Til My Heart's Content
February 21, 2005
Sitting at the bottom of the stairwell, Luke couldn't help but laugh as Lorelai barreled through the front door and rushed inside like the house was on fire and she had heirlooms to save.
Shopping bags in her hands, she sighed and dropped them at her feet as she spotted him sitting there patiently.
"Jeez," he muttered.
She breathed heavily. "There was traffic. I would've been back sooner."
"You've only been gone for two hours," he pointed out calmly.
"I know," she said with inflection. "If it wasn't for the stupid traffic, it wouldn't have taken so long."
He tried to pull her sane side aside. "Lorelai, when have you ever spent only two hours at the mall? I can't believe you. I've told you-"
"Yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah. I was there."
He gave her a warning with his eyes causing her to smile sweetly before she went and threw herself onto the couch.
"I've told you," he began again, "to stop doing that. You're going to get in an accident rushing back to an empty house."
She put her feet on the coffee table. "How is it empty when you're here? You're not a very bright ghost man, are you?"
"It's an empty house," he repeated obstinately. "And it's been twelve days. I'm not going anywhere! For the last time, stop rushing back here."
She touched her warm face gently with the back of her hand. "What, pray tell, makes you think I'm rushing back here for you? Maybe I'm expecting a phone call. You don't know."
He rolled his eyes and looked at her slumped form on the sofa. "Feeling better?"
"Than what? I was never feeling bad."
"You're hoarse and your throat is bothering you because you keep popping those candy things."
"They're not Sucrets, Luke. I just told you that so you wouldn't worry. They're actually 'shrooms. Since being drug-free is causing me to hallucinate, I figured I'd try the alternative."
He ignored her. "You should go to the doctor."
"Stop being paranoid."
"Make a doctor's appointment."
"You touched me like two weeks ago and now you think I'm going to start a plague."
"Well, that's just stupid."
She laughed. "Or better yet, you think that I'm, what, carrying your alien child? Is that it?"
He talked monotonously over her ongoing laughter. "Is that supposed to be funny?"
"If it's anything, it's a cold," she managed to get out. "Chill."
"I'd feel better if you had a doctor confirm that."
She stared ahead with a grin and a faraway look. "Oh, Lucas, wouldn't it be great if we could have our own little Casper?"
"I have no idea how I always manage to get caught up in these scenarios with you."
"At least the birth won't hurt as bad as the first time. That's a plus."
"Doctor's appointment tomorrow," he said in a stern voice.
She sighed, relented without voicing anything. "I'm starving. What did you cook?"
He looked away with an eye roll.
Both looked toward the front door at the same time when there was noise. "Mom! I'm home!"
Lorelai looked at Luke strangely, trying to determine if Rory had told her she was dropping by. She realized that she hadn't. She and Luke shared a smile as Lorelai raised her hand in the air and wiggled it to draw attention.
"Over here, Loin Fruit!"
Rory came in. "Hey, I-" She stopped short of tripping over the heap of shopping bags. "When'd you go shopping?"
"Just got back, actually. I got a scarf for you. It goes with that shirt with the little thing-a-ma-bobs on it that you hardly ever wear."
She made her way to the couch. "Wow, thanks. I knew the soul mate for the thing-a-ma-bob shirt was out there somewhere."
Lorelai leaned her cheek into Rory's kiss. "And I bought shoes."
"What kind of shoes?" she asked as she plopped down next to Lorelai with a sigh.
"Any shoe that fit. I bought 'em all. I love shoes."
Rory nodded. "You do love shoes," she agreed solemnly.
Lorelai frowned. "But I hate feet."
Again, Rory nodded. "You do hate feet."
She smiled affectionately. "Good thing they made shoes to cover them."
"Bless all the cobblers."
"Especially peach," Lorelai added.
"Most definitely peach."
"And apple crisp."
"And blueberry, too," Rory threw in.
"Can't forget blueberry. Steaming hot blueberry."
"With milk. Don't forget the milk."
"Oh, of course milk. Whipped cream, too. Gotta have the whipped cream."
"Yes, yes, of course. It'd be beside the ice cream and jimmies."
"That would be the very best spot."
"Perfection."
"Right in front of the fudge. Would fudge be overdoing it?" Lorelai asked thoughtfully.
Rory smiled dreamily. "Fudge would be great."
"Ooh, and cherries."
"Wait, what are we putting all this on?"
Lorelai looked like she was on cloud nine. "Everything, Rory. Everything."
They both moaned in contentment as they shared that imagery. Long seconds went by.
"You have got to be kidding me right now," Luke's jaded voice rung out from the stairs.
Lorelai snapped out of it and a tiny smile broke out across her face. She took her eyes from the sweet feast over to Luke without turning her head.
"Anyway, Honey," she began as a means of ignoring him. She redirected focus. "What's with the always-welcome surprise visit?"
Rory crossed her legs and arms simultaneously. "I just had to get away. Paris and Janet were screaming so loud, windows were cracking. And after enduring three equally loud arguments already today, I needed a break."
"Aw, my poor baby," Lorelai cooed as she welcomed Rory to lie against her. When she did, she began stroking her hair. "Who knew you'd have to go to college to experience your first bout with domestic dysfunction?"
She sighed. "So, you're off today?" she asked tiredly.
"Mmhm."
"You should have called me. I could've used a ditch day. And the mall would have been a nice distraction. A movie, too."
Lorelai looked over at Luke as she continued rubbing Rory's hair. He stared at the two of them fondly. "I'm sorry, Babe. Didn't think you'd be free."
