Watching the smoke ascending up into the darkness, Elsa thought back once more of the night of the party…
She wasn't sure what she was doing, wasn't sure how it all was going to turn out. Elsa only knew that she had to follow Maria. Carefully looking around once more, she made sure no one's gaze caught her going in there as she entered the small room and closed the door behind her.
Startled by the gentle push of her door, Maria turned to face the Baroness. She was just about to take her dress off, clutching the loosened top half of it to her chest now that she'd heard movement behind her. Elsa felt her temperature rising as she watched Maria stepping out of it. She tried to cover her nerves with maintaining a conversation, which proved to be a rather difficult task. As another attempt she walked to Maria's wardrobe and opened its door. She didn't have to search for a long time; there were only a few hangers she had to go through till she found the one with the blue dress on it. Elsa never hated wearing gloves like she did in that moment. She wanted to feel the light material on her fingertips. To feel the same sensation as Maria did; to feel something that's been so close against her body. Taking the hanger out of the wardrobe with one swift movement, she stepped towards the bed. The bed. The bed she slept in… It was neatly done, waiting for the young woman to rest on it after her nightly prayer. Elsa wondered how would it be like, to lie next to Maria. Holding her body close to her own. Laying there in blissful silence, satisfied and deliciously exhausted after…
Elsa momentarily closed her eyes when her body shivered slightly. It could've been the cold breeze causing it, but she knew that her thoughts were the real reason behind the goose bumps now prickling up on her skin. She took another drag on her cigarette and smoothed her upper arm with her hand. The simple movement was enough to steer back her thoughts once more. Oh, how she wished she could ran her palms against Maria's skin. Would it be as peachy and soft, as it seemed? Elsa was sure it would be exquisite to touch. But she was never going to find out now, that Maria was gone. The Baroness scoffed at her own thought. There's never been even a mere chance of her touching Maria – well, not in the way she'd wanted to touch her – regardless if she stayed, or not. Elsa knew she had been the sole reason of Maria's sudden departure and she had mixed feelings about it.
It wasn't her intention at all to manipulate Maria into going back to the convent. She tried to remember her exact words but without success. The overcoming fear of scaring the younger woman with an accidental slip that would reveal her lust for her was the only definite thing Elsa could recall. She had to pick her words carefully and keep her voice down in order not to show emotions. Even so, her cautiousness left her once or twice and Elsa was thankful for her presence of mind, not panicking after she just told Maria she found her very attractive. She quickly carried on talking to hide the true meaning behind what had been said. Could those sentences be interpreted as vicious, mean-spirited ones? Maria looked stirred up, almost frightened and it took all that was being left of Elsa's composure to offer her comfort in only words, rather than pulling her into a soothing embrace.
It was then and there, that the Baroness herself realized that it won't be so easy to forget about her fantasies, unlike men often did. That happened to be the most difficult part of it all; she wasn't ready to let go of her yearning.
And here she was, still thinking about it. All the little things she tried to distract herself with, were only working for minutes. Having a cigarette. Taking a stroll. Reading. Her focus shifted even when talking to others. Even when being with her soon-to-be husband…
Elsa bit her lower lip and stared absentmindedly at the view before her. Another marriage. She should be happy. Happy that their relationship finally reached a point, where it's gotten so serious, Georg wanted to make it official. How ironic, that Elsa was feeling what seemed like a thousand different emotions, but none of those was anything close to happiness. Mostly she was worried and confused, about things that were yet to come. She used to think about the inevitable changes that would affect so many aspect of her life. Moving to Salzburg from Vienna; leaving everything behind. She didn't have to, of course, but she figured it was for the better if she made a fresh start. During her years in the glorious city, she grew fond of the architectural wonders of it, but those were the only things she would genuinely miss. The more she thought about it, sitting in her home, entertaining the idea of a possible marriage in the future, the more she came to like it. So much so, that it didn't feel like a sacrifice at all. She wasn't giving up anything. Salzburg was a significantly smaller city than Vienna, but other than that, Elsa couldn't think of anything against it; the city's beauty and the closeness of nature made up for it anyways.
