sᴛᴜᴅʏɪɴɢ 'ᴅᴀᴛᴇ'
The school day had finally ended and the only thing I had been looking forward to was hanging out with Stan to study. It wasn't one of the greatest things to do together in Stan's opinion but in my opinion, it meant the world. As long as he and I were together was all that mattered to me. I walked through the busy hallway, students were walking out of their classes in relief. I could hear students' passing conversations about their plans for the rest of the day as I made my way toward my locker. Sighing softly, I opened my locker, collecting my trigonometry textbook and notebook filled with my notes for my evening of studying with Stan. After collecting my textbook, I slammed my locker closed. To my surprise, in the corner of my eyes, I saw Eric leaning against the locker beside my own with his arms crossed and his eyes locked on me. I almost jumped out of my skin due to him catching me off guard.
"Jesus, dude! You scared the shit out of me, Cartman." I exclaimed, almost dropping my textbook and the notebook I was holding in my hands. He gave me a smug expression and laughed. "Dude! You should have seen your face!" He teased. I rolled my eyes, holding my things close to my chest.
"Whatever- What do you want? I have club meeting in a few." I added using an annoyed tone.
"I was gonna ask if you wanna go out for something to eat? Butters and Kenny are coming with." Eric babbled on.
"It sounds fun, but like I said before, I have a club meeting to go." I explained, placing my hand on my hip.
He rolled his eyes, "Dude, how lame is that? Ditch that nerd shit."
"It's not lame, mouth breather!"
I snarled. Eric lifted his hands up in surrender, laughing,
"Dude, chill. It was just a suggestion."
"A stupid one! I take my club meetings serious, unlike somebody! You don't seem to take anything serious!" I exclaimed.
"Whatever. Go to your little gay meeting and beat off whoever you have to." Eric mocked me.
My upper lip twitched with irritation, and just as I was about to reply, I heard Stan's voice coming from behind me. "Eric, you know how dedicated Kyle is to the Math League so just leave him alone." I heard Stan justify my actions using a soft yet stern tone.
I gazed over my shoulder to see Stan standing beside me with one of his hands in the pocket of his pants. His blue eyes met mine for a moment then rolled over at Eric. Eric's eyes rolled up and down at him,
"It's been awhile since I last seen ya, Stan. I guess whenever I wanna be graced with your presence, I just gotta make fun of your boyfriend."
"Shut up, Cartman." I hissed. Stan didn't say anything, he just wore an annoyed facial expression, rolling his eyes. His sky blue eyes wondered over to me, "Anyway, whenever you do get out of your club meeting, just text me. Then we can head over to my place to study." He flashed me a small smile, his tone and expression suddenly changing back to his normal cheerful self.
"Sure. I'll do that."
I nodded, returning the smile back at him.
"Sweet. See ya later." Stan wave at both Eric and I then walked away. I watched him slowly leave my line of sight and for a split moment I had wished I didn't have a club meeting so I could just spend time with him. I was almost as desperate that if Stan suggested for me to ditch my club meeting for him, I would do it for him in an instant. Stan had more power over me then he could possible imagine. I was almost thankful he knew nothing of it.
Eric glanced over at me, wearing a skeptical expression, "You two are gonna study?" He questioned. I nodded then twirled my body around, my back facing the chubby teen.
"Yes, we are!"
"Sounds kind of gay-" Eric scuffed, rolling his eyes back. I pecked over my shoulder to give the other male a glare.
"Whatever. I have to go now. I'll see ya around, Cartman." I explained, taking a step forward. I didn't hear Eric return the goodbye, but it wasn't as if I cared if he did so. He was one of my least favorite people to be around. Whenever I was with him, my patience with his attitude would run thin.
As I walked down the hallway, I could feel myself fall into a daydream. I kept thinking of how great my time was gonna be with Stan. I was filled to the brim with delight knowing that I was finally able to get some alone time with Stan. I couldn't remember the last time we were able to do so! I couldn't help but wonder if we would have extra time after we studied; If we did, maybe there was a chance he and I could do something non-school related! I began to think of all the possibilities for us! He and I could catch a movie, maybe go to the arcade, or just play video games at his place! Doing anything with him made my heart flutter in my chest. A grin stretched ear to ear with those simple thoughts. I'm sure passing students may have thought I was crazy because of the joy wiped across my expression.
When I got to the classroom where I usually had my club meeting, I couldn't help but notice a piece of paper taped on the door. I slowly approached the door to the read the odd paper. In large writing the paper said; 'Math League Meeting rescheduled to Monday at 3:30'. I let out an annoyed groan. As I mumbled under my breath, the door swung open. Craig was walking out carrying a stack of papers in his hands.