Rory hugged her mom like she needed to soak up as much love as possible. "I think I'm going to skip my last class today. I just want to stay here with you."
Lorelai laughed. "I'd love it if you stayed here with me, Sweetheart." She kissed her hair. "Are you okay?" she asked just to be sure.
"I'm okay," she mumbled, making it clear she wasn't.
"Alright, spill."
Rory stared ahead at the blank TV screen. "I had coffee today, and it sucked," she revealed miserably.
"Hon, I'm sorry." She never stopped rubbing her hair. "Where'd you get it?"
"At that stupid kiosk."
"The one we approved?"
Her head nodded. "It sucked," she said again.
"Well, every now and then, they may have a day where they're off their game. Seems pretty unfair to drag the coffee into that, but-"
"All the coffee sucks. It sucks all the time now. I went in the diner the other day."
That surprised Lorelai. "Really? You didn't tell me that."
"I know. But Lane was in there, and I just…did it. Pulled off the band-aid." She sighed. "Everything's the same. Felt the same. Caesar's doing a great job. He poured me coffee, and it tasted the same."
"That's great."
"Yeah. Still managed to suck," she sulked. "How is that possible?"
Lorelai glanced at Luke whose head hung towards the floor now. "Sounds like you miss him, Sweetheart."
Her lip went out sadly. "How long before this ends? This ache. Is this something that's supposed to just be around forever?"
"It'll get better," she said quietly. "Just give it time."
"Do you think I…we have a right to feel this much pain? I mean, we weren't related to him, and when people ask, I don't even know how to explain why I'm feeling this way over a month later. Who wouldn't look confused with the teary-eyed idiot going, 'Uh yeah, over a month ago there was a death in my, uh, ya know, town.'
Lorelai smiled. "Screw them. And screw having to explain to insignificant peers what's in your heart. Luke was there for you, he cared for you very much, and he showed that. Even from behind the counter of his business. Not to mention everything he did for this fatherless household. Don't apologize for having him in your heart, Rory. You have just as much right to grieve as anyone else."
Rory took a second to process that and then she smiled and held her mom tighter. "It's so weird. Knowing that really doesn't mean as much as having you say it."
Lorelai laughed lightly. "That's because I'm Mom."
"The best."
She squeezed her. "Because of that fabulous compliment, I'm not even going to bother getting on you for skipping this last class of yours," she prodded.
Rory smiled in coyness. "I'll get the notes, I promise."
She kissed the side of her head. "As proud as you've made me, you've earned a hundred skips. It's high time you started cashing in anyway."
Rory leaned away and confided openly. "It's so good to see you back to your old self. If I'm ever lost, I look to you, and…" She gestured at her, "This is great. I missed this. You seem so good…and I need that," she said with a happy smile as tears came to her wide cerulean-colored eyes.
Lorelai matched her smile before quickly waving away the sentimental show. "Okay, you. Shoes off. Go upstairs and find something comfortable to wear and we're going to make this a junk food fiesta night to remember. I'll run to the video store. What do you say?"
"I say that's just what I need." She hopped up and headed for the stairs. "Have you done laundry?" she asked over her shoulder.
Lorelai stood up. "Nope. You may end up having to wear one of my evening dresses. Don't worry, if that happens, we'll just make it a themed night. To Wong Foo."
"Sounds good to me," Rory said with laughter before bolting upstairs.
Lorelai watched as she disappeared and then her eyes went back to Luke who had stood and moved close to the wall to allow Rory free passage.
They stared, and she held a warm smile. "Any video preferences?" she asked quietly.
He shifted. "Maybe I should just leave you two-"
"You're not going anywhere," she stated with conviction. She checked again to make sure Rory hadn't appeared before she focused on him again. "So, once again, any preferences?"
He sighed and decided against arguing with her. "Just…nothing too chick flicky." He paused and recalled with annoyance, "Had enough of that last night with that Sleepy in Seattle movie you made me watch."
She winked at him and yelled words back to Rory, who was calling down to her.
"Alright, Babe, I'll be back in a little bit!"
"Okay, Mom!"
She kissed her hand and let it go toward Luke in a gesture that seemed strangely natural. "Don't go anywhere," she ordered in a whisper.
He nodded and smiled. As he watched her rush to the door, he sat down sluggishly and listened to Rory clamor around upstairs. Her words echoed through his head, and while, it made him happy to know he'd actually made an impact on someone so special, he felt much sadness realizing that this really was it. He was gone forever. Gone from her life and everyone else's.
Being around Lorelai tended to obscure that small detail. He was gone and lives were affected. The guilt he felt was undeserved but it was there, nonetheless, and at that moment, he wanted nothing more than for Lorelai to hurry back. His link to the living. His rock. He needed her back as fast as humanly possible.
-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
February 21, 2005
"Achoo!"
"Oh, gross! Nice job sneezing straight into the popcorn bowl!"
Lorelai grinned as she picked up a handful and proceeded to pack her mouth. "We're family," she said while chewing and talking. "We've been sharing germs for years." She held the bowl out to Rory who sat to her left. "You don't want to insult me, do you?"
Rory pushed it away without hesitation. "Stop before I catch your cold."
Lorelai wiggled her toes on the coffee table and stared ahead at the movie with delight. "My what?" she asked.
Rory leaned forward and grabbed her soda. She sat back, once again overlapping her shoulder with her mom's. She didn't even bother questioning her on why she sat so close on the spacious couch. "Your cold," she repeated.
"Hm. Cold, you say?" Lorelai popped more popcorn into her mouth and casually looked to her right, toward the kitchen. "So, that's what this is," she concluded in surprise.