It would mean a whole new beginning for the Baroness. Hopefully one without so many pretentious people and fake smiles, Elsa was sadly so used to. The night of the party – or the night of Maria's departure as it registered in Elsa's mind – however, proved to her, that it was necessary, almost required, to put on a dishonest façade amongst the members of high society, no matter where she might be. She excelled at that, but at the same time she admired the ones who couldn't so expertly hide their real emotions from the public. Maria in particular…
She seemed so surprised, so uncomfortable when Max held her by the wrist, keeping her from leaving the ball. She tried to make up excuses and Elsa found it absolutely enchanting. The distress her feelings were causing her in those moments was stronger however, and it took her a little while that she gained control over her facial expression once again. Elsa remembered everything so vividly of that night… Everything except what happened in Maria's room stayed clearly with her. She could only remember how she was feeling; her emotions changing with lightning speed with every word that left either of their lips.
She didn't spend a long time in the room; in fact the entire encounter happened under a few minutes, yet it seemed like hours had passed by. Every time Elsa let her mind wander off back to that scene, it felt more intense and more… determinative. Up to the point, that now it was almost unbearable. She made her leave. It was only because of her, that Maria wasn't around anymore. Elsa had no one, but herself to blame for the predicament she was in now, because her miserable state of mind was her own fault. She was furious with herself for countless reasons. Her frustration. Her lack of focus. Daydreaming. Self-loathing. She was impatient with herself. She knew she had to pull herself together and move on with her life in order to find her inner peace – or something of sort – again. But somewhere deep inside her, she didn't want this to end. Elsa didn't want to move on. No matter how untenable the situation might felt, there was a tiny part of her that just won't let her forget. It was torture, absolute torture, but she was helpless against it. Helpless, but not because there wasn't anything she could've done about it…
Playing with the cigarette holder between her fingers, Elsa watched the subtle movements of water as the light breeze ruffled the surface of the lake. It was barely noticeable, but she could see it. Small wave after small wave, nature presented the Baroness with a simple and painfully profound metaphor of herself. Hearing someone clearing their throat behind her, Elsa felt her lips involuntarily curling upwards into a faint smile when she instantly recognized who it was. She half-turned, leaving her palm on top of the stone railing.
"I didn't want to scare you." The Captain said, smiling back at her. "I thought you might need this." He lifted his hand a little, holding Elsa's cream coloured silk robe out to her.
His thoughtfulness made her smile wider and it quickly turned into a radiant one.
"Thank you darling." Elsa stepped closer to Georg and let him help her into the soft material, passing her cigarette holder from hand to hand skilfully as she slipped her arms in turn into the long sleeves of the robe. Elsa's gone quiet yet again, the Captain could sense it. Lately she had been distant, and more often than not looked troubled. She tried to conceal her feelings of course, but knowing her as well as Georg did, he caught the little telling signs of her unhappiness at times, when Elsa wasn't paying attention. There was no doubt in his mind about what was worrying her; her strange behaviour started on the night of the party, shortly after they discussed marriage. A definite change was apparent in Elsa's mood ever since that evening. The Captain noticed how she always seemed preoccupied, and rightfully so. Becoming the step-mother of seven children was not an easy decision to make. Part of him felt guilty for putting her into a situation like this, but at the same time Elsa's emotional struggle had showed him that she didn't take marriage lightly. In fact, she put a lot of thought into it; the heavy responsibilities of raising someone else's children – and seven children at that – were something to seriously consider. Elsa didn't have children of her own and without Maria's seemingly expert supervision and overall calming effect, it proved to be a difficult task for her and the young von Trapps to get on the same wavelength. She tried to hold conversations and engage them in games in order to get to know her possible future stepchildren, and even though her attempts were mostly unsuccessful and sometimes even awkward, Georg couldn't have appreciated them more.
Wanting to comfort Elsa, the Captain stepped next to her and moved his hand to gently wrap it around her slender waist. She flinched a little at the feeling of his touch, but slowly relaxed against his warm body. Her hand almost instinctively slid across his lower back to finally come to a rest on his waist; subconsciously mirroring the Captain's hold on her. Elsa lifted her cigarette holder to her perfect lips to inhale on it for the last time. Georg never mentioned it to her, but she knew he wasn't a big fan of smoking.
There still wasn't a word spoken, just the sounds of nature surrounding the couple. Elsa leaned against him a little more as she deeply exhaled and watched as the smoke lazily swirled upwards to finally vanish altogether. The Captain felt her hand letting go of him and turned his head to see where she was going. Staring blankly down at her hands, Elsa expertly removed the remainder of her cigarette from its elegant holder and stubbed it out in the crystal ashtray that was lying on the table, indicating her presence at the villa. Georg followed her every move with his gaze; he watched as her delicate fingers performed the casual task with effortless grace, placing the object that so quickly became unnecessary, on the table. Only a few seconds later, however, Elsa picked it up again and started to roll it between her fingers before her palm closed around the thin accessory. A habit of hers that Georg noticed she used to do whenever she was nervous.
