"Please, my son."
"I'm coming Father." Donatello told Master Splinter. When did Father die?
"Donnie's alive!" Mikey squealed and all the pain came back full force making Donatello flinch.
"Don't touch him, shell for brains." That had to be Raph. Donatello whimpered, remembering how his darkest brother died. "We already know he's alive. How could someone dead possibly scream fer two hours straight?"
"Please guys, can you be quiet? I am trying to figure out what to do about that terror shot. The lab trials stated that it wore of in minutes and that an overdose killed in seconds but it was never tested on people." That was April on the laptop.
"No offense, but Donnie isn't exactly human anyway." Leo sounded worried but what did he have to be worried about? Donatello would be dead soon, just like he wanted. "Why would the scientist want a fear inducing drug for turtles anyway?"
"Come on dude!" Donatello's throat clenched shut as his little brother spoke again. "How long until you admit that Shredder will do anything to kill us dead?"
Finally the tears fell from the right part of his face. Donatello cleared his throat to speak. "I already killed you Mike." The olive skinned terrapin couldn't even feel the embarrassment of his voice cracking as his dark eyes opened to focus on his younger brother's beautifully intact face. "What happened to your face?' He choked out.
Raphael leaned closer conspiratorially, "Oh, he's always been that ugly. Don't ya 'member Don?"
Master Splinter touched Raph's shoulder and frightened amber eyes flicked to their father before the dark colored turtle retreated to allow the rat to approach. "How are you feeling, my son? We need to know if there are any other ailments besides these sleep terrors plaguing you."
Brown eyes scanned his family over; a bruise here and a scrape there was all he could find marring their bodies. They waited silently, all eyes trained on the turtle lying in bed. "It was all just a dream?" He asked, nervously searching his brother's frightened faces. Don nearly forgot his father's question. "Oh yeah! I have a headache. Oww." A three fingered hand grabbed his bare head and he bolted up to sit up right. While groaning with the newly remembered pain he shot an accusing finger at Raphael. "It wasn't a dream! You took my mask."
The red masked terrapin looked frightened. Why would Raph be afraid of him if he was not responsible for Mikey's death? Leonardo put a comforting hand on Donatello's outstretched one and they both drifted slowly to the bed as certain blue and panicked brown eyes locked. Leo inched closer with Mikey glued to his side before carefully responding, "Do you remember what happened tonight?"
Donatello backed up on the bed until he hit the wall and was shocked to hear a poster crunch behind him. He pulled his knees up against his plastron. He was in Mikey's room. Why was he in Mikey's bed? He mentally kicked himself for not noticing to bright yellow sheets bunched on the foot of the bed or the light green walls surrounding him. Something screamed at him from his pained mind. Michelangelo's room is the closest to the entrance. He couldn't start his version of tonight's events with the fact that he killed his brother who let him use his bed while he was asleep. "Umm…"
"Take your time Donatello. I am afraid it may be a long night for you. Be assured, we will not part from your side unless you wish it." They weren't going to leave? Of course not. They were not the horrible turtle who left his baby brother behind.
Mikey stood there next to his bed with Donatello's bo and mask clenched in one hand, looking worried. He must want his bed back, Donatello reasoned. The olive complexioned ninja moved to get off the bed but the way his family tensed at the motion halted him. He looked into his younger brother's bright blue eyes and received a small smile in return. Mikey was shaking slightly, the genius noted when Leo slipped an arm around the sea green shoulders.
Leonardo was a rock as always. He was always the unweatherable support for his younger siblings. This time however, those icy blue eyes held a disappointed sadness. Leo knew Donatello had failed. Other than his eyes, the oldest brother's face was stoically calm. It was such a difference from Donnie's other brother's faces.
Raphael had an entire emotional war taking place on his face. Mostly the anger that was almost ever present in the darker ninja but fear was fighting strongly to control his amber eyes and every now and then a pinch of absolute despair would make a brief appearance.
April sat at the foot of the bed on a big turtle stuffed animal that Raphael had jokingly given their little brother as a present last year. Her eyes were filled to the brim with worry and she had Donatello's laptop balanced on her lap which she seemed to have forgotten now. Whatever she had been reading was not very interesting anyways. She did not even have her legs crossed.
