Winter Song
Author's Notes: By the way, like with my previous story, this was based more from the Anime Alice Academy, rather than the manga. I have only recently read the manga, and although I enjoyed it very much, it was too late for me to alter parts of this story to keep it in line more or less with the original story. I've had this in my head even while I was writing "Ready to fall", and the first few chapters have been written a few years ago, so I just stuck with MY original idea for this story. It is FAN FICTION, after all. Enjoy reading. Cheers!
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2| Say Goodnight, not Goodbye
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Three days ago…
It's happening.
Mikan could not believe it's really happening. In just a few weeks time, they would be graduating and would be leaving the Academy that has been their home for about ten years—for some, even more.
With that, she suddenly felt a pull of anxiety. She had not left the confines of the Academy since she pounded its gates, demanding to allow her to see her bestfriend Hotaru, almost a decade ago. Well, except maybe that one time when she and Sumire tried to save Natsume from the Anti-Alice Organization, which, in turn, getting them kidnapped as well. Natsume even had to use himself as bait just so they could escape. It was also around that time when things between Natsume and her started to change.
The gentle squeeze to her hand brought her back to the present.
She and her friends had just finished the last of their exams ever as Alice Academy Students. They were now on their way to Central Town to celebrate.
She felt another squeeze when she did not budge. She looked up and saw a pair of concerned red orbs watching her. She put on one of her sweetest smiles to assure the owner of those eyes that she was alright—everything was alright.
Everything was alright indeed, Mikan thought as the concern turned into relief.
Who would have thought, in a long shot, that she would be with Natsume Hyuuga—the Black Cat, who has been feared and considered dangerous? They even said he was a loner—preferred to keep to himself. They would have never expected him to walk hand-in-hand with a girl, and hang-out with a big group of friends to Central Town.
In those ten years, a lot has changed from the Black Cat. Sure, he was still feared and dangerous, but less... cold.
Random students would still hesitate to approach him, to cross him. He still exuded that intimidating aura—that serious, stoic face. That same face, however, only—or at least, mostly—bore affection when it came to her. This made her giggle secretly, if only people knew how much of a softie the Black Cat really was, they'll probably crack a laugh until it was their kids' turn to enter the Academy.
"You seem amused," he said softly, leaning down her ear so only she would hear his comment.
"I'm just happy," she whispered back.
He chuckled, "You're always happy."
"Because I am."
That was true. After that storm in their relationship four years ago, when they were just figuring out their feelings for each other, things had been smooth for the both of them since. It seemed they really had their happy ending.
Yes, they still argued. They fought a lot, leaving their friends scratching their heads—wondering what could have gone wrong again. But they knew, just as much as Mikan and Natsume knew, that all those arguments were superficial. They would still sit next to each other at meal time. They would still walk hand-in-hand. And they would still hang-out together, either in Mikan's room, at Natsume's, or under the Sakura Tree—their Tree.
The only time Mikan became uneasy was whenever he had to leave in the middle of the night and not come to class for a couple of days or more.
The worst so far was during that one time, less than a year ago, when she was called to the hospital. He was practically in a coma for two full days. Fatigue, the doctor had said, but she knew the real reason...
She shook her head. She will not think about those now. In fact, she did not have to think about those anymore, because they were graduating—and in a few weeks time, Natsume will be free from his missions—free from Persona.
"We are so getting drunk tonight," Yome, the blond mind-reader, announced, which earned him a collective groan from the girls, but the boys laughed in agreement.
"No doubt, you'll be the first to do so," Natsume commented, making everyone—even the girls—laugh.
Yome could only scratch his head knowing that was probably true, which made the laughter even louder.
Natsume leaned closer to Mikan again and whispered, "No alcohol for you. Who knows what you'll blabber about when you get drunk?"
Mikan shoved him away, and stuck her tongue out. He only laughed in response, and reached to hold her hand again.
The gesture never cease to amaze her even after four years. It was just another thing one would never expect of him to do, yet it seemed so natural now. She sometimes even thought he wasn't actually aware that he was always seeking her hand when they were together.