Luke sighed and didn't even bother looking away from the television. "Appointment tomorrow," he reiterated.
She turned away with a smile, unable to give him the attention she wanted to. She bounced up and down on the middle cushion where she sat as soon as her eyes fell to the TV again. "Oh, here's my part!" she said of the movie. She waited anxiously for her cue then belted out the note. "You okeeehhhhh!"
Rory bopped her head.
"Smoke some whiskeyyy; smoke some wiiiine…"
"We've got to learn the words one day, Mom."
Lorelai chuckled and relaxed again. "Now we read somewhere that Mark Wahlberg actually did do a little of his own stuff, but that Tyketto dude—sings that song 'she's gone out of my life; I was wrong; I'm to blame' she sung dramatically before jumping back to commentary. "He helped out. Now, originally, Rory and I-" She stopped all at once, catching herself. She'd been looking at the screen, so as not to miss the rest of the stage scene but her head was turned in Luke's direction.
Luke watched her bite her lip and slowly turn to the other side.
When Lorelai met Rory's eyes, Rory's always accommodating look seemed to suggest she hadn't even been paying attention. That went out the window in no time.
"Hey, don't let me interrupt."
Lorelai smiled.
"Who in the world are you talking to?" she followed with her belated incredulity.
"Uh oh."
She had to stop herself from responding to Luke.
She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "The Secret Service people, of course!" she responded.
"What?" she followed naturally.
Lorelai tapped her right ear with her finger. "Chip. In my ear. I have to report back and give updates otherwise, they send these men in black suits and raybans and flasher eye thingies to-"
"Oh, brother." Rory rolled her eyes in exhaustion, seemingly willing to chalk yet another thing up to her mom being the one and only Lorelai Gilmore.
Lorelai took the microscopic opening and didn't wait for her kid's brilliant mind to further process. "—Look, I get lonely in this big house, okay! Is it so wrong for me to embrace my inner child a little?" She looked away with a pout and ate a few popcorns like the big secret was officially out. "I guess you visit me so infrequently now since you have your own hoity-toity life, I forgot you were here when I reported in."
"That makes no sense, Mom."
Lorelai shrugged artlessly and kept her eyes on the screen. "What would've?"
Rory had no answer for that one. She sighed and ended up reaching in for a handful of germ-infested popcorn. "You might want to get back on your headset and tell them it was Steelheart. Not Tyketto. How'd you even get this gig?"
"How else? Fishnets and reasonable rates."
Rory leaned against the sofa arm and watched as Wahlberg played the role of a rock star while his family and girlfriend cheered their heads off in the audience. She watched and thought. Her question came from a place of deliberation.
"Mom, do have any regrets with Luke?"
"What kind of regrets?" she asked lightly while continuing to savor her snack.
Rory leaned her head back and looked up. "Do you wish you would have dated him…gave him a shot?"
Lorelai looked over at her. Not only was Luke still sitting beside her, but she could feel his presence as he sat there. She supposed it was more of a mental tick, being able to feel him. She knew when he was there, so that likely created the illusion.
He didn't say anything in that silence, and she appreciated being unable to just look over at him with Rory there.
"Well…" She had to clear her throat when her voice sounded like that of a timid girl. She came back with volume and poise, two things she rarely lacked. "I feel like everything happens the way it's supposed to happen. Of course I'm not immune to the what ifs of the world, but…regret?" She shook her head. "We were great friends, and I feel lucky to have known him. What's there to regret?" she asked rhetorically.
"Yeah, I guess." She thought about that for a long while. "You two could've been more, though."
Lorelai looked back into her bowl. "Maybe."
Rory smiled as she continued to look up. "It probably could've even worked out."
"Possibly."
She chuckled warmly at her next thought. "Stepdad Luke." She nudged her mom. "Nice ring?"
Lorelai smiled and nudged her back. "You tell me since you're so in a rush to drop Christopher like a bad habit."
That made her laugh. "Oh, come on, Mom. You know I love Dad."
"Really? Started feeling a little controversial in here."
"No controversy. Don't worry. We're talking an addition, not an erase and replace."
Lorelai sighed and tossed her head back too. "Yeah, your dad will always be your dad."
"Which is cool," Rory said judiciously.
Lorelai nudged her again and they met eyes and smiled softly and perceptively at the reminder of his precarious and still cherished role in her life. His faults were longer than the days spent counting his absences, but he'd always be defended. Cosseted yet furtively acknowledged by the two of them for what he really was: a disappointment.
Rory went on seconds later. "Kinda sucks Luke never procreated. He would've been an awesome dad."
"I agree," she added softly.
"Great protector. Excellent husband," Rory went on to say in a slow and thoughtful manner.
Lorelai's giggles came soon after. "Are you crushing on Luke, Lorelai Leigh?"
"Oh my god," a deep voice groaned out in pain.
Lorelai's eyes floated over to her right in recognition of Luke's voice, and she looked back to Rory in the next second.
Rory rolled her eyes. "Do you really want me to say who I was thinking of just then?"
Lorelai sobered meekly, and her eyes floated once more before she looked into her bowl. "No," she said in short.
Satisfied, Rory went on with her philosophy. "What if somewhere out there in the world, Luke has a child that he doesn't know about?"
"Oh boy," Luke muttered. He stood up. "This is probably five minutes too late, but I'll be in the kitchen." Lorelai blinked, smiled faintly. "Stop the movie, will ya?" he said as he walked away.
Lorelai retrieved the remote and did just that. "You're, um," she began distractedly. She threw an involuntary glance over towards the kitchen. "You're giving Luke an illegitimate love child now?"
