then began combing her tangled tresses up into a fancy knot that was appropriate for fancier gatherings.

She wished she hadn't dreamt of him today, of all days. The memory that had plagued her sleep was fresh in her mind and she knew – from past experience – that it would not go away for the rest of the day. This was more of a problem than other times because of the little party Aang and her were hosting at the Temple. The guests coming were prestigious and most of them were Fire Nation. They were the people that had the tensest relationships with the Avatar and his means for peace and so the evening was very important.

And she was ruining it already by losing her concentration hours before it began. Abandoning her hair she buried her face in her hands. Maybe it was because she knew he was coming that she'd dreamt of him. She searched her heart for emotions linked to his coming and she found dread, despair, weariness and the faintest hint of resentment. But those weren't the emotions that had her gripping at her carefully pinned locks in desperation. She could deal with not wanting to be around him. It was the ever-present, inextinguishable pull that she was unable to handle.

"Katara, I love you." It was funny how she could remember every rise and fall of his voice, especially from moments like that. A knock on the door startled her upright and she blurted 'Come in' before she could really think about it. Laughing grey eyes met her and some of the oppressive weight on her chest lifted. She managed to smile for him and he made his way over to her in the half-bouncing, half-gliding fashion that only he possessed.

"Wow. You look so pretty."

She turned back to the mirror to critique his assessment and his arms snaked around her from behind.

She stared at herself, delightedly surprised at how much she enjoyed wearing the dark red robe. Fingers used to fur trailed over the silk in wonder, and she smiled. Strong arms wrapped around her from behind suddenly, their owner burying his face in the part of her hair that hung loose. He breathed in deeply, as though inhaling a part of her and then moved his mouth to her ear.

"You look amazing." Then a smirk entered his words. "You know, for a peasant."

She blinked herself back to Air Temple, blue dress and different arms. "Thanks, Aang."

Her gratitude was genuine but muted. He seemed to pick up on her desire to be alone – something about him that she knew she loved – and he left with only one more kiss to her forehead. And the silence returned, filled to the brim with more memories that fought hard to resurface. Shutting her eyes she forced herself to think of the man that had just left her room; every detail of his looks, the quirks in his personality she adored, memories they made together, emotions he made her feel. Surrounding herself with those things she continued to get ready so she could help lay out the food.

x-x-x

"Do you know that you look the part of the Firelord when you dress that way?"

"Oh and every other time I look like I'm just pretending?"

Laughter echoed around him and he felt himself shiver ever so slightly as though the sound rippled across his very skin. The laughter in his private two patches of ocean quelled the rage that had sprung to life with her comment.

"No, stupid." He'd let that one slide, just this once. "What I mean is, when you're dressed like that people can see at once who I can see inside."

He raised his eyebrow at her, a little sceptical even as his heart glowed. "You've been listening to Uncle," he accused.

She pulled a face that made the lines on his face relax somewhat. "That did turn out cheesier than intended," she admitted. "But that doesn't mean that I wasn't being totally serious. Zuko." She looked at him with that expression that made him feel pinned to the spot and able to fly as high as the heavens all at once. "You can do this." How she'd known about his silent, overwhelming doubts he'd never know. "I promise you - you can do this."

"So you're not going to run as soon as I step onto that balcony?" He'd only half been attempting to lighten the mood with a joke.

She smiled wanly and slipped her fingers through his. "I'm not going anywhere."

"So this is the Western Air temple."

Zuko jolted back to the present and looked around a little wildly, confused at the scenery that had changed while he'd been wallowing. Then he landed back in reality with a little bump as the pressure of Mai's hand in his sank in. He tried to think up something intelligent to say in response to her comment but could find nothing. Fortunately for him the noblewoman had never expected a reply; she had just been remarking on something in the same way one would remark about new things that only just tickled your intrigue.

The Firelord saw now that they were nearly at the courtyard from where music and voices were flowing tantalisingly. The sounds and smells brought him up short, his sudden stop jerking Mai to an abrupt one. She turned to look at him, confusion flickering in the very depths of her eyes. The emotion was barely discernable and the overwhelming remembrance of a face that showed all feeling swam at the back of Zuko's mind. The gold eyes before him softened and Mai paced back towards him.

"Hey."

He looked at her almost unseeingly, willing to do almost anything if it meant not setting foot in that room. The plagues of his dreams were in that room; plagues that were dipped in bittersweet loss and plagues that had him so wound up with worry he could barely move at times. This second lot of plagues were the powerful people of his nation – people who did not trust him and his leadership skills. People who grumbled and plotted and undermined and were prestigious enough to influence the rest. That type of people was present in every nation but he felt the brunt of the sons and daughters of fire the most out of all of them.

"Zuko. It will be fine. Almost everybody is won around to your side by now."

"Yeah. Almost."

"That's what this party is for. To start reeling the others in. It won't help, however, if you're not present."

"One party will not change everything." His tone was bordering on snappish.

"No." She sighed. "But Aang planned this with his usual hope. And things seem to work out right for him. Don't they?"

He nearly burst into bitter laughter at the stinging truth of her words. "Oh yes. In every occasion."

She gave him an impatient face and then dragged him the rest of the way to the courtyard. As soon as they entered he was allowed to slip into automatic mode, greeting and politely conversing with everybody that crossed his path. The usual pattern lulled him into a comfortable sense of security that was shattered brutally when Aang finally spotted him. He turned at the greeting from his left expecting another nobleman who he had to exchange social pleasantries with. Instead he got a full blast of the sight of dark skin and his lost bits of the ocean. His stolen bits of the ocean.