It was as if he was always reassuring himself that she was still there, and never going anywhere.
That same hold, however, suddenly tensed amidst the laughter and the continuous conversation of their group.
Mikan automatically glanced at him. She had that uneasy feeling again when his expression turned into the Black Cat that people feared. He was looking a little to their left, somewhere behind the trees.
Mikan also turned her gaze there and tried to focus on the figure hidden in the shadows.
Yojiro Sagara.
Her heart slammed in her chest.
No, it can't be, Mikan cried mentally. This is not happening!
She tightened her hold on Natsume's hand, afraid that he would let go and leave—even though she knew those weren't just fears. He would let go.
"Natsume," she managed to say, despite the lump building in her throat.
He turned to her, stepping in front of her, as if trying to block her view of the boy waiting behind the trees.
Too late, she already saw—and she dreaded what it meant.
"You, guys, go ahead," he told her quietly. Mikan knew he was hoping their friends haven't noticed the tension in the air brought by the unwanted visitor. "I'll catch up with you at Stinkey's."
And Mikan knew she wouldn't be able to sit still, while waiting for him, in their favorite pub.
"Natsume," she tugged at his hand again, pleading now.
He gave her a light peck on the forehead and said reassuringly, "It'll be fine. Go."
He silently slipped off the group, their friends not even noticing, and headed to the shadows of the trees, becoming one of the hidden figures himself.
Mikan could only watch and hope that she was just getting paranoid—that she was just overreacting, as always.
But the continuous pounding of her heart in her chest seemed to tell her otherwise.
"Where did Natsume go?" she heard Ruka ask. Obviously, the Black Cat was able to slip away so quietly, like the cat that he was.
She breathed deeply, and braced herself before facing their friends with a smile on her face, "He forgot something in the classroom. He said he'll meet us at Stinkey's."
"He was probably too excited to celebrate to not even notice he left something behind," Mochu said clearing the uneasiness that started to circulate upon her boyfriend's disappearance.
The group let out another round of laughter as they moved along.
Mikan chanced another glance to where Natsume and Yojiro disappeared to.
"Let's go, Mikan," she heard Hotaru call to her.
Her friend was studying her curiously as they followed the group.
She smiled and shook her head, gesturing to Hotaru that she was fine—everything was alright, she hoped.
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Stinkey's was probably the only Westernized pub in Central Town, and one of the few that hardly used Alice in their operation. It opened just a couple of years ago, and quickly became a favorite hang-out for students old enough to drink. They like it because the atmosphere was homey and casual. Plus, they offer different games and entertainment, like pinball, darts and pool. There's even a classic jukebox in a corner, away from the pinball machines.
At Stinkey's, Natsume's prediction came true, and Yome was indeed the first to get drunk. After three rounds, he was starting to sway and slur his speech. Nonoko could only shove food in his mouth to stop him from blabbering people's thoughts carelessly.
"You'd think, by now, we should already know how dangerous it is to let Yome drink," Ruka said as he watched the poor Nonoko tend to her drunk boyfriend.
"I guess we kinda like to live on the edge," Iinchou replied.
They stared at each other for a full-second, and then burst out laughing. They even clunk their bottles before having another swig at their drinks.
"Did you, guys, just start the party without me?" Sumire announced with fake annoyance as she joined the group at their table.
"Well, where have you been?" Anna retorted, still with the trace of that sweet soft voice she always had.
"Sorry, guys," Tetsuya apologized in behalf of Sumire as he sat next to her. "We got—ah—held up."
It was not a surprise to see Tetsuya Kimura attending their group gatherings despite his history with Mikan and Natsume five years ago. After Mikan finally chose Natsume over him, the atmosphere between the two guys changed from hostile to almost friendly. In fact, even if he already graduated a few years ago, he still came back occasionally to join their gatherings like tonight. Plus, he and Sumire have become intriguingly close lately.
"Tetsuya," Mochu extended a bottle to the red-head barely avoiding hitting Sumire's nose with his elbows, which he apologized for after earning a glare from the Cat-Dog Alice girl. "Glad you can make it. How's life outside the Academy? Keeping it warm for us, before we get out there ourselves?"
