never gonna leave this bed

So Derek freaks out. It's not as if Stiles wasn't expecting it – he was. He had been since the confusing, yet adorable, Valentine's Day when he had finally told Derek he was pregnant. Since then they had talked more, they had been able to work through some issues they had, they had been coming along strong and steady, and everything was okay.

And Stiles had spent the whole time expecting for the day he would wake up and not find Derek there. For the moment Derek would say he wasn't ready, that Stiles would be better off without him, and that things would be better for Stiles and the baby if he was away.

He was ready for it.

What he wasn't ready for was for after Derek came back.

X

The Hale house wasn't the same, of course. There wasn't much left that could be built on, to be honest, and when he planned the remodeling very little of the original building was left behind.

They move in on a Wednesday, because that was the only day the rest of the pack managed to come over as they simply refused to do this on a weekend. The furniture was bought and assembled, curtains were put up, electronic appliances were installed, and they were all set to move in.

Stiles spent most of his time in the nursery, a bunch of blank walls and not much else until they knew the sex of the baby, but he was content to let the others do the hard work.

When he came out, the pack looked freaked out and way, way too solicitous, and so he knew: it was happening, Derek had had the freak out, and left.

He had been ready, he had been waiting for this moment for a month. So he was okay with it. he took Scott up on his offer to stay the night with him, Allison saying she'd stay too, he graciously thanked Lydia for her offer to kill Derek, he smiled at Erica and Boyd and told them he was okay, he calmed Isaac down and offered him a room upstairs to stay the rest of the week.

All in all, out of all of them, the one who wasn't having a fit was him. Because he had prepared himself for it, because he knew Derek better than anyone else, and he knew how bad Derek wanted all of this now, but he also knew Derek had the biggest martyr complex he had ever seen, so when he was finally getting everything he wanted of life he'd run from it.

He would be back. It was okay.

Two weeks after that, Derek came back.

That was the part Stiles wasn't ready for.

X

He shows up out of the blue, coming in the second Scott left for work and Allison went home for a few changes of clothes, while Stiles is still in the kitchen, putting things away from their breakfast.

Derek stands there, head hung low and eyes burning with tears he won't let fall down, and Stiles turns very slowly, leans against the kitchen counter and waits.

"I'm sorry" the man manages to get out, and Stiles sighs, blinking slowly and shrugging.

"I know you are."

Derek looks up a bit, surprised, and Stiles half smiles, shrugging again.

"I've been following your credit card trail. I knew you were okay, and I was expecting you to have this major freak out ever since I told you what was going on. I knew you'd do this, so it's okay, I get it. Now you're done with it, and we can go on with our lives, right?"

The alpha blinks once, twice, and then rushes forward, enveloping Stiles in a hug. He smiles, small and calm, and pats Derek on the back a bit.

"Now, you can start repaying me by washing the dishes while I go get ready for class" he says, smiling at Derek again, and leaving the room.

It's too easy. It's way too easy.

And of course that if it's too easy, there's something wrong with it.

X

It's not that there's something wrong, it's just that everything is a bit too Stepford for Derek to understand what's really going on.

He can't judge Stiles, really. The second he realized what he had left behind when he freaked out, the second he decided to come back, he had made a deal with himself to accept whatever hell Stiles decided to put him through. Sleep in another room, never talk to him again, go away, leave him alone, abdicate from his Alpha position in the pack, anything as long as Stiles forgave him even if just a little bit, and allowed him to still be a part of their lives – their kid's and Stiles'. And then he came back and Stiles was okay.

The same day he comes back, Isaac shows up around lunch time, and seems genuinely surprised to find him there, but he's content. He stares at him reproachfully, as if daring him to try and go all Alpha on him, but Derek says he's sorry, and Isaac ends up forgiving him.

The kid tells him Stiles was the one to actually calm the pack down, tell them that Derek would come back when he was ready, that everything would be okay. Isaac also tells him that Lydia was the only one who didn't believe in this, who actually thought he wouldn't be coming back, and she was pissed.

Scott comes the second Isaac can get a hold of him, and he actually punches Derek so hard his jaw breaks, but he knows he deserves it. His eyes flash red for a moment, a warning that something like this won't go unpunished a second time but that, right now, yeah, he would punch himself too. Erica and Boyd take their cues from Stiles and accept him back without much fuss, and Lydia, well, Lydia refuses to look at him for almost a week, and them she spends a whole lot of time making sure he knows she thinks he isn't worthy of her best friend, but it's okay, he can take it.

