"Wave!" Sakura skipped into the Hokage's office.
Hiruzen Sarutobi looked up from his desk. "What?"
"Oh, nothing." Sakura tapped her shin. "Hey, you know how you had that mole problem down at the hospital?"
Hiruzen blinked. "No, I..."
"I fixed it for you!" Sakura reached around the doorframe and yanked an unconscious Kabuto into the room. At some point, he had been placed inside a large, brown mole costume.
Daikoku, the jonin sitting to to the Hokage's left, leapt to his feet. "What..."
"He's working for Hissy McSlitherington the Third." Sakura said.
"She means Orochimaru." Kakashi stepped into the room after her, followed by Sasuke, Naruto and a giant chicken. "She's not kidding, either."
"Do you have any evidence?" Hiruzen asked.
"The horse's mouth itself!" Sakura exclaimed. Reaching down, she grabbed Kabuto's chin, and began opening and closing his mouth. "Hi, I'm Kabuto! I work for Orochimaru and Sasori, and I'm secretly more insecure than a bulimic high-school girl!"
She froze, then straightened, leveling a finger at Daikoku. "No. That's too far. Bulimia may seem like a good topic for comedy from the outside, but it's actually a serious psychological disorder that ruins peoples' lives. How dare you, Daikoku. How dare you."
"What... I didn't..." Daikoku spluttered.
"Enough." Hiruzen said sharply.
"Okay." Sakura shrugged, then tossed a pile of papers onto Hiruzen's desk. "This conversation is now boring me, so I'll make this quick. I'm from the future, I'm building a rehabilitation center in the Uchiha area, Obito Uchiha is still alive, Naruto knows about the Kyuubi..."
"The Kyuu-whatnot?" Naruto cut in.
""Ah." Sakura rubbed the back of her head. "Sorry, I... uh, that one kind of slipped through the cracks. It seemed kind of self-evident. Anyway, those papers will answer every question you have, and we are going to...
She took a deep, shuddering breath. "...Wave Country."
"Wha..." Hiruzen began.
"Just look at the papers." Sakura said.
"But..."
"PAPERS!"
Hiruzen scanned the first page.
Sakura takes a deep, shuddering breath. "...Wave Country."
"Wha..." Hiruzen begins.
"Just look at the papers." Sakura says.
"But..."
"PAPERS!"
"But... how did you..."
"Uchihahax!"
Hiruzen looked up. She'd predicted everything he'd said. "But... how did you..."
"Uchihahax!" Sakura chortled happily.
Hiruzen looked back down at a random line.
Hiruzen skips down the page, then looks up to see Naruto, Sasuke and Mr Cluckers performing a choreographed dance routine.
He looked up. Naruto, Sasuke and the giant chicken were standing in a line, stepping from side to side in simultaneous motions as they swung their arms from side to side. The chicken was now wearing a white top hat. Kakashi nodded his head and clicked in the background.
Mr Cluckers provided the soundtrack. "Bwak-bwak-bwak-bwak-bwak-bwak! Bwak-bwak-bwak-bwak, bwak-bwak-bwak-bwak, bwak-bwak!"
"It's a dangerous power you've been given there. Use it responsibly." Sakura said. "Anyway, we're going to leave now. I'm going to requisition a cart of food before I go, kay?"
"Go whe..."
The door to the office creaked open, and an old man carrying a bottle stepped in. "What's this. They're..."
"Tazuna!" Sakura leapt to his side, grabbing his arm. "Come, Team Cluckers, Gato awaits!"
Tazuna went ghost-white. "Gato?"
The rest of Team Cluckers shot to her side, and they all vanished in a flash of yellow. And Hiruzen, for the first time in decades, was left completely speechless.
Squeezed in between Naruto and Mr Cluckers, Tazuna tried very hard not to breathe as the large, metal machine that they were in lurched forward, gaining speed. It had the word 'Humvee' written across the roof in large, golden letters.
Kakashi was up on the mounted gun on the roof, grey hair whipping about in the air. Sakura was in the front seat, hands gripping the steering wheel as she laughed in delight. The rest of the vehicle was, for whatever reason, filled from top to bottom with food, medicine and textbooks.
Mr Cluckers turned to look at him. The chicken was now wearing a pair of sunglasses, a black jacket, and a grey riding scarf. "Bkaw?"
Tazuna shrank back further.
"Where's... where's the other one?" he whispered.
Sakura turned back to look at him. "Sasuke? He's staying behind for now, both to spend some quality time with Guy and to make sure the Sandaime doesn't put out a hit on me for abandoning the village and telling Naruto he's the Kyuubi jinchuriki. Plus, he has some stuff to prepare. Don't worry, he'll be there for the endgame."
She shot Naruto a look. "This does mean that we won't have the Uchihahax with us, so keep that in mind!"
"Eyes on the road! Eyes on the road!" Tazuna yelled.
