Author's note: Hello everyone! I find myself quite disappointed with the turn of events of the last episode. I am therefore even happier to have started writing this story, which I find ultimately more logical than what we were presented this week in the episode to explain the involvement of Cain and the Sinnerman in Lucifer's abduction. So I continue this story in my own way, hoping that you will like it and find the reactions and thoughts of each characters appropriate and believable. Good reading!
That morning, Lucifer felt terribly anxious while queuing in front of the counter at the Starbuck coffee. He still didn't fully trust Cain following their long conversation of the previous night, but the clues really did suggest that the actual culprit behind the Sinnerman's actions against him, was in fact one of his feathered brothers and not the fallen man. In all appearances, one of them was trying to make him fall again. As if their Father could ever forgive his past actions! That, he would never manage to believe! The more Lucifer thought about it, the more he believed that if his Father really was behind the return of his angelic appearance, then His intention was certainly to manipulate him rather than forgive him. On the other hand, one of his brothers could very well have misinterpreted His intentions and undertaken to prove Him that Lucifer still deserved to be punished. A reaction so typical of his siblings! He should have thought about it before.
Now it was up to him to discover which of his brothers could have been both close enough to God to know that He intended to give him back his wings, and twisted enough to make a deal with a demon in order to reward the Sinnerman of his actions, by granting him a demonic immortality. He already had some names in mind of course, although there was no way to verify his suspicions at the moment. He would have to wait for the villain to attack him again or to make a mistake to unmask him and punish him accordingly. In doing so, he intended to send a clear message to his entire depraved family: no one decided for the Devil! He alone could determine who he was!
Although this threat against him was very real and dangerous, that was not what most bothered our Devil at the moment, but rather the possibility that a certain detective could definitively turn her back on him for the benefit of a man barely worthier than he was. Lucifer ran his hands through his hair for the umpteenth time in despair, at the thought that he was probably about to lose her for good. He could not imagine his life without her anymore. How could things have gotten so wrong between them?
He had thought to be doing the right thing by turning down Chloe's advances, in the hope of giving her back the freedom to choose and live her life as she pleased. He also believed he had planned everything successfully to remain at least her partner, since he knew he could never hope to become more to her, as he had dreamed of. Yet, now everything seemed about to collapse around him. The mere thought of Chloe falling in love with Pierce was causing him unbearable physical pain, as if his heart was literally ripped from chest.
He had the horrible feeling of having made a monumental mistake with her. Could it really be possible that Chloe always had free will with regard to her feelings for him? This hope was for Lucifer as a ray of light in the dark night and the ultimate possibility for him to one day taste a semblance of redemption. Unfortunately, if that were the case, the only way for him to be absolutely certain would be if Chloe finally choose Cain, and that would also mean that he would lose her forever. What a sick joke! Only his father could master such a cruel plan.
Last night, Lucifer was convinced he should at all costs win back Chloe's heart, but this morning in the light of day, he was not so sure anymore. What if he was wrong? What if the fact of declaring his love for her was the equivalent of taking away her free will? Did he only have the right to take this chance? Would he be more able to bear seeing her in the arms of another? Those questions tormented him and tore him apart unceasingly, without his being able to find any answer. His only certainty at the moment was that he could never survive if she pushed him away completely from her life. He should therefore at least beg her to forgive him for having so often let her down lately, in a way to reinforce their partnership and revive this beautiful connection that so rightfully characterized them not that long ago.
For the rest, he was not ready yet to decide. Chloe's happiness was far too important for him to afford to take such a crucial decision lightly. Before he really tried to win back Chloe's heart, he would have to find a way to prove that she really had the power to choose in that matter. Such a means should exist, he only had to find it. To begin with, he hoped that Chloe's reaction to the apology he was about to make could perhaps help to make it all a little bit clearer for him. He probably still had some time in front of him to decide anyway. Had he not?
"Mr. Morningstar, how can I please you this morning?"