"It's not impossible," she answered breezily.
"Impossible, no. Improbable, most definitely."
"How many boyfriends have you broken up with and haven't seen since? I guarantee you could borrow Davey, go up to Alex and give him a heart attack."
"Luke would never be involved in a situation like that, Rory."
"It's just a thought," she defended. "And having a child he doesn't know about wouldn't mean he was a philanderer. It could just mean…he was a bad correspondent."
She chuckled and spoke with finality. "Luke does not have an illegitimate love child."
"He could," she followed, unflappable. "You probably just don't want to think about it. I hate to break it to you, Mom, but…before there was never you, there were others."
Lorelai mumbled under her breath as she turned away. "This is a crazy discussion."
"If you say so."
"I do," she asserted. She pressed play. "Let's just-" She spoke louder "—start the movie back and drop unfavorable topics!" She saw out of the corner of her eye as Luke reentered the room.
Rory shook her head. "Thanks for announcing that-" She raised her voice as her mom had. "—oh so loudly! It's not like I'm sitting right beside you!"
Lorelai smiled and lowered the remote. She crossed her ankles out in front of her just as Luke sat down.
"I'm sure I'll just be forced to leave again in a few minutes, so I won't get comfortable."
Lorelai snickered, earning a quizzical sideways look from Rory.
-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
February 22, 2005
Lucky enough to be taken as an early morning walk-in, Lorelai was in and out of the doctor's office before 10:30.
On her way to pick up meds, she made an impromptu turn that took her further into town instead of toward the outskirts.
She moved side to side in the driver's seat as she drove along, windows zipped tight as she belted out Barry Manilow's Mandy. "I'm standing on the edge of time; I walked away when love was mine; caught up in a world of upward climbing; tears are in my eyes and nothing is private oh Mandy; well you came and you gave without taking; but I sent you away oh Mandy!"
She picked up her phone and dialed home. Waited for the beep before lowering the volume. "Hey, Lu…" She paused and corrected. "…Lorelai," she stuttered out, knowing those kinds of chances couldn't be taken even though she lived alone. "Um, this is you…of course. Just calling to let you know you're just as awesome today as you were yesterday. And also, the cold that was just confirmed by the doctor is probably going to clear up in a few days. Yep, that's what you have: cold, cold cold. Just like you previously said. And just like you told other people who were too stubborn to listen, but you'll get around to rubbing it in their face later, won't you? You don't shy away from the I-told-you-so's. No siree." She pulled over in front of Doose's. "Okay, gotta go. I'm stopping at the market now to get some stuff to flush out this lame virus. See you when I get home. Or when I look in a mirror. Bye!"
Lorelai jumped from the jeep and crossed the street with Barry still serenading her in her head. She walked inside and came close to bumping into Taylor.
She backed away and smiled. "Hey," she greeted. "Any chance you're running a buy one get one free on Flintstone's chewables? I have to stock up on vitamins after I get rid of this bug. Come to find out, your immune system depends on that kind of stuff. Go figure, huh?"
Taylor looked stiff. "Hey to you, too, Lorelai. Long time, no see," he said guardedly.
Her eyes shifted around the store. After avoiding the place for six weeks, she realized the magnitude of her being there. Standing there conversing like the Lorelai she was two months ago.
She hadn't given it much thought. She was headed home, and going out of the way to the larger chain store didn't seem very logical in the moment.
"Uh, yeah. It's been a while," she followed.
Taylor rubbed his hands together nervously. "How are you?" he asked. He said it like she was two seconds away from sticking her head in the oven.
"Good. Good," she answered with a nod. Suddenly appearing troubled, she went on. "If only I could figure out how to get that noose to hold, though…"
His eyes bugged, and blood drained from his face.
She smiled and spoke uniformly. "Taylor, I'm kidding. Breathe. Deeper. Little more. There you go." She, then, turned away like they'd had the greatest conversation. "Sick people aisle…sick people aisle…" she wondered aloud.
Taylor pointed her in the right direction. "You're actually in luck. There's a sale on that whole section this week."
"Yippy!" she enthused.
"And don't forget the Vapor Rub," he called out as he jumped back into his known role as unashamed and pushy capitalist. "You sound pretty stuffed up, and a jar of that salve—the bigger one so you can have plenty to spare—will make you better before you know it."
"Thanks, Taylor. I take it there's no personal gain that comes from that recommendation…"
"I just want you better, Lorelai. That's all," he proclaimed like the bad liar he was.
"That's very sweet of you," she praised artificially as she grabbed what she needed and headed to get groceries. "Just for that, I'll take the large jar. You've sold me."
He smiled in triumph.
"Of course you know that now you have to go fetch your cape and scepter and sing Old King Cole for my merry old soul. Nobody could do it better."
He turned and made his way to the registers. He took time to tidy up an already immaculate working space while waiting for Lorelai to finish up, who, right then, was the only customer in the store.
She hummed her way to the counter, appearing to have not one care in the world.
Taylor squinted. "What is that, Barry Manilow?"
She had a moment of panic and embarrassment. She couldn't very well remain a secret, closeted fan if she went around humming love ballads for all to hear.
"Barry Manilow?" she repeated, aghast. "I may have heard a song or two from movies here and there, but I doubt any of them stuck…"
"Sounded like Looks Like We Made It," he said as he started ringing her up.
"No idea what you're talking about."
He smiled proudly. "I'm a Manilow fan myself, you know."
Lorelai rolled her eyes. "Of course you are, Taylor." Which was exactly why she'd never admit to being one herself.