Craig was another leader in the Math League. Even though he and I had our differences when we were younger, we had gotten along better as we aged. Since we both were in the same club, we would hangout much more often then we did when we were children. He was a decent guy and enjoyable to be around until he was with his boyfriend, Tweek. Whenever he is with his boyfriend, they always seemed to make everyone around them feel like the third wheel. They seemed to never get their hands off each other. I couldn't help but almost be jealous of their affectionate relationship. They had always appeared to have a perfect relationship that anyone would be envious of. I'm sure I wasn't the only one that was envious of their close relationship.
"Oh, hey, Kyle."
Craig greeted me in his usual monotone voice.
"Why was the meeting rescheduled?" I questioned him, pointing at the sign on the door.
He shrugged, "Something about a teacher's meeting? I'm not too sure." Craig guessed as he walking out of room, shutting the door behind him with his foot. "Eh, It's cool with me. Tweek and I are gonna catch a movie for our date night." He added.
I rolled my eyes, "Lucky you!"
"You got any plans?" The raven haired male asked me. A smile wiped across my lips as I tapped my chin,
"Sort of! I'm gonna study with Stan." I explained. He scuffed, "It's a Thursday and you are studying. If I may add, you also seem way too happy to be just studying." He commented, his eyes locking onto me.
"With the way you're grinning, you look like you got a date with him." Craig teased. I felt my entire face heat up with intense blush. I rubbed the back of my neck, averting my eyes away to look at anything but the male in front of me.
"It's not like that! We're just gonna study." I assured him. He clicked his tongue, shaking his head, "I guess you're trying to take Stan away from Wendy. Shame on you!" He pushed his teasing even further. I shook my head, still blushing like a fool.
"Whatever! It's totally not like that!" I assured him, my eyes still averted away. He scuffed once more,
"Who're you trying to convince? Me or you?" He spoke with simple directness. My eyes widen as my head shot over to him, my mouth cracked open. I was left speechless from his playful comment. Staring at him, I pondered on whether or not Craig was being completely honest through his comment. He had always been that sort of guy to indirectly give hints. Craig tilted his head while arching a brow.
"I'm just joking, dude." He reassured me. I let out a deep breath of relief then averted my eyes away again.
"I-I know!" I finally spoke up. There was a small awkward pause between us before it was broken by Craig.
"Well, I have to take these papers to the office. I hope you have fun with Stan." He explained, taking a couple of steps away. I waved at him,
"Oh! Okay! Bye!"
I said, using an awkward tone.
"Don't have too much fun though." He joked. I averted my eyes away, still blushing.
I stood in front of the empty classroom for another moment then made my way through the empty hallway. While I was walking, I sent Stan a short text, explaining what happened about the meeting. After sending the text message, I stared blankly at the screen of my phone until the screen went black. Once again, I lost myself in my thoughts again; The words that Craig spoke echoed in my mind. Even though he was simply teasing, there was some truth within his playful teasing on my end of the joke. It was that thought alone that troubled me to my core. I could recall a small period of time back in the beginning of high school, I had darker days with my feelings for Stan that I tried to forget. I could remember specifically wishing Wendy would just leave Stan, breaking his heart, so I could be the one to mend the broken pieces. So, that in his heartbroken state, he would welcome my embrace fully. I even yearned to steal Stan away from her.
Such a pitiful person I once was.
Modernly, all I could ever wish for is Stan to be happy even if it meant him being with Wendy. Even though it still hurts on my side, I had found comfort knowing he was loved by someone other than me. I had finally came to the terms that I would just be one the sidelines, wishing he was mine. Just like every human on this damn planet; Wanting something they cannot have.
I met up with Stan in the parking lot of the school. He was leaning against the door of his car, scrolling through his phone. I called out for him as I approached his vehicle. He pecked up from his phone then gave me a smile, flashing his white teeth at me. My heart almost skipped a beat when his blue eyes met mine. I swallowed dryly, watching his eyes wonder up and down at me as I approached him.
"You ready to go?" He asked as he shoved his phone in his pocket. I nodded, holding my book close to my chest. I reached out to open the door to passenger side of the car then entered the car.
The drive to Stan's home was filled with us talking about everything and everyone. We shared a couple of laughs till Stan pulled up to his home. I couldn't help but noticed that his parents' vehicle was no where in sight. Which made me assume that his parents weren't home for the evening. As we out of the car then made our way to the door of his home, he glanced over at me, "My parents aren't home. They left on some trip yesterday so it's just gonna be us here." He explained, carefully unlocking the front the door. opening it for both of us.
"Oh! I see." I responded. He let out a sigh, opening the door for both of us.
"Yeah, ever since Shelly left to college, they always leave for mini vacations on the weekends." He went further into his explanation, using air quotations when he uttered the word, 'vacation'. It wasn't hard to spot out how annoyed his was with his parents leaving him out their little equation. To change the mood that was settling, I nudged his shoulder, a soft chuckle escaping from my lips.
