Eremika Week Day 2: Sun/Moon, Vows/Proposal
Rating: T
Eren has a burning desire to ask Mikasa a question that will forever alter both of their futures. [MANGA SPOILERS]
Here's a fluffy piece for you all since I have a lot of angst planned (sorry, I love it). I planned for this to be set after Eren returns from Marley, but because I'm writing this before Chapter 110 comes out, I have no idea how the EMA talk is going to go or what shit is going to go down so while this is canon-verse, I'm not really sure where it'd fit. Up to your own interpretation, I guess. Enjoy
…
Lately, his eyes have fallen toward her more than usual. He admires her dark eyes, her smooth lips, her dark hair, and her pale skin with each stolen glance. When her fingertips just gently touch his skin, fire ignites the spot she's touched until it's scorching his whole body. And all he can think about is how desperately and hopelessly he's fallen in love with her.
The guilt eats Eren alive. How can he ever return the affection she shows him when he's slated to die in so many years? He knows she wouldn't care anyway, that she's already done her best to spend every passing moment with him while he's still alive, but how could he ever forgive himself for causing her pain?
But Eren also knows that he will die unhappy without ever telling her how he feels, without ever tasting her lips or gently caressing her skin.
One morning during breakfast, these thoughts run through his head, as they normally do when he's near her. His leg shakes with anxiety, practically causing the whole bench to vibrate.
"I get it. You're nervous about fighting," Armin offers as an excuse for his twitching behavior.
Eren silently accepts this reasoning and continues nibbling at his food, his eyes staring forward at the blank wall ahead of him so he won't have to look at her. She is sitting next to him, as always, casually eating her breakfast and striking up a conversation with her blond companion.
"Eren, could you pass the salt?" Mikasa asks kindly.
It's enough to break him out of his trance for just a moment. His fingers reach around the glass container, and as he slowly passes it toward her, he feels that fire throughout him again. It nearly erupts when he makes eye contact with her.
The desire Eren has pressed deep down erupts. In a moment, his hand is cupped around her neck and his lips are on hers. A noise echoes from her throat in surprise, but before she has time to say anything else, Eren quickly pulls away and drops the salt shaker in her lap.
"Here's that salt you wanted," he says quickly before rising from the bench and fleeing back to his bedroom.
...
Eren does not see Mikasa after that. He remains in his room, trying to focus on battle strategy, but the thought of her soft lips pressed against his makes his heart race. They were just as smooth as he had expected them to be.
A knock interrupts his thoughts. At first, Eren thinks it's Mikasa, come to interrogate him on the morning's events, but Armin stands outside his door instead.
"What was that this morning?" he asks as Eren shuts the door behind him.
"What was what?" Eren asks, wondering if perhaps he just imagined the whole thing altogether. One look from Armin, and he knows his actions were real.
"Everyone's gossiping about it. You two are the talk of the town. I personally thought it would never happen, but I guess you still like surprising people," Armin rambles.
Eren buries his face in his hands.
"Is she mad at me?" he asks at last.
Armin frowns. "I don't think so. Confused would be the best term. But…Eren, where did that even come from?"
"I don't know," he laments, even if he is very aware of the answer. Only in the past few months has he considered his own feelings toward Mikasa. Before, he never noticed the way she sometimes tucked a strand of stray hair behind or ear or tangled her fingers through her scarf at different times during the day. He admires the way she struts through the barracks as if she owns the place and the way she scolds him truthfully about his actions even when he feigns ignorance. And lately, he's noticed the way she looks at him.
"Do you think she'll come visit later?" Eren asks.
Armin shrugs. "I don't know. She told me she was going to go work out for a while after breakfast. I haven't seen her since."
Eren grunts.
"What will you tell her if she does visit?" Armin asks.
He shrugs in response.
"You were never one in touch with your feelings, were you?" Armin mutters to himself, laughing a bit as he says it.
"Armin, I want to marry her."
The blond stiffens beside him. "Pardon?"
"Do you think she'd say yes?" Eren asks, his heart racing at the thought of her as his bride.
Armin pales. "I don't know, Eren. I don't know Mikasa as well as you. While she's in every way obvious about how she feels for you, she's not very good at vocal expression either."
"I shouldn't ask her. It'd be stupid," Eren grumbles, starting to bury his emotions again. Maybe his time limit has made him more reckless than normal. What's the point of marrying someone for only a few years?