He turned some oranges in his hand as he checked for the code. "It's good to see you," he remarked conversationally. "Glad to have you back in here," he added as he glanced up at her.
She nodded with a sigh. "Thanks." She looked down. "I'm planning to be at the town meeting this week," she revealed. "I know I haven't had the greatest attendance lately."
He nodded in concordance. "Well, they've been back in effect for three weeks. First week was, as you can imagine…"
"Yeah."
He started again with more vigor. "But it's picking back up. Slowly but surely." With a stern voice, he stated, "This week we're really getting down to business. It seems that ordinances in this town are becoming more like suggestions each and every day. Before you know it, we'll be just another city overrun by thugs and loose women."
"Lord forbid!"
"No offense," he said casually as he went about his business.
Lorelai glared at him, but still found amusement in his judgment of her anti-matrimonial lifestyle. "Well, I'll try to remember to leave my gat at home from now on," she avowed.
His lips tightened in disapproval. "Nice to know you haven't changed at all."
She smiled and took her eyes to the far wall. It was then she noticed what was there. The framed picture was the very one that'd been used on the obituary. A candid shot of Luke in Luke's wearing the flannel that brought out his eyes. He was smiling at the camera. She had yet to ask but she assumed Rachel was the one holding the camera judging by the light in his expression that not a lot of people got to see. She could see the gold plate with his lifespan, along with a pretty standard RIP farewell message engraved there as well. Under that was a banner filled with messages and farewells. She could see only a few of them where she stood. Most were prolific and written in small script. But there were some with large lettering.
We Miss You, Luke! Love…
We'll Never Forget you, Luke! Love…
The Town Will Never be the Same Without You, Luke! Love…
With the long silence and the absence of quirky dialogue coming from her lips, Taylor looked up and took notice of what had her attention. He looked over his shoulder and became more humble than she ever knew he was capable of.
"Oh, yeah," he said with a weak point. "I figured that'd be something nice to do…"
She smiled. Felt a little sadness. Numbness had taken a vacation some time ago. "Yeah, it's really nice. Your idea?"
He nodded as he reached for the money she held out to him. "Caesar dedicated an entire wall…that he's letting people actually write on," he said with difficulty. His thoughts on how tacky that was couldn't even be voiced given the circumstances. "It's much more grandiose." The register popped open, and he finished with, "I wanted to do a little something as well. Thought it'd be befitting."
Lorelai took her receipt and change. She took a heavy breath and looked at Taylor with a smile. "Mind if I go sign?"
He pointed her over with enthusiasm. "No, not at all! Pens and markers are in the basket there."
She left her grocery items and approached the banner. Finally able to see the more extensive notes, she read over a few of them and felt herself swelling with emotions, a good portion of them being warm and tingly.
The man really was loved.
She set her pen to write.
Every day I live and breathe, you're in my heart. Lorelai.
After snapping the cap back onto the pen, she dropped it back in with the others. She threw a casual "See ya!" at Taylor and got her things to go.
-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
February 22, 2005
Luke's reminders floated over from one day to the next, but it wasn't until Lorelai left Doose's market that she finally thought to go check the safe combination.
She glanced at the familiar Luke's on the window and spent the rest of the journey from Doose's to the door of the diner staring at her feet.
The door's jingle sounded strange to her own ears. Customers looked up and those there seemed happy to see her. Apparently it hadn't gone unnoticed that she hadn't been in the diner for quite some time.
She remained in the open door. Greeted Patty's grin with a smile of her own. Nodded at Babette's endearing hello before responding in kind, and when Gypsy hopped up the two concrete steps behind her and jarred her with words of welcome and an immediate request to have her move out of the way, Lorelai chuckled, stepped to the side, and let her know she appreciated the kindheartedness.
Ones there that knew her and cared for her on a personal level were the ones that stared the longest while smiling with their eyes. Patrons turned back to their food and friends, and Babette yelled out a request for her to try the frozen banana, the new simple menu addition that everyone was crazy about.
Lorelai assured that she'd grab one on the way out, and for the first time, she took in the atmosphere. The wall Taylor had told her about was eye-catching. There didn't appear to be much room for additional scribblings. From the looks of it, there were hundreds upon hundreds of signatures and short messages around the huge Luke's: Always and Forever written in the center.
She planned to sign that wall as well. The one that was more official and special. But as crowded as the place was and as much attention as she'd drawn when she stepped inside, she knew if she did it then, there would be countless eyes on her the entire time and at least a couple that would boldly scramble up soon afterwards to see what she'd written. She decided to do it later.
Her attention went to the counter, and before she could catch herself, she'd already started trying to search out the blue baseball cap and flannel. When she spotted Caesar coming from the back to pour coffee as Luke used to, she felt the brief jolt of pain that started in her chest, made itself into a knot in her throat, and then fizzled away as she remembered Luke waiting for her at home.
Whether he was a part of her imagination or not, she needed him there. The alternative was a nightmare.
Caesar lit up when he saw her. "Hey, Lorelai! What are you—It's so good to see you!" he said stumbling over words.
She walked over with warmth and water in her eyes. "Hey, Hon," she greeted kindly. She made it to the counter and leaned in. "The place looks great," she complimented.
He sighed and looked around before meeting her eyes and shrugging weakly. "I'm trying, you know?"
She winked. "Well, I've heard nothing but good things. In fact, if the word around the streets is at all reliable, the coffee is still legendary. Why don't you get me a Grande to go, boss man?"
He ducked his head at the label. "Coming up," he told her.
"Thanks." She pointed over to her right. "Gonna run to the bathroom. I'll be back."
"Okay."