Lucifer jumped at the mention of his name. He suddenly realized that it was his turn to place his order. His preoccupations prevented him from noticing Jenny's barely veiled innuendo and all the efforts the pretty lady was deploying to seduce him. Distractedly, he ordered for his detective a latté he knew to be her favorite, while he took a mocha for himself. Such an attention could surely help to make the detective more willing to listen to his excuses. At least he hoped so. He finally thanked Jenny with a forced smile before leaving, without giving even a glance in her direction, to the greatest displeasure of the pretty girl.
It was with an unbearable apprehension that Lucifer finally came down the stairs of the precinct and walked determinately toward Chloe's desk, brandishing his coffees by way of a white flag. As he expected, she was already there, working over some reports, no doubt the Sinnerman's case fiasco. The sight of his detective, still as resplendent as ever, threatened to make him completely lose control over his boiling emotions. He briefly closed his eyes, then took a deep breath in a final effort to regain control of himself before embarking on this desperate quest for reconciliation.
Chloe seemed to pretend not noticing him when he stopped in front of her, displaying his brightest smile. She didn't even look up when he cleared his throat to announce his arrival. Caught a little off guard, Lucifer thought it had probably be a good idea to arm himself with a present this morning.
"Heuuu! Hello Detective! What a beautiful morning to fill in reports! The ordeal will undoubtedly be much more pleasant with your favorite latté that is right here. No, do not thank me, I know how wonderful I am!" He attacked with the most joyful air.
Chloe didn't even deign to look up at him. "What are you doing here Lucifer?" There is no new case, so your expertise is not required, you can go back to your machinations." She abruptly signed at the bottom of a page before flipping it and beginning to fill in another part of the report.
He certainly expected her to begrudge him for his behavior of the last day, but he could never have expected such coldness on her part. He gaped for a moment before regaining his senses. "I'm here to help you of course Detective. I know you must be collapsing under the weight of all the paperwork with the Sinnerman's case, so I'm at your entire disposal to help close this case as quickly as possible. I wouldn't want you to have to come back this weekend to finish it."
Chloe finally raised her cold eyes on him. "It won't be necessary Lucifer! I'm sure I can manage it on my own. Knowing you, your help would more likely delay me rather than benefit me anyway."
Was he dreaming or was she kicking him out? "But Detective, you will definitely need your adorable partner and his therapeutic humor to survive through this day, which promises to be quite monotonous otherwise. Don't you think?" He pleaded plaintively with hope.
Instead of making her smile, his comment seemed to irritate her even more. "Lucifer!..." She started with angry eyes, before stopping short and switching her gaze a little to look over his shoulder.
Intrigued, he turned around to come face to face with Lieutenant Pierce. The latter seemed to do his best to prevent a smile from appearing on his face at the sight of Chloe, but the Devil was not fooled, he saw that the damned man's face had lighted up as soon as his eyes fell on her. Lucifer refrained a grunt of frustration even though his grimacing face had to be talkative enough.
Fully ignoring the Devil, Pierce spoke directly to the detective as if he was continuing a conversation started earlier. "I have a little setback! There's something I need to focus on first this morning, but I could tell you about that case a little later. Over lunch maybe? I know a good little restaurant not far from here. What do you say? "
The detective seemed taken aback for a fraction of a second before recovering quickly. "Sounds great!" Chloe smiled a little bit too much to the Devil's taste. "Then I can give you my opinion, maybe it will help you in this investigation." She added while casting a nervous glance towards Lucifer, as if to justify herself.
"Excellent! I'll let you know when I'm done with all that." There was no doubt now in the Devil's mind, Pierce was definitely smiling and wasn't even trying to hide it anymore.
Suddenly filled with panic, Lucifer looked at Chloe as she watched the Lieutenant walk away. That sweet look, that half smile... No! No! No! No! No! It all had to be a horrible nightmare! Everything was going way too fast for him. Pierce seemed to be gaining points at an exponential rate while he himself was still at the stage of trying to get back into his detective's good graces. Stage that was apparently still far from being won yet.
He tried to put his ideas in order to find a way to be forgiven quickly, but jealousy prevailed and took control over his words. "Detective, I thought there wasn't any new homicide case. Did you lie to me? And what is it about working with Pierce? I'm the one who is your partner, not him! "
The detective returned her gaze back to the report in front of her. "No Lucifer, I didn't lie to you! Pierce only wants me to give him an outside opinion on a case that some of our colleagues were about to shelve for lack of new leads."
