AN: I hope you like this chapter. I know that people are turned off by the title of this fic but I really enjoyed writing it. I'm hopefully going to work on some of my other fics but I've been incredibly busy and on sleeping pills so thank you for your patience.

Chapter One – In the Depths of Hell

It's a blur, it's nothing but a blur as I try to focus on what's going on around me. I can't get the words straight and I think it's because I'm so scared, so terrified and that I hate to admit that one option is worse than the other. Kuu and Kuon were together and there was some type of a gang attack, one of them is in the hospital and one of them is presumed dead. I hate that I am slightly hoping that my father-in-law is dead. No, I'm hoping that my husband is alive. That's the way I'm thinking of it. I have no idea how Julie is feeling.

I race to the hospital and slam my hands down on the front desk. I shouldn't have rushed off of set so quickly, my makeup is drawing attention but I can explain it. My husband is in the hospital after some attack on his life. They have to give an actress a certain break for that. Yes, I'll go in and apologize for the inconvenience because it's important to show respect but…but I shouldn't be thinking about respect right now.

My heart is jumping nervously in my chest as I try to catch my breath, "Hizuri Kuon, I need to know what happened to Hizuri Kuon," I tell the secretary desperately. Please let him be injured with a minor injury, a cut, some bruises, a broken appendage maybe. Just please let me see him.

The secretary pales before looking around, "I'm…I'm going to get the doctor, the police didn't contact you?" they ask and my heart drops in my chest. I don't think I understand what they are saying to me.

I take another deep breath in. Calm down, Kyoko. Just because they are talking about doctors and police officers it doesn't mean that Kuon is dead. You need to hold yourself together because if Kuu dies then Kuon will never forgive himself. He isn't the one who is dead. You have to remind him that Kuu-sama would want it this way, he wants Kuon to live a long and happy li-

"Hizuri-san?" the doctor says, it sounds as if he's said it a couple of times. "I'm regretful when I tell you…" he pauses and I blink hard. "May we take a walk to my office?" he asks and I nod nervously. I'm not sure what's going on but I'm scared. It seems much more tense than it has been. As I pass the office I see Julie holding onto our son. I feel as if I've been tripped and am falling off a cliff. Nothing seems to join together and Julie cuddles Haruuto closer.

The doctor tells me to sit down whilst we're in his office and I freeze, taking a look around me. Something's wrong. The darkness is…

"Hizuri-san," the doctor says and I watch him as if he's in some weird painting, it doesn't feel real. I have a suspicion of what he wants to tell me but it's not real, it's not true. "I regret to inform you and I might have to check with the police that this data is…"

"Just tell me," I whisper feeling as if I'm about to break, I take a shaky breath in before putting an arm around myself. "Kuon is dead, isn't he?" I ask and the doctor nods. I bow my head, everything inside of me feels cold and disjointed. The baby inside of me, our little girl, it feels that she's not in me anymore. I stand trying to put myself into a scene. I'm an actress and in this scene, I've been told that my husband is late for dinner and he's going to come back from the store with flowers and chocolates and an apology and a good explanation for why he made me wait for him. That's what is happening. This isn't the scene, this hospital.

No, this is just a rehearsal, it's just a story. I stand up making sure that there are no tears running down my cheeks and I stand still, I can't acknowledge this. Kuon's just late for dinner. He's late, for once he's late, it only happens once in a while but he doesn't mean it, he always tries his best to be at home for our family. I bow respectfully to the doctor, "Thank you for the information," I tell him before walking out. Neutral expression, Kyoko. All you need is a neutral expression until the director yells cut. It's just an acting test, just an acting test that you forgot that you were doing.

"Haruto," I smile to him as I come out of the office, "We're going to go home," I tell him before smiling at Julie in what I once called the perfect Tsuruga-style smile, "Thank you for taking care of him today," I tell her before looking away. I can't make eye contact with her because she's not supposed to be in the scene.

I try to place myself as an actress performing a role so that we can get home safely. It's an act. Someone is going to yell cut and Corn will run over and throw his arms around the both of us and we'll laugh and it won't be a big deal. Yes, exactly, someone has to yell cut eventually.

…

…..

Why am I here? What did I do to be here in the hospital room right now and where the hell is Kuon? Why isn't anyone telling me where Kuon is? We were both there together, we were both there together. I take a deep breath in and try to figure things out. My son was with me, there was a fight, I got knocked out, there was a gun shot.