Instead of going into the facilities, Lorelai changed direction at the last second and started upstairs. The door to his apartment was locked.
"Crap," she muttered. She tried to peer through the glass but couldn't. After looking around the hallway aimlessly for a few seconds, she reached her fingers over the door and felt around. The key was lying under cobwebs, which Lorelai quickly brushed away with a shudder. "Gross."
She wasted no time inserting the key and going inside. It being so early in the day, the bright outside light made manmade lights unnecessary so she was able to take in all there was to see without searching for lamps.
She hadn't been up to Luke's apartment since Jess left, so she wasn't able to determine Luke's mess from the one Liz may have made in trying to handle various affairs.
The kitchen was relatively clean. Just a bowl and a few glasses on the counter. An entire dresser drawer had been removed and was positioned on a chair by the coffee table. Papers, pictures, and books had been pulled from the drawer and piled on the table. She went over and looked down on them.
There were a lot of letters. Rachel's name caught her eye on more than one envelope. She moved on and glanced in his bedroom where everything was tidy and in place. She quickly made her way to the safe next to the couch and kneeled before it.
The numbers were in her purse. Had been for almost two weeks. She turned the dial, locking in the numbers given and it creaked right open.
With a few slow breaths, she attempted to tame her always anxious heartbeat. With the inside of Luke's personal vault exposed, it was official. His appearance wasn't a show of her instability. He was real. As real as an apparition could be, anyway.
She closed it back instantly and turned the knob to clear the numbers.
Her intention was to leave. But when she stood and glanced into his bedroom again, she found herself going in. She opened his top drawer, closed it when she found socks and boxers. Opened the next one, closed it when she found undershirts and sleeveless tanks. Opened the third, and allowed her quickened pace to slow. She paused and took time to just look.
There, she found flannels. Only a few. The rest were probably set to be washed before that night happened. She reached in and pulled out the one with green and red and skinny lines of grey. The familiar smell hit her nose before she brought it there. She held it to her face and breathed like it was oxygen. And only when she felt so overwhelmed that feelings of lightheadedness came into play, did she drop her hands, bringing the tightly gripped flannel to her chest.
With eyes closed, she spent a few minutes just remembering. There were times when that smell had secretly made her feel peace in times of stress and comfort when there was nothing but chaos around her. Before the world proved just how much it could suck, she came to the diner daily. It was home away from home. She thought it was the diner that brought her peace and comfort. And if Luke hadn't died, and she hadn't come into that very diner and felt a constriction worse than that brought about by the Gilmore mansion—it only being ameliorated with thoughts of Luke waiting at the crapshack—then she would have went on with that naiveté.
Now, she knew better.
She scanned the contents of the drawer before reaching in and swiping the two remaining flannels. She looked all over her person for a place to stash them and after the third time of unsuccessfully trying to stuff them in her teeny tiny purse as if it'd realize her dilemma and expand itself, she came upon a fast plan B. She took off her jacket, folded all three flannels lengthwise at the collar, hid them all behind her jacket and laid the bundle across her arm.
She took inventory of the bulkiness and tried to mash it down as much as possible. With a passive shrug, she turned attention to the rest of the apartment. She made sure everything was the same as she'd found it, and then she left and put the key back amongst the broken cobwebs.
"Hey!" Caesar said to her when she was back in the diner. "I thought you'd taken off already."
She shook her head. "No, I got a call so I took it in there. You know Luke and cell phones," she said knowingly. He nodded and smiled and then pointed out the sign that would remain in place.
"Rules are rules," he followed regretfully. "So, good thing you took it in there."
Lorelai looked for a while at the sign that had been tapped and pointed out by Luke more times than she knew. It would be no fun at all taking calls in the diner without him there to rant and rave at her. She supposed this would mark the day where she'd finally start respecting that leading rule.
"Large coffee, right?" asked Caesar, causing her to snap back to the present.
"Uh, yeah, largest you've got." She nodded, feeling nervousness at having Luke's coffee for the first time since there was no Luke to serve it. Thinking of her earlier promise, she added, "Oh and a frozen banana!"
Caesar beamed. "You heard about that, huh?"
She nodded happily. "Mmhm. You can thank that nice lady right over there," she said with a turn and point toward Babette and Morey's table. Babette looked up and Lorelai smiled. "Ordering my banana," she revealed to her.
"The good kind or the-"
Lorelai cut her off as fast as she could. "The frozen, edible kind!"
"So…stiff and edible, huh?"
"Let it go, Babette." She shook her head and laughed with a few other people who were unfortunately caught between where she stood and Babette's table.
Caesar got her order and waved her off with a sincere, "Hope to see you back in here soon."
She held up her coffee and winked at him.
"You're looking good, Dear."
"Thanks, Patty." She waved to her friends. "I'll be seeing you guys around," she announced and then exited the establishment.
They watched through the glass as she walked to her car, showing off a smile they hadn't seen in a long time as she waved and spoke to someone out of view.
"She looks great, doesn't she?" Patty wondered aloud.
"Of course, she does!" Babette screeched. "She's always smokin'!"
"She looks happy. That's what Patty meant. Right, Patty?"
Patty looked over at Gypsy. "I meant hot," she clarified curtly.
Gypsy shrugged. "Well, she's pretty in an obvious way."
"No, she's not," Andrew disagreed. "Lorelai is classic beauty all the way."
"Classic and obvious," Gypsy mumbled.
"What difference does it make? She's a looker no matter what. And when I'm out of town on business, I never have any trouble getting gorgeous young men to take a second look at her photo."
"Does Lorelai even know that you pimp her out?"