Tetsuya only laughed at his ramblings, and then gestured with his bottle before taking a swig.
The red-head roamed his gaze around the group, doing a mental roll call.
"Where's Natsume?" he asked realizing who was missing.
Mikan's hold on her glass of iced tea tightened. She was just about to go crazy thinking when would he be back.
"He forgoch shumching," Yome said, then laughed as if that was the most hilarious thing ever.
"Oh, for goodness sakes, Koko," Nonoko, finally giving up, letting the Mind-Reader drop on the seat with a thud when she pulled him hard, so he'd stay still.
Tetsuya stifled a laugh, unsure if it would hurt Nonoko's feelings if he cracked at their situation.
"So where is Natsume?" he asked again, obviously not understanding what Yome had just said before.
"Mikan said he forgot something in the classroom," Iinchou answered, explaining what Yome meant. "He's supposed to just meet us here."
"Speaking of which," Ruka started. "What's taking him so long? Did you happen to know, Mikan?"
Mikan, however, was not paying attention at that moment. She has been too intent on her untouched drink, in front of her. Her distraction caused her friends to be concerned.
"Mikan?" Hotaru, who was sitting beside her, gently elbowed her, hoping to get her attention.
"What?" she asked surprised, and grew red when she realized all eyes were on her.
"Is there something wrong?" apprehension wrapped Ruka's inquiry.
"No," she answered too quickly and too energetically. "Nothing's wrong. Everything is fine."
Mikan wanted to knock herself on the head. She had been saying that since they left for Central Town, yet she knew everything was not fine.
"So who's got my drink?"
All heads, especially Mikan's, suddenly turned to the owner of that voice.
"What took you so long?" Ruka berated, obviously concerned.
"Geesh, mom," Natsume replied teasingly as he walked towards the empty seat next to his girlfriend. "I'm here, okay? You don't have to ground me."
"Natsume!" Yome suddenly called loudly. "We're drunk!"
They all laughed, except for Mikan, who was still secretly fidgeting.
"No, Yome," Natsume replied chuckling. "You're drunk, as I predicted."
That earned more laughter, and the conversation flowed again amongst the group.
Natsume turned his attention to his worried girlfriend the moment their friends' focus shifted away from him.
"Where have you been?" she whispered her attempt at scolding.
Mikan thought she saw his expression turned gloom for a split second, before giving her a reassuring smile.
"I'm here now," he reached for both of her hands and squeezed. "That's what's important."
"But what do they want?" she insisted.
Natsume glanced up at their friends, checking if anyone heard her interrogation. Convinced that everyone else were too preoccupied to have heard, he relaxed once again.
Although, he leaned closer to her before speaking, just in case, "Later, okay?"
"Do you, guys, want to get a room?" Mochu teased, shifting everyone's attention back to them—with the boys chuckling, and the girls, except for Hotaru, blushing.
Mikan stuck out her tongue at Mochu to hide her red cheeks. The guy only snorted and laughed.
"I still don't have my drink, Mochu," Natsume said diverting the attention away from the beet-red Mikan.
"Well, have a bottle then, my friend," said Mochu, handing him a newly opened bottle of ice-cold beer.
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"Is it 'later' yet?" she asked him when they got to her room after their group decided to call it a night, and she has finished preparing herself for bed.
This moment had to be "later".
She had waited long enough—drove herself crazy enough—wondering what Yojiro and, surely, Persona wanted.
She did not really know Yojiro Sagara, other than he was a transferee from the Shanghai Branch. The faculty figured, since he was Japanese, it made more sense if he was at the Tokyo Branch.
Mikan doubted that was the real reason. The moment Yojiro stepped foot in the Academy, Persona took him under his wing, even sending him to call Natsume for mission briefings. This was why Mikan always felt uncomfortable when he was around, because that could only mean that Natsume had to leave again, and she had to worry for his safety yet again.
Yojiro reminded everyone of the old Natsume—distant, aloof and dangerous. Being four years younger, he, no doubt, was Persona's new Natsume. They called him the Night Shadow. Why, exactly? No one knew—and Natsume wouldn't say. She just heard that he was untraceable when he works, and moves like a shadow in the night.