She really was worried about the children; he needed to talk to them first thing tomorrow, to be nicer to their soon-to-be stepmother, Georg thought to himself. In an attempt to get Elsa's attention, Georg cleared his throat again, as a subtle sign that he was about to talk. She peered up at him; a pair of icy blue eyes, filled with uncertainty.
"I, umm… Shall we go inside? It's getting late." He offered a half-smile that she vaguely returned.
"I think I will stay for a little while if you don't mind."
"Then I'll stay too." He stepped closer to her again and took her free hand into his, sliding his fingers through hers. Her hand was cold in his hold, she must have been freezing.
"I won't be for long, Georg. Just a few more minutes." Her voice was soft, but it was different from her usual calm, velvety tone he liked to hear so much. It lacked all her energy and the sense of her ever present contentment. She smiled, meaning to reassure him that she was perfectly fine, but the weak shadow of a smile that curled her lips in the slightest way possible only made him worry about her more.
He's never been good when it came to discussing emotions, he'd rather showed that he cared with small gestures and let his actions reflect his feelings. He wanted so much to comfort Elsa and tell her how it moved him that he took his proposal so seriously; that she didn't have anything to worry about and that everything was going to be alright, but it simply wasn't in his nature to actually word all this.
"Darling, you're cold."
"I'll be right inside. I just need a moment alone." Feeling that it was best not to push her more, but to give her the space she was asking for, the Captain let go of Elsa's hand.
"As you wish. But don't be too long." He placed his hands on her hips as he leaned down to peck her on the lips. "I would hate catching a cold from you."
His last, quiet statement earned him a little chuckle and he suddenly felt Elsa's hands pressing lightly against his chest. She looked up at him, thankful for his way of lightening her mood. Georg pulled her closer to him and she relaxed in his hold. With his arms wrapped around her, his embrace gave Elsa a much needed sense of security. She closed her eyes for a second and sighed. He's always been so understanding and kind to her, protecting her silently from harm. She should be counting her blessings to have found him and yet here she was, utterly confused if she was able to get through with this marriage. All because of a silly, unrealistic fantasy that was futile to chase. She needed to move on from it, the sooner the better. But why was it so hard, when she knew she didn't even have a choice? Perhaps that was the explanation. The frustrating feeling of inability. Elsa was used to being a capable woman; whatever she wanted, she pursued and achieved it. Her present disoriented and unsure state of mind was torturous. She couldn't do this to herself, and more importantly, she couldn't do this to him.
Her back rose and fell with the steady rhythm of her breathing and Georg tightened his hold on her just a little bit more. It seemed that he had managed to make her feel at ease after all. He took a deep breath, relishing his small victory, causing Elsa to shift in his arms with his movement. She pulled away, enough to allow their gazes to meet.
"Just a few more minutes." He repeated her previous request, before leaning in to kiss her cheek. "I'll hold you to that." He half-whispered against her ear.
Elsa nodded and smiled thankfully, deeply appreciating his understanding. She watched him go back into the villa, making a point of not closing the balcony door behind him. His attentiveness made Elsa's heart sank. She knew that he's always been that way, but it was only recently that he openly acted so caringly. He gradually let his kinder qualities surface and more often than not they took the place of his strict, martial style. His words started to soften and his orders slowly became requests.
It was a clear and definite change, one that everyone seemed to benefit from. Especially his children. The mutual adoration was visible between them and their father, but as the days passed, the initial fear started to disappear from their eyes. To witness how they were less and less hesitant to just go up to Georg for a hug, was moving, to say the least. The Baroness seldom heard him talking about his family, when they were spending time together in Vienna, and she's never pressured him for details. Early on she discovered that if the Captain constantly avoided a subject, then he did this with a reason and it was best to just leave it. He could be very reserved; it was a challenge for him to open up.
It only made his sudden change all the more remarkable. Being there in Salzburg with him gave Elsa an excellent opportunity to watch him in the process of loosening up a little, step by step every day. She was a smart woman and it didn't take her long at all to put two and two together. The only addition to Georg's life she knew of was this young, vibrant woman, who came to look after his children. Her influence undeniably showed on everything she touched. The atmosphere she has created was a soothing yet stimulating one, which – based on the single complaint Georg once let slip and on what Elsa's heard here and there – was a task many governesses has failed to achieve. No wonder everyone around Maria seemed so fond of her. She had a certain aura surrounding her that was so irresistibly alluring. Maria not only succeeded in capturing the children's hearts, but their father's as well. And mine too.
