These updates will probably be short, sporadic and maybe to some, pointless. But they're just things I see or feel and want to write about. Hopefully someone can enjoy them.
Life has always been easy on Baze.
People just seemed to like him and he always found it easy to charm his way out of trouble or into whatever he wanted.
He never really knew responsibility. His childhood was sheltered, to say the least. He never really had to study for exams because he was counting on his football scholarship to make it into college. And everyone knew that Nathaniel Bazile, star Quarterback, was going to get that scholarship.
Even when he fathered a child in high school, he wasn't the one who had to carry it around inside of him for 9 months; he didn't have to hold it in his arms only to give it away a few moments later, forever.
Baze was only realizing these things now.
"If you want to walk away…" She says it like she's throwing down an ultimatum.
"-I don't." Baze quickly interrupts her. He can tell she's slightly taken back by his assertiveness, but he knows he has to show her that he can do this, that he wants to do this.
"I want to be a dad, and I want to do this with you." He's not sure if he meant to say it like that but if he really thinks about it… maybe he did. After all, if he was to have a secret illegitimate love child with anyone from high school, he's glad it's her.
Regardless, Baze quickly corrects himself. "I mean not with you - with you. Just as friends, parents. You're with Ryan and I get that."
He admires Cate. He's also jealous of her too. She has everything that he always aspired to have. In high school it seemed that he should've been the one in her shoes. Successful job, nice house, happily engaged...
Where had it all gone wrong? Deep down he thinks that he kind of shut down the day she told him she was pregnant. Those few weeks of his life had been some of the worst of his life. He had lived in fear that she would tell his father or someone at school would find out. Then one night, about two weeks after he had found out, Cate phoned him. He can remember the relief he felt when she'd told him that she was going to take care of it. He hadn't even really given much thought to what she must have been going through. And he really hadn't, until now.
He knew that made him sound selfish but he had only been a teenager. A stupid little boy, and to be honest, he still kind of was.
But he won't let her go through this alone, again. That's how he knows he must have changed, grown, since high school. Even if only a little.
He is willing to mature though. Take on the responsibility of looking after Lux.
He hopes Cate can see his determination and sincerity. What happened between them the other night shouldn't have, and he can see it in her eyes - the guilt, confusion, frustration.
So he tries to make it a little better, reassure her that if anyone finds out, it won't be from him. She can trust him.
"...and the only thing that matters between us now is Lux."
He can see a small smile form on her lips and somehow he knows that everything will be okay.