Note: Since Bella POV is written by Paige Parkker and this chapter is all BPOV…the genius located in this chapter is all hers. Do I feel like a douche for publishing a chapter under my account that is strictly written by her? Yeah, a little. Okay…a lot. But it's necessary to the story, so here ya go!

Enjoy…B is pretty much my hero. Oh, and so is Paige Parkker.

We still don't own anything Twilight. And RPatz still owns us (thanks for the Vanity Fair shoot, RP! That shiz is BEYOND hot).

Bella POV

Some people like the smell of eggs, bacon and coffee in the morning. Others like the smell of napalm. Not me, Sir! No indeed. The sweet smell of Jazz and our dear lover Mary-J was bliss indeed. Nectar of the Gods.

"Bells-a-bub, better wake up girl and get your ass outta that bag. We gotta long drive if we are gunna make your Pop's by tonight." The water in the bong gurgled.

I opened one eye, wiped the drool from the corner of my mouth and reached blindly for Mad Bomber Myrtle. It was important to give your bong a name. It established a relationship, a bond. Mad Bomber Myrtle was unassuming but she packed a punch. Excellent choice for a wake-and-bake. I took Myrtle in my hands and inhaled deeply, feeling Mary-J tickle all my little alveoli. Oh Mary-J, you are such a good woman. A few hits left me pleasantly sedated. I gave Myrtle back to Jazz and rummaged through our bags for some clothes. I wanted to look good when I met the Fuzz. First impression is always key.

I stripped out of the clothes I had worn to bed, pulled my fur-lined hat with ear flaps over my bed head and shimmied out the back of the hearse. I hoped the Fuzz liked my hat. It had a Sheriff's star on the front.

"Bells-a-bub, don't forget your Pops is the big 5-0. Buck is probably not the best outfit for today."

"I'm not a wankpot Jazz. Just need some room to get dressed."

I pulled on a torn pair of jeans and slipped a tweed skirt over top. Nothing says classy and sophisticated like a tweed skirt. I put on my best button up shirt and struggled to put a t-shirt over top. Would have helped to take my hat off, but sometimes you just don't think of these things. I added a tie to my ensemble and turned to face Jazz.

"Whatdya think?"

"It's missing one thing," he said placing a finger to his lips. "I know, I know!" he reached into the back of the hearse and took out a pair of oversized sunglasses. He pushed them onto my face. "Perfection."

"Think he'll love it?" Normally I wouldn't give a pig-donkey's left nut, but this was the man whose sperm helped make me. Guess I felt like his approval meant something.

"'Course he'll love it, girl. Who wouldn't? You're a star!"

I gave Jazz a big hug and climbed into the passenger seat. I rummaged under the seat and pulled out a bag of Cheetos. MMMMMMM... ORANGE. My favourite of the four food groups. There was the Orange group, the Gummi group, the Green Group and the Chocolatey-goodness Group. Nothing else existed and the Orange group was the best of them all. I ate while Jazz drove.

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"Bells-a-bub, look, sign for Forks. Population 3,120. Fuck. Where's the paper with the directions, girl?"

I searched through the glove compartment and pulled out a wrinkled email, and about 15 chocolate bar wrappers. Damn you Chocolatey-goodness Group!

"Yup, here." I shoved the paper at Jazz. I was nervous. The Fuzz always made me nervous, but this Fuzz was my Dad. What the hell were we getting ourselves into?! Maybe I needed some Myrtle in my life before we got there. Or some tranqs, or a lobotomy.

I pressed my face to the window, taking in the buildings and scenery. This looked like a good place to get lost. Maybe make a movie. Grow some dope. I could see why she wouldn't have liked it though. Not her style. People stared. This was a talkin' town. Whispers were shared like maggots on a dead horse. She didn't like that kind of involvement. You had to be carefree. Live life like you were in a tampon commercial.

Jazz stopped the hearse in front of a modest house with blue siding.

"We're here Bells-a-bub. You sure you wanna do this, girl? We can always hit the open road and see where we get."

"I gotta do it, Jazz. I mean, if it blows goats we can always splitsville, right?"

"You just say the word Bells-a-bub and I'll bring the chariot."

"My dreadknight. Where would I be without you?" I gave him a kiss and scrambled out of the car.

Jazz met me and I reached out to hold his hand. We walked up the path toward the house, but before we got to the door the Fuzz came out.

"Isabella? Is that really you?"

'Uhm, yea. Was when I got up this morning. So, I uh, guess you are Charlie. I mean the daddio. Dad."

Jazz stuck his hand forward. "Hello, Chief Swan. I'm Jasper Whitlock. Nice to meet you."

The Fuzz looked Jazz over. Sizing him up like we were 'bout to duel in the front yard. He took Jazz's hand, "Nice to meet you young man."

The three of us stood there in awkward silence.

"Guess you'll want to be settling in then. I'll show you inside."

Jazz squeezed my hand and we skedaddled into the house behind the Fuzz. Good thing the Fuzz didn't ask too many questions.

The place looked pretty granny-fied, was just missing the dead lace circles. It could do with some colour, beads, lights, milk crates and a good saggy sofa. Oh yea ... maybe some motherfuckin' bean bag chairs. And a hookah! Every living room needed a hookah.

"Isabella, your room is still upstairs. It, uh, hasn't changed much. Jasper, I set a room up for you in the basement."