"Pimping?" Babette asked with an immediate regard of Gypsy. "It's just a little advertising!"
"Yes, she knows. She caught me red handed some time ago," Patty admitted.
"And she lets you do it?"
"Of course not. She confiscated the picture as soon as she saw it. I had to get another one. Besides, I haven't done it in months."
"Lack of prospects, I bet."
She jumped on Gypsy's comment right away, proving its validity. "Where are all the gorgeous men hiding these days anyway?"
"You mean, other than in your basement?" Babette mused.
They laughed.
"Oh, she wouldn't want them. Poor things have been rode hard and hung up wet."
"Pun intended."
"Oh, Honey, always."
-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
February 22, 2005
"I'm home, House!"
"The house and I welcome you."
Lorelai immediately grinned at Luke's voice. "Did you hear my message earlier?" she asked as she entered the living room where he was. She spotted him on the laz-e-boy and felt her heart race when he looked up at her and smiled.
"Yeah," he answered casually. "I heard your message. It's just a cold; thank god."
"I told you."
"I know. But at least it's official now. What'd you get at the store?"
She dropped her jacket and the lump behind it to the couch and opened her bag. "Some chicken soup, vitamins, ice cream, potato chips, chest stuff, and oranges."
He rolled his eyes. "four out of six isn't bad, I guess."
She shrugged and headed into the kitchen. "It's all for show anyway. This soup will be still here and ready to go at the next drive."
"Potato chips too?"
"No, not the chips. They deserve more respect than that."
"Your mom called," he yelled after her.
"You sure it was her? I'm usually forewarned. Demonic laughter and thunder didn't greet me at the door."
"Well, she left a message about a conflict this coming Friday. Said she'd have to move your dinner back an hour."
Lorelai groaned. "A cancelation would have been even better."
"One less hour. That's something."
"Yeah, I suppose."
She found him still seated comfortably when she emerged from the kitchen. She shot him a smile as she headed upstairs. "Hey, why do you think you can sit on furniture but can't touch things?" she yelled to him in curiosity.
"Who knows," he responded flatly.
"I think it's concentration. You're just not motivated enough."
"Doubt it."
"Maybe I should set up a robbery or an attack and see if you'd be able to swing a bat in my defense."
"You better not."
"It's okay. It'd be a set-up, so I wouldn't be in any real danger." She bounced back down the stairs. "Although, now you're on to me so I have to come up with some other kind of elaborate scheme."
"How about just leaving the schemes alone altogether."
"Where's the fun in that?"
He rolled his eyes. "Touching things isn't my main concern, Lorelai."
She sat down on the sofa and leaned onto the arm to study him. "What is your main concern?" she inquired.
There was a beat of silence as he looked around. "I don't know yet."
She looked him over. "You'll be sure to let me know when you figure it out?"
"You'll be the first to know."
She sat all the way back and sighed. "Excellent."
"So, did you check the safe?" She nodded, and that surprised him. After many days of asking that question, he was starting to get used to the negative answer. "And it worked, right?"
She nodded again.
They held eye contact.
"Any questions?" he asked evenly.
She cocked her head and asked inquisitively, "Why me, you think? Why not Liz or an ex that you're particularly fond of? I know you said you don't know, but in your opinion, why me?"
He allowed the silence to stretch as he thought on that. "Maybe because you were the last one I saw." He looked at her and watched her acceptance and deliberation on that fact. But he still went one further. "And you're the closest person to me these days." He scoffed. "Or were."
She smiled. "I think it's safe to say I still am."
He shrugged, smiled. "I guess."
Lorelai kept her eyes focused on his face, causing him to keep his attention elsewhere. She looked away when it finally registered that she was making him uncomfortable. She let that revelation go with only a smile.
"Hey, I think it's only right to tell you that I lifted something from your apartment."
"Really? You're a thief now?"
"What gave me away? Did a ski mask fall out of one of my bank bags on the way in?"
He followed her with his eyes as she stood and walked to the back of the couch. "What'd you take?" he asked curiously.
She moved her jacket and held up one of the flannels shyly. He laughed, releasing some of her tension. "So, you're not mad?" she asked as she lowered it with care and caressed it absently with her fingers.
"Why would I be mad? Not like I'm gonna be usin' it anytime soon." He continued to smile as he watched her stand over the shirt protectively. "What are you going to do with it?"
"Them. I took three."
He laughed again. "Oh, sorry, them. What are you going to do with them?"
She looked down at them. "I don't know yet."
Luke couldn't stop laughing. He was truly amused and flattered beyond reason. He could have honestly sat there all day watching her stare at those shirts. "So, all this time you liked the flannel?" he asked teasingly.
"Well…you were flannel and flannel was you, so I adapted."
"How touching."
She sighed. "The only reason I told you about it was because you're sort of everywhere in here, and you probably would've seen them at some point and questioned me, so I did this to avoid…that awkward moment."
"Yeah, because this isn't awkward," he taunted.
"It's not," she said easily. She squinted at him. "You think I'm ashamed?"
"Of course not."
"Because I'm not."
"That's what I just said."
"I'll even wear them if the mood strikes."
He held up his hands passively. "Hey, that's what I bought them for. Knock yourself out."
"I'm serious," she threatened.
He laughed more. "So am I."
"Naysayer," she mumbled.
"Jeez, I'm trying to tell you that I…" He watched in amusement as she slid both arms into his favorite flannel. She looked down at the buttons as she buttoned them up, and he studied her suspiciously, noticing as her breaths got heavier as her fingers worked. For seconds, he feared something was wrong with her. But when she finished with the buttons and brought her hands to her nose with the sleeves extended past her fingers, he saw that she was taking in the smell of the shirt.