He, however, was the least of her worries for now.
Surely, Natsume was again called for something, and that something was definitely not to congratulate him from finally graduating from the Academy. If anything, Persona would most possibly be reluctant to let him go.
That thought made her shudder.
Natsume, who was already in his usual spot on her bed with his back leaning on the headboard, tapped the space beside him.
Mikan obliged. Bracing herself as she scooted closer to him.
He automatically wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer to his warm embrace.
She felt his chest heaved a sigh against her cheek, before he spoke.
"Is that why you've been fidgeting all night?"
She pouted. She would never get a straight answer from him where this topic was concerned.
Almost every night, Natsume would go to Mikan's room, would hold her close—like tonight—serving as her warm blanket until she fell asleep. She would mostly be talking a lot, and asking him questions before she would finally doze off.
Tonight, however, Mikan considered her words carefully. She wanted to bombard him with questions, but knew that only a few—or maybe even less—would be answered.
She had faced that terrible feeling before, of trying to sleep in his arms knowing that he wouldn't be there in the morning and wouldn't show up the whole day at all after that.
But the fear she was feeling now was somehow far greater. She guessed, because she had her hopes too high that he would never have to endanger himself again.
"Natsume," she began, but he cut her off.
"You know, I didn't expect Kimura to be there tonight," he tried to sound as if he was in wonder. "I guess things between him and Permy are getting more serious now."
Mikan cringed. Natsume could just never pull off the I-actually-care-about-other-people's-love-life tone.
She shifted so she could look at him. She tried hard to hold the laughter bubbling in her throat when she saw him trying to match his fake interest with a fake expression on his face.
"Stop it, Natsume," she attempted to sound annoyed.
He gave her a smile, knowing his statement made her laugh. They stared at each other for a long while, with his eyes roaming around her face. Then, she saw, the amusement in his eyes turned into something else. The flames of his red orbs seemed to flicker, but not with rage. Mikan did not really have a name for it, but she could recognize that look whenever she saw it from him—and also, since it seemed only meant for her. She felt heat rose up to her cheeks, and she hoped that the semi-darkness of her room disguised it.
"You know," he said in that deep husky voice that always partnered that unnamed intent stare, making the hair at Mikan's nape stand. "Tonight's the first night after a long time when you don't have to sleep with your books under your pillow."
She sighed. He was still avoiding her questions. "So?"
He ran his right hand up and down her back, each stroke leaving a trace of warmth against her skin from under her shirt.
"You have no exams to worry about tomorrow."
Mikan raised a brow, unsure where he was going with this.
"No classes," he leaned his head closer, kissing the top of her head.
She, in turn, closed her eyes instinctively.
"No reason to wake up early."
"Hmm…"
She felt his lips curved into another smile as he kissed her temples.
Mikan tried to think what she was going to say, but completely blanked when his left hand started to caress her cheeks and then held her face up, as the hand on her back gently pushed her towards him.
She opened her eyes, and was about to say something—but couldn't remember what—when Natsume sealed her lips with his.
Mikan felt her body melting—together with her brain. Her eyes drooped close once again. She hardly even noticed when he shifted and trapped her between the bed and his body.
With his lips pressed on hers—warm and soft but firm—her arms circled around his neck, her fingers toying with the ends of his unkempt raven hair at his nape. His right arm supported his weight, as his left hand ran along her arm, her shoulder, along the side of her back and down to her hip. Each touch seemed to bring a new level of heat in her.
Her eyes shot open, when she felt his left hand lifted her shirt a little and his palm made contact with the skin along her waist.
"Natsume," she managed to mumble, breathless, when his lips left hers to shower the side of her face and her neck with feathery kisses.
"Hmm?"
Her heart hammered in her chest wildly when she felt Natsume's hand smoothly eased up her sides, up her ribs and down her stomach, where her insides seemed to be forming into a tight knot. Her right leg instinctively curled and brushed along his thigh, which earned her a contented groan from the Black Cat.