But he wants it more than anything else in the world. He wants to wake up beside her each morning and make love to her late at night and tell her quietly in each passing moment how she means—no, how much she's meant to him for the entirety of his life.
"You're thinking about the curse," Armin realizes.
Eren nods.
"Well, lucky you, I know how that feels too."
"But you have a longer time than me," Eren points out.
"I can't get into your head, even if I've tried over the years. Be honest is all I can say. She was blushing when you left, you know that? I think she wanted to kiss you back if you hadn't pulled away so quick."
Eren can feel his own cheeks growing hot.
"I'll leave you alone, I guess," Armin decides, heading back toward the door.
"Armin, wait," Eren says.
His friend pauses.
"Thanks," Eren says, a rare smile appearing on his face.
"Good luck," Armin says as he shuts the door behind him.
...
Eren waits in the hallway until Mikasa exits her room then quickly sneaks inside. Her bed is made neatly, and her few belongings are neatly stacked around the tiny room. He begins rummaging through her things, desperate to find a ring that will give him some indication of her size.
It's stupid of him to believe that Mikasa has any piece of jewelry. The only sentimental item she keeps is that scarf he gave her so many years before, but that won't tell him a thing about the size of her finger.
There's got to be something, he thinks as he rummages through her drawers. He has just closed one of them when the door swings open.
Eren lets out a shout in surprise and watches as Mikasa narrows her eyes.
"Can I help you?" she asks calmly.
"Er, well, I—"
"Did you come here to talk?" she wonders.
"I had something to say, but…I just forgot. I'll catch you another time," he says, fleeing quickly before she has the chance to utter another word.
...
"I got her ring size," Armin tells Eren in the evening one day.
"What? How?"
"I asked her," Armin replies simply.
"She just told you?"
"Yeah."
Eren's mind grows fuzzy. Mikasa is sometimes an enigma that he doesn't think he'll ever figure out.
"Here. I wrote it down," Armin says, pulling a slip of paper from his pocket. "She's worried about you, you know. She found it weird that you were in her room the other day. I think she was hopeful you were going to address what happened but…"
Eren groans, pressing his hands to both sides of his forehead. "Don't remind me. That's why I entrusted you, remember?"
Armin laughs. "I only hope your proposal doesn't go as poorly."
...
Eren walks down the hallway to Mikasa's bedroom, twisting the newly-purchased ring in his pocket. His heart is racing faster than it ever has before, even more so than when he's been deep in battle. He never knew that something so mundane would make him more nervous than he's ever been in his life.
He's relieved to see her door shut. That means she's in her room.
Eren shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath before lightly knocking his fist against the door. There's a pause, and for a second, Eren wonders if he should just head back to his room so that he can gather up courage to ask another time, but the door swings open right after these thoughts pass. Mikasa looks up, almost surprised to see him.
"Oh…I didn't expect you," she says.
"Can I come in?" Eren asks.
She nods, shutting the door behind him as he takes a seat on her bed.
"Um, how are you?" she asks.
Eren's leg is twitching again, shaking up and down. His foot rhythmically taps against the hardwood floor, creating a light echo. His fingers grip onto the ring in his pocket, but he can't convince himself to do it, at least not just yet.
"Eren?"
"Huh?" He glances up, finding her staring at him, concerned. "Oh, I'm okay."
"I thought you'd maybe come talk to me after…"
"Oh," Eren says. He realizes both their cheeks are turning red. Should he do it now? Just get down on one knee and pop the question? But they're both feeling awkward and confused, and for some reason, he doesn't want his grand proposal to be in her tiny living space.
"It's hot in here," Eren realizes. "Can we go outside? We could go on a walk."
"Okay," Mikasa agrees, her eyes brightening a bit.
They step outside into the cool forest air moments later. The nighttime breeze cools Eren's skin and helps prevent more sweat from gathering all over his body. Mikasa quietly walks beside him, shoving her scarf up over her nose as shelter from the cold.
"I guess it's a bit colder than I thought," Eren realizes, chuckling a bit. "But look, you can see the stars."
Mikasa looks up and nods. Slowly, she lowers the scarf from her mouth to speak.
"What happened earlier this week?" she asks at last.
Eren bites his lip. He would've guessed he'd already come up with an answer for this inevitable question, but his mind has gone blank.