Lucifer let out a sigh of exasperation. "Don't be so naïve as to think that it's your opinion he is interested in! Don't you see that all he's trying to do is to seduce you so you'll fall into his bed? Don't let yourself be fouled by his little game! "
Chloe raised her head sharply to stare at him with an outraged and hurt look. "How dare you say such a thing? Lieutenant Pierce is one of the most professional person I know, and at least HE seems to have confidence in my investigative skills. You've just proven to me once again how much you do not trust me. But I shouldn't be so surprised ..." She shook her head, grimacing sadly. "... after all, you've been showing me for months now, again and again, how unworthy of your trust I am. To be honest, I've come to a point where I realize that I do not trust you anymore either to cover my back." Her voice almost broke on those last words.
Lucifer was completely bewildered. "Detective! You can't really believe what you're saying! I trust you more than anyone and, believe me, no one is more concerned about your protection and well-being than I."
"Those are just words Lucifer! Unfortunately, your actions say the exact opposite!" She was having trouble looking him in the eyes now, avoiding his gaze as if to hide the pain that was now easily readable in her features.
At that moment, he finally understood. He had hurt her! More than he could have ever imagined. To the point where she had lost all confidence in him. His panic redoubled in intensity. He really was losing her! He could literally see the wall she was building around herself in order to push him out of her life. Maybe it was already too late! "Detective ... I ..., I know I acted like the greatest idiot! I just came to apologize, not fight with you. I owe you an apology for acting behind your back with the Sinnerman, and for having let you down so many times lately, even forcing you to have to rely on the Lieutenant to cover your back. But it's over now, I promise you that I'll be the perfect partner you need and in whom you can have complete trust." He hoped that she could discern all the sincerity in his words.
The detective chuckled bitterly. She tried to keep the tone of her voice down enough not to be overheard by her other colleagues, although she could already notice that some of them were giving curious glances in their direction. "Do you really believe that you can do whatever you want, whenever you want, and that I will forgive you as soon as you express the smallest remorse, or that you sing me a beautiful love song? That's not how it works! Trust has to be earned Lucifer, and it can also be lost. Unfortunately, you are giving me no reason to trust you lately." She rose from her chair and slowly approached him by going around her desk to come and face him. They were now only inches apart from each other. Lucifer could only stare at her in silence, unable to reply anything. She went on in a serious and accusing tone. "I put my career on the line when I agreed to follow you in this stupid idea of kidnapping the Sinnerman, because I trusted you. If it wasn't for Lieutenant Pierce, I would probably have already lost my job by now, all because of your devouring egoism. In the end, there is only one person who really matters to you, and it is yourself Lucifer! " The accusation was brutal and unequivocal.
Lucifer opened and closed his mouth a few times without finding any word to explain himself. He wanted to shout that he was crazy about her, that he had already died for her, had even killed his own brother to save her, and that he was ready to do anything to ensure her happiness, even put his own aside. And what good was there to try and explain how he had search to protect her by trying to eliminate the Sinnerman? He had already tried this approach with her the day before without her believing any of it. Moreover, deep inside, he knew that was not the whole truth anyway, but only part of it. The truth was, he had been blinded for months by the idea of revenge against the Sinnerman for stealing his identity and giving him his wings back, although he now knew the man probably had nothing to do with that in the end. His blindness had made him lose sight of what mattered most in his life. Her!
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Chloe nodded quietly in front of his revealing silence. "That's what I thought ... Listen, I think we both need to take a step back, take a break from each other. Go home Lucifer, Lieutenant Pierce agreed to work temporarily with me until I see more clearly into this. "
Lucifer had trouble finding his voice back, and it was only in a whisper that he asked her, "It's over then? You are getting rid of me?"
Chloe seemed to hesitate, confused. "I don't know! All I know right now is that I need to think about all this, and you too Lucifer. Please, leave now!"