The sound of footsteps made him glance to the door. And then the very breath was knocked from his lungs at the sight. The Earth Kingdom dress was the lush green of the palace gardens in spring. Her hair was pulled up loosely and she even had make-up on. He was pleased to see it was only a little – he didn't want any bit of her face to be obscured. In that moment he allowed himself to forget etiquette and he drank the sight of her in with the stunned dawning of insight. Her face tinged with a red hue and she fiddled nervously with the garment she wore.

"Is it too much for a first date?" she asked, sounding forlorn.

"No. No, it's perfect. Really."

She smiled shyly at him and then bit her lip, as though at fault. Lowering her voice guiltily she confessed, "I have training clothes on underneath."

The awkward ice surrounding them shattered and he smirked. "Maybe they will allow you to actually be competition to me when we spar later."

Her eyes narrowed and her smile widened. "I'm going to kick your butt. And you're still paying for dinner."

He was reminded right then that, although she was beautiful in everything, she looked most stunning wearing her native colour. Then reality slapped him through the face and he absorbed the way her hand was laced with the Avatar's. Simultaneously he noticed her glancing at Mai's hand in his, some of the sparkle in her eyes dying. A vicious emotion rose in his chest and he fought it down with every possible inch of strength in him. As much as it hurt he had to be content with the devastation that was her on another man's arm.

Somehow both of them managed to come across as normal during the conversation. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that Aang was excited and sociable enough for all of them. He could not, however, pretend to be disappointed when they parted ways. He wanted to find some dark corner outside where he could Firebend until he felt nothing at all but the pressure on his arm kept him grounded. More encounters with more noblemen and noblewoman followed but all he could do was drown in himself.

Finally he managed to surface and comprehended that while he'd been floating soullessly through the day Mai had been doing all the talking. Mai, who bored easily and detested showing too much emotion, especially to strangers. Mai who would rather have been anywhere else but who had come because of him. Impulsively he dragged her out to the dance floor, seeing a spark of delight flash like a blink across her face. Neither of them were dancers but the feeling of rhythm and music was new and he caught her smiling more than once. His heart softened. The woman he held loosely in his arms meant more to him than he'd remembered on that day. He allowed himself to remember her, slowly pushing the ocean aside for a warm flame.

That was how things were: the destiny he wanted belonged to the Avatar.

x-x-x

Of course they had to be the last people to leave. A part of her blamed the sprits even as reason tried to tell her that it was because they were her and Aang's friends that they lingered until nobody else was around. Polite conversation flowed between the four of them; meaningless words to her ringing ears. And then they were thankfully saying goodbye and she was melting in his eyes again, struggling to breathe and to keep her tears hidden.

Screaming and crying had left her throat raw and her face salty and dry. They had never moved more than a foot from each other but their voices had risen as though they were standing on opposite sides of The Great Divide. She felt too numb to feel anything else. Every bit of her seemed to have shattered more and more with every word exploded into the air. And she felt a million times worse because of the hurt she could see in his eyes.

"If you leave" – his voice was hoarse and cracked, driving her dead heart into even more agony – "then we can never come back. To this."

It was not a threat but a clarification. Some things in life were so devastating they had to be said aloud. She choked on her sob.

"I know. Once I walk out that door it's over. And… And I'll probably regret stepping out for every day of the rest of my life." She had to let him know that. She couldn't bear to do what needed to be done otherwise.

"Then don't leave."

Hearing him plead nearly broke her on the spot. But she drew on her last reserves and remained standing. She had to sever everything if either of them were to fully live after tonight.

"You know I can't stay. Both of us know that. Zuko… some things just cannot be, as much as they want them. We have no control over the big issues in life."

"Bull!" Stubborn, as always. "We must have some control! I refuse to let my life be ruled by fate!"

She stared at him sadly, the tears leaking from her eyes again. She had nothing left in her alive enough to feel as he began to cry too. She looked him over, taking him in for the last time in her life.

"Goodbye, Zuko."

She could say nothing else. She fled the room and left a part of herself there for eternity.

"Goodbye, Zuko."

"Bye, Katara." His eyes told her that he remembered too.

How she made it back to her room in one piece she would never know. The tears started as soon as she closed the door. And after she'd cried for him for ages she cried for Aang and Mai – for the guilt she felt for dragging them through their mess. She knew Mai loved Zuko and that Zuko loved her back. This fact was as undeniable as the sun rising every morning. She knew she loved Aang – she always had and always would. And although Aang was not Zuko and Mai was not her things had to settle into what they were always destined to be.

They were, after all, only mortals. Zuko and her had lived as gods for a while, tasting heaven and sleeping on the stars. But the simple truth remained that the world needed a strong Avatar and a Fire Nation intent on peace. For that they needed a loving, guiding, knowing hand for the Avatar and a woman who was cut out to be Firelady in every aspect of her being. She was that hand and Mai was that woman. No amount of hope or praying would ever change that.

She knew too – despised it with the part of her heart that still belonged to Zuko – that things would get easier over time. They'd always long, always remember, always think of heaven and the stars. But they would be more than content with their lives on earth. The spirits had paired them up well, and they would both find happiness. She just had to remember that and stop selfishly clinging to the past.

Her and Aang had a future – one that filled her with joy even in those broken hours after the party. Her and Aang had a bright, certain, exciting, challenging future. All she and Zuko had was history.