A/N: So yeah too many stories all at once! Damn you Writers block. And damn the school system since now I'm back at school for 2nd semester. FML. Also it seems I've discovered the italics button (Y) fun fun. So warning time... um so language, small mentions of lemon etc etc. Whatever you can expect from an M Sirius/Remus story (or is that just me?)
Spy, Traitor, Death Eater – Why won't you let me close the distance? (Remus POV)
Did you finally realise that you may have made a mistake? That I wasn't worth coming back to now?
You betrayed me in 6th year, after we became lovers. And yet I let you come back crawling to me.
Albeit after near a year, but I let you back into my heart and my bed once again.
I don't think I can even describe the hurt I felt after you sold me out to Snape. He and I had been friendly towards each other. We were secretly potions partners. Did you find out? Is that why you decided to betray me? No matter what you think I've never forgiven you for that.
I struck my revenge by my stress relievers. In both the holidays and school term I hooked up with either Artie McLaggen or Tim Cabot. I know you hated it, but I hated it too. They weren't you.
But I needed to get rid of my sexual tension somehow. I don't think that you would have appreciated me shagging you in the Great Hall all of a sudden before Full Moon. Even if you were so desperate to get me back, you were still Sirius Black, Womaniser Extraordinaire.
And then we graduated. My parents had been killed during term and had left me with nothing but the old Manor back in Wales. I wanted to be in London. I needed to be in London. Dumbledore had recruited us to the Order and it was crucial that I was on the scene.
Lily and James moved in together, with Lily off to be a Healer and James to be an Auror along with you. Our argument that night in the common room when we found out you'd both been accepted had been explosive. You accused me of being jealous. Jealous that I would never get a good job like you did, since of my problem.
The argument ended with me bursting into tears (much to my shame) and running up to our dorm room. It was when Lily followed that I confided in her of all that had happened, all that she suspected. That argument had cemented Lily's and my friendship.
But I was forced to move in with you, when I couldn't find a job.
It upset me in two ways. One, that I would not be able to pay rent to you and seemingly had to rely on you for money. And two, I had to live with you.
I knew you had ambitions for a bachelor pad. I know you Padfoot. And I ruined that plan. You could have hated me for that. But you (amazingly, surprisingly) didn't. You welcomed me with open arms and that lazy grin of yours. That smile that I had fallen in love with.
It might have been the worst decision of my life, but I loved it all the same. Just us two living together. Sometimes it felt as though we were the only two people in the world. That one night you came home drunk from the brothel changed it all though. You were drunk and I took advantage.
I was just so lonely. I wanted what I couldn't have and took what I shouldn't have taken.
When we were together, it was always you fucking me. You always took me. Never did I have you. You said you weren't prepared for that kind of sex. And I, being as gay as you could get, took it up the arse like the good little prefect that I was. But no more.
You were drunk, barely coherent and driving us both crazy with love, desire and lust.
That night you begged me to fuck you. To fuck you like a man. And so I did. And you loved it. You completely and utterly adored it. The next morning when I fled to the shower after having tried to apologise, you followed me and shagged me senseless in the shower. So we started a pattern. You would come home drunk, I would fuck you and the next morning you would fuck me in the shower before you would leave for Auror training.
It was only until we both came one time, not crying each other's name, but instead "I love you" that we stopped and looked at what had become of us. You stormed out saying you were spending the night at James and Lily's. And I curled up around your pillow and cried my heart out.
You came home the next morning with such a smile on your face, and greeted me, not with a smile or hello, but a mind-blowing kiss. James and Lily were to be married. You were to be best man. You suggested we stop being fuck-buddies and become lovers once more. I made the stupid decision of agreeing.
At the reception of the Potter's wedding, which happened to take place at my manor in Wales, we danced underneath the stars. It was then you pulled me towards the forest and knelt down in front of me. I started to cry when I realised what was happening. You asked me to marry you. I said yes without hesitation. Should I have hesitated?
We moved out of your flat and into a little house in Chiswick. I was so happy. I had a home, I had gotten a job, and I had you. We married in the summer, not two months after you asked me. Were we too hasty?
Harry was born on our anniversary. You were named God-father. I wasn't jealous or anything. Lily later confided in me that I was basically male God-mother. I felt sorry for the kid. James as his father and with you as his god-father, he was in for a hell of a ride.
Are you upset that I cannot give you children? Are you upset with me because I am male? Are you only just realising what you have done, what you have chosen? But with your distance with me opening more and more, why won't you let me get close to close the distance?
A/N: Back again. Now I know I said in my first chapter that I can't be bothered with Peter. Yeah well in a chapter or so you'll get a mention, the sly git. Sorry. I know Remus seems a bit oblivious and house-wifey, and there's like little to no mentions of his lycanthropy (sorry!). But just casually, in my world (where everyone is a pony and we all eat rainbows and poop butterflies – sorry couldn't resist! Maturity points to me), Male werewolves can get pregnant (or their partners, but Remus doesn't know that :D) and werewolves aren't affected by silver (because that's just stupid). Anyways, click the blue tab?