"I'm surprised you haven't had any parties with your brain died jock friends since your parents are gone a lot." I playfully teased him.
"Hey! I'm actually a good boy for my parents!" He scoffed, snapping me a playful expression.
I rolled my eyes back.
"Oh please!" I snorted.
"Though, I can't say I haven't thought about it! So, I guess I'm not as good as I may say." He suggested, walking toward the stairs. I laughed again, trailing after him.
"You haven't though, so I guess you are a good boy!" I teased him, walking up the stairs along side him. His eyes wondered toward me, faking a skeptical expression. I smiled at him, laughing.
When we walked upstairs, Stan yawned while stretching out his arms. I kept my line of sight on him, admiring every inch of him. My green eyes wondered from chest to his arms. My mind began to imagine how tone his body was under his shirt. Even though, he always kept his body hidden under a baggy band shirt, that didn't keep my mind from wondering. The realization of how perfect he was made my heart race in my chest and my palms warm. I knew Stan could sense my line of sight on him so his eyes wonder over to me. When our eyes met, I was quick to break eye contact by staring down at the carpet floor. As we approached his bedroom door, his phone began to ring. Stan let out a soft sigh as he dug into his pocket for his phone. I pecked up over at him, watching him open the door. His eyes were locked on the screen of his phone for a short moment, letting it ring for a moment before answering it.
"Hey, baby. What's up?" He answered, tossing his backpack on his bed. I averted my eyes away when I realized he was talking to Wendy. I walked over to his desk to set my textbook and backpack on his desk.
"I already told you. I'm just gonna study with Kyle. Maybe chill with him after we study." He explained, his tone softening. I pecked over my shoulder when he spoke of hanging out with me after we studied. It was blissful to hear that Stan actually wanted to spend one on one time with me.
"You still gonna hangout with Bebe and Heidi?" He asked her, walking over to his bed, holding the phone against his ear. Once he took a sit on the bed, he begun to remove his football jacket, tossing it on the floor. Stan wore a smile across his perfectly sculpted lips. A sudden heaviness weighed on my chest while I was staring at his stunning smile. I couldn't hear anything but the ringing realization of Stan's deep feelings for his girlfriend. The happiness in his tone, the pure expression he wore whenever he would just hear of Wendy voice, were all feelings I could never give Stan. The bliss of friendship was all I could give him, nothing more. Along side with that heavy realization, my chest felt heavy, unable to breath for a split moment. I had broke my own heart.
Once I gathered myself, I turned my head around then gazed over at my backpack. I placed my backpack on the floor beside the desk the pulled my notebook filled with my notes from Class toward me. I stared at my notebook for a moment before opening it. Suddenly, I felt Stan's bare arm wrap around neck. I jumped in my seat, my head shot upward to gaze over at the raven haired male. He was off the phone and his expression was almost blinding. He wore a grin across his tinted lips and in his free hand was his notebook.
"Did I wake you from your daydream?" He playfully teased. I rolled my eyes, leaning back in my seat. He pulled another chair beside mine then planted himself down.
I yawned, "Sorta." I replied simply. He chuckled while leaning forward against his desk. Staring over at the teen, wearing a small smile across my lips, I moved my chair closer to the desk then cracked open my textbook. Stan tapped the end of his pen against the desk, staring over at me. He wore an expression that was aching to ask me something. Clicking the top of his pen, he finally spoke, "You have been spacing out a lot today. Are you feeling okay?" He asked.
I blinked twice, tilting my head slightly. I personally didn't believe I had been daydreaming a lot. I usually am spaced out most of the time by nature, but for my daydreaming to spark a concern within Stan was odd. I arched a brow,
"Uh, yeah. I'm fine." I replied, confusion very clear in my tone.
He chewed on his lower lip, still clicking his pen, "If you say so, spaceman." He responded, unconvinced. I rolled my eyes back.
"Anyway, what did you need help with exactly?" I questioned him, trying to ignore the ridiculous nickname he had given me the moment before.
"Finding the missing base of an acute triangle then graphing it." Stan explained, with a light chuckle in his tone.
I nodded, tapping the head of my pen against my lips.
"I think I have notes on that! I can teach you the basics from there." I explained, flickering through my notebook. As I was going through my notebook, I felt Stan's eyes on me. I tried my best to ignore it but after a few moments, I glanced over at him, "Do you have any specific questions that we can work from? Like where you start to have problems?" I asked, tapping the pen against my chin. Stan tilted his head slightly, his eyes not moving from me.
"Kyle, do you have a crush on anyone?"