Dark eyes had a difficult time focusing on Master Splinter. When Father knew how badly he'd messed up, that fear would be replaced with the same disappointment Leonardo was feeling.
Knowing it was what was right, Donatello released his tears and words for his family's scrutiny. He knew it was past time for their judgment. "April got a tip and went off to investigate. The Foot were there so once night fell, we went out to make sure she got out safely. The fighting was intense. I lost my bo and- and…" He couldn't say it. He had killed people tonight. People with families.
"Do you- Do you want me to leave Donnie?" April looked uncertain. He couldn't help it. He cried. April disappeared as he sobbed into his arms propped up on his knees.
By the time he came around he had some warm weight pushing in all around him. It moved in almost rhythmic erratic tiny jerks.
"Mike, ya gotta stop cryin'."
"Yeah, Donnie could still be okay. His dream was probably just very sad." Brown eyes gazed over the sea green arms that were wrapped around him to see his two older brothers trying to comfort their youngest sibling by rubbing his shell.
Since Donnie could not move his arms, he rubbed his cheek against Mikey's freckled head. "It's okay Mikey. I promise I'll take better care of you from now on." It sounded good in his head but the way the other's heads snapped up to look at him made the olive turtle doubt if it was the right thing to say.
"Y-you, take care of m-me?" Mikey squeaked, "I thought you were going to die Donnie!"
"I implore you to release Donatello," Master Splinter had that certain tone in his voice that said he'd actually had to repeat himself.
"No!" Mikey buried his head into Donatello's shoulder childishly and Donnie shifted a hand to grip his younger brother's arm.
Donatello sounded broken when he spoke to his little brother. "I'm so sorry, Mike. Even after killing all those people, I still didn't save you. I ran off after April and let you die. I should have been there to help you… I am so sorry." Donnie's face was buried in Mikey's arm but he turned to the youngest terrapin as he loosened his hold. Mikey looked shocked and pale.
The bed dipped down in front of him, dragging the olive skinned turtle's attention to Raphael who gently took hold of Donnie's face. "Don, ya didn't kill anyone. Mike's right 'ere. Ya ran off but you an' Mike took down all but one ninja anyway. Ya caught the people chasin' April down but and they injected ya right b'fore ya took 'em down. By the time me an' Leo got there, ya were already on the ground screamin' yer head off."
"No," Donatello pulled his head from his brother's surprisingly gentle grasp. "I remember, you stopped me from saving April and you and Leo came back from the dead to tell me how horrible a brother I was. And… And Leo was the person I killed with his katana. And Raph had my mask!" The last was more of a sob as Donatello struggled to escape Michelangelo's grip. A hand was placed gently on an olive forehead, snapping dark eyed attention to its owner.
Splinter gave his troubled son a sad smile. "Donatello, I must impress upon you that none died by your hand tonight and that your brothers and Aprill all arrived home very much alive. Everyone is home and safe." It was all so serious Donatello was not sure if he could breath. Or maybe that was because of Mikey's grip. Either way Father rectified the issue, "Now, I would enjoy hugging you right now but it seems Michelangelo never quite grasped the concept of sharing."
Mikey jumped away from Donnie as if burned as his older brothers chuckled at his embarrassed blush. "Not funny sensei."
Like that, Donatello was embraced by his very happy father, "It was a little funny Michelangelo." The old rat murmured. The hug was furry and gentle just as Donatello remembered from his childhood. Master Splinter moved back to hold Donatello's head much like Raphael did not long ago. After a few moments of examining his son, the rat spoke, "It seems your head pain is worse than I'd imagined. Would you like me to make you some tea?"
Donatello nodded weakly against that strong gaze and once their father departed, the youngest brother threw his arms around Donatello once more. "It must have been real scary Don. I've never seen you scream like that before."
Donnie rested his head back against the wall as Mikey's own found its way back to his shoulder. "It seemed so real Mike. Especially when you told Leo I abandoned you again. You just kept saying, 'He's doing it again'. I am so sorry I keep leaving you to save April. I really love you guys. You are my family." The dark eyed turtle faltered. He had never realized just how true that statement was until he said it out loud. They were brothers, he was supposed to love them, but he really did love them.
