It wasn't going to be alright.
Of course it wasn't going to be alright. She was the Avatar. Nothing was ever that easy for her.
Korra pulled her knees up to her chest, staring out at Yue Bay. She tried not to give in to the feeling that everything was ruined. She had felt like that before and it turned out okay. Even…but, this was ten times worse than eight weeks ago, though. There was no going back from this.
Had it really only been eight weeks?
Yes, it had. Korra was there, after all, when the healer counted the weeks from the date she'd given. A week ago. Only a week. It felt like forever.
Mako needed to know, but Korra still felt like she was reeling.
How was she supposed to tell him while she was still trying to sort through her own feelings? She still wasn't sure she'd processed it.
Time was going to start running out soon though. Just this morning, she'd noticed how her stomach, which had been flat for all of her adolescence, was starting to curve outward. Just slightly. She'd been getting dressed when she noticed it and her clothes still hid it well. Though she was glad winter was on them. Her parka would buy her a few extra weeks when it came to hiding it from the press.
It?
No, the baby. Her baby. Her and Mako's baby.
This changed everything.
Korra slipped a hand between her stomach and thighs. She was a watertribe healer. Trained by Katara and Kya. If Korra concentrated, she could feel the energy of any muscle and vein and organ in a person's body. It was harder with the baby, but it was there. Just like it had been there every time she'd checked.
Her little bundle of energy.
This terrified her, but Korra knew what she wanted. It wasn't going to be easy. It was probably going to be hell, what with her duties and the press and the scrutiny of everyone, but she was Avatar Korra of the Southern Water Tribe and she was the stubbornnest person she knew. Well, besides maybe Ikki when she got hung up on sone idea or other.
She would do this and all the naysayers could just deal with it.
Korra wasn't worried about them.
What terrified her was the reaction of the one person whose thoughts she most wanted to know.
They were doing so well—except for this last week. All week she'd been missing lunch dates and feigning tiredness when he came for dinner so he'd go home early. It was hard, being around him while she hid this secret, but she didn't know what else to do. Mako was nearly always there for dinner. The only nights he'd missed were the ones he was on shift and that one night a few weeks back when they finally decided to go on a real date.
They'd even managed to make it past their first big fight since she'd come back. Oh it had been difficult and Mako had stormed out claiming he needed some air. They were both still running a little hot when she tracked him down again, but the space gave both of them time to think. Before she could even open her mouth, Mako held up his hand.
"Let's just agree on one thing, right now," Mako said. "From here on out, us breaking up is not an option when we're arguing, okay? That way neither of us repeats old mistakes."
Korra had become unexpectedly teary at that, but she nodded. All the anger had drained out of her. It was probably just hormones, she realized later. She hated these hormones.
They'd gotten past it though and once that was settled, Korra had turned to him and asked, "So, does this mean we're together again?"
Mako just smiled, but three days later, he was taking her out to dinner at a real restaurant. A rather fancy restaurant—fancy enough, Korra knew he'd been planning this for a long time.
And now…
Now what?
How would he react? Watching him with the airbender children, she wasn't worried about him being a good father. Plus, look at Bolin. She was a lot less worried about Mako's abilities as a parent and a lot more worried about her own.
But did Mako even want kids? Maybe raising Bolin had turned him off to the whole idea. This wasn't the kind of thing you talked about when you were twenty-one and you'd only officially been back together for three weeks and things like marriage were still years away as far as you were concerned.
Spirits.
Would he want to marry her? Did she want to marry him?
It would make things easier for her. So much easier.
Still that was a huge decision. Mako loved her, she knew, but could she trust him with the rest of her life? One mistake wasn't a reason to spend the rest of her life with the wrong person…though, if Mako wasn't the right person, Korra didn't know if it was possible for anyone else to be right.
Thoughts crowded her brain. Korra tried to push them away. She hated it when her mind got like this. When every thought in her mind was negative. They crushed her, they made it hard to see the truth. And it all came back to one thought: What was she supposed to do?
"Korra?"
Electricity zinged down Korra's spine.
"Hey," she said. She let one leg dangle over the cliff edge, looping her hands around her knee. She glanced up at him and offered a smile. It felt too tight. He wasn't supposed to be here, she'd told him she wasn't feeling well.
"I thought I'd find you out here," Mako said, sitting next to her. He hadn't even stopped at home to change.
Korra nodded. "I wasn't expecting to see you today."
"I know." He rubbed at the back of his neck. "But Lin said she'd seen you today and she sounded worried." He put a hand on her shoulder. "She was right, you look beat." A heartbeat passed. "Korra? Are you okay?"
"What?"
"You're upset about something. I can tell."
And this was why you didn't date a damn detective. They noticed everything.
Korra opened her mouth to tell him, but, to her utter embarrassment, she burst into tears.