The raven haired teen popped the random question on me. I choked on my own breath, dropping the pen I was holding. As I was coughing, he stared at me, arching one of his brows.
"That is not a math question." I responded once I stopped coughing. He flashed a smug expression at me as I reached down to pick up the pen I dropped.
"You totally do! That explains why you are all spaced out!" Stan insisted. I blinked twice, babbling incoherent words.
"Why the hell are you even asking me this random question?" I asked, finally able to form a sentence. "Because, I know some chick that's hella into you! I need to know if you don't already like somebody." He hummed, patting his knees with a grin across his lips.
I ignored the idea of somebody actually taking interest in me. It was a foreign concept for myself! I couldn't help but chuckle at the irony of the situation. The person I cared for the most, the person I would give anything to, wants to know who I like? The situation was all too sweet, it must be fattening.
I averted my eyes away, tapping my pen against the desk. Pressing my lips together, I felt my face heat up with blush when the thought of Stan came to my mind, "Uh, I guess I like somebody." I mumbled under my breath.
"Oh shit! Who do you like?" Stan's eyes light up, excitement filling his tone,
I rolled my eyes, pausing for a moment, getting my thoughts together. I couldn't just speak the truth to him, I had to think of something to tell him. Leaning back in my seat, trying my best to think of the best excuse since I could not confuse who I truly liked. I just shook my head, "It doesn't matter. Can we just change the subject?" I asked, shaking my head. Stan poked my forearm with his pen, grinning.
"It totally matters!"
My eyes wondered over at him, mesmerized by his excited expression. I stared at him for a couple of moments then looked away. "I really don't wanna talk about this." I grumbled. Stan tried his best to make eye contact with me, wearing a curious expression.
"Because, I know the person I like doesn't like me back. Now, can we just drop the subject now? " I added, my eyes lowered.
I pecked up at the other male after a moment passed. His eyes wondered up and down at me. There was a short pause between us, "It's Bebe, ain't it?" Stan finally spoke, breaking the silence between us.
I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose. Stan was a bigger idiot than I ever imagined. A real moron. I couldn't believe he would even bring up an old Elementary crush. There wasn't a moment I ever had a crush on Bebe, but I could recall her having a crush on me. She made three months of my fourth grade year more awkward than it needed to be. I couldn't help but remember all the odd 'affectionate' notes she left me at my desk.
"It's not Bebe- Are you serious right now?" I sighed, annoyed. He chuckled, grinning like the idiot he was.
"So defensive." Stan replied playfully, nudging my shoulder. I rolled my eyes again. "Can we just get back to studying?" I asked, folding my arms across my chest. He laughed at my defensive response, raising his hands in surrender.
"Fine, fine. Let's start studying." He finally agreed.
An hour and half passes us and Stan wanted to call it quits on studying. Even though it had only been an hour and half, I was still skeptical that Stan fully grasp the subjects we covered during our small study, but I settled with ending the studying session. I leaned back in my seat, crossing my slender legs. Stan stood up from his seat, stretching out his arms. I gazed over at my best friend, flashing a small smile at him. His blue eyes wondered over at me,
"Thanks for helping me study. I don't know what I would do without you!" He spoke in an appreciative tone. I scoffed, wearing a playful expression,
"Lame! I'm sure you'd be just fine without me."
I replied, crossing my arms. He shook his head, "Don't say that. You know I need my partner in crime!"
It was always music to my ears when I heard Stan say he needed me. It gave me a flicker of hope that he maybe, just maybe, he cared for me just as much as I did for him. I chuckled, blushing lightly, averting my eyes away for a moment. The raven haired teen grinned over at me, folding his arms behind his head.
"For helping me study, how about I replay ya with dinner?" Stan asked. My eyes wondered back at my best friend, arching a brow. "Buy me a pizza and a beer then we'll call it even!"
I replied, jokingly, giving his shoulder a nudge. His eyes widen with excitement, "That actually sounds like a good idea! I'll order the pizza and I already got beer here-"
I flashed a serious expression, arching one of my brows.
"Stan! I was joking about the beer part! We can't drink; We have school tomorrow!" I explained. The raven haired male rolled his eyes back.
"Come on, Kyle! Just a couple of beers" he suggested.
I shook my head then pointed my index finger at him, "I know how you are! You can't just have a 'couple' of beers." I went further into my explanation.
He sighed, faking disappointment. I paused, staring at him, contemplating on whether or not I should agree to the term of drinking. I wasn't much of a drinker, but Stan was a different story. He drank much more than anyone I knew. I personally thought he drank too much, but I couldn't complain about it. It wasn't my place to control his drinking. I was sure Wendy wasn't too fond of his drinking either.
I let out a sigh, "Fine, but try not to drink so much." I suggested.
"I promise!" He agreed to the terms.