He can take anything if it means Stiles is okay with him, that their kid will be okay with him. They sleep together, and he's okay with the fact that Stiles won't actually curl up with him like he used to, using him as a pillow, because he had left. He doesn't actually expect things to be great again for a while, but other than that Stiles just seems so… fine.

It starts to creep him out. Really creep him out.

And then comes the day when Stiles doesn't come home after class like he always doesn't, and doesn't even tell him where he'll be, and Derek starts to get worried, because Stiles is freaking pregnant, and Derek starts calling everyone they know to try and get a hold of him. He calls the Sheriff (who, by the way, doesn't know Stiles is pregnant or that Derek left for two weeks, neither of which bodes well for him in the future), he calls Scott and Allison and Chris Argent, and no one knows where the hell Stiles is.

Lydia is his last resource, and she is not picking up.

He sits at home, and decides to wait for an hour. Just an hour more, and see if Stiles will be back.

Maybe this is a part of his punishment. Maybe now Stiles will finally unleash all hell and make him miserable for a while, so they can be okay again, and not the make believe thing they have going on right now.

Maybe Lydia is helping him make Derek realize how terrifying it is to have someone you love just vanish.

They come back three hours after Stiles was supposed to be home, and Derek is about ready to cry with relief. Lydia takes a single look at them, stares at Derek long and hard, and then suggests to Stiles that he should probably call their pack and his dad and tell them he's okay.

When they are alone she stares at him again, hands on her hips, hair flipped back for good measure.

"You better find a way to fix this today, or I swear to God I'm telling the Sheriff about his pregnancy, and he knows where he can get wolfsbane bullets."

And then she leaves.

Derek is left staring at the door in bewilderment. Wasn't this whole thing of the two of them disappearing a part of his punishment? Shouldn't Lydia be glad with that?

What the hell is going on?

He goes upstairs after a few minutes and finds Stiles getting out of the shower, the smallest bump starting to show now that he has his shirt off. He smiles at Derek, easy and simple, and Derek feels his insides twist in him.

He wants this to be alright again, so badly.

"You okay?" he asks, and Stiles stares at him as if he's crazy, sitting on the bed and pulling on his socks.

"I'm great. You?"

Derek stares. He sighs, and sits beside Stiles on the bed, trying to keep his voice calm when all he wants to do is scream and shake Stiles and ask him to just come back, because this… pod person is not his… his. Just his.

"Where were you?"

Stiles frowns at him as if Derek is crazy for asking, and the man waits, counting to ten in his head.

"In class. I mean, I know I'll probably be able to finish this semester only, and then I'll have to wait until the baby is born, but I do still go to class, dummy."

"I meant after class. I was worried when you didn't come home."

It kills him a bit to say that, because Stiles hadn't said that. What right did he have to ask Stiles where he was for three hours when he had been gone for two weeks?

"Oh, Deaton found me an obstetrician, I and Lydia went to have the first appointment, to make sure everything is okay with me and the baby. I mean, Deaton's been great, but I don't want the kid to be born on the veterinarian's table."

He pulls a shirt over his head as he's talking, and Derek feels as if his whole world has frozen a bit.

He went to the doctor.

He went to the doctor without him.

"Why didn't you…" he pauses taking in a deep breath, "Why didn't you tell me? I wanted to be there" he can't help it that his voice breaks a little at the end of the sentence, because it's his kid too. It's his son or daughter too, and he wasn't there, and that's not fair.

And he know he hasn't been fair to Stiles either, but he wants to fix this, whatever this is, he wants Stiles to hate him a little even, if it meant they could work this out.

"Because I had set it up with Lydia a few weeks ago. You weren't here, so I forgot to ask you. Next time I'll tell you, though" he replies, shrugging as if Derek being gone is something ordinary, as if he hadn't made the hugest mistake ever in leaving, as if Stiles wasn't hurt by it.

"Why don't you hate me?" he asks then, his face a mask of hurt and despair, and Stiles stops by the door. He doesn't leave, but he doesn't turn around either, and Derek can't seem to breathe right, "Why don't you shout at me, why don't you kick me out, why don't you tell me I'm a son of a bitch for leaving, that I had no right to freak out that much when it's you carrying our kid, that I should be here for you when you moved in into this house, that I should be here every second of every day helping you in this? Why aren't you angry, throwing things at me, making my life miserable? Why?"