"Hm? Oh, right!" Sakura swerved to the side, narrowly avoiding pancaking Nara Shikamaru. "Say, why don't we put on a little music! That'll brighten things up!"
She flicked on the radio. Immediately, a song in a style that Tazuna had never come across came blasting out of the speakers.
"Oh, I love this one!" Sakura yelled, and began singing along. "I am strong, strong! I am invincible, invincible!"
Naruto joined in. "I am woman! Oh, I am woman!"
The car took off out of Konoha's gates and headed off down the track, the sounds of singing echoing around the forest. "I am invincible! I am strong! I am woman! Hear me roar!"
For the seventy-eighth time, the same song crackled into life.
I am woman, hear me roar! In numbers too big to ignore!" Sakura sung. "And I know too much to go back an' pretend! Cause I've..."
Suddenly something caught her eye, and she flicked the radio off. "Oh hey, a puddle! Cluckers, take the wheel!"
There was a flash of yellow, and Sakura disappeared in a flash of yellow. Mr Cluckers turned to Tazuna, a confused look on its face. It gave a chickeny shrug.
Tazuna screamed.
Kakashi flipped down off the roof and took the wheel. A second later, Sakura reappeared. "Well, that's Gozu and Meizu dealt with. I sent them back to Sasuke."
Kakashi made a noise of amusement.
"And check it out." Sakura lifted a pair of rebreathers. "Gas masks! Awesome!"
She tossed one of them to Naruto, placing the other one on her face. "His hill he herfect hor ha hi-halong!" she chirped, voice distorted by the mask.
It took a moment for Tazuna to decipher her words. "Oh god, please no, please don't turn it on again!"
But it was no use. In an instant, the radio was back on, and Sakura and Naruto were singing along again, this time with distorted voices. "Hi ham hong! Hi ham homan! Hear he hoar!"
Tazuna buried his face in his hands.
"Yar, Wave Country ahoy!" Sakura waved her cutlass at the approaching shoreline.
The ship pulled into land, and Tazuna stumbled out, falling to the ground. They'd desummoned the Humvee earlier, replacing it with an enormous boat that carried them the rest of the way. Already aware of where Zabuza and Haku were going to be, Sakura had elected to simply take a different route this time. There was no hurry, after all.
The four present members of Team Cluckers leapt to shore. Sakura waved her hands about. "Naruto, Cluckers, go put on those squid costumes I bought and begin distributing food and medicine! Kakashi, Tazuna, you come with me! We have things to do!"
Sakura ran off, Kakashi in tow. Tazuna followed, not sure entirely what else to do. As they walked through the town, Sakura began beating a drum. A crowd materialized behind her, curious what was going on.
They reached the shore. The unfinished bridge stretched out in front of them.
"So, this is the bridge, huh?" Sakura said, shading her eyes with her hands.
Tazuna nodded. "That is correct."
"Hm."
"...what?"
"It's... well..."
"What?"
Sakura turned towards him, a look of serious contemplation on her face. "Look, Tazuna, your bridge is pretty cool. But do you know what's even better than a bridge?"
Tazuna had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. "What?"
Sakura grinned at him, her eyes terrifyingly wide. "ALL THE BRIDGES! Kakashi?"
Kakashi cut his thumb, and drove it into the ground. "Summoning!"'
There was a loud banging noise, and the entire town was suddenly covered in white smoke.
Then it cleared, and Tazuna nearly fainted.
Bridges. The entire shoreline had been covered in bridges. From the northern tip to the southern mangroves, a thousand bridges of every variety stretched out over the sea towards Fire Country. There were beam bridges and arch bridges, suspension bridges and cantilever bridges, metal bridges, wooden bridges, even one bridge that appeared to be made of pasta.
Kakashi swayed on his feet, then fell to the ground. "A couple of those... go to Snow Country... don't know... which ones."
"That's okay Kakashi, you rest now. We're just lucky that Sasuke was able to Uchihahax your summoning contract before we left." Sakura said, then turned to face the crowd. "People of Wave Country! We have brought you bridges! Many, many bridges! We request only one thing in return! That we be able to name the bridges, and name them all the same thing!
The crowd were silent. Then, one guy shrugged. "Eh, okay."
"Cool." Sakura reached into her shirt, and pulled out a pair of scissors. "In that case, I now declare the Currently Undergoing Essential Maintenance Do Not Cross Bridge open!"
She mimed the snipping of a ribbon. The words 'Currently Undergoing Essential Maintenance, Do Not Cross Bridge' appeared in bright yellow letters on each bridge.
Sakura looked out at the sea of flabbergasted faces. Then, she giggled.
"Eheheh. Hear me roar."
I'd just like to have it noted that I was threatened in the reviews with having rubber daleks shoot me with the 'make and upload a new chapter' beam, so really, I didn't have much of a choice.
The song that this story refers to is, of course, I Am Woman by Helen Reddy. You may want to go look it up.
Note: My attempts to upload this chapter have been met with incredible levels of bugginess. Sorry if anyone has been inconvenienced.