Dear Die-Ary, Today Is Over: The Life and Times of Yuki Sohma
WARNING: Story is intended for mature audiences only. Contains graphic sexual reference, adult content, suggestive dialogue, violence, drug usage and occasional vaginal bruising.
✩TWO✩
You've Gotta Get Gone. You've Got To Get Going
Today, once again, things revolved around Kyo's ass. This time, he wasn't wearing pants when he flopped down on Shigure's futon and ended up getting three malted milk balls stuck in his ass. Personally, I think that he deserved it. Serves him right for trying to soil the futon with his nasty cat ass. The good about all of this, is that I accompanied Kyo to Hatori's house, and along the way I ran into Haru. Upon hearing of the evens that had just transpired, he became excited and decided to come along for the show.
Out of nowhere he produced a bag of Cow Tails (carmel chews, for those of you who don't know) and he enjoyed our snacks as Hatori pulled on a pair of rubber gloves and prepared to go digging. Kyo yowled something fierce and Haru began to choke on a chew. Hatori had to race over and pound him on the back, as I couldn't do it, due to the fact I was paralysed with laughter. Haru coughed the piece of chew and Hatori resumed prying open Kyo's rectum. (What is my obsession with asses lately? Hmm. Maybe I should attend sexaholics anonymous with Ayame. Oh shit, that would drive me to drink, so that's not a good idea.)
Hatori managed to get all three malted milk balls out with the help of a pair of needle nose pliers. As we were leaving Haru decided he was sleeping over, so he, Kyo and I headed for Shigure's house. The walk home was interesting to say the least. I've decided to write my latest health class assignment on the need of cleanliness, and how if things are left in a mess, awful things can happen. Kyo wasn't impressed when he looked over and saw my paper. He punched me in the face and I don't remember what happened after that.
When I woke up this morning I looked in the mirror and saw that I had a huge shiner. My whole left eye was black and blue. "Shit, that's gonna need a lot of cover up." I look back and see Haru lingering in the doorway. "Yeah, I know." I dig around in the bathroom drawer looking for some. I find Tohru's make up bag and help myself to the concealer. I'll leave her a note telling her that I will replace the jar I took. I slather the flesh coloured goo around my eye and begin to rub it in. "Jesus Christ this hurts!" Haru starts to say something, but I cut him off. "Don't even ask me who Jesus Christ is! I went through that whole ordeal yesterday with Momiji!" Haru chuckles. "He texted me about that. That was fuckin' great. I was going to ask you if you need help applying that stuff." I whip around, accidentally polkaing myself in the eye.
"Fine. Help me with this shit before I blind myself." I hand him the jar of concealer and he takes a small brush out of his back pocket, dips it into the jar and begins to dab it on my face. "What do you think the fan girls are going to say when they see this?" I tense up and stand still as a statue. "There we are." Haru looks me over, applying finishing touches. "Very nice, indeed." He turns me so I'm facing the mirror and I drink it in. "I don't look bad at all!" I exclaim, moving closer to the mirror. "Haru, are you sure you don't want to rethink this bakery shit and go to school for cosmetology?" "Yeah, I'm sure."
Today, I had the most amazing thought I think I've ever had! I was sitting in the middle of my English lesson when it came to me. This body is the only way that I can exist in the physical world…without this solid form, I become liquid-an unseen force moving throughout the air, weightless and unconfined. Freer that the birds that sky in the sky or the fish that swim in the sea. The greatest feeling I've ever known…The theme song of my life is played in E flat, and when composed the green ink of the pen stains the fingers of the artist.
"Mr. Sohma, are you paying attention?" I snap to attention and smile widely. "Of course. I was just reflecting on what you said. I find it all very interesting. I'm even thinking about pressing a career in the field of English Literature." The teacher blushes. "Ah, that's wonderful! You should come to my lecture at the local university. It's Tuesday nights from 5-7 pm." I scribble some things down in my notebook, to make it look like I'm interested. "Thank you, ma'am." Another detention avoided by good old fashion ass kissing!
Still flying high, from my thrills from last period, I didn't notice that there was a sub in my chemistry class. I sat down in my usual seat in the back, next to Tohru, so she can cheat off me (and I can get a rim job). I look up to the front of the class expecting Mrs. Takido and what I get is Bette Middler. 0.0 From the frizzy orange hair, to the parsley spring caught in her teeth. I nearly vomit when she bends over and I see her saggy, wrinkled tits, almost pouring out of her bra. I begin to cough so hard, I think that my chest may explode. "You there, grey headed boy! Do you need a cup of water?" I'm unable to catch my breath so Tohru answers her question. "I'll get Yuki-kun some water!" She rushes away from me and I feel like my windpipe might crack.
Tohru comes in and hands me a paper cup filled with water. I take a sip and clear my throat. "I'm sorry. This usually never happens." "You're excused, Mr. Uh-" "Sohma." "I should remember that name. I dated a guy with the last name of Sohma. Maybe you know him; Shigure Sohma." My face drops. Shigure had sexual relations with this…this beast? o.0 And with that I lose my breakfast all over the floor.