Reality seemed to rock around him for a moment, as if he suddenly found himself in a dream, or rather a nightmare. Ambient sounds seemed to get duller and the images cloudier. Everything seemed to be moving slowly around him during a moment of pure panic. It had happened! He had lost her! There was no doubt in his mind. How could he blame her anyway? He hurt her, went behind her back, and had done it without any consideration for what she could think or feel. It was all his fault really and it was now too late to repair the damages.
Slowly, reality resumed its normal course around him. He barely nodded, devastated. He slowly turned away from the detective before becoming aware of the two coffees he still held in his hands. Turning halfway, he put the latté in front of Chloe without a word, then walked away heavily towards the precinct's exit and this new reality that would be his from now on. A reality in which Chloe Decker would never be a part of anymore.
He couldn't tell how he got there. He had no recollection of driving his car, nor even of the road separating this place from the precinct. Yet, here he was, getting out of his car and walking toward the building. The feeling of being in a dream now enveloped him completely and prevented him from thinking or formulating a single coherent thought other than the one reminding him that he had really lost forever the only person he had ever truly loved. Walking now as if through an opaque fog, he didn't realize either that he had entered her office without knocking. It was almost a surprise for him when he finally found himself facing Linda, unable to formulate even a single word.
To his great relief, Linda seemed to understand that the moment was serious, for he found himself sitting on the couch in less than a heartbeat, while his shrink was diplomatically getting rid of the patient with whom she was conversing on his arrival.
It took him a moment to really hear his friend's words. Apparently, Linda was trying to keep her tone calm and professional, although there was some uneasy anxiety about her, in the face of Lucifer's apparent state of shock.
"Lucifer, what happened?" Linda repeated the question several times, before drawing the Devil's gaze on her and pulling him out of his muteness.
He realized with surprise that Linda was sitting next to him on the couch, and even held his hand as a sign of support. "I ... I lost her!" He said in a barely audible voice.
Linda seemed to pale at hearing his words. She put a hand to her mouth as if to refrain a sob. "Has anything happened to Chloe?" She was afraid to hear his answer, because such devastation in Lucifer could probably only mean that.
"What?" Utter incomprehension could be read on his face. After a moment, he seemed to understand her question. "No! Nothing bad happened to her... Probably more the opposite, according to her point of view at least... She... She doesn't want to see me anymore! It's all over! I've lost her forever!" He explained in a sob, grabbing his head in his hands.
In spite of herself, Linda let out a sigh of relief at the confirmation that her friend was well. On the other hand, the apparent devastation of Lucifer was well understandable now and she realized that he would need all her help to recover from this ordeal. But what could have happened between them for Lucifer to be so certain that his relationship with the detective was over?
Linda shook her head as if to clear her mind, before resuming her role as a therapist. "Lucifer, calm down and tell me everything that happened from the beginning."
Lucifer's explanations were long, disconnected, and tedious. He had a hard time formulating complete sentences and constantly went from cock to donkey, which made his story difficult to follow. It was only after a long time of exchanges, that Linda finally had the impression of understanding what was happening, although the reality seemed to exceed the fiction in this situation. Cain did exist? He was Lucifer's superior and had an interest in Chloe? Not so surprising, she mused, considering that both of them were God's miracles in a way. She refrained from verbalizing that last thought to Lucifer though, at the risk of making him sink even deeper.
Linda tried to put all those thoughts about Cain aside for now, because the heart of the problem wasn't there at the moment. She turned her attention to the most important element explaining Lucifer's desperation. "But why do you say that everything is over between you two? Did she not rather say she wanted to think about the situation and needed to get a break from your partnership to take a step back?"
The Devil laughed in disbelief. "Come on Doctor! I'm not so naive! After all this time, I know humans well enough to read between the lines, and the detective simply weighed her words so as not to hurt me too much. After all, that's not her style to hurt people without consideration. But the message was still loud and clear. I've gone too far this time, and she is done with me now."
"You clearly hurt her and she blames you for that. I concede you that point, which is quite understandable in fact, everything considered. I probably would have reacted exactly like her if you had acted that way with me." Lucifer looked surprised by her admission. To tell the truth, Linda herself was surprised by her own words. She was struggling to stay professional with Lucifer, torn between her role as a friend and as a therapist. "Anyway, she may be angry with you, but nothing you tell me confirms that she has definitely pushed you out of her life."