Mako sat back, surprised. "What's wrong?" he asked. "What happened?"
All Korra could do was cover her face and sob. Two heartbeats passed. His arm slid around her shoulders, meeting his other arm as he drew her into him.
"It'll be okay," he said. "I'm right here." That was all he said. Over and over. One hand moved in slow circles over her shoulder blades. Korra rested her head against his chest and didn't even try to hold anything back. She just cried.
Stupid hormones.
What felt like days later, Korra ran out of tears.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.
Korra slipped her arms around his waist. If this was all going down like the walls of Ba Sing Se, she wanted to stay as close as she could for as long as she could.
Mako bided his time. What must he be thinking? Korra couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her cry like this. That day in the South Pole when she'd thought she was the last Avatar, maybe?
"Korra," Mako said. "Please tell me what's wrong." He tensed, like he was bracing for an impact.
"I'm pregnant."
"Oh." He took a sharp breath in. "Oh."
To her relief, Mako didn't immediately push her away. He didn't move at all. It wasn't the response she had hoped for. Which raised the question: what had she hoped for?
"I think—" He cleared his throat. "I think I need a minute, okay? This is…a lot."
"No kidding." Korra tried not to sound too sarcastic.
Korra was afraid to look at him as he let go. Not knowing was awful, but the possibility of seeing her fears justified was worse. His hand rested on her shoulder for a few moments, then he sighed, kissing her hair as he got up. Her heart clenched—if she had had any tears left, she might have started crying again.
"I'll be back in a minute, don't…don't go far, okay?"
"Okay."
Scooting back from the edge of the cliff, Korra curled into herself again, resting her forehead against her knees. This was, by far, the most complicated mess she had ever gotten herself into.
She lifted her head as the footsteps returned behind her, but she watched the probending arena instead of him.
"How long have you known?" He didn't sound angry, just shocked.
"For sure? A week."
"A week? Korra, why didn't you tell me?" Mako knelt next to her, even though she still wouldn't look at him. His gaze burned though. "You didn't have to deal with this on your own. Not for a minute."
"Yes. I did," Korra said. "How was I supposed tell you about this until I'd sorted out my own thoughts.?"
"And…how do you feel about it?"
"Scared," Korra said, resting her face in her palm. "And maybe a little bit awestruck."
"Yeah." Mako sighed. "Korra, I am so sorry. This is all my fault."
Korra whipped her head around. Her boyfriend was staring at his hands in his lap, she must have been too busy not looking at him to notice when he sat down again. Mako had donned out his extra-broody eyebrows for this occasion too.
She couldn't help herself. Korra laughed.
Mako looked offended.
"I'm sorry," she said, wiping at her eyes. "It's just here I was sitting up here thinking about how it was all my fault. And here you are blaming yourself, when really, we're both to blame."
That didn't get a grin, but it did dial the eyebrow intensity down a notch.
"Three years ago, we probably would have blamed each other," she said, sobering up. That was when she knew worrying about Mako had been ridiculous. The awful feeling she'd been carrying in her gut for the last week (which, was not morning sickness, she knew the difference) untwisted. Korra reached for his hand, their fingers lacing together effortlessly.
"Three years ago," Mako said, "I don't think we could have handled this."
Korra nodded.
Grass crunched beneath him as he scoot closer, putting his arm around her shoulders.
"Who else knows?" he asked, his voice soft.
"You. Me. The healer at the clinic," she said. That had been an interesting adventure. Trying to visit the health clinic without tipping the press off that she was there for herself. They might not have jumped to the correct conclusion, but it might have been among the theories that they'd concocted. "It's still early, so the fewer who know, the better. I don't want anyone making a fuss, in case the…situation resolves itself."
"Korra, are you thinking of…"
"I'm keeping it, Mako." The hardest option, but she'd faced harder, hadn't she?
Mako held her a little tighter. "Okay. I'm—" His breath hitched a little as he hesitated. "Will you be mad at me if I say I'm glad?"
"Nah." Korra leaned into him, closing her eyes as the bright sunset reflected off the waters. All those colors. It was one of her favorite things about this spot. When the sun was setting, it lit up every inch of the water, turning it pink and orange and red. Sometimes, Korra wondered if she shouldn't have been born a firebender—it came so naturally. Of course, then she wouldn't have been the Avatar. Another impossible thing she couldn't resent. "I can't say I'm terribly disappointed with my decision either. It'll be tough though."
"I know," Mako said. "But you're not alone, Korra. Whatever you want from me…whatever you need, I'm here."
The thought struck Korra as particularly funny, since he was currently holding her like he would if they were sitting with her parents. She grabbed his hand, pulling his arm from her shoulder to her waist. Mako stiffened as his hand brushed across her stomach and then his fingers spread, warm against the small bump that he probably couldn't even tell was there yet. The silence popped, no longer strained, though still heavy.