He cocked his head.
"Now, if I was going to be ashamed of anything, it'd be this," she said, taking her hands away just long enough to get the words out.
He looked at her with question like he didn't know what to make of what he saw.
She couldn't help but smile as she watched him watch her breathe in his laundry like a junkie. "Kind of addictive," she shared simply.
His brow rose. "What does it smell like?" he asked dumbly.
She finally dropped her hands at her sides and rubbed the cuffs between her fingers gingerly. "You," she answered.
He went from showing no understanding at all to a smile and then to slow chuckles in the span of three seconds. "You're really special, Lorelai," he said softly.
"Special good or special bad?"
His smile widened. "Special like only you're capable of being."
"So, special good then!" she concluded.
He leaned his head back and kept grinning.
She moved around the couch, swaying side to side in the oversized flannel that hung to the thighs of her jeans. She sat in the middle of the couch and crossed her legs.
"You know, judging by your reaction," she began casually as she sniffed the arm of the flannel and rested her cheek against it adoringly, "one would be inclined to think there was something abnormal about all of this."
When Luke looked at her, she was smiling and rubbing her cheek along her hand like a kitten does its paw.
That image made him laugh, and his laughter made her laugh. She laid down and curled up with Luke's sound and smell surrounding her.
-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
March 9, 2005
A thick fog covered the bathroom. Lorelai's shower ran hot, and that was enough to put the bathroom under a complete sheet of invisibility.
She'd just gotten up, and little by little, she woke from the haziness of sleep as she loofahed the soapy globules of body wash into her skin.
Completely in her own world, concentrating on the task at hand, she was startled when a male voice echoed over the sprays of water. "Um…Lorelai?"
Immediately recognizing the intruder, she snatched the curtain back to get a visual. Only her head showed, and she kept the rest of herself hidden.
"Luke, what in the hell are you doing in here?" she asked bewildered.
He stood near the door, looking just as surprised as she was. He was barely able to make her out through the steam. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to come in here."
"What do you mean you didn't mean to come in here?" she asked as she reached up to stop conditioner from sliding into her eyes.
He spoke loudly, anxious to prove his case. "I don't have any control over where I pop up in this house! I didn't think I'd appear in the bathroom with you in the shower!"
She broke out in a smile and her body relaxed for the first time since seeing him so unexpectedly. "Well, good thing I wasn't shaving my armpits over the sink. That would have been a little awkward."
He backed closer to the door. "Do you mind coming to let me out of here?"
She brought an arm out from behind the curtain and motioned to all that it still hid. "Kinda busy here, Luke."
He grew increasingly uncomfortable. "I won't look, of course!" He pointed a thumb over his shoulder. "Just come let me out of here!"
She frowned. "Use the door."
"I can't pick up the remote control to turn the TV, but sure, let me open the bathroom door…and go downstairs and move some furniture while I'm at it!"
She rolled her eyes back. "Hello, Invisible Man, walk through it!"
"I'm not walking through a damn door!"
"Have you tried?"
"No! I'm not walking through a damn door!"
"You mean to tell me you've been hanging around here for three plus weeks, and you haven't tried out your powers?"
"Oh my god."
"How is this the first time you're having this predicament?" she asked amusedly.
"Are you going to come let me out of here?"
"Luke, I'm naked."
He turned so red, it was a wonder the small space didn't get even more heated. "I can see that. That's why I'm trying to get out of here," he rationalized.
She let the curtain fall back in place and went back to what she was doing. "I'm sorry, Hon, but you're going to have to wait. I'll be done in a minute."
"Jeez!"
"Think of it this way, you get a chance to practice meeting your maker. Pretend the steam is the mystical smoke that surrounds the pearly gates. You have your speech ready?"
"Good god," he grumbled. "Can you hurry up please? This is weird."
"Would it be a little less weird if I was half dragon, moved about mysteriously, and acted as a seer while you gawked at my silhouette?"
"You almost done?"
"I've entered the rinsing stage."
"Good."
"I wish you'd relax."
"I'm relaxed. I'd just be more relaxed on the outside of that door."
"I've got to admit, it is a bit strange to have you standing on the other side of my shower curtain."
"With you naked," he added stressfully.
"And wet," she followed.
"From your shower," he clarified for her.
She laughed. "Sounds as if someone's mind is going to the naughty place."
"I don't know which someone that could be. This someone is only focused on getting out of here."
"Okay, okay, keep your pants on. I'm coming." She moved around under the showerhead. "Can your pants even come off?" she wondered curiously. "I mean, if you wanted to shed clothes, could you?"
"No, they're glued on," he answered with annoyance.
"Really?"
He ran his hand down his face. "No. They're regular clothes, Lorelai. But I'm not about to test a childish theory. For all I know, as soon as they leave my body, they disappear."
"Wow. That'd be a neat trick."
"Not really."
"Well, don't worry. I'd never put you at risk for permanent nudity." She shut the water off. "You might want to turn around."
He did immediately. "Okay."
She peeked around the curtain before stepping out of the tub and grabbing the towels she had waiting. The first she wrapped around her hair, and the second went around her body as she watched the back of Luke's head.
Covered from the thighs up, she reached a hand to the knob and pulled the door open. "Here you are, sir." She leaned her weight on the knob and smiled.
He turned and dashed out fast. If she blinked, she would've missed it.
"Yeah, go downstairs and de-flush. I'll be down in a minute."
She smirked and grabbed her toothbrush.
TBC…