Stiles doesn't turn as he's speaking, he's just there, by the door, as if frozen in time, and Derek is breathing hard with the effort not to turn, not to shout more, not to shake Stiles out of this… shock state he seems to be in.

"Because I can't."

It's not a whisper or an angry hiss, it's a confession.

Derek gets up but stops where he is, not trusting himself to get any closer, not to scare Stiles.

"Why? You can. I deserve it."

When he says that Stiles actually throws his head back and laughs. Loudly, and bitterly, and miserable, and Derek's heart breaks, because that's the sound of someone who's been hurt one too many times, and he doesn't want that, he never wanted that.

"Don't you see, Derek? That's exactly why I can't do those things." He finally turns around and gets into the room again, closing the door behind him, visibly steeling himself for what's to come, "I can't. Because one day I'll say everything I'm thinking about this whole situation, and you'll believe it, because you already believe it. You don't need me to tell anything because you are always denying yourself things, and I don't know how to deal with that, and I'm not even twenty-three and I'm freaking pregnant, and all I can think about right now is my kid. I can't bear the thought of you leaving me again, and I can't bear the thought of making you hurt, but I don't know how to make it so you won't just… go if I actually say any of those things. Can you see it now? You made me see, when we had that discussion on Valentine's Day, that you still keep denying yourself the things you want just because you think you don't deserve the happiness, and that you deserve to be miserable! How can I look at you, loving you the way I do, how much I do, and tell you everything I want to tell you without breaking you? I don't know how to deal with this. I was expecting you to freak out, I was expecting it, and yet I was hoping you wouldn't, but you did, and it was fine, because I knewyou'd come back, but I'm not… I wasn't ready for you to be back. I thought I could just let go, that it wouldn't change anything, but it does. It does. You left. You left me. You left me here alone. You left me."

He doesn't even seem aware of the fact that he's crying, his arms down, his face a mask of hurt and disappointment, and Derek wants to take it all away, and make him believe he's staying.

"I'm not going anywhere" he says back, and Stiles shakes his head, getting angry by the way his hands turn to fists by his side.

"How could you?" he hisses, taking a step forward, and Derek stands his ground, not moving an inch, "How could you do this to our kid? I mean, I was expecting you to leave me ever since we freaking got together, but it's OUR FAMILY. It's not just Derek Hale and his manpain anymore, it's me, and our son or daughter and the whole freaking pack who need you, because you're their fucking ALPHA AND YOU LEFT? What kind of coward does that? Why? WHY DID YOU LEAVE, how could you do that to us?"

"I have no excuse" he says, his voice calm while Stiles is still crying angry tears and looks about ready to jump Derek and break every one of his bones, "I saw you at the nursery, and I thought… I don't even know what I thought. It wasn't because I thought you'd get hurt, I trust you to protect yourself, and our child, and me, and our pack. It was just… you were so right in there, and I'm so… wrong. I don't deserve any of this, and then I came back and you were… okay without me. I think I'm… expecting you to kick me out."

"That's why you did it, isn't it? So that I would kick you out, and you wouldn't have any of this anymore? Why can't you just let yourself be happy, Derek? Don't you love me at all?"

"I love you more than anything" he whispers through tears, not knowing what to do anymore. Stiles knows why he left better than he does, and how can he not fuck this up?

"Then you can't do this anymore. You go to therapy, you work your issues joining a Fight Club, I don't care, but you can't do this anymore. Because this whole… suffering thing you've got going on is okay for you, and I could take it because I fucking love you, but I'm not putting our kid through that. So I'm gonna go, and spend the night at Scott's, and tomorrow morning you either be here or you leave, but if you stay, you accept that you will be happy. Because I refuse to be anything else."

And with that he leaves, angry tears still running down his face.

Derek hears the door shut downstairs, and sits on the bed. He wants this so much it hurts.

What can he do to make this right for Stiles?

X

Scott stops by the house two hours later to get some things for Stiles, and finds it empty.

He swallows hard and goes home thinking that, well, they'll work it out. The pack will always be there for Stiles, and if things really go wrong, then Stiles will always have him.

He doesn't say anything when he gets home, and he knows Stiles catches on his avoiding the subject, but the three of them pretend nothing is wrong.

There's no reason to suffer before the time actually comes, right?

