They held hands in the cab ride home. It hadn't seemed right to take the subway home, surrounded by so many people bustling home from work, unaware, unconcerned with what devastating event had just been introduced into the lives of these two young men that had hours ago known only that they loved each other and were going to get married. Nothing else had been decided about their lives or their careers yet. Just that they would spend them together. Their whole future had been tossed up into the air.
They remained silent as they climbed the stairs to the apartment that they shared with Rachel and Santana. Rachel was in Lima with Finn, having left earlier in the afternoon to take a three-day weekend with her boyfriend. They didn't know where Santana was, but she wasn't here. She'd been spending a lot of nights at Dani's lately. Remaining silent, Blaine went to the kitchen and began making coffee. It was 6 o' clock in the evening by now, but he planned to stay awake all night, all week, if that's what it would take to get a handle on this situation. He scooped coffee grounds into the filter and could see his hands shaking. Kurt stood watching his fiancé's back, watched his bowed head as he focused on the coffee machine. Blaine closed the lid and pressed the 'on' button, and for a moment they both waited in silence for the familiar gurgle and crackle of the coffee maker doing its job. When the sound finally came, the first drop of coffee searing into the pot with a hissing noise, Blaine spun abruptly, beginning, "Kurt, what are we going to do, we need to start calling people, your dad, and Carole, oh my god, your dad, how-"
"Stop." Kurt didn't say it harshly but Blaine fell silent all the same. "I'm not telling anyone anything over the phone. Or until we've made a few decisions."
Blaine nodded and rubbed his temples, closing his eyes with exhaustion that had nothing to do with his physical energy. "What do you have in mind?"
"I'm going to let nature take its course." Kurt waited for a reaction, watching Blaine register what he was telling him.
"You're going to let nature- what does that mean? We're going to try everything possible to fix this, you're going to get chemotherapy or radiation or-"
Kurt interrupted him a second time, "No! I'm not, Blaine. There's no point in putting myself through all that agony when we know it won't work! The doctor said himself that any of that stuff would be a Hail Mary pass, just prolonging my life, not saving it." Kurt seemed eerily calm for having just received a death sentence. Blaine was struggling to keep himself together by this point, tears streaming down his face, his chest heaving as he tried to control his violent intake of breath. Kurt continued, "I would rather spend what time I have left enjoying my life and the people I love. Can't you see that there's no use in giving myself an extra few months or however long something like chemotherapy would give me, just to be miserable and sick all the time?"
Blaine couldn't believe what he was hearing. Deep down he knew that Kurt was right, but he refused to believe that his lover's only options were to either die sooner in a small amount of pain or slightly later, in a great deal of pain. Contemplation of either was unbearable. He was looking at Kurt's beautiful face, his perfect forehead, his perfect nose, his perfect cheeks, his perfect chin, and his lips. He couldn't look at those lips without believing in immortality, for Kurt's lips couldn't age or die, couldn't cease to exist as they did right now.
"Blaine. I need you to support me on this. That's the only way I'm going to get through this." Kurt looked almost pleadingly at his lover. Blaine saw the depth in his expression. He couldn't bear the thought of Kurt in pain, and knew that his deepest and most potent desire in the world was to alleviate Kurt's suffering. In a way, it always had been. It had been until they'd found with one another a place where they didn't have to suffer anymore. Wordlessly moving to embrace his love, his soulmate, enveloping Kurt in his arms and feeling the embrace warmly returned, Blaine vowed to himself that they would find that place again.