"Have you not been listening to anything I said?" The Devil in him stirred to break loose. "Chloe and Pierce are teaming together now! She doesn't need me anymore. It seems you've been right from the beginning Doctor, apparently Chloe always had her free will with me and today, she's exercised it. Don't you see it's too late? She chose Pierce!" He finished in a weak and fragile voice. An inevitable finality resounding in his words.
Linda had never seen him so defeated and broken. The friend she was for him prevailed over her role as his therapist once more. At that moment, she would have liked nothing more than take him in her arms to console him, but she knew full well that on the contrary, what he probably needed most right now was to be shaken unceremoniously. As a friend, she wasn't doing to overlook that responsibility.
She threw herself into a tirade with a tone of reprimand. "Lucifer Morningstar! You might be a millennial being of remarkable intelligence, but you have the emotional intelligence of a five-year-old!" Lucifer opened his mouth without making a single sound, frozen with consternation at the reproachful words coming from his therapist. She continued unceremoniously. "Chloe may have budding feelings for Pierce, and yet there is nothing less certain, but the feelings she has for you are unquestionably real and extremely strong, the proof being precisely her intense reaction to your inconsiderate behavior of the last months. You seem ready to throw in the towel on your relationship with her when you should stand up and fight to prove how much you care about her!"
Lucifer received it as a slap in the face. Linda's words seemed perfectly logical, though she apparently forgot one of the most important details. "But... she doesn't trust me anymore! How could she come back to me if she can't even trust me?" Even though Lucifer still seemed dejected, a glimmer of hope could be seen in his eyes.
Linda pulled herself together, thinking it was probably time for her to return to her therapist role now and let him come to his own conclusions. "And what are you going to do about it Lucifer?"
"Uh, I don't know, it's probably already too late to do anything to change that fact now!" Linda replied with a simple frown that made it clear he was on the verge of unleashing a new volley of non-therapeutic statements from her. He seemed to receive the message loud and clear, for he began to think aloud instead of complaining, to make a change. "Chloe has all the reasons in the world for not trusting me really, I spend my time hiding the truth from her, even though I have never lied to her."
"Did you not said, not so long ago, that you had the intention of telling her the whole truth about your identity?" Linda felt he was on the right track. All that remained was to help him draw his own conclusions.
"Yes of course, but it was before I lost my Devil appearance. If I tried to prove who I am now, she would certainly draw false conclusions out of it." Lucifer was really horrified at the thought that Chloe could think him to be an angel.
Linda softened her voice to give weight to her words. "Not if you're totally honest and open up completely to her Lucifer, trust her, she knows you better than anyone."
Realization finally hit him. Honesty was the key to regaining Chloe's trust! The first step was proving her all the trust he had in her by finally revealing her his identity. As a result, she would be better able to understand his behavior of the last months, and thus forgive him. The way he saw it, two possibilities could come out of this, either such honesty could lead Chloe to renew her trust in him, or it could drive her even further away from him.
Linda saw in Lucifer's eyes all the different emotions that went through him as he finally reached his own conclusions. She could almost hear him thinking. Displaying at first real hope, he then went through uncertainty, before settling on fear. Always the same fear of being rejected, as he had so brutally been, so long ago, by all those he had loved and in whom he had put his trust.
In front of his indecision, Linda could not help but point out a disturbing truth. "At this point Lucifer, do you really have anything more to lose?"
With a distant air, Lucifer answered weakly. "No, I guess not Doctor!"
Linda was right, he really had nothing more to lose by revealing his true nature to Chloe. A sense of certainty enveloped him suddenly, sweeping away in the process all remaining doubt in his mind. Come what may, tonight, he would tell Chloe everything, and by doing so, put his fate into her hands.
Author's note: I think Chloe should have reacted more strongly in the series, in response to the egocentric behavior that Lucifer has shown in recent months. But I assure you, I am a romantic! So keep hope! In my opinion the situation between them had to fester before it could improve. So there is hope at the horizon for our favorite duo in this story. Thank you for sharing your comments and thoughts!