The sun was gone, by the time Mako spoke again. "How are you?"
Korra shrugged. "I'm fine."
"And what did the healer say about…the, um, baby?" He sounded a little like he used to when he took an earth disc to the stomach.
"She said it's got a strong energy, though it isn't defined enough to be able to tell much else just yet."
"Okay."
"Mako, what are you thinking?" Korra pulled away, so that she was kneeling in front of him. This time, he was the one avoiding her gaze. She grabbed his chin, bringing his eyes back to hers. "Hey, Cool Guy, whatever it is, you can tell me. I did kind of just drop an elephant-rhino on you."
When Korra first met Mako, the idea of him blushing seemed ridiculous. He was Mr. Cool Under Fire. The Unflusterable Mako of the Fire Ferrets. Now, though, she loved how easy it was to make him blush. And she loved that she was currently his most frequent reason for blushing.
"I was just—" Mako sighed, shifting his eyes, even though she still held his face. "Do you think we should get married?"
Korra sat back. Hadn't she just been thinking about the same thing?
Things would be so much easier for her if they were married before the baby came. Oh, there would be scandal no matter how they played this. Every newspaper in town was going to jump on the news once they found out, but the whispers would die down much quicker if there was a ring on her finger. She'd seen it happen with mover stars. The big question still remained: Did she see a relationship with Mako working in the long run?
Korra didn't know the answer to that question. Every time she tried to piece it together, her brain ground to a halt.
"I—I don't know," she said. "What do you want?"
"I want what you want, Korra."
"You're not scared of moving too fast?"
"Spirits, Korra, of course I'm scared. This is crazy and overwhelming and I'm not even sure it's sunk in yet. Everything is going to change, but I love you and if marrying you is what's right, then that's what I want to do." Mako met her eyes then. He pulled her into his lap, cupping her face with both his hands. "What I want—Korra, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I've wanted that for a long time."
"Really?" Korra swallowed. She had to know. "Since when?"
"It took me a while to realize," he said, "but I knew for sure after Zaheer nearly killed you."
Korra sucked in a breath. For three years? And he hadn't said anything?
"It was back before we knew if you would walk again." The mention of the dark weeks right after Zaheer's attack, when everyone had waited anxiously to see if any feeling would return to her legs, darkened Mako's face and wiped all mirth from Korra's.
His thumb caressed her cheek as he said, "I knew then that I wanted to see you grow old and I wanted to grow old beside you. Raise kids with you, see the world, watch our grand kids grow up. And I was so scared—you don't have to tell me that this is incredibly selfish, I already know—I was so scared that it wouldn't happen if you were never able to walk again.
"Because I knew you and I was sure you'd think I was only doing it out of pity." He leaned in until their foreheads were touching. She caught the ghost of a smile on his lips before his features blurred. "And if there is one thing you can't stand, it's someone else's pity."
"Lucky you, your girlfriend kicked that wheelchair to the curb."
"I never cared about the wheelchair," he said. "Not for one minute."
His words made her shiver. She knew that now, of course, even if she couldn't see it then. It was good to hear the words though. He pulled back, one finger tracing down her neck, over her collarbone, and stopping right above her heart—a heart which, coincidentally, pounded very loudly in Korra's ears.
"This is what I love and it has never changed."
"I know."
Korra kissed him, hands smoothing over his shoulders, her weight causing him to lean back a little. One arm wrapped around her, the other braced behind him. They were very good at easy, careful kissing now. After all, she and Mako were adults. They had self-control. So even though her pulse throbbed and the hand at her waist felt like it was burning through her clothes into her skin, Korra pulled away.
"I need to think about it. Okay?"
"Of course," Mako said, smiling up at her. The setting sun caught in his eyes, making the amber darken and flicker.
"Korra!" Ikki's sing-song voice echoed nearby.
Quickly, Korra and Mako stood, both of them very aware of how Tenzin would react if Ikki returned with a report of what he referred to as "funny business". Not that his ban of "funny business" between them while she was on his island really had much power now.
"Korra! Oh, and Mako. Mom says it's time for dinner. Are you coming?"
"And miss your mom's cooking? Of course not," Mako said, ruffling the young airbender's hair. He took Korra's hand and together they headed back inside.
Like I said, not my normal story. But I'm going somewhere with this, so...enjoy?
In case you are wondering, since I don't really know where Bryke is going to end things with Mako and Korra, I've written this as though they end Book 4 in a sort of in-between, we definitely still love each other but we haven't really decided that we're dating phase. That's where they were in the Prologue. Obviously between then and now they'd made it official.
As always, I love hearing what your favorite parts are!