The bed dipped again as Leo crowded onto Donatello's other side and Mikey loosened his grip turning his head to look at their oldest brother but not vacating the plot of shoulder he had taken up. The bed was certainly not designed to hold four teenaged mutant ninja turtles but their closeness felt normal to the brothers. Raphael shifted to lean against his huddle of siblings. Leonardo wormed a hand between Mikey's and Donnie's arms to take hold of Donnie's hand. They all just kind of sat there, not knowing what to do and unsure they really wanted to do anything at all.
Despite his tendencies to meditate, Leonardo was the first to break the silence. "You know, we are always here. If you ever need to talk, you just have to ask." He stopped as the three fingered grip Donnie had on his hand tightened.
Donatello leaned his head against his eldest brother's shoulder and Mikey shifted. The olive green terrapin caught his breath and spoke, "I just don't want to abandon you guys. It is like even if I knew it was all a dream, it still makes me uneasy. It was like some of my worst fears came to life and I just… I fucked up." A sharp intake of breath and a tensed muscles told Donatello that Raph and Mikey were surprised at the suddenly vulgar language but Leo acted as though he did not hear it and Donatello was not sure how he felt about that. "It was like, what I did came so naturally that I could actually do it. I am so scared of letting you down. I just kind of wish I'd dreamed of pizza zombies instead."
Leonardo's thumb began to rub soothingly against his brother's hand, "So what you are saying is that you are more upset about leaving us in the middle of a battle than the fact that we died?" Leo was not looking at anything that Donnie could see. He seemed to be barely in Mikey's room at all in fact. Donatello could not even hear his baby brother breathe.
Donnie sighed and licked his lips. He should not have even said anything. The whole situation made him feel heartless and callous. "It hurt knowing you were dead, but it was infinitely worse knowing that I caused it." The orange masked ninja tightened his hug and continued to breathe again.
Raphael glanced back at Donatello, giving his little brother a small smile and assuring him, "Don, we all know ya love April, but ya'll always be our brother." Something inside Donatello broke though he could not say what. There was silence for several minutes before Master Splinter came back with a pot of herbal tea. None of the brothers felt the need to break it but when their father returned, he shattered it with instructions to Donatello about drinking the tea. It was strong and its bitter sour taste seemed familiar to the self-proclaimed doctor of the family but he was frazzled he could not remember just what was in the drink.
After a lot of coaxing, Michelangelo convinced his olive skinned brother to sleep in his room with him, making points like they did it when they were little and that he was already there. It was not until Master Splinter agreed that it was a good idea that Donnie finally consented and downed the rest of his tea, laying back.
The effect was almost immediate. The concoction made Donatello numb all over. The headache was still there but his whole body was dumb. It did not know how to move properly or even that it was in pain. All it knew was that it wanted to sleep somehow, though Donatello was afraid of what that sleep may bring. When it became clear to the others that Donatello could not move by himself, Master Splinter untangled his turtles and directed them to lay their drugged brother out on the bed. Donatello felt a feint amusement about how carefully the broader ninjas handled him.
Then it was just him and Mikey in the bed, under the covers, Mikey pressed securely to Donatello's side with his toned arms anchoring them there. It felt odd being comforted by his younger brother. Donatello refused to question it however as Mikey in no uncertain terms kicked not only their older brothers out of his room but their father as well. The olive terrapin was not sure if he should be impressed or awed by his younger sibling's nerve. Then that temporarily commanding face was lightly pressed against Donnie's numbed shoulder and wiggling slightly back and forth.
Sleep was taking the older brother but still he could hear his brother's oddly lulling voice. "We love you too Donnie. We may not say it much but you know it's true, dude. I love you. I know I don't say it enough but anything you give me is always more than enough. It's always more than I deserve. I love you man." It was an odd lullaby in combination with the tea Master Splinter had given him but Donatello did not have the wherewithal to question it. He was already drifting off into a dreamless slumber filled with the warmth and security of his younger brother's hold.