X

Stiles doesn't go to his father's house because his dad has never been big on the Derek issue. He doesn't trust the man, doesn't even like him all that much, and had outright hated him for the first few months they had dated, when Stiles was still underage. Now he tolerates him for Stiles' sake, but if his dad ever caught wind of this whole… so he got me pregnant and left, there would be no Derek left for the Sheriff to hate, so Stiles is waiting until he knows it's final.

He's waiting until he gets home and the place is empty. Until Derek finally leaves, and doesn't come back. Until he actually assumes he can't do this, until the love he feels for Stiles is not enough to compensate for everything he lost, for all the guilt he feels, and Stiles is left all alone – thatis when he'll go to his dad and tell him about this mess he got into.

So, if the way Scott was acting the night before is any indication, he's waiting for about fifteen minutes more. He sighs, getting out of his car, steeling himself for what's to come.

For better or for worse, at least this time there'll be no take backs. This is it.

He can't hear anything from the outside, but then again, he's not a werewolf, he can't hear all that well.

He unlocks the door and enters, expecting to find the whole house empty.

What he does find, though, is his dad sitting in the armchair in the living room, with Derek standing just a few steps away from him, looking like he's about to be shot full of wolfsbane bullets.

"Dad?" he asks, confused. What the hell is going on?

"I don't know either. Derek just showed up this morning and said I had to come here with him" the Sheriff answers shrugging, and Stiles turns to stare at Derek, who looks down, takes in a deep breath and turns to the Sheriff, while Stiles comes closer slowly.

"I've been with your son for a very long time, and he's made me happier than I ever thought I could be. I'm not very good at being happy" he says, with a self-deprecating smile, "And yet Stiles has managed to make me realize that he is… everything to me, and that having him is everything I could ever ask for. Him and my pack, we're… family. And I freak out every time I think of family, because the rest of mine didn't end up so well. That's why I waited so long to do this, but I have to do this, because I'm never leaving him, I'm never walking away again" he says the last sentence looking at Stiles, and then goes back to stare at the Sheriff, "So, what I wanted you here for is to ask for your permission to ask Stiles to marry me."

"Holy fuck" Stiles says, staring open mouthed at the werewolf and the Sheriff, who stands up too and stares at Derek distrustfully.

"Shouldn't you have asked this while Stiles isn't present?" he asks, and Derek breathes in and out deeply, before shrugging, looking definitely embarrassed.

"This way you can't really say no" he answers, "Or shoot me" the werewolf adds, making Stiles smile.

"Chris Argent is my shooting buddy. We go out to the club once a week, have a few drinks, sometimes we shoot, sometimes we don't, but we are in really good terms. I hope you know what that means" the Sheriff says, and Derek nods.

"Yes, sir."

"Then, yes. You have my blessing."

Derek nods at him seriously and then turns to Stiles, who's still frozen where he stopped before, looking on the scene in astonishment.

And then Derek goes down in one knee, and takes out a small box out of his pocket.

"It's a bit girly, and we can take it somewhere to alter it, but it was my grandma's and I want you to have it" he explains, opening the box to reveal an engagement ring.

With a diamond and everything.

"Oh my God" Stiles says, his eyes so wide they looked like they are about to come out of his head.

"Stiles, would you agree to spend the rest of our lives together?" Derek's voice is trembling, but he's smiling so damn wide, and there are tears in his freakish eyes, and holy GOD is this really happening?

"You don't have to… because of what…" he starts, but Derek just shakes his head, taking one of his hands into one of his.

"That's not it. I love you. I want to be happy with you, because you are the one thing, well, one of the few things" he says, looking at Stiles' stomach, "That I know can make me happy. I love you more than anything, and I'm not letting anything else stand in our way."

"Oh my God" Stiles repeats, and Derek keeps staring at him for a full minute.

"You know, you can say yes, or you can say no, but you have to say something, son" his father finally states, and it breaks the whirlwind of thoughts in Stiles' mind, because he laughs, loud and clear, and pulls Derek to him.

"Yes, you stupid werewolf. Yes."

It's like finally coming home.

X

Eventually Stiles does get the ring altered to something a bit more… masculine.

They decide the wedding is going to be planned by Lydia, and she is going to go crazy with how little time she'll have to prepare everything, but right now they don't care.

They still have to tell the Sheriff that Stiles is pregnant, but they want to wait until they are married to do that.

Anyway, they'll cross that bridge when they come to it.

For now, everything is just damn fine.