"Oh Hells no! Jazz and I are together. Those were the conditions." I clung to Jazz, standing my ground. The Fuzz wasn't about to fuck with my Jazz.

"Isabella, I will not let you share a room, let alone a bed with a boy. Renee may have been okay with that, but I'm not."

"Jazz, we're splitsville. Was nice to meet and greet ya, Charlie. We'll be outta your hair in a jiffy."

"Isabella please, you have nowhere to go. And ... and I want to get to know you. You've grown up, and I've missed out."

"Deal was Jasper and I are a team. Batman and Robin, and not the new one either. Old Batman and Robin. He stays with me, or we're both out."

Jazz remained quiet behind me. I could see the Fuzz's face consider the options.

"Fine. But I don't like it, and it will change."

I turned and gave Jazz the big thumbs up sign.

"A'ight. I'll start bringing in our gear," Jazz smiled.

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I woke up with my nose buried against Jasper's neck and his dreads falling over my head. His arms were wrapped tightly around me, holding me close. It was like that with us. Never letting go.

"Hey Jazz?"

"Yea Bells-a-bub?"

"We gotta get up and get registered for a McEducation."

He pulled me closer, throwing a hairy leg over mine.

"We gotta? So early?"

"Pretty sure the Fuzz would shit bricks ifn' we didn't."

"Sure thing, Bells-a-bub."

Jazz dragged himself out of bed and unceremoniously dumped me onto the floor. He snickered and headed into the bathroom, scratching his ass.

What does a girl wear to a new school? This called for some sweet threads. Striped tights, a long ripped up tutu, knee-high docs, a Pixies t-shirt, suspenders and a hoodie. Plus my fur hat, glasses and the colourful necklace that looked like anal beads; picked that one up in New York. Hell, they probably were anal beads. Jazz walked in wearing his cargo pants, a grey wool sweater and his tam. He hadn't shaved in a while and was starting to look like Sasquatch. I loved Sasquatch Jazz. He grabbed his messenger bag and followed me downstairs.

The Fuzz was already sitting at the table sippin' some black tar.

"You kids going to the school today?"

"Yes'sir! Young minds need discipline and education."

"Don't bullshit me, son."

Jazz hid his grin and turned to make me some grub. Gummi worms in a bowl and some orange juice.

"That's what you're having for breakfast?" Charlie asked me, raising a furry brow.

"Uh, yea. Covers two of the four food groups. The Gummi Group and the Orange Group." I shoved a fork full of worms into my mouth. I could see the Fuzz watching me with his suspicious law eyes.

"Isabella, are you on drugs?"

"Whoa! Drugs!" I said, throwing my fork down. "They'll rot your mind! Not me. Stay far away from the stuff." Gummi worms escaped from my mouth. "Well, nice to break the fast with you Charl-Dad. Jazz and I need to head off to the school. We'll see you later."

I jumped up, grabbed Jazz and ran out of the house climbing into the driver's seat of the hearse. "The Fuzz is onto us!" I started the engine and squealed out of the drive – as much as an awesome hearse can squeal. "Roll a fatty and we can smoke that bitch on the way."

"Your wish is my command!"

Smoking the cannon Jazz had rolled, we drove to the school. I could see the fair townspeople of Forks coveting the awesomeness of my painted hearse. A pimped out hearse was a sight to behold. Rare. Antique. A fucking work of art. Shit yeah!

I found us a parking spot in the lot. Mostly clunkers, and mom vans, but there were a few pricey pugs. Two pricey pugs in particular seemed to have questers of knowledge glued to them. They wore strange uniforms - the penis group had jackets of the same colour and the uterus group wore ridiculous matching dresses. Species Jock and Cheerleader.

I grabbed Jazz's hand. "Have we travelled to hell? Is this bat country?" I put my oversized sunglasses on, hoping for a cloak of invisibility, and because I was baked. I knew bat country only existed in a movie, but it didn't hurt to be prepared.

"Bells-a-bub, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore."

They parted like the seas as we walked to the administration building. Everyone was giving us the eye... some the roly-poly-stink-eye.

"I'm feeling this is splitsville, Jazz."

"It'll be a'ight Bells-a-bub. This is a small town. Be cool, cucumber."

Into the mouth of hell, nothing cool about that.

A nice lady named Mrs. Cope helped us with our schedules. Jazz used his usual method of picking electives - the close your eyes, swirl your finger around and point method.

"Women's studies. Wicked. I like studying women."

I was a little more particular in my class selection. If I used that method I might get stuck in gym or something. This girl only runs for cheesy poofs. I opted for something I knew - photography. I wouldn't have to think, just do. Mrs. Cope printed out our prison schedules and provided us with maps of the school. I half expected to see a location for the lucky charms dude.

"We'll see both of you tomorrow for your first day! It will be wonderful having the Chief's daughter back in Forks."

I was a little creeped, gotta say. Was there going to be a welcoming party? I don't think I could handle that shit.

"Yeah. Cool."

Jazz and I hightailed it out of the administration building and back to the hearse; I clung tightly to him.

"I wanna go somewhere and mellow out. Have some smokes, maybe you could tip my velvet. I'm stressin'."

"As you wish Bells-a-bub."

I was starting to think that maybe this whole Forks thing was a bad idea.