No. I imagined that there was a gun shot because of all the yelling. Kuon is just in another hospital room where they are treating his wounds and he's going to bounce back and then we'll leave this hospital together. That's what is going to happen. You're all okay and you need to give a police report because of the situation.

I take another shaky breath and see Julie coming into the hospital room alone. She looks as if someone has torn out her heart. I'm okay though. It's okay. She shouldn't worry so much. I always want to wrap my arms around her so tightly when she worries. "Julies?" I ask her and she rushes towards me, throwing her arms around me and sobbing painfully into my chest. "It's okay." I try to tell her, "It's okay. It's all right. I'm here. Everything is -"

"Kuu," she says softly, her eyes filled with tears, "Please be calm whilst I say this," she tells me and I look at her. I'm not sure what she is going to say. Everything is going to be okay.

"Everything is oka-" I begin but she cuts me off.

"Kuu," she says, her voice sounding so fragile, "Kuon is dead."

I freeze. Did I hear her correctly? No, no, those words aren't what she said, my anxiety as a father was just tricking me. I've heard that parents can experience those terrors. I shake my head with a weak chuckle and Julie wraps her arms around me tighter.

"Kuu, I don't want to say the words again," she says as tears slide down her cheeks unchecked, "Kuon is dead. He's gone, Kuu. He's not coming back."

I freeze as those words seem to bounce around in my brain, I don't want to accept them. I don't want to actually acknowledge the idea that I couldn't save him, that I had the opportunity to save his life and I just didn't take it.

"This isn't funny," I whisper as I look straight ahead of me and Julie shakes her head. I freeze as it hits me. Kuon is gone. Everything that he worked for is that of a ghosts. His children will grow up with no memory of their father. His name will be an abstract of someone who once was here. He won't age a year, a month, a day again in his life. I freeze and close my eyes before hearing some uncontrolled sobbing.

"I failed him," I whisper, it's the only thing on my mind. "I'm his father. I should have protected his life with my own. I failed him."

"Nobody blames you," Julie tells me and I wish they would, it might ease the pain of losing my son, my only biological son who had a family of his own. Parents aren't supposed to outlive their children. I close my eyes as I remember holding him when he was a baby. I always loved his laugh, his giggling as he saw a new animal. I want those moments back. All of those moments. I caused this suffering, if only I could go back and save him, I'd give anything for him to be alive again.

…..

…..

I pause. Somehow I can't move my body, am I paralyzed? Is this my punishment for the afterlife, complete paralysis. Look, I'm not a saint, I can understand that someone out there might put me on the down elevator but complete paralysis!? This isn't fair. I hear a sound from the side of me but it's pitch black and even I can't figure out what is around me. Well, Dante must not have gotten it all right because if he had then, well he must have been resurrected.

At least my father is still alive. I didn't want him caught up in this crap.

Well, I guess I'm dead. I don't want to be dead nor am I attracted to the idea but this must be death. I move to my side and the pain feels like hell. That's right, Kuon, you died of a gun shot wound. I take another breath in before feeling something like an ice cold shower hitting me. Great. Hell has frozen over.

Have to make the best of it, I guess.

Hello, Satan. My name is Kuon Hizuri. My greatest accomplishment was becoming a father. I have a wonderful son, Haruto, and an unnamed daughter with my wife Kyoko. I used to go by the name Ren Tsuruga but that was for acting. Is acting a crime now? I don't know. I would apologize but I guess there's not enough time for that.

I feel my eyes closed as if I'm on some type of drug whilst the ice water pelts me.

"How does it feel that someone else has won, you half-breed monster?" I hear an unrecognizable voice speak to me with an American accent. I guess I would have to have an American voice talking to me. Very accommodating for a demon really.

"I guess I should accept that I'm dead," I tell them and there's a long pause.

"You think you're dead?" the voice says to me and I pause. Why is my mind acting so confused? Why does everything seem dark and blurry and why can't I move? Everything points to the fact that I'm already dead but this voice. I don't know, this has to be some kind of trick or a trap. I pause nervously. I'm dead, I have to be dead.

"I was shot, I'm ready to accept my fate," I tell them and hear a pause.

Then there's silence as the ice cold water seems to turn hotter. Okay, somehow this hurts my body but with all the pain I've caused in this world, this makes sense but why does it make sense? Should it make sense?

End of Chapter One

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Thank you to Kaname671 and paulgato for their reviews