She was not naive—not anymore. Though the sensation and the feeling all seemed new to her—in a good way—she knew where this could lead. And she wanted to allow it. But no matter how Mikan wanted to give in to the moment, her fear kept her hold of her control—of what was left of it anyway.
How good it must be to just let go, and forget tomorrow—forget the fact that she might wake up without him by her side.
"You're leaving me, aren't you?"
He froze, his hand on her waist again and his lips on her collarbone.
Mikan felt the hot liquid forming in her eyes, while Natsume stayed still. Gently, his body relaxed and slowly dropped his weight on top of her.
He buried his face in her hair at the side of her neck. She could feel his warm breath as he finally answered—whispered, "I'm not leaving you, Mikan."
She turned her head away from him so he wouldn't feel the tear that escaped her eyes, "But you're going."
It wasn't a question. She already knew she was right when he didn't elaborate on his previous answer.
"Don't," she pleaded, turning her head back to him when he didn't say anything.
Natsume crossed his arms underneath her, embracing her tightly. She tightened her arms around his neck as well, in response.
"Mikan," he started to say.
Tears started flowing freely now, knowing exactly what his tone meant.
"Don't go," she pleaded.
He pressed his lips below her jaw line as he held her even tighter.
She could hardly breathe but she didn't mind, if it meant she can stop him from leaving.
"I have to," she thought she heard glasses breaking, but then again, that may have been her heart shattering to pieces upon his confirmation that he was indeed leaving.
He lifted his head and loosened his hold on her a little. She saw the helplessness in his eyes when he looked at her tear-stained face.
"But I'll be back,"
She held his face, and gently caressed his cheeks. While continuously holding his stare, she ran her hands through his raven hair from the side of his head, down to his jaw, even slightly touching the red stud on his right earlobe—her anniversary gift to him just a few days ago. She was trying to memorize that handsome face… as if she won't see him again.
That possibility brought more tears in her eyes.
"Mikan,"
"Why can't you say 'no'?" she asked still fighting to keep him here, with her—safe. "Just this once, say 'no'."
To her surprise, he shook his head, "Not this time."
"I don't understand," she cried.
"I would've said 'no' before—to my other missions," he tried to explain. "But not this one. This time, I really have to do it. It's too important."
"What could be so important?"
Natsume sighed, released her—to which Mikan already ached at the absence of his warmth—and lie next to her.
He stared at the ceiling, "I wish I can tell you, but it's better—safer—you didn't know."
That has always been his answer, that she will be safer if she knew nothing. How was she supposed to handle that? It was enough to handle that all those years, knowing that a higher authority sent him. But now, it was like he was saying it was his choice to go. Was it?
Mikan sobbed at that thought.
Natsume instantly moved and bundled her to him, cradling her.
"Shh," he was stroking her long wavy hair, keeping her head close to his chest—his heart. "I'll come back, Mikan. I'll come back to you."
"Promise?"
Natsume swallowed, "Promise."
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Mikan finally fell asleep. She must have gotten too tired from crying.
It broke Natsume's heart to see her hurt like that. He wanted to just stay here and keep her in his embrace.
He was tempted to go back to bed next to her whenever she reached for the space he vacated—reached for him—but she was too deep in slumber to wake up from his absence.
If only this mission was like his any other missions, he would have declined. He would have set his foot down and told Persona to go to hell. But it wasn't just Persona who asked him. This time, it mattered more, because someone who cared and who was an important part of his life—no matter how he would never bluntly admit it—had asked him to do this. It was too important that it did not only concern the Academy, but, possibly, the whole Alice Community.
So Natsume leaned close to Mikan one last time. The love of his life—his warmth.
"I promise, Mikan," he whispered to her ear. "I'll come back to you. No matter what."
Mikan stirred, and, for a moment, he thought she woke up, especially when she spoke.
"I love you, Natsume."
Natsume felt the invisible hand crushing his heart, but he withstood it.
"I love you, too, Mikan."
He planted a soft kiss on her lips before heading for the window—he couldn't risk the Dorm Mother seeing him leave her room this late at night. He took one last longing look at her before he jumped, disappearing in the darkness.