"I like you," he says simply.
"I could've guessed that. I hoped you liked me before you kissed me as well."
"You know what I mean," Eren grumbles.
"I like you," Mikasa responds.
"I know."
"Then why are we out here talking then?" the raven-haired girl asks.
"Because that's not all I want to say."
"Then get on with it," Mikasa urges. "It's cold, and there's a warm bed waiting for me."
Eren grits his teeth. Mikasa can be infuriating at times, but it's also what makes her desirable as well.
"You weren't supposed to say that. That's not how this conversation was supposed to go."
"What conversation?" Mikasa asks. "It took you that long to try to think of how to talk to me about the kiss?"
"It's not just the kiss!" Eren shouts.
"Then, what is it?" Mikasa wonders.
"It's—" He clenches his fists, then slowly unclenches them. Slowly, he takes a deep breath and looks at the stars. His gaze falls back down to her own eyes that shine almost as brightly. Eren slowly steps forward and reaches for one of her hands. He delicately grabs one of them, and then, while still maintaining eye contact, gets down on one knee and pulls the ring from his pocket, holding it in front of her.
Mikasa drops his hand almost immediately and gasps.
Eren isn't sure what to make of her reaction, but he speaks anyway. He's already halfway there. Now he just needs to ask.
"Will you at least look at me when I talk to you?" he asks first, noticing Mikasa has completely averted her gaze, whether out of shock or anger or embarrassment, he's not sure. Slowly but surely, she gains the courage to look at him again.
"I don't just like you. I…I love you, so much so that it's beginning to hurt me. I know I haven't been as kind to you as I wanted to be, especially when we were younger. You deserved so much more attention from me, and I wish I had realized that so much earlier. Ever since we were kids, you've stayed by my side, taken care of me, protected me, even if I didn't want you to, and followed me valiantly into battle even when it meant risking your own life. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize how much you mean to me. You've been on my thoughts all day and night lately, and because I didn't know how to confess, I hastily kissed you earlier this week."
"Eren, it's okay—"
"No, let me finish," Eren continues. His knee is starting to throb, and his fingers are growing cold, but he has to finish his speech. He at least promised himself that.
"I've been thinking about this for quite some time, and I'm sorry I couldn't just tell you how I felt. I'm cowardly. But I know I want to be with you. And I know I'm selfish for wanting you to be mine when we'd have so little time together, but I love you, so much, and I don't want to end my life with any regrets. So, Mikasa Ackerman, will you marry me?" he asks at last, his voice quivering with that last sentence.
Mikasa is deathly silent. Eren winces, believing that he's truly done something wrong, when suddenly one of her hands gently grabs onto his shoulder and the other helps lift him back up so he's standing beside her.
"You want me?" she asks quietly.
Eren nods. "I promise I'd treat you like a goddess if—"
"Yes."
"What?"
"Yes, I'll marry you, Eren Jaeger," she agrees. He notices the faintest glimmer of tears in her eyes as she delivers her answer.
"Will you really?" he asks, his voice scratchy as the sobs growing in his own throat.
She nods and leans forward to kiss him. This is what he wanted the first kiss to feel like. He presses one hand to her waist, the other still holding the ring, as he aligns his mouth with hers. Eren feels her hands wring behind his neck and feels her warm tears beginning to roll down her cheeks onto his as they share a kiss.
When they finally pull away, Eren realizes they're both crying.
"C-Can I put the ring on you?" he asks, wiping a tear from his eye.
Mikasa lets out a little laugh-cry. "I almost forgot." She gives her hand to him, watching as he slips the glittery ring onto her left hand.
"So that's what Armin was asking about. I thought he was just being weird," she admits.
Eren laughs and embraces her, hugging her close to his body. He breathes in the sweet scent of her hair and relaxes as she presses her palms into his back. They are silent for a few moments, hugging each other in the moonlight.
"Are you sure?" Eren asks once more. "It's like I said, I don't have—"
Mikasa slowly pulls away to face him. "I don't care. I'll marry you anyway. And in another life, I'd do it again. Because I only want to be near you in the time you have left. I love you, Eren Jaeger."
Eren traces his thumb over her engagement ring and pulls her close again to kiss her. Though the night air is cold, he finds himself warmer than ever before as he holds his fiancée close, excited for the future he will soon get to share with her.