The realization coldly hit Elsa again. It was no good thinking back of her and how she affected everything for the better. She was gone now. She went away because of her… She had made Maria feel guilty, when she had absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. It was the Baroness alone, who was in the wrong. She had serious reasons to think things over and she couldn't escape the overwhelming responsibility. Everyday she found a new aspect of how her actions caused distress to others. Has she been selfish? Probably. Definitely. Elsa was a strong woman, but being in the presence of Maria without showing any of her real emotions had became a harder and harder task. It was almost unbearable and it made her desperate to change it somehow. Anyhow. She didn't plot anything though; she couldn't. There wasn't any sort of plan in her head; she was happy to keep herself together with her mind constantly in a whirl. Maria has gone back to the abbey after their talk by mere accident. She decided it was best if she left. It should've put an end to Elsa's misery, but instead of relief, her real torture has just begun.
No one seemed to understand why Maria has left so suddenly in the middle of the night; it was highly out of character of her, not saying goodbye to anyone, not even the children. In the short note, written in her delicate handwriting, she reasoned she didn't want to wake them so late at night, but as much as this pained her, she couldn't stay any longer. At first Georg couldn't believe Maria had been so careless and irresponsible just walking out on him like this then it occurred to him how she often made her mind up in the spur of the moment… Elsa literally felt sick with nerves when the Captain had asked her what she thought about it, trying to figure out if he had done anything to cause this. Georg and the children kept building up different scenarios as to what could have chased Maria away. One day even Max mentioned that perhaps he shouldn't have pressured Maria into joining them at the party, because it visibly made her uncomfortable, and shortly – if not immediately – after, she took off. It was indeed the last time they'd seen her. Except for Elsa, but it was only her and Maria, who knew about that particular conversation…
Swallowing hard, Elsa closed her eyes. The increasingly sharp throbbing at her temple, that indicated her migraine wasn't going to fade tonight either, had become impossible to ignore. The fresh, chilly air around her did nothing. She has never experienced this level of mental and physical exhaustion at the same time before. She needed to sleep desperately, but there was little she could do about it. Elsa found herself in a predicament yet again, because on those rare occasions she practically collapsed on her bed, she dreamed. The recurring dream she couldn't escape from was that very same vivid, delicious one that started to haunt her a few days after meeting Maria. It became more and more detailed each time, never failing to bring Elsa to a harsh awakening. It took her long, confusing moments of looking around in the dark room to realize it was only a dream and she was lying alone in bed. Immense gratitude replaced her original displeasure of having separate rooms with Georg, for she wasn't sure just how intense her dreams really were…
They positively felt real to her; every touch, kiss, and caress burnt her flesh. Sighs and gasps, the sounds of fast, shallow breathing, and involuntary moans rang in her ears. Unwanted items of clothing were hastily removed and tossed aside to reveal a flawless figure. Creamy soft skin, divinely toned legs, seductive curves, amazing breasts were begging to be touched. The younger woman's impossibly smooth skin and lips were intoxicating, and even after waking with a start and sitting bolt upright in bed, Elsa could've sworn the taste of her still lingered on her lips.
The Baroness bit her lower lip; her wandering mind sending a wave of heat through her body. She knew she should have stopped. Her awareness was quickly dismissed however, when the sensuous vision of a flushed, writhing Maria claimed her every thought once more. Elsa allowed herself a brief moment of carefree daydreaming, as her fantasy took over her senses. Forcing herself to come back to reality, she tightened her grip on her cigarette holder, digging her nails into her palm.
This definitely couldn't go on like this. The damage was already done; Maria wasn't a governess living in the villa anymore. She was to become a nun. A nun.
Elsa closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on the heavy fact. Maria was going to dedicate her entire life to the service of God. A God, Elsa no longer prayed to… With a slight shake of her head, the Baroness decided it was time to go inside, as she previously promised to Georg. Shutting the door behind her, she looked up to the sky one last time, wondering what Maria could be doing, rolling her eyes immediately at her own silliness. It was the middle of the night; everyone else in Salzburg was peacefully sleeping, except for her.
Or so she thought…
A.N.: Thank you so much for the reviews on the first chapter, it means a lot to get some feedback. :) Sorry it took me this long to update, I'll post chapter 3 sooner; I'm already working on it. Please let me know what you think, good or bad. Wifey… I